I knew this would be hard, but not like this. The animal clinic who had his ashes left a message at the wrong number, so his ashes were there for a week. I called and found that they had him - raced there two nights ago and picked them up. It will be 9 weeks tomorrow since he died.
How can this be the beautiful little being who brought so much light and joy into my life for almost 11 years? I took the wooden box out, cradled it in my arms and just sobbed. I haven't been able to write about it, it hurts so much. My heart is broken.
I feel like I lost a limb... I am not the same person that I was 9 weeks ago. I have changed. I function and work and sleep, and I don't cry all the time, but there was a lightness about me that is gone. I don't feel like the same person anymore. I have Maisie and I adore her and love her tremendously, but Mo and I had a bond that I know I will never have with anyone or anything else again. I miss so many things - and life just isn't the same without him.
Have any of you felt like this? I really feel empty..
Full Version: I Picked Up Momo's Ashes
Yes,honey,I have felt the way you are feeling right now.Your sad and lonely and you miss your baby.It's natural to feel the way you do and it,quite frankly,sucks.......I wish I had some magic words to help you feel better but unfortunately I don't have any.I can tell you that time will help even if it doesn't seem to be helping right now.You just need to give yourself some more time to learn to deal with his loss.It would be just the same as losing a family member or a close friend,no one would expect you to be "over it" yet,would they? I've never had the experience of having to pick up my pet's ashes as I buried my boy Sox in our backyard so I can't say how I would feel about that.I'm sure it would make me incredibly sad to know that was all that was left of him.But those ashes aren't him anyway really, he's safe and happy on the other side and you will be with him again one day.I wish I had more advice for you but in reality the only thing that helps you to grieve is time.Be gentle with yourself and know that I am thinking of you.Sincerely,Renee
QUOTE
I have Maisie and I adore her and love her tremendously, but Mo and I had a bond that I know I will never have with anyone or anything else again
That is exactly how I feel about my other furkids...as much as I love them...they're just not my Sasha...never will be...nor will any other 
. I think that knowing I will never feel that kind of bond, that deep love that reaches the depth of my soul, that love that I know doesn't care about anything but finding happiness just being in the same room with me...a connection so strong that I swear she could read my mind....I would say she was almost human, but she was much to perfect for that...QUOTE
Have any of you felt like this? I really feel empty..
Absolutely...and unfortunately, I lived under a dark cloud such as that for the entire first year ....after the reality of that 1 year anniversarry hit me, I slowly started to accept it and accept that this was my new normal. QUOTE
I miss so many things - and life just isn't the same without him.
And it never will be, but that doesn't mean it has to be forever dark. True, things will never be the same, but you, too, will learn to find happiness in your 'new normal' and smiles will find their way into your life again. I will forever feel a void without my girl here, a void that will never be filled by anyone or anything, but I'm not sure I would want to if I could. Although it is painful, I like to think of it as her special place in my heart, and it always will be....I'm wishing you peace in this long journey of healing......
Mo & Maisie's Mom
Oh honey my heart just goes out to you. Empty is a good word for it, your heart and your home. I think we have that very special bond with only one fur kid in our lives, we love them when we have them and miss them the rest of our lives. In truth we wouldn't want more than one bond like that, it would diminish the love between us and our special one.
Yes a light goes out, but I can tell you that you can live in a bit darker world. You aren't the same person. You can come out of this a better person, first of all for ever having known and loved Mo. I was profoundly changed when I lost my Butch kitty ten years ago. I don't feel as changed this time, but the change is there, the things I learned from my Moose kitty.
I'm sorry about the whole Urn mix up, glad that it's all fixed now. That didn't help you in this hard time. At least he is home, and you can hold him next to your heart when you feel sad and lonely for him.
Love
Oh honey my heart just goes out to you. Empty is a good word for it, your heart and your home. I think we have that very special bond with only one fur kid in our lives, we love them when we have them and miss them the rest of our lives. In truth we wouldn't want more than one bond like that, it would diminish the love between us and our special one.
Yes a light goes out, but I can tell you that you can live in a bit darker world. You aren't the same person. You can come out of this a better person, first of all for ever having known and loved Mo. I was profoundly changed when I lost my Butch kitty ten years ago. I don't feel as changed this time, but the change is there, the things I learned from my Moose kitty.
I'm sorry about the whole Urn mix up, glad that it's all fixed now. That didn't help you in this hard time. At least he is home, and you can hold him next to your heart when you feel sad and lonely for him.
Love
Mo&Maisie'sMom, in answer to your question as to if anyone else feels as you are feeling, the answer is a resounding "Yes!" Your letter hit home in my life so very well. You described the feeling perfectly. *hugs* Since we sent Caesar on his Journey, I feel like the innocence in my life is gone, now. For right now, I can't seem to enjoy the beauty of Nature the way I used to when he was by my side. We have our dear Ramses, and I have no idea how I would have handled all this without him being here for us, but Caesar was mine, and I was his, and we had that very special connection, like our hearts were connected by a silver thread. I was dreading the coming of Spring, and when it hit, I actually handled it better than I thought I would... but two days ago, I noticed the first sprigs of green on the Willow tree which now towers over Caesar, and I lost it. The buds are beginning to show and rebirth is about to happen, as it does each year. I used to eagerly anticipate this, and I have to realize that there is no "rebirth" for my baby. I had no idea just how much Caesar made such beautiful things even more beautiful for me. I never knew such content as when he was here.
Now, it's all changed. The season are going to continue turning, just as they always did when he was here, and before he was here. It's still beautiful, I know, but it's not the same type of beauty, for me. Your description of feeling like you lost a limb, that's so very true. It's been 15 weeks and six days since... I think it's going to be a very, very long time before the "limb" grows back, for me. They say time heals all wounds. However, I have yet to see time regrowing a limb.
We laid Caesar to rest on our land, so I don't know how I would have reacted to what you had to deal with, with the cremation wrong-number mix-up. I can only imagine how difficult that must have been to handle. But I did keep a bunch of Caesar's fur during his brushings. (After brushing him, we'd have such a mound of fur that my husband joked that we could "build another dog!") I don't have ashes, but I do have his fur to bury my head in, to cry in, and to hold.
The emptiness you are feeling, please know that you are not alone in feeling that way. For us, we will have to learn to live with a life change beyond measure. But for now, I feel I want to try to begin living my life as full and well as I can, so I have some new stories to tell Caesar, both telling him along the way... and when I see him again. Let's do this for them.
Now, it's all changed. The season are going to continue turning, just as they always did when he was here, and before he was here. It's still beautiful, I know, but it's not the same type of beauty, for me. Your description of feeling like you lost a limb, that's so very true. It's been 15 weeks and six days since... I think it's going to be a very, very long time before the "limb" grows back, for me. They say time heals all wounds. However, I have yet to see time regrowing a limb.
We laid Caesar to rest on our land, so I don't know how I would have reacted to what you had to deal with, with the cremation wrong-number mix-up. I can only imagine how difficult that must have been to handle. But I did keep a bunch of Caesar's fur during his brushings. (After brushing him, we'd have such a mound of fur that my husband joked that we could "build another dog!") I don't have ashes, but I do have his fur to bury my head in, to cry in, and to hold.
The emptiness you are feeling, please know that you are not alone in feeling that way. For us, we will have to learn to live with a life change beyond measure. But for now, I feel I want to try to begin living my life as full and well as I can, so I have some new stories to tell Caesar, both telling him along the way... and when I see him again. Let's do this for them.
I'm so sorry about what you're going through. My heart goes out to you, I feel how sad you are. Just remember that you can still whisper to Momo in your heart, and who's to say he can't hear you? I know it's not the same, but for now, it has to be enough to get us through, doesn't it? It's not enough, but it has to be enough. It's not fair. But we all understand, and we're all here for you.
Thinking of you,
-- Michelle
Thinking of you,
-- Michelle
M&M's Mom,
Yes, I feel the same, too. Empty. Pointless existence, by comparison to before. Hopeless, despairing, depressed, so lonely AND alone, and very much like Amarna feels, too. Life is flat, rather than full and round. Except in my case, I knew and appreciated, every single day, how very much my kidlets' existence contributed to my feeling full and purposeful and content, despite any other challenges along the way.
I think that losing an emotional and psychological 'limb', or 'organ', is FAR worse than losing those physical counterparts. Think of how people AND animals who lose those are still able to be happy, content, hopeful, despite their physical loss....but when one loses part of their 'spirit', how quickly their life declines and how incredibly hard it is to rise above those deeper waters. No one expects someone to just bounce back quickly after losing a physical limb (or what have you) and so it SHOULD be the same when you've lost what feels like a part of your very heart and soul, but it's NOT treated with the same respect and so our journey becomes even tougher to traverse.
In like fashion, if a medical center was trying to get a prosthesis to a patient, one would imagine they'd know that the patient was anxiously awaiting that limb, and would likely check the phone # if they'd not been able to contact them....unlike your vet clinic, who just let this sit....though I remember some others here who had the same thing happen to them, too. It's not right.
Though I haven't had to deal with cremation yet, someday I will, and I'm quite sure it will plunge me right back down into the depths, even if it's years later. Since I just wasn't and still aren't quite as comfortable with cremation VS. burial, I couldn't even push myself to go that route with Sabin when he passed, and know that even today, 7 yrs later, it still gives me knots in my stomach thinking about it. So that's how I know that when that time comes for me, it's going to be really, really hard. So I feel for you now, having to face this . How could you NOT be changed by this, by your huge loss???
Yes, I feel the same, too. Empty. Pointless existence, by comparison to before. Hopeless, despairing, depressed, so lonely AND alone, and very much like Amarna feels, too. Life is flat, rather than full and round. Except in my case, I knew and appreciated, every single day, how very much my kidlets' existence contributed to my feeling full and purposeful and content, despite any other challenges along the way.
I think that losing an emotional and psychological 'limb', or 'organ', is FAR worse than losing those physical counterparts. Think of how people AND animals who lose those are still able to be happy, content, hopeful, despite their physical loss....but when one loses part of their 'spirit', how quickly their life declines and how incredibly hard it is to rise above those deeper waters. No one expects someone to just bounce back quickly after losing a physical limb (or what have you) and so it SHOULD be the same when you've lost what feels like a part of your very heart and soul, but it's NOT treated with the same respect and so our journey becomes even tougher to traverse.
In like fashion, if a medical center was trying to get a prosthesis to a patient, one would imagine they'd know that the patient was anxiously awaiting that limb, and would likely check the phone # if they'd not been able to contact them....unlike your vet clinic, who just let this sit....though I remember some others here who had the same thing happen to them, too. It's not right.
Though I haven't had to deal with cremation yet, someday I will, and I'm quite sure it will plunge me right back down into the depths, even if it's years later. Since I just wasn't and still aren't quite as comfortable with cremation VS. burial, I couldn't even push myself to go that route with Sabin when he passed, and know that even today, 7 yrs later, it still gives me knots in my stomach thinking about it. So that's how I know that when that time comes for me, it's going to be really, really hard. So I feel for you now, having to face this . How could you NOT be changed by this, by your huge loss???
Moand Maisie'sMom,
Believe me, most of us have been in that dark place where it seems nothing will ever be the same and all the good times are gone forever. And it's true, some of them are. But there are some ahead, believe me, and Maisie will give them to you, and she may need your comfort as much as you need yours, in her own animal way.
For the first weeks and months afterward, I couldn't imagine how I could ever live on knowing my Heidi or my Magic or my Groucho were gone. How do you do it? Well, day by day, knowing there are other animals and humans who depend on me, who can't take care of themselves without my assistance. At first, it really annoyed me, that they would dare intrude upon my grief like that, but without even understanding it, I needed that extra time and I came to understand that - that I needed that to realize that this is how it needs to be. It's so complicated and so simple, this is how it works.
And please bear in mind, you really havn't had your loss all that long ago. It's still quite fresh in your mind, and the first days are always the most painful. Be kind to yourself. There are no timetables, you have no deadlines or what's the new catchword - benchmarks? There aren't any. Go at your own pace. Share, share, share - we can help, there are very few folks here would say that sharing what they've experienced and felt has not helped them a good deal. Please know that there's a whole community of people out here who are willing to extend a hand and pull you through gently through this pain. We know, cause we've been there. Do come back. Til then, Take care, Barb
Believe me, most of us have been in that dark place where it seems nothing will ever be the same and all the good times are gone forever. And it's true, some of them are. But there are some ahead, believe me, and Maisie will give them to you, and she may need your comfort as much as you need yours, in her own animal way.
For the first weeks and months afterward, I couldn't imagine how I could ever live on knowing my Heidi or my Magic or my Groucho were gone. How do you do it? Well, day by day, knowing there are other animals and humans who depend on me, who can't take care of themselves without my assistance. At first, it really annoyed me, that they would dare intrude upon my grief like that, but without even understanding it, I needed that extra time and I came to understand that - that I needed that to realize that this is how it needs to be. It's so complicated and so simple, this is how it works.
And please bear in mind, you really havn't had your loss all that long ago. It's still quite fresh in your mind, and the first days are always the most painful. Be kind to yourself. There are no timetables, you have no deadlines or what's the new catchword - benchmarks? There aren't any. Go at your own pace. Share, share, share - we can help, there are very few folks here would say that sharing what they've experienced and felt has not helped them a good deal. Please know that there's a whole community of people out here who are willing to extend a hand and pull you through gently through this pain. We know, cause we've been there. Do come back. Til then, Take care, Barb
I totally feel that way about Misty, too, so, no you are not alone by any means. It seems like you are doing pretty well considering it has only been 9 weeks.
I know picking up the ashes was hard, we had a horrible time with that too. We finally stuck a little engraved plaque on it today and it's been 4 months.
Grief is one step at a time...be patient with yourself.
Amy
I know picking up the ashes was hard, we had a horrible time with that too. We finally stuck a little engraved plaque on it today and it's been 4 months.
Grief is one step at a time...be patient with yourself.
Amy
Thanks so much to all of you for your support. I don't feel so alone in this - I don't know what I would do without you. I read your words and can feel that you understand and relate completely. I really feel so much like the light has just extinguished - that part of myself that lit up when I saw him, and he lit up when he saw me. I am trying to gather strength to write a tribute to him, as he deserves, but it is so hard. I feel like if he walked into the room, I would be whole again.
Again, thank you all for being there. I read your replies several times and have all of you in my thoughts and prayers - I'm so thankful for your kindness.
Again, thank you all for being there. I read your replies several times and have all of you in my thoughts and prayers - I'm so thankful for your kindness.
I just wanted to send hugs and prayers your way. We just had to let our Sadie go last night, and the horror is almost too much to bear -- so I am right there with you.
I hope picking up the ashes help you feel better somehow -- more connected again? A sense of closure? I don't know -- I just hope you start to put the pieces together and enjoy the memories. Because this pain of losing them stinks.
I hope picking up the ashes help you feel better somehow -- more connected again? A sense of closure? I don't know -- I just hope you start to put the pieces together and enjoy the memories. Because this pain of losing them stinks.
Sadie's Mama
The pain of losing them does stink.
For me, getting the ashes back was a good thing. My baby was home, safe with me. My hubby and I went together to get them and I held the box close to my heart all the way home. I can put it in his favorite places, like in the window in the sun or in the bedroom when we sleep. When I am really lonely and sad for him I still hold him close to my heart.
Closure I'm not sure I have yet, or will ever have. It's almost 6 months for us.
Love
The pain of losing them does stink.
QUOTE
I hope picking up the ashes help you feel better somehow -- more connected again? A sense of closure?
For me, getting the ashes back was a good thing. My baby was home, safe with me. My hubby and I went together to get them and I held the box close to my heart all the way home. I can put it in his favorite places, like in the window in the sun or in the bedroom when we sleep. When I am really lonely and sad for him I still hold him close to my heart.
Closure I'm not sure I have yet, or will ever have. It's almost 6 months for us.
Love
I just went through this myself. When I picked up Moosh's ashes the urn was in a box that I couldn't bear to open until I got home. When I did I took the urn out and her name was on a sticker on the bottom of the urn. I read it and fell to pieces.
My wife and I were considering spreading Moosh's ashes in a few of her ###### places, but I'm not ready to let go yet.
How do the rest of you deal with this? Should we just do it and get it over with or wait until we feel 100% ready to let go?
My wife and I were considering spreading Moosh's ashes in a few of her ###### places, but I'm not ready to let go yet.
How do the rest of you deal with this? Should we just do it and get it over with or wait until we feel 100% ready to let go?
Mike (Moosh's Daddy)
Well you have to do what you feel is right, but your loss is so new. I'd give it a while. If it were me I'd wait till I was 100% sure. Even if that is never.
We plan to buy a 'double' people urn, and when one of us goes put Moose's ashes in too. When all of us are gone we will have all the ashes scattered somewhere.
Love
QUOTE
How do the rest of you deal with this? Should we just do it and get it over with or wait until we feel 100% ready to let go?
Well you have to do what you feel is right, but your loss is so new. I'd give it a while. If it were me I'd wait till I was 100% sure. Even if that is never.
We plan to buy a 'double' people urn, and when one of us goes put Moose's ashes in too. When all of us are gone we will have all the ashes scattered somewhere.
Love
Hi to Mo and Maisie's Mom,
I completely understand, I fell apart when I received my boy's ashes too, its hard to even write those words, the emptiness is a real thing and so familiar, its something that I wanted so badly to have back with us, but when it came it made it all a reality...he was gone...I am so sorry for your pain and I understand. It is good that he is home with you again...I carried the box around for a while the weight somehow felt good...Peace honey, this is a hard place to be...
Moosh's Dad, take your time with what to do with them, we still haven't put our cats ashes in anything yet, (we are the weirdest) he's been gone for 4 years, he and my boy's ashes/boxes are in our living room with pictures and some special items and a large pine cone because he loved pine cones... So, its totally up to you, we want our pets sprinkled with us when we go too, or sprinkled in the same area...and other people on this site had great ideas. Take it easy, you don't have to make these decisions anytime soon if you don't want to... Peace to you, Tory, Hrudey's Momma
I completely understand, I fell apart when I received my boy's ashes too, its hard to even write those words, the emptiness is a real thing and so familiar, its something that I wanted so badly to have back with us, but when it came it made it all a reality...he was gone...I am so sorry for your pain and I understand. It is good that he is home with you again...I carried the box around for a while the weight somehow felt good...Peace honey, this is a hard place to be...
Moosh's Dad, take your time with what to do with them, we still haven't put our cats ashes in anything yet, (we are the weirdest) he's been gone for 4 years, he and my boy's ashes/boxes are in our living room with pictures and some special items and a large pine cone because he loved pine cones... So, its totally up to you, we want our pets sprinkled with us when we go too, or sprinkled in the same area...and other people on this site had great ideas. Take it easy, you don't have to make these decisions anytime soon if you don't want to... Peace to you, Tory, Hrudey's Momma
Mo & Maisie's mom,
I am so sorry to hear about your loss of Mo. The world really does change after you bear the loss of a beloved pet. I lost my sweet Peaches very recently & my whole house looks different to me minus her. I got a call today that her ashes are ready for me to take home. I have no idea how this will hit me.
Please take comfort in knowing that you are by no means alone in this. Losing such a beloved creature is such a crushing blow that I'm sure will take some time to deal with. I am trying not to rush myself into healing, yet I am also trying not to punish myself by focusing on the pain. It does sometimes creep in uninvited, for sure, but my hubby & I have been talking a lot lately about the little things about Peaches that made us smile. We know that we are richer, happier people for having had her in our lives for 13 years. You can't expect to immediately adjust to such a loss. No one could. But I am hoping someday, hopefully soon, you will be able to smile through those tears & take comfort in the fact that Mo loved his life with you & that someday you will be reunited with him. These thoughts have really, really helped me in these last difficult days.
You are in my heart & prayers. Take care.
I am so sorry to hear about your loss of Mo. The world really does change after you bear the loss of a beloved pet. I lost my sweet Peaches very recently & my whole house looks different to me minus her. I got a call today that her ashes are ready for me to take home. I have no idea how this will hit me.
Please take comfort in knowing that you are by no means alone in this. Losing such a beloved creature is such a crushing blow that I'm sure will take some time to deal with. I am trying not to rush myself into healing, yet I am also trying not to punish myself by focusing on the pain. It does sometimes creep in uninvited, for sure, but my hubby & I have been talking a lot lately about the little things about Peaches that made us smile. We know that we are richer, happier people for having had her in our lives for 13 years. You can't expect to immediately adjust to such a loss. No one could. But I am hoping someday, hopefully soon, you will be able to smile through those tears & take comfort in the fact that Mo loved his life with you & that someday you will be reunited with him. These thoughts have really, really helped me in these last difficult days.
You are in my heart & prayers. Take care.
Thank you all, and I'm so sorry that all of us have had to deal with such pain and sadness. I know I'm not alone in this. I recognize my own feelings and thoughts in each of your responses, and I have all of you and your babies in my heart...
Thanks so much..
Thanks so much..
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