Sesi was her name, when she was first given to me, this beautiful white lab was like a little snow ball in the palm of my hand, so I named her snow in Eskimo. First let me tell you a little about me and her, so that you can understand my grief and heartache. I was born in Mexico City, my parents got divorced when I was a small child and was raised by my mother. As such we did not have much money and lived in small apartments that did not allow pets. I always wanted a dog, but it was impossible. Time went by, I grew up, I went to college in the US and since my father was a naturalized citizen I was able to obtain a green card to work when I finished college. As is usually the case life got in the way, I got a good job that required a lot of travel and because of this I was never able to have a steady relationship or marry. At 42, I had saved enough to come back to Mexico, build a house and semi retire to pursue photography, which had always been the "thing" I wanted to do even if they did not pay me..

So now finally I had the chance to have my own dog, this was important to me and I purposely build a small house on a big lot so my dog would have a huge yard to play. As it happens a friend's bitch just had puppies and they told me to pick any them, so after looking at them for a while I picked the little fur ball that seemed to be the most awake and trying to get into trouble. So I took her home and from that instant she became my constant companion. Yes, as I am sure you all know, there were trying times, funny times, exasperating times. I recall since a little puppy she slept with me, and of course accidents happen, first time, no problem, a little scolding, second time, no big deal...more scolding....20th time I was furious and was going to spank her, but then I saw those little honey colored eyes full of shame and fear, and it melted my heart, at that moment she knew she had me licked.....she could be incredibly gentle, and at the same time incredibly stubborn. Time has gone by and at one year and a half she had grown into a beautiful white lab with shiny coat, full of life an mischief, as I write this with tears in my eyes I can recall so many things, they way when I called her and she would come running to me only to stop an inch from my legs, sit and raise her head to look at me with adoring eyes, when people sow this they always said....awww...look at how she looks at you. I recall the times I was watering my fruit trees and she would play with the water stream and start running like crazy round and round the yard when I pointed the hose at her......Now she was no angel, the yard was hers, and as such to do with the things in it as she wished, she must have chewed and uprooted about 20 fruit trees, I lost count after 1 lime, two tangerines, 2 papayas, 2 pomegranates and 5 grape vines....always, even at my angriest she knew when she looked at me with her adoring eyes I could not help but smile and not be mad at her anymore.

All of this ended the day before yesterday when a stupid ***x ran over her and killed her, and to my everlasting grief I had the misfortune to watch helplessly as this occurred. I had opened my garage door to take my car outside and as usual she ran to go smell and explore.....I took the car out and heard a horn, I saw this car go behind me and I thought, "the car is going to hit her" so I jumped out of the car and yes, my baby ran in front of the car.....this was seared in my mind, at the last moment before she was hit, my poor little baby looked at me with fear and submission, as if she had done something wrong and she thought I sent this thing to punish her.....the car hit, and the stupid ***xx could have stopped, but she saw me in the mirror and accelerated running with both tires over my dog. Now at this time I did not know it was a woman driving, the car had smoked windows, so thinking my dog had been instantly killed I got in my car and chased her since she was trying to drive away....I ask God forgiveness but I was ready to kill the driver....when I caught up with the woman and noticed it was a woman and not a men, my frustration and helplessness increased, I could not vent my rage.....so after insulting her and telling her the most vile things I could think of I told her to leave before I totally lost control and hit her.....so she left and I drove back home thinking I was going to have to pick up my dog from the street and bury her....well she was still alive to my regret....my poor baby had crawled from the pavement, across the parking to my front door to die, but she was still alive when I got back....she turned her head and looked at me as if saying please help me......knowing there was no hope, I gently lifted her and put her in the car to take her to the vet and put her to sleep, well....the SOB had gone out and the clinic was close....the next vet clinic was 30 min away, I knew my baby would not last that much, so I drove back home, took her out and sat with her in my arms under her favorite chewing tree......she suffered for about 10 minutes and at the end she gave to weak howls as if she was releasing her soul, she looked at me one last time with her adoring eyes.....and stopped breathing, at that moment blood poured out of her nose and mouth.....falling on my arms and legs....I know I will never forget these last moments....18 months of joy were cut short by an imbecile and all I can remember and see in my minds eye are these last moments of terror and helplesness.....It has been almost two days and I still find myself, a grown man crying over the loss of this beautiful animal....my first dog.....

I apologize for the long text, but my heart is very heavy and I cannot think of any other way to lessen this grief but by writing about it.....If you finished reading this, and you have a second to have a kind thought for my little Sesi...I will be grateful to you......Jorge.

Dear Jorge,

I am so sorry for your awful trauma and loss.

When I hear such devastating stories I realise that there are just no words to mend that broken heart and feel helpless that we can’t just reach through these telephone wires to comfort each other wordlessly.

Don’t think that just because you are a man that you cant ask a friend for a cuddle, and please don’t hold back the tears they are one of the few healing powers we allow ourselves to have and at times like this you need to release some of that sorrow.

Take each minute at a time until one day you will realise that an hour has passed and then a day until eventually a week.

I will light a candle for your precious Sesi and say a prayer that you will heal quickly and come to realise the Sesi is now in a special place trying to comfort you with her spirit.

Love Sue

Oh God, I am so sorry to hear about your devastating loss. Your dog sounds like a wonderful companion.

Please come to the site often, as there are many kind and understanding people here who can help you with your grief.

It's been two weeks and one day since I lost my beloved border collie to a sudden and unexpected deadly illness. I never had the chance to say goodbye to her. The grief is incredible, but one has to somehow carry on.

Please accept my heartfelt condolences.

i realize your sadness and anger in this situation, please try to keep the language to that any age can
read and understand. i have edited your post above to remove some potentially offensive words to our
membership. i have also moved this thread to its appropriate forum.

regrets on the loss of your Princess.

Jorge,
I sat here for the longest time with my fingers on the keyboard trying to find the right words of comfort and I'm just dumbfounded, just numb, stunned, saddened beyond words for the tragic loss of your baby Sesi. I am so sorry you had to loose her in that way. Even though I know those painful images are haunting you, please find comfort in knowing that you were such a wonderful dad to her and even though it was just for a short time, you two shared a bond that will last forever. She will forever be a part of you.....

God Bless,
Karen

Jorge, I am so very sorry. Such a horrible accident and to have to witness it..well, I can't even begin to imagine. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Dear Jorge:

I am sorry to hear about your beautiful Sesi.......

I feel awful that you have those "lasting visions", but I'm sure Sesi was comforted to be in her Daddy's arms, when she passed on from this Earth, to Rainbow's Bridge.......

No matter what age we are.........."crying" is a human emotion....and, we are all human here!!!! Please, let the tears come.... They are healing tears.....
Right now, your heart is broken.......and, the tears must fall...

Come to this site often, Jorge... Really!

It is the only thing that helped me, (this, and my boyfriend Ben), try & feel better.

I could sit here at our computer, and just type & type; not sure if my words were making any sense at all.......
I just kept rambling on & on!!
But, everyone here knows exactly what you are going through, and everyone understood my words perfectly...

God Bless you, Jorge.....

You are in my thoughts & prayers,

Peace,
Denise

Jorge!

I am so sorry. I imagined the whole thing as I read your post.

As Denise (Muffins) commented, Sesi passed away in her Daddy's arms, knowing she was loved so so much.

And you'll be reunited when it's your time. For some reason it was hers at a young age. But now, in the realm she's in, she's in bliss and there's no physical or emotional pain. She's fine.

Again, I'm so sorry!

Kathy

Jorge,
You have been through so much. I am concerned that you are showing signs of Pos Trumatic Stress Disorder. All the horrible sights that you had to see. Please give a doctor or a friend a call, because you are suffering so much right now. And you are always always welcome here. I am not trying to judge you, just relating. I went through it myself. The key is to not try to handle it all alone.

Ariel

Dear Jorge,

I am just crying as I feel your loss. I am so so sorry....

I know right now that you cannot think of Sesi without the images of her death.... This changes with time. We had to put our 14 year old dog down 13 months ago, and she fought it, and... it was MONTHS before I could think of her without thinking of THAT. But a time will come when you do. A time will come when you think of her chewing up a fruit tree and don't automatically think of the trauma of the accident.

One thing that helped me a lot through the grief is making memorials. As you have a big yard -- maybe you could plant a tree in Sesi's honor. It could be your Sesi tree. And as it grows and blossoms, you could think of her at the bridge -- tearing up all sorts of trees!

I know nothing is going to ease the pain right now. It is just going to hurt and hurt a lot. You feel as though your heart and soul have been ripped from your body. But remember that however much you hurt -- Sesi does not. She is in bliss now.

Again, I am deeply sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself.

Love,
Jennifer