Dear Dino,
I will always remember the last night we had together. I will treasure holding you close to me and I hope that you were not too disoriented to notice me and my love for you as I rocked and cried. You even let me kiss your cheek, which was so unlike you. I'll never know if it was because you knew it was a good bye kiss and you were being generous or because you were too tired, in too much pain or too unaware to notice or care. I know that when we were in the vets office and I tried to kiss your cheek you moved your head away from me like you always did when I would catch you and try to get close to you. It makes me smile the way it made me smile at the time. Only snuggly on your own terms. But you didn't struggle when I held you. And again I'll never know why exactly. There's a lot of things that I'll never know.
I really hope that you liked having me as your person. I hope you know that I liked being your person. I like how you would always come to me to be petted whenever I sat at the computer and typed. Like now. But you're not here now.
I miss you in the morning, when I stumble to the kitchen for my glass of water with lemon. Now I don't trip over anyone. I reach to the floor to change your water, but there's no water bowl on the floor.
Remember how sometimes, after my shower you sat on the edge of the tub and licked my wet legs. It tickled and made me giggle.
I miss how you would pick stuff out of the bathroom garbage to play with. It was so disgusting and I yelled at you and had to take away from you whatever you had found.
I walk by the bedroom door and still look at the bed, expecting to see a furry grey ball. Today is my first Saturday without you and I had my afternoon nap alone.
On Tuesday night I was dreading going to bed alone, puttting it off as long as possible, I decided to have a bowl of cereal. When I got to the end...to that last bit of milk I cried as I tipped the bowl and drank it. I haven't done that in over 15 years.
I miss how in the middle of the night you would find my hand and lay on it. I could feel your purring.
I miss the mole on your chest that I used to fiddle with when I petted you.
I miss how impatient you were in the morning. Remember when you would put your paw on my cheek to wake me and remind me of breakfast?
Remember how sometimes you would put your paw on my nose when I was in bed, then I couldn't breathe? It was a goofy game we played.
I still put my purse near the floor when I come in the apartment so you won't run into the hallway. Only you're not there. I can stand and talk to my neighbour with the door open and not worry about you running away. I use to hate that you always tried to run away. I always asked you where you were going and if you thought you could get a better deal somewhere else.
I hate that you're not here waiting for dinner after work. I used to hate cleaning the litter.
The whole you have left in my heart and in my home is larger that your 8 pound furry body. Often when we cuddled I was in awe of how small you were in comparison with how big you have been in my life.
My constant companion for over 15 years. You cam to live with me because Paula didn't understand you. You moved with me to Calgary and endured my 6 month absence when I went to work out east. You endured being roommates with Shauna (I'm really sorry about that)
Remember that basement suite we lived in when we first moved here? You had that cat friend upstairs and the one outside. The place we've been the past 3 years is probably the best, though. We've had good times here. You should know that the noisy neighbours moved out yesterday. It's been really quiet around here. Too quiet actually.
I don't know if cats go to heaven. I don't know if cats have souls. I know that you're not old anymore and that you don't hurt anymore.
Now I am hurting. I am sad and lonely without you.
Love,
Your faithful bi-ped,
Lori
Do you love me as much as I love you as much as I love you?
Do you love me as much as I love you as much as I love you?
Do you love me as much as I love you as much as I love you?
Do you love me as much as I love you?
Yes sir I do!