Hello everyone, I'm not sure if i've come to the right place or not, I feel a bit foolish but it's only because those around me didn't feel the way I did about my pets. It's hard to talk with anyone without feeling as though they are looking at me as if I were crazy and I have nowhere else to turn. I've tried to force myself to think that I should be over it by now but it doesn't seem to be getting any easier.
This is the story about my loss:
I'll start off by telling you a little about myself, I'm a stay at home mom of one from pennsylvania. When I was younger we always had horses, and It took me 10 years to get one after I got out on my own. I purchased thunder 2 years ago on the 5th of december and he just filled my heart with so much joy. This past year, a week before Christmas, he became very ill, within a short amount of time. The vet came out right away and informed us he would need surgery and it would be $10,000 and no guarantee that he would live through it. She recommended that we put him to sleep right away. This was the hardest decision I had ever made, she was pressuring me to do it quickly and I didn't have the strength to tell her to do it. My husband had to, so they put him down. My heart was broken, I waited so long and now to have him taken from me just wasn't fair. For the next two days i couldn't speak to anyone, I was so upset. The following morning I awake to find my beloved snowshoe cat, "Frank" lying on the floor gasping for air. We jumped in the car and rushed him to the vet and after 4 agonizing hours of tests, she informs us that he needs to be put to sleep because of his enlarged heart. This was the final straw, I wasn't even beginning to get over the first shock and now to be hit with another. I was certain that some higher power was punnishing me, that I had done something so terrible, that I deserved this. I blamed myself, for every reason imaginable.
I've been getting through it day by day, but the pain wont go away. I miss every little thing about them both and I find myself cryin when I'm alone. I've recently gotten another horse that has helped a little, but the terrible memories are still there, seeing my poor Thunder so sick and nothing that I could do for him. I haven't gotten another cat as of yet, and i'm not sure that I am going to, but recently the pain over frank has gotten worse and I'm not sure I will ever get over it. How do we deal with this, and how will it get better? I feel like I'm going crazy, did I love my animals too much?

I cry the most when I am alone with my own thoughts too. I fear the night. As I lay down to sleep my thoughts shift to the two babies I have lost. I am using meds for sleep at times and I know I shouldn't but sleep deprivation is wearing on me.

You are in the company of a group of people who love animals beyond any other persons reasoning who does not habit this forum. Some here love their furbabies more then some people themselves. I happen to be one. So don't think that it is abnormal to feel the intense grief that you feel & DON"T let any of those skin deep no-minds out there tell you that you are being "silly" & you have to get over it in a week! You have come to the right place. You are another of Gods trusted "keepers" of the earths great creatures. You are this "BECAUSE" of the way you exhibit intense feelings of bonding with the creatures you love. It is also this that is your greatest enemy right now and the giver of great pain & remorse that you feel at this moment.

Do not 'force" yourself to get over it. You will be over it when you are ready and no one has the right to dictate otherwise to you. Remember that. You are not going crazy. You must follow the stages of grief that someone would if a loved family member died.

Denial, anger, Sorrow, Acceptance....and sometimes they don't come in that order & can reoccur duuring the process. TAKE YOUR TIME....BE GOOD TO YOURSELF...and listen to what your heart tells you and feel what you must.

I will be thinking of you
Take care my friend........

Dear Snowbird,
Oh my what a terrible time you are going through I am sorry for your pain, no you are far from crazy, you are blessed to have had such love for your companions, and obviously were very loving and kind to them, and i am sure they love you just as much...John as usual perfectly expressed what I also want to say to you..this is a huge loss, two so close together. We lost our boy on Christmas morning, and I am still so heartbroken, I realize and you will in time, that you will never be like you were before you lost your babies...take time honey, and come here often, its a great place for support, it has been so helpful to me. I will be thinking of you and your babies...we had a 23 yr old cat named Frank too, lost him 4 yrs ago,and I can still cry for him, its not all the time, but the pain is still there, and probably always will be... Peace and Love, Hrudey and Frank's Momma

I'm so glad you came here...this site has kept me sane through terrible grief. You are very strong to have been enduring so much pain for so long without support from others who feel as you do about their animals. We understand how much it hurts and how often the tears come. Of course your heart is broken.

Thinking of you tonight..

Thank you so much for all the kind words and support, I don't know how to thank you. It's good to find such a loving group of people. I wasn't sure what I would find when I started my search and I never thought I would wind up here among such a wonderful group. I will be visiting here very often, I really apreciate the kind words and support. I look forward to having many talks with all of you. And hopefully will be able to offer some kind words of my own to a friend in need. I feel better just reading the wonderful words you all have left for me. I can't begin to tell you how much it helps. I'm also so greatful to have found others who love their pets as much as I. They bring undescribable joy to our lives and it's not something that is easily forgotten. Thank you again and much love to you all.

I'm attatching a photo of my beautiful boy Frank about a week before he became ill, the sad thing is he looks so healthy I miss him so much

This is a picture of my sweet Thunder sleeping like an angel

I know you do...they are beautiful

Thunder and Frank are so very beautiful, I really think your love has made them shine. You must feel these losses are like getting hit by a cannonball in the stomach, once then twice.
It will get better -what you are going through is absolutely normal for someone who has reached that special relationship with her pets. Pity those whose hearts can not beat like yours-they will never have known the magic of this kind of love.
It's normal to feel so much pain today when your love for Thunder and Frank was so great. Why it happened like this, it must make you wonder but I suspect it's just a bad fluke. In a way, I almost prefer that I lost my two cats within 3 weeks of each other: grieving is so hard that I would have found it unbearable to lose one 6 months or a year later. It's been almost 6 months since I lost my babies. I still cry sometimes, and other times I feel almost normal. My days are made of good days and still bad ones.
When you feel sad, let the tears come down, it's the only way. We will be listening to you and maybe you can help others too, stick around LS when you feel blue. Take care.
I'm glad you have another horse, they're so beautiful and huggable !

I've found, through experience, that grief has no timetable or rules of it's own. We each get through however and whenever we can, and in many ways it never goes away. Just when you think it has, and everything seems to have worked out, bang, there are the the tears again. Don't expect a smooth path - it won't be that way ever, but hang onto the memories, and be glad you were blessed with them, because you were. I'm one of those people who firmly believe we will meet our beloved departed ones again, I have to believe that, and instead of making me fear and dread death, or relish and wait for it eagerly (at this point, anyway) I don't believe that death is anything more than a continuation of how we make our way through this plan laid out for us. I'm aware not all people agree with that idea, and I respect that, but that's how I see it.

Sharing has helped immensely in my losses, There is a wealth of knowledge and compassion and empathy here on this board, and no end of sympathy from people who know and have been where you are. Please come back and share. Take care - Barb

Thunder and Frank's mommy

Oh your boys are so beautiful. I'm so sorry you lost them. Two so close, oh honey my heart just goes out to you. It hurts so much when we love them so much. They become a part of our family.

When we lose someone close to us, our reality changes, things never 'go back to normal' we just learn to live in the new reality, without them. It seems so unreal, like maybe we never really had them. Like it was a beautiful dream, or that this is a nightmare we can't wake up from. Our stablity is just gone. It can take a while to get back to a stable place.

I lost two cats within 5 weeks of each other, ten years ago. I still think of them and love them. I still cry and miss them. I'm here now because we lost another kitty boy, Moustache in October. We miss him so much.

You never forget them, you love them always. The reality without them gets to feeling more normal. I think you are feeling very normal feelings.

Thinking of you and Thunder and Frank.

That feeling of horrible despair does lessen with time, but the grief does change you. You will never be the same person you were before. Still, I wouldn't take anything for my memories of my lost furkids. I am much richer for having had them in my life and I think they benefited as well from the experience. Think of how lonely and sad those people are who have never known the love of a furkid of any type. I'll accept the pain of loss so long as I also have the joy of having loved them.

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. One right after the other, there was no time to recover from Thunder, and then bam, there it is again with Frank.......

Sometimes life seems so unfair. Especially when it comes to facing that loss for 2 beautiful babies, so soon. I am also trying to deal with the recent loss of my beloved cat Peaches. It's been 3 weeks now & while the pain is not quite as acute I still haven't come to terms with so much of what I have been feeling lately. I'm prepared for a long journey. But meanwhile I try to take comfort every day in how much I loved her, & how much she loved me too. All the silly, sweet things she did & her affectionate ways.

Your sweet furbabies were obviously well-loved----I 'm sure they knew this, without any doubts.

My thoughts & prayers are with you. Take care.

Oh! Both of your babies are so beautiful. I'm so sorry to hear about your terrible losses! You have definitely come to the right place. As you can already tell, we understand. I don't know how I'd get through losing my Copper and Penny 3 months apart without my friends here. And everyone I know "in the real world" understands and excepts that I turn into a mess when it comes to my dogs, cats, or snake. They just don't want to be woken up at 3 a.m.


I completely understand what you're talking about. I still get visions of staying up all night with Copper waiting for the vet to call or of watching Penny slip into insanity. The best thing I can do for myself at those times is to take a deep breath and get those pictures out of my head. That's not the way they'd want me to remember them. I've hurt myself with all that enough. And soon, you'll decide the same. Not that you won't hurt... you just won't add to it by piling on your own feelings of guilt.

I'm glad to hear you got another horse too. They are just so darned lovable like toonie said.
Take good care of yourself.
Peace&Love
V