Today is five months since my Moustache kitty left this earth. How can it have been that long since I have seen that cute little face? Or found just the right thing to feed him? I still worry about how you are, where you are, who is flossing with you and rubbing your tummy. I'm just gald you don't have to be sick anymore baby.

I wish I could see you again, have you demand things from me, get a hug and a kitty kiss. I still say 'good morning Buddy' every morning, but to a box, not to a warm furry. I hate that. You were so alive, so vital, how could it change so fast? One half hour and my life changed forever.

It's a hard day, made harder because my Autumn kitty scared us to death last night. We got her two months before we got Moose, she has been our rock to cling to, our bridge between our new realities. When she goes outside we always go with her. Lately we have let her off her leash and just follow her. She is usually such a good girl. Last night she went walkabout. We got distracted for a few minutes, I had to go inside to check on dinner and my husband was watching Majik. Majik is just learning how to go outside on a leash. He was born outside, just learning to be social with people and doing well, but we worry. When I came back outside Autumn was nowhere to be found.

We checked all her usual places, and called, that usually works. Not last night. We waited a while but she is generally quick to come back. We got in the car and drove around the neighborhood. Didn't see her. We went door to door in the area we know she goes, couldn't find her. One of our neighbors was helping us look, he is a sweet man. All we could think of was that she was inside somewhere, but we couldn't find her.

I came in and got the phone number and address of the closest shelter, I was going there today, and printed a map to it. Then I designed and printed up a 'lost' poster. I wanted to get them up asap. As I was taking the poster to show my husband I walked past the front door and there she was, asking to come in. OMG I couldn't get the dang door open fast enough. In the end she was only really gone about two and a half hours but it felt like that many days!

Waiting for her and not knowing...it was so hard. It put me right back where I was five months ago. I couldn't eat dinner, wanted to vomit, didn't feel like I could breathe, felt like I was having a heart attack...even after she came home I couldn't sleep. I didn't know I was still so fragile.

Oof this is a long post, I’m sorry. I guess I just had to get that out. All is okay, Autumn is home safe and we will be more vigilant. I guess this was a lesson in getting complacent and not taking for granted what is so important in your life. I keep getting that lesson, you’d think I’d have learned it.

I will love you forever buddy

Bless you, I can imagine the panic feeling. I am so glad Autumn is safe at home now. I think maybe Moustache helped her get back home to you, as he knew you were in a panic.
My thoughts are with you today.
Ruth xx

You sure now how to make a guy cry Lori.......

I'm just glad you got your other baby back. I put myself in your shoes. If it had been me with a loss as great as you have had in the not so distant past...I probably would have gone right back to that day too...and I would have conjured up the absolute worst case scenario....

My cat Piper did that to me once. He's not allowed outside...never has been. But he got out when another cat outside made him mad and he busted through a screen in the basement. He was gone for 5 days. When he finally came home, he was injured with a monster gash on his neck...bleeding profusely. I rushed him to the vet & $1500.00 later he was repaired. He had to mope around the house though with a tube in his neck and one of those big plastic dishes on his head...you know...the ones that kind of look like satellite dishes. I got even with him for scaring me by writing in big black letters with magic marker on the plastic dish...

"BELL XPRESS VIEW"

Yea...I'll bet he really learned from that...
Glad you and your baby are OK

Ruth

OMG I never even thought to ask Moose to help, but I bet he did. Thank you for saying that. It's a great comfort.

John

Sorry, didn't mean to make you cry. Poor Piper, I'll bet he has his wet suit on again. I've been thinking that since I heard about Missy.

Missing 5 days? OMG. I'm so happy he made it back home, if not quite in one piece, poor baby. Yeah writing on his plastic head dish sure showed him! LOL (sorry). I'm not sure I could have lived through 5 days....I guess we do what we have to....but he is back, that is what matters.

Love

Lori

I love that picture of Moose. It shows what long beautiful white whiskers he had. I know how much you miss him. Five months seems like such a short time in some ways, but in other ways it seems like forever. When does the pain ever go away?

I'm so glad that Autumn came home. I would have been terrified! I hope she knows how much she scared her mommy running off like that!

I know that Majik is not Moose, just as Moose was not Butch, but I'm so glad that you have him, and Autumn there to bring a little joy into your life and to help you get through these tough days like today.

I will light a candle for Moustache tonight. Thinking of you...

Alleys Mama

Thank you so much for the candle and for thinking of us.

I love this picture of Moose. It's in the garden he loved so much. It hurts so much to see it now. We are planting special flowers in it this year. The ones he really loved. Maybe I'll get a 'Moose's garden' sign, we have one for the garden bench he sat on all the time, but it's in a different part of the yard. It never stops hurting, you do learn to live with the pain most times.

I just realized I have had a few days recently were I did not cry over Moose, or Butch or anyone. I don't know if that is a good thing or a scary thing. Life moves on but I guess I don't really want to. I did find out last night I had not used up my tears.

I am so grateful for Autumn and Majik. I know without them I wouldn't be as sane as I am, which isn't much. :-)

Love

I think a "Moose's Garden" sign or stone would be a WONDERFUL tribute to your boy! I also have a day or two here and there when I realize I haven't cried and I feel guilty for having a good day without Alley. I know that is just the opposite of how she would want it, same with Moose and Butch. They want us to be happy, I know they do. So why do we feel so guilty when we do?

Dearest Lori,

As we share this sorrowful day together, with it also being Nissa's 7th month anniversary, I will be thinking of you and Moose all day, too, along with my own pain. I still worry, just like you, even though I know it's fruitless and pointless. We just can't help being moms, and this is what moms do 'best', isn't it? I know it's not the same, kissing a box, or in my case, pictures and a stuffie, but I'm always convinced our heart-centers, where our great love for our darlings emanates from, reaches them, regardless. They must KNOW how much our love for them is always alive and burning brightly, even when we can't touch them anymore.

I'm SO glad Autumn came back, safe and well, but I know just what kind of panic and fear this strikes into one's heart when they go missing. Nissa disappeared once for about 2 hours (yes, every single minute seems like an hour!) and I was in total tears and hysterics trying to find her (she'd only hidden in an embankment across the street, as she got caught in a sudden downpour and was trying to stay dry, the poor girl). It's just so unfortunate, too, that this happened right before today...but better than today, itself, I suppose. However, I sure can see how this would fray your nerves even further and remind you of the very worst memories!

It is incredible, disheartening and frightening to realize how "fragile" we still can be...I'm finding this out daily, even now. But you're doing well in respect of still being aware of the importance of these lessons. Your perceived 'complacency' is probably just your mind's and body's need for some 'down-time' from being hyper-vigilant, because w/o that, you'd likely fall totally apart and do yourself more harm than good. So please try not to beat yourself up for taking what is probably a necessary breather from that once in awhile. In a twisted sort of way, maybe Autumn was just trying to give you something else to focus on....although not the best choice of diversions, I have to say!

I will also light an extra candle for you and Moose tonight, along with the ones for my Nissa-girl. I wish we could be in the same room together and hug the stuffin' outta each other on yet another sad marker of a day. I"m not even sure yet whether I can do my own thread for my girl or not, today. The sorrow is just so heavy.

FK's mom

I didn't know this was Nissa's day too. I know how much you are hurting. I will be thinking of you and Nissa today also. I am here for you.

Sorry about Moose's 5 month anniversary.....Doesn't it seem like forever????? IT seems like the more time passes, the more reality sets in.

I was horrified reading about Autumn! I went through that once with Misty that he was outside more than usual and I searched the entire neighborhood. Like Autumn he turned up a few hours later. I am so sorry you had to go through that! Most of the time they do turn up when they are ready........

Hugs today about Moose......Amy

Nissa's Mommy

I'm glad I checked back in quick, I can't stay long but I just wanted you to know that I did remember it was Nissa's day too. I'll light a candle for her along with Moose's. I'll be thinking of Alley too, I can't help it, every time I look at Majik.

I'll write more later.

Love

Lori, I just wanted you to know I was thinking of you tonight and sending warm hugs and well wishes your way.I was just thinking of you the other day and I knew this anniversary was coming up.I know in my heart that both of our boys are happy on the other side,playing together in their little tuxedos.....I know it's been so hard for you these past months and my heart goes out to you.I understand the pain you are feeling as I am still there myself.I think of my boy every day and I still can't believe how long he's been gone.I'm so glad you got your kitty back home safely.That can be a real nightmare not knowing where they are for a time.That happened one time when Sox was alive and it scared me to death.....and he was only missing for about an hour.Maybe Moose helped her find her way home like someone else said......My thoughts and prayers are with you tonight.Your friend, Renee (Sox's mom) P.S. What does everyone think of my new banner?? Dawn (dust to dawn) made it for me.I simply love it..........thanks again,Dawn.

AlleysMama

I know our guys would not want us to be unhappy, I guess I can't help it and neither can you. It just feels like we are forgetting them or something. It's not true and I do want to have days I don't cry, I am starting to have them. It's just scary. I'm going to work on the 'Moose's Garden" thing. I talked my husband and he loved the idea.

Nissa's Mommy

I'm so gald Nissa made it home that time, it's just so scary. Every minute DID seem like an hour! It was such a sad thing for me to see how "fragile" I still was, I've been telling myself how strong and well I've been doing this time. Maybe not. If Autumn was trying to give me something else to think about, geez. She needs to pick something that won't kill mommy dead on the spot, ya know? I wouldn't let her out last night, and today we have rain. I'm sure she will go out again, when I can handle it.

I'm so sorry we share this sorrowful day. I've been thinking a lot about Nissa.

Misty's Mama

Yes, reality sets in. Each thing you do that they would have been a part of and aren't....It does seem like forever, like maybe we really didn't have him, like he was a sweet dream....

Sorry Misty went walkabout too, that is just so scary. The not knowing is the worst. Thanks for the hugs and hugs back.

Sox's Mom (Renee)

Yep just two guys out on the town in their little tuxedos! They are gonna get all the gals. LOL Sox did it too? Gosh they just love to scare us I guess. You know this is the first time Autumn has done it. She has been gone an hour or so....but never over that and never at night. She got back just as it hit full dark.

I LOVE your new banner, Dawn does wonderful work. That banner is the best, I love how you can see Sox.

Love

Another Anniversary, so sad, but I am glad Autumn came back safe.
My Cleo was out in the garden yesterday and a storm came up suddenly and she hates storms. We rushed out to look for her and found her wet and bedraggled behind the garbage bin. She gave us a right telling off as we dried her off.

Cleo 1

Cleo's Mum

Ahhh poor Cleo. They do a great job of telling us off don't they? So cute.

Lori

"I wish I could see you again, have you demand things from me, get a hug and a kitty kiss. I still say 'good morning Buddy' every morning, but to a box, not to a warm furry."

That's what we do too. We glued a few photos on it and DH finally went and got a plaque made for the box. But talking to a box just isn't the same....so I definitely am with you there.......

Hope you are able to do something fun this weekend and glad Autumn made it home, what a relief......Amy

The idea for "Moose's Garden" is great. I have started a little 'memorial' spot in the yard on some of our warm days and it brings some comfort. On those warm days ahead even though you cannot see him he will be with you there in spirit.

Misty's Mama

Some days I hate that box, just because it's not Moose. At least he is home with us and I know where he is. The days after we left him at the vet and getting the Urn were so bad. I didn't know where he was. Now when I'm really sad and lonely for him, I can hold him close to my heart. Just the box but it's better than nothing.

We have quite an inside memorial. We bought a small curio cabinet and put his Urn on top. There are pictures and all his toys, just everything he loved. I had to stop my husband or he would have put the whole house in there.

Leo's Mommy

I think so too, he so loved that garden and it's killing us to go out in it without him. Everywhere we look outside we see him, I don't know why it seems worse outside than in.

It's great that you have a memorial spot for Leo, I remember the picture of him in the garden, so cute. You are right, they will be with us there in spirit.


Love

We did the same thing. We put all his toys on top of his box, along with his treat mat. We cut some of the Christmas tree skirt, and two pieces from his favorite blankie's in the box with him, along with Froggy, his favorite toy, and his "other favorite toy."

I have to admit it does help having the stuff there......my Dh is building a garden too. We bought a memorial stone for his favorite spot, I have the info of the company if you want it......

More later, Amy

Lori,

I just love your husband! He's SUCH a softie!

I've got a big shadow-box with some of Sabin's things in it, but have yet to even start to think about doing Nissa's. The box has been here for years, but I can't bring myself to even make decisions as to which of her many things to include, much less actually put them in there yet. But at least I know it's here and waiting.

Last night I was starting to imagine burying my girl....and totally broke up over the thought. My H kindly reminded me that we didn't have to do ANYTHING until I wanted to. Since it took me so long to finally bury Sabin, I guess that's become some kind of internal standard I've set for myself, and burying Nissa this spring, by comparison, just seems to be too soon! And since I always felt more protective of her than of even my boy, I just want to keep her inside with me for as long as possible....just can't imagine leaving her outside yet. And then someday, I'll have to go through the whole cremation thing, too....but then they'll both be inside, wherever I happen to be, so I take some comfort from that.

I've already got a small section of part of the garden for my Budnick, and even last fall planted a couple of transplants in the place where Nissa's couch was, in her memory....knowing I wouldn't be able to stand having her couch out to look at, so empty, anymore. Lots to still think about planting, but Sabin is buried right next to where we usually sit, and his sister will go right beside him, so that's more important to me than even the plantings. I usually put some kind of container with flowers on Sabin's gravestone anyway....soon there will be two containers. It makes me sick to think about it. I've always thought of them as being more with ME, no matter where I am, rather than out in some other place, but it's still really unsettling to think of giving up her body, her former 'vehicle' in life.

What a long and painful 5 months you have had without your baby. I'm glad that having him with you now, although not in the form we'd all want, gives you some peace. I'm still waiting for MoMo's ashes to be returned to me after almost 9 weeks. Everyone here has posted some nice ideas for keeping things that were important to our babies close to us. I'll be using the ideas. I am lighting a candle a little late for you and Moose, and for everyone else who has experienced a recent "anniversary". Please know that you are in my thoughts tonight.

Misty's Mommy

Your memorial sounds wonderful. They do help don't they? I found a garden stake I'm going to get for Moose. It's just going to say "Moose's Garden, Love Is Forever".

Nissa's Mom

My husband IS a big softie, I love him for it. I got him a shirt for Christmas that had Moose's photo on it, his name and his dates. It also had 'my best little buddy' which is what he always called Moose. He won't wash it, LOL.

I'm sure you will do all that you have to do for Nissa when you are ready. Sometimes it's hard to be ready, that I understand.

Mo & Maisie's Mom

9 weeks and no urn? Bugger do you know what the problem is? I didn't know it would be but it was a great relief to get the ashes back. Thanks for the candle and the thoughts, they help so much.

Love