My old man, Tucker, lost his battle with Ossifying Spondylosis last week. We tried everything, every medicine... On Sunday, he couldn't get up then tried to bite us as we tried to help him up. We made the decision then. On Monday I took him to my vet and had to practically carry him. The euthanasia was peaceful. Not like my cat. I laid with him and told him I loved him the whole time. We had a vacation planned for two days later. I was so busy getting ready for the vacation, that I let myself be in denial. It hit me two days into my vacation. I have cried myself to sleep almost everynight since. Tucker was 16. He was diagnosed with the spondylosis about 3 years ago. We treated his symptoms ever since. He was never easy to sedate; even getting his teeth cleaned was risky. He stopped breathing twice with the last teeth cleaning. So, surgery was not an option. He was at the vet every month for blood tests to monitor his kidneys and liver function. His kidneys were beginning to show wear from the meds. I noticed that his kidney function was slowing down, then he couldn't get up. I told myself that if that happened I would do what is right. It does not make it easier though. I go home tomorrow. I can't wait, and I dread it. My other two dogs will be there waiting for me. I miss them so much. How I am going to handle greeting just the two of them, I don't know. It took so long to get through the grief of loosing my cat, Elvis, just over a year ago.... I hope I am strong enough to go through this again. My heart aches.

Dear chrismnc,

I am SO sorry about Tucker. It sounds like you maximized absolutely every single day of the time that he had with you. You did a wonderful job of caring for him, and gave him an incredible life. You and he were very lucky to share that bond. He was a beautiful boy. I know you're hurting so badly right now, and yes, it will hurt when you greet the other two and he's not there. But, on the other hand, it will also help to have them to hug as you grieve. You and Tucker are in my thoughts tonight.

Much Love,

Jenn (Chaos' Mom)

I completely understand and my heart breaks for you. You did the right thing for Tucker - the most loving, thoughtless thing - by keeping him from suffering. It's the worst decision to have to make. I went through the same type of scenario when I lost my boy in January... I was scheduled for surgery a few days after he died and I was recovering at my folks house for 3 weeks. I came back to the apartment without him and it hit pretty hard. This site has been such a blessing - it really got me through those first few weeks after I returned.

I was in shock for the first couple of weeks, and it sounds like you are, too. I know your heart aches and how painful this is for you. Please know that we are all here for you. I'm sending love to you & Tucker...

Jen

I am so sorry for your loss, your Tucker was a beautiful guy - just looking at his picture you know he was such a wonderful dog. It is so hard to let such pets go, it feels like big chunks of your heart have been ripped out and the void and it's pain is constantly there, while you are crying or just coping.


From the moment we realize that this is it, our baby's time has come, we go into shock. A great shock. It wasn't your vacation that brought you in denial, it is the realization that a great big change, a great big absence had to unfold. I was in shock when my cat was very sick and I had him put to sleep. I felt very peaceful when we brought him back from the vets; I was really surprised that I could take it, that I wasn't even crying. We went out that night to do some shopping and I was okay, imagine, after 13+years being so in love with that cat, no a tear shed, cool.. calm... collected.... logical......On the third day, reality hit me like a tidal wave: I fell apart, completely and this was so hard. Today, over 6 months later. I can function normally, almost, but there are moments where it's all come back, and all I can do is to let the tears come down, there is nothing else I can do.

You have to wonder, why do we subject ourselves to hurt like this, shouldn't we just never have brought them into our lives? We know the answer: for all the pain that we are having today, we would still never trade all the wonderful moments that made our love so great. It is a price we willingly pay.
Courage dear breaking heart, it will become easier, this is what love is all about.
For every great joy, a great pain. Hang in there because for every great pain will eventually come a great joy in this life or beyond when you are reunited with yours.
Take care, we are all with you here.

Chris,
I'm so sorry. Even though you did the right thing and Tucker is at peace now it still hurts so much. I know. We all know and are here for you. You are in my prayers. May God give you peace in your grief.

John B

Dear Chris, Tucker looks like a wonderful guy, I am SO sorry for your loss...its so hard, he lived a very long life and you obviously did all you could to keep him comfortable. You did the right thing, remember he is always with you, happily without pain for discomfort, you are blessed to have such a wonderful boy to love, in time enjoy those memories. We lost our boy on Christmas, and it was similar, in that he was sick but didn't go down hill until Christmas eve, he couldn't walk either, its terrible to see them in such agony. Peace to you and your family, and love to Tucker, You are in my thoughts and prayers. Tory, Hrudey's and Frank's Momma

Thank you all for your kind words. I feel so much worse than I anticipated. I didn't remember how hard it is; even though I went through this just over a year ago with my cat, Elvis. Everything makes me cry.

I feel like it keeps getting worse each day. I spent all day outside working in my yard dreading coming into the house. Each time I did I would rush back outside. Tucker couldn't stand the heat so he would often stay inside if I was out for a long time.

Tucker was the smartest dog I have ever known. He would read me like a book and always could cheer me up. Even when I was trying to get him out of the car at the vet. He kissed me. I know he was scared and hurting but he kissed me, like to make me feel better.

I can't write more tonight.

Goodnight and thank you all for understanding how I feel. I need it.

Chris

You're in the most awful part of the grief process right now. It just plain sucks. It is hideous and torturous and awful. All I could do is breathe and take showers. I honestly didn't know what to do with myself. When the pain was too terrible I couldn't post on the site....I just tried to get through the day without him. I really feel for you...please keep reaching out when you need us....

My heart goes out to you. I SO understand how you can't stand being inside the house without your Tucker, it's been the same for me. I used to enjoy my evenings spent reading in the love seat in our TV room, Yukon would either be on me, on the seat next to me or on the arm rest. I can no longer stay in that room like I've always done before, the void is just unbearable. I sometimes think I would like to change the furniture or at least that loveseat but I can imagine how the family would think I'm overreacting at the same time maybe I can't really stand the idea of changing the furniture because it will be some that Yukon wasn't in....It took me so long to change the sheets in my bed, it broke my heart to do that.
Those filaments that grew over the years to unite us are not easily cut off-- rather they seem to slowly and painfully stretch away from us and though they will eventually get so thin they become almost invisible and won't be felt as much they will always remain and show us the way for the day we can be reunited. Hope that Tucker is soothing you through it all. When you are able to, please tell us how you are doing. WE CARE

Dear Chris,
I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. It really is normal but that doesn't make it easier. I know that you know that in time you mind will kind of filter out the intense emotional pain and leave everything else that is good. What helped me is to pray for peace over and over again when a wave of depression rolled over me. It did seem to help. Also talking to these guys is the best. I'm still in mourning, but I actually went all day yesterday without crying...I'm just remembering that now. It been over 3 months since my Sadie passed, but little by little the wound heals.

Take care
John B

John, it is wonderful of you to pray for peace during your saddest moments.
What a big heart you have, how proud Sadie must be that you were her
caretaker for her life on this earth. Be well, hope will get you through. Take care
John and all of you beautiful people here.

I have been working myself to the bone. I have started a huge project in my yard. Gardening has alwasys been theraputic for me. I slept hard last night. Didn't wake up once. I haven't done that in weeks.

It has been 12 days. I still haven't picked up Tucker's ashes. I can't look into urns yet. I am not ready.

I am able to be "better" to myself this time around and I thank you all for that. It was this site that got me through loosing my cat, Elvis. I knew immediately where to turn this time, when I was ready. Thank you so much.

Very few people understand. When people hear about Tucker, they often tell me their story.... so few people care like I/we do. I have heard things that make me not even want to associate with some of them anymore. Tucker had very little bladder control. I NEVER saw that as a reason to end his life. I made belly bands for him that were black and he had gotten very used to wearing them when he needed to. I am so quick to judge others right now. That is not my normal way. I am a live and let live person. I am trying to work on that and not let my grief make decisions for me.


Thank you all again for al of your support.

Chris

We all understand and a lot of us happily dealt with incontinence rather than ending their lives. If gardening helps, garden until you can't move. I'm glad you slept - every little bit helps because this type of grief and despair takes every ounce of energy you have.

I was very angry at people and had little tolerance for them after Mo's death, and I came to realize that it was just a natural part of grief. Not to say that I took it out on them in any way, but I think enduring a loss like this brings up just about every emotion we are capable of feeling and some of them conflict.

Toonie - I couldn't relate more about the sheets and the furniture. I couldn't sleep in my bed for at least 6 weeks, and finally a few wekks later I changed the sheets. But I never washed the ones I took off because they have his fur on them. I folded them up and I have them in a box next to my bed. His bowl is still on the kitchen floor and I sleep with his ashes every night. He is forever a part of me and I can't and won't change that.


I'm sending warm thoughts to everyone and their babies...

Dear Chris, give yourself time, you are only just beginning this very hard journey, it took us 4 yrs to open the mailing box that held our cat's ashes, the first pet that we had to PTS, its hard and you just do what you can when you can do it, take it easy, I love gardening too, it is therapeutic, hey if you end up the the garden for a palace so be it, and it can be Tucker's legacy. I think that's lovely.. Take Care, and thinking of you, Tory, Hrudey's Momma

I'm so sorry to hear about your Tucker. You are in the beginning of your grief phase and of course you already know how it feels as you have been through this before and only time will ease the pain. It will be 1year july5th that my Raggs (16yr old Bichon) had to be put to sleep. He had so many age related illness, blind and in the end a cancer in his abdomen. He too was incontinent but if I could have him back I would gladly cleanup after him day and night. It was my pleasure to look after him as it was for you and Tucker. How fast 16yrs goes. It just seem like I brought a little bouncy pup home and now he is gone. thoughts are with you and your sorrow.
Joanne (raggs Mom)

I am so sorry for your loss......there is not much any of us can say right now to end your pain, but know that I am thinking of you. IT sounds like you did all you could for Tucker and were a great parent to him. My husband did the same thing when Misty died, got into all sorts of projects and the sort....whatever helps- helps.

You are right, very few people care about their pets, we found not even an acknowledgement from a lot of people.....so you are not alone there. Many people thought we were insame for doing all we did medically for Misty, but who cares what others think. Tucker obviously was qutie loved, that is all that matters....

Thinking of you, Amy

Hi, I don't really know how to do this, but I'm giving it a try. I just came across this site yesterday as I was looking for some relief from the grief I feel with the loss of my girl, Janey. Janey died March 19. I feel, as I see others of you do, worse than I did right after it happened. Janey was almost 15 years old and I'd adopted her at about 6 months. She was the most important thing in my life. I find that I don't just miss her. I miss everything I was as long as I had her to take care of, love, brag about, etc. Now I'm nothing. Does anyone else feel this way?