I have just been reading the other posts - so many sad "anniversaries". When I came to type up a t*itle I'd had a similar one - but then it was only 8 weeks, now it's 8 months without her.
It was a sunny, windy & mild day here today - just the sort of weather Furry loved - she would have been sitting in the garden, taking the rays, & sniffing the spring air. Instead there is a spot near where we sit where she is buried. I don't think I can bear to live here anymore, do you think it is better to be where all the memories are, or to move on?
I'm just so sad & don't see any end to this grief. Yesterday I was driving & could see this car coming towards me on my side of the road as he was overtaking, I thought he wasn't going to get back over in time, but all I did was increase my speed. Would I have been with her again? I think if I was absolutely certain of this then I would chose that path, but I can't know.
I found this poem recently, by Christina Rossetti -

When I am dead, my dearest,
Sing no sad songs for me;
Plant thou no roses at my head,
Nor shady cypress tree:
Be the green grass above me
With showers & dewdrops wet;
And if thou wilt, remember,
And if thou wilt, forget.

I shall not see the shadows,
I shall not feel the rain;
I shall not hear the nightingale
Sing on, as if in pain;
And dreaming through the twilight
That doth not rise nor set,
Haply I may remember,
And haply may forget.

I try to think that Furry would want me to be happy, but it just doesn't work. She tried so hard to stay with me, I think it's only now that I realise how very ill she was, When a loved one has a long illness it's difficult to know any more what is "normality". I just know that 12 years wasn't enough. Why was she taken away from me so young?
My dearest darling, I will never stop missing you & loving you.
Judith

I am totally with you. I am so sorry you lost Furry. I completely understand the depth of your loss. And I understand the pain of living at the same house without Furry, my DH and I are going through the same thing with our home and the loss of Misty. One of the first things we did that second week is surf the Internet for homes, but decided to not make any decisions about moving or anything else right now.......so you aren't the only one.

I also understand your not seeing any end to the grief. I feel the same way. I am so sorry for the loss of Furry and the pain you are feeling. 8 months is not a significant amount of time, so all I can say is patient with yourself, it can only get better down the road........hang unto that hope and know Furry would want you to go on and offer your parenting to another pet down the road, it makes take a few years but you'll get there........I am right behind you......

Hugs, Amy

I am so sorry that you are feeling so bad. Hopefully, someday, the pain will ease and the memories will comfort you.

Judith

So many sad anniversaries this week. Eight months... Such a long long time to be without the one you love so dearly. I know how much you miss your sweet Furry. Maybe it WOULD be good to be somewhere different, somewhere you didn't share every moment with her? Maybe just a short vacation would help, to get away for just a few days.

One thing you are right about though, is that Furry DOES want you to be happy and I truly don't think she would want for you to join her so soon, or she would be coming to tell you that. Have you considered that she might be reborn? What if she is out there, or soon to be out there, in another little body, and has things arranged for you to find her at just the right time. What happens if you end it, before that happens and she is left without you? I'm not saying this is fact, but it is something to consider. I know it is hard to continue on without them, but you never know what schedule THEY might have and wouldn't want to do anything to mess that up.

Furrys Mum

I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad. It's just so hard to go on without them. I hate the date that comes up each month. I know how much you loved Furry, and how much she loved you.

It's so hard to understand why they left us so early. Furry was only 12 and Moosie was 3 weeks from his 10th birthday. I keep asking, why did he want to leave us? I know he loved his dad so much...I guess he just had to, like Furry.

Ten years ago I lost my best friend and kitty cat Butch. One year later we moved from the house he died in. At first I liked that we were not where all the memories were. Now I'm kinda sad I can't go and put my hand on the floor in front of the fireplace where he loved to sleep. Or stand in the garden he loved and think of him.

I wanted to follow my Butch so much, I hated living in the world without him in it. I'm glad I stayed, I would have missed so much. So much love and joy. I would never have known and loved Moose, or lost him too. I know how hard it is to just make it from day to day.

Love

These Anniversaries are so sad and really take it out of us.
Hope today is a better day for you.

Cleo 1

Oh, Judith! I either hadn't realized, or forgotten, that you ALSO shared this same sad day with both me and Lori. Let one of the candles I have lit tonight be for Furry, too.

We're only one month apart in anniversary length, and I suspect I will feel the same as you do one month from now....pretty much the same as now. All I do is go through one day at a time, wondering, as you do, how to keep going on, or what for. I'm just trying to hang on to the hope that there IS some reason, even if I can't see it yet.

I know when we lost our Sabin at only 13 yrs, I questioned EVERYTHING, including that inescapable question, WHY SO YOUNG? Although I can't say for certain, I just have faith that, with the huge lessons he taught me, and with how big, fearlessly and boldly he lived his life, he'd accomplished the greatest things he'd set out to do here, and a large part of his purpose here included the lessons I had to learn from his passing (and proof of his continued existence afterwards)...in order to prepare me for even bigger lessons down the road. And now, Nissa's crossing will, I assume, teach me even more, and hopefully even brighter things. Unfortunately, since we can't see the future (well, most of us can't, anyway), if I'm to tell if I'm right, only biding my time will show me this. At present, I figure if I wait at least a few years and have learned nothing of any seeming importance, I could consider THEN going to join my gal and my guy....but maybe I should give it more of a chance to unfold yet. I know it hurts so incredibly deeply, but until I really think I'm going totally insane with the grief, I'll keep trying to hold on....just a little longer. Plus, if what I believe is true, then I'd hate to end up on a plane with less access to my beloveds, and still have to work through this pain while there. That would be worse than going through it now, I suspect. I need to do whatever I think I must, in order to be able to be, and STAY with them, for as long as I want (like forever)!

As for moving or not, for me, although I've not even liked where we've lived, overall, for the past many years, now, just as after Sabin left, I can't yet imagine leaving here, where most of their lives were spent. The other day, when I imagined, just for a split second, actually driving away from all these memories, sights and sounds, the very things that make me remember so much of their lives.....I almost had a breakdown, I was sobbing so hard! I couldn't breathe for the thought of it. So far, to me, it would seem too much like leaving them behind, something I don't ever want to do....even though I know that Spirit knows no geographical boundaries. Since we'll be going on our first-ever longer vacation this year, it'll give me a chance to see how strong that pull 'home' will be. (I hope I can still breathe while away!) I'll bet I'll be itching to get back, back to their essences that are infused right into everything around here. So I need a break from it, but not for TOO long.

I hope today found you a little bit more settled, a little less traumatized. You're in my thoughts tonight, just as you're in Furry's.

I know sometimes no matter what I feel that emptiness, I try to remind myself that even though he is physically gone his spirit comes back at times to check in with us. Sometimes when those thoughts of Furry taking in the sunshine and sniffing the air occur she might be the one causing that memory spark, reminding you of the good times.

Judith, Furry's Mom ~~

Thank you for reminding me of Rosetti's poem. As I read it, I kept hearing the words being recited by Jonathin Frid on the old Dark Shadows album. Forty or so years ago when I first heard it, it always seemed so incredibly moving, even though it would be decades before I truely understood the true depth of the words.

We also laid our Caesar to rest on our land, under the Willow tree, 15 weeks ago. I feel that our land is now hallowed by his dear body being there. Won't ever be "just the property", or "just the back yard". I can see his special place from the kitchen window. What we did was put one of those deer with white lights by his area, and the deer moves his head from left to right, ending by looking at me in the window. During the evening hours when it lights up, I see movement out there and it somehow brings a bit of comfort. It's not him, but I'd like to think he'd approve.

*hugs*