Hello,

I have posted about the recent loss of my dog, Gretchen and now find myself in the horrible position of also needing to euthanize my 16 yr old cat, Bob. Our vet told us that Bob is in organ failure. He is incredibly thin and has constant diahrrea as well as vomiting. If not for Gretchen, we would have made the decision to let go of Bob a month ago.

How can I face the loss of two beloved pets? How do I explain to my 4.5 y/o son that he is losing his 3rd pet in less than a year? (We had to let go of Stinky on April 3rd of last year.) My son is very sad about the loss of Gretchen and of course his age prevents a true understanding of what is happening and why.

I am ashamed to admit that it is purely selfish reasons that we keep Bob with us. It is his time but we aren't ready. Despite his health problems, he is the same old Bob. He purrs all the time and is able to sleep quite comfortably. He loves to spend time with our family and sits on our laps. But I think I tell myself these things to comfort myself, not b/c it is necessarily the truth.

I would appreciate any thoughts or advice.

Well it's hard. You just have to think about what is best for Bob, not for you. What choice would he make if he could? Sometimes you have to take on their pain and let them go. Would you like to live with 'constant diarrhea as well as vomiting'? Is it possible it would ever get better? Is he, in fact, slowly starving to death anyway? Honey I don't mean to make you feel worse, I'm not judging you, I just want you to ask yourself these things.

Ask yourself if he has a quailty of life. Can he eat, sleep, poop and play or is life for him just a misery? Is he doing the things you say or are you making things seem brighter? Please don't make Bob suffer if he doesn't have to.

It will be hard on you and on your son. I really feel for your little boy. He is so young to learn about death and loss. I'm so sorry you have to make this choice so soon after losing Gretchen. It's hard to lose two so close, I know. Ten years ago I lost two cats withing 5 weeks of each other. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Edit: So your fear of losing another one of your fur babies is very real, it makes it so much harder.

Thinking of you

First it of all...it is time for the truth. Unfortunately no one can tell you wether or not it's your pets time. You must find that truth for yourself, Try not to give into denial. The 'truth question' here has already been indicated above here by my friend Lori and she stated...



That is the question I asked myself when I had my Little Miss put to rest eternal last week. The answer in her case was "no" and I did what I had to. My grieving continues to this day.

I have no children. So I will not speak from experience. But if I search my own inner child I would want truth & honesty. I believe you are frightened to be the "messenger" but who is more capable than you...probably no-one.....

I will pray for strength for both of you
I will be thinking of you

Though I don't have children, kids 'get' more than people think. How did your son take the other 2 passing? I'm sure he will take it better than you might think. If Gretchen is suffering, I'm sure your son can see that, and he will understand.

i can only tell you that kids are resiliant, they do bounce back. and they understand more than you think they do.
we lost both our cats within two months of each other. my dtr who's ten saw the first one collapse and i think she knew that she wouldnt be coming home. which she didnt, my dd got really upset and was upset for about a week. bounced back only to have our elder cat go down hill rapidly and i had to make the choice to put her down. although i didnt expalin that i put her to sleep. i did tell her that she died. the morning of her death my dd got to say goodbye and kiss her goodbye. i told her that she may not live thru the day. she understood and she grieved.
so what i guess i am getting at is honesty is best.. your son will amaze you with his strength just as my dd did.
now bob, has the vet said there is nothing more they can do for him? do they know whats causing this weight loss vomitng etc?? its hard to make the choice to put them to sleep. but if he is in pain or uncomfortable it may be the best gift you can give him and i can say the hardest thing to do. i pray for you for strength to make a choice that is so painful for you and your family , but i know in my heart bob will love you even in eternity..
thinking of you
michelle

I really feel for you. I don't have children, but I am a surrogate "aunt" to my friends' three children (10, 8 and 5), who all knew and loved my boy and who grieved in their own ways. It must hurt so much more to make the decision I had to when worried about a child, as well.

I still doubt my decision at times, but the family I have found here can put things into perspective when I lose the ability to because I was IN the situation. They have helped me to see that it was a very loving thing for me to do - letting him go - even though I wasn't ready. We're never ready, and there is no good time. On the day he died, I asked my vet what she would do - (long story - she was at her mother's funeral when Mo collapsed the last time and was on her cell phone with me & the vet at the emergency clinic.) - she told me to ask myself who I would be keeping him alive for - me or him, because he would never get healthier. And at that point, although it would have been much easier for me to bring him home, I made the decision to let him go. I felt that he had given me so much over the course of his life that he deserved to pass with dignity in his mom's arms without enduring anymore suffering.

The fact that you are asking makes me think that you might already know the answer - I know that whatever you do will be out of love, and it will be the right thing..

Hi.I really agree with M&M's Mom on this one. I think you already know what to do also.It is so hard to know when the time is right.Our boy Sox had kidney failure and feline diabetes and we had to make the decision to have him put to sleep and it was the far the hardest thing I've ever had to do but we did it because we loved him so much and we didn't want him to suffer anymore.Just aks yourself those questions that Lori already brought up, like does he have a good quality of life? Does he get any enjoyment or have any fun throughout the day? Does it seem like he is in pain alot? If he is still having more good days than bad days then maybe you do in fact have a little more time with him.If he has more bad days than good perhaps it is time to let him go.He's had a good long life and you would be showing him mercy if you chose to put him to sleep rather than letting him suffer longer than neccesary.Listen to your heart and you'll know when the time is right.I wish I had more words to help you but I hope you know that I'll be thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers.I pray you find the strength to do whatever you feel is right.Sincerely,Renee (Sox's mom)

Thank you so much to everyone that replied. I really appreciate everyone's honesty.

My husband and I talked last night and agreed that it is Bob's time. We will take him to the vet tomorrow to be euthanized.

The statement many of you made that really rang true is that it comes down to whether we're keeping him alive for him or for us. We determined that we are keeping him alive for us and its time to do the right thing for him.

I told my son this morning and he took it in typical 4.5 y/o fashion: listen and then move on to other topics. I know he'll start asking more questions later, but I feel good about where he is with it.

My heart is so very heavy, but I also feel a sense of peace about doing the right thing.

Thank you again for the support.

Oh I'm so sorry for you. It's a very brave dicission you are making, I know how hard it was to make. I'll be thinking of you and Bob tomorrow. Give him lots of goodbye hugs and kisses.

Give your son a hug and a kiss from me.

Go and fly free Bob, be happy. You will soon be a well, happy kitten again.

Love

I'm so sorry for your many losses in such a short period of time. We just lost our pup, Rajah, and I have a 5 year old son named Sawyer. He took it really hard. We were lucky enough for him to be able to tell Rajah goodbye and he held him and whispered in his ear. Those two were inseparable since Sawyer was born. He has his good days and bad days.

He has been writing lots of cards to his friends telling them that his brother died. He wrote one card to one of his friends telling him he shouldn't tell people (him) that he doesn't want to be their friend, that he shouldn't keep switching friends because as Sawyer said, he just lost his best friend and you never know when that could happen. My son can read at a 4th grade level and can spell wonderfully.

We also let him put toys and cards in Rajah's casket before we buried him in the backyard and everyday when he leaves in the morning he says Hi to Rajah and when he gets home he tells him he's home. He's dealing with it in his own way. I have noticed that some behaviors that he had outgrown are resurfacing, but I'm just letting him deal in anyway he feels is right. It's funny, but he says he sees Rajah all of the time at night, that they play ball and that Rajah sleeps with him. So who knows?

Sorry for the long post. What I was trying to convey is that I understand and it makes it so hard when a child is involved because not only are you dealing with your own grief, but that of your child. Just take it slowly and let your little one guide you in his grief process.

Hi-my only advice is to tell you that I will never forgive myself for keeping my beloved Kuba kitty alive too long. I did it for me and it was just wrong. Her quality of life was not what it should have been. I know the hardest thing to do is to love your pet enough to let them go when their time has come. It is difficult to get past my guilt to try and remember my happy memories.

I just put my 15 year old kitty Gila to sleep yesterday morning. This time I did it when it was right for her. It was just as awful for me but a heck of alot better for her....

As for your child, there is no way to get around the passing of your kitty. I really do believe they experience it differently than we do. My girls have been sad about Gila too. They have spent more time comforting me than anything.

I am so sorry for all of your losses. These were your babies before you had your son and they will always hold a special part of your heart.

Tori

Tori, Kuba & Gila Mom

I'm so sorry you lost your Kuba. You lost Gila just yesterday? Oh I know you are hurting. When you feel up to it I would like very much to hear their stories. Maybe see a picture?

Thinking of you and Gila, Kuba too.