Almost two weeks ago, I started a topic ent*itled "Goodbye, Pearl, it was your time." I'm looking back on that post now with anger and overwhelming pain. My grieving for Pearl intensifies daily, and you know what? It wasn't her time. It wasn't.

It's always, always painful to lose an animal. But this feels unnatural and wrong. It's a crime that she's gone. It wasn't her time. I can't even think about her. It hurts too much.

She was so young. She was the love of my life. I am stuck in the mindset of wanting her back, and of feeling robbed that she was taken away. It feels unfair and unacceptable. It catches me off guard when I realize she's gone, she's really gone. It can't be true. It can't be true that Pearl is gone.

I miss her so much, I miss her all the time, I just want her back.

Katie

My heart goes out to you.
I feel much the same about my Gizzy, its been just over 5 weeks since he left me. Lots of messages I have read say that their baby's were 17 18 and more, and I feel Gizzys time was cut so short he was 11, 12 this coming september.
All I can suggest to you is try not to think too much about what little time Pearl had, think more about the quality of time you had.
I know its not easy, I'm still crying everyday, 5 weeks later.
You are in my thoughts.
Ruth xx

Katie,

Any age, whether it be 1, 2, 5, 10, 15 or even 20 is never long enough. I do sincerely understand your anger and your pain, and you have every right in the world to feel this.

Please allow yourself time, vent your anger and as Bluemoon said, try at the moment to also think of the time you did share together, of all the positive memories you have and the love you shared together. It is not easy, I know, and every little thought or memory can reduce us back to tears again. It's a rocky road to travel but the journey does get a little easier in time, trust me.

I'm sorry you are hurting, we all understand and have all been there, we are all going through this ordeal but we are also all here to help, as best as we can, and offer a shoulder to lean on, even in your darkest moments.

I'm sorry I can't bring much comfort to you in your pain and offer no great words of wisdom to take it away, but sometimes knowing you don't have to go through this alone can bring a little, much needed comfort.

Thinking of you and Pearl,

E.M

Dear Katie this horrible pain you are going through right now I know only too well and so do many others here. Don't despair, this grief has to be lived through as you absorb the impact of this dreadful separation from Pearl, the soul that enlivened yours. Such special relationships only happen to special persons and special pets. This suggests to me that there may well be an afterlife where enlightened souls will be reunited for eternity.

I also know how the euthanasia has left you feeling like maybe it wasn't time, maybe you could still be loving Pearl if that day hadn't happened. I felt like that too ,for worse reasons than you. Since your vet was advising euthanasia you can not blame yourself; the first thing we consider when our animals are ill is whether we want to put them through all the ensuing suffering or if we shouldn't take on the pain for them and let them go peacefully. And when we do decide that euthanasia must be done, we become automats, carrying on with the obligation but hardly conscious. Sometimes euthanasia isn't the peaceful moment we expected. My cat was fully aware of what we were doing, he even got mad at us traitors, refused any eye contact until it was all over: this left me feeling like the dirt on a sidewalk. It took a while to grieve him properly because I knew why he was mad at me, I realized he would have wanted to try to get better and I failed him, after loving him for thirteen years. The experience left me cold and so hurt but also unable to call to him, to tell him how much I needed and missed him. For months I could hardly sleep this is how I found this site. Then one night, I am not sure if I was dreaming, rather I thought I was awake, my loving cat came next to my bed, miaowing a few times and scratching at the side of my bed. I then realized what he wanted : he was asking me to love him as before, without the guilt. He was asking me to continue to talk to him and love him, to not think of the last hour, that this was not what we were about. I still grieve, some days are worse than others but that message and other messages of peace that my cat has since sent me have done wonders. Our present lives are just seconds in eternity: it seems so long to live without our soulmate, but we must do as best as we can, just like Pearl lived her life as best as she could and the magic
is for later. Hugs to you Katie and may you continue to discover Pearl's
love and wisdom.

Katie

This is a tough one, I well know the feeling. All the anger and non acceptance is part of the grieving process and normal. Go ahead and feel it all. It just sucks, and it just has to keep on sucking till it doesn't.

We miss them so much and just want them back, how can they be gone? I'm thinking of you.

Love

I just joined this site yesterday, and I'm not really ready just yet to share about my beloved (and long-gone) dog, Lucy. But I was reading your post about being so angry and in such pain, and I just wanted to tell you that I feel for you so much, Katie.

But you know what? I don't Heaven is far away at all. I think it's closer to us than we can imagine, like it's just a mirror image of what we can see. So since Pearl is most surely in the state we call Heaven, I think that makes her closer to you than you realize.

I feel like I love everyone here. All of you "get it".

With much love and understanding, Katie...

Michelle

You are exhibiting the classic signs of early grief.

Denial (to a degree) & ANGER!!!



This will pass...trust me, When my Baby Chase died she was only 4 years old and there was nothing apparently wrong with her. I could not & would not believe it. My wife experienced denial in an even spookier state than myself. She wanted to put Chase on the floor in a box & she might "wake up" and we could be right there. Realization soon prevailed and that's when my anger took over. It's something I am really good at (unfortunately). I cursed life & my God and eveything that was good on earth....and in a few short breaths too!!! I learned from Chases death. Three short months later I had to have my Sweetie Abigail put to sleep when I awoke one morning. That was 1 week ago.

If you are angry you must not hang onto it. Scream at the top of your lungs in to a pillow and then beat the crap out of the same pillow...(I have alot of pillows that should be in intensive care units at my place)...but release it. If you can try to grasp the grim truth what happened to your baby and then move through the anger. The grieving part of the cycle is the healthiest and will eventually take you to acceptance. I monitored myself closely during the period I grieved Chases death. I am now in the throws of terrible grief with my Abigail. Denial & anger have passed...here come the tears..

Take care my friend
I understand your pain
You must leave the denail & anger behind
I know you don't want to but the tears must come....