On Monday night(26th Feb) I went to bed at the normal time and was woken up 4 times in the night from the sound of my best mate of 15 yrs Sam, whimpering to be let outside.

The last time was around 5.30am and I went back to bed as I usually get up at 6am for work. I got up for work and went to let the Sam inside as he's usually sitting on the mat waiting to come inside. He wasn't on the mat but laying in the leaves by the fence.
I didn't realise anything was wrong until he made his way inside a couple of minutes later and was panting heavily and could hardly walk.
I immediately called the after hours vet who advised me to wait till 8am and take him to my vet.
A few minutes later, Sam made his way to my bedroom where he usually sleeps, lied down and within 5 minutes Sam was dead. I was in shock!

Sam meant the world to me, I got him as a puppy and we had a special bond. He followed me everywhere in the house where I went and he never gave me any trouble whatsoever in all his 15yrs.

Im so heartbroken and don't feel like carrying on without him. This is my second day without my mate and I can't stop crying and the grief is overwhelming.
He had an amazing personality, I would lay down on the floor and it was his cue to come to me and he would lay on top of me for a cuddle.

It's so sad that he left so suddenly and I can't help feeling guilty that I didn't realise just how bad he was. I live by myself so it's really hard for me to deal with as we were so close.

I've read most posts on this forum over the last two days to try and help me get through this hard time so I know there are people who will read this and understand what I'm going through.

I miss Sam terribly

heartbroken Masterofsam.

I am so sorry that you lost your beloved Sam - it is terrible for you, but for him it was a quick end to a long & happy life. If he'd got ill it could have been months of treatments & pain. You don't need to feel guilty - he was an old boy & perhaps his heart just gave out. No way could you have known this, especially as there was no indication beforehand.
Come to this site - it is the best place to say how you feel & receive support from others who feel the same. When Furry died last July I don't think I could have survived without it.
Thinking of you, Judith

it brings tears to my eyes to read your story because it reminds me of the moment when i lost both of mine.the only consolation is that he went at home and you didn,t have to watch him suffer with ilness and make the decision for him.he had a lovely long life just as my two did.you,ll have so many things go thru your head over the next few weeks,but you mustn,t blame yourself for anything.he just reached that time in his life when he was ready to go.they say animals know when it,s time and there not frieghtened by death like we are.i would have given anything and paid any ammount of money to keep my girls with me but they just don,t have long lives,but at least he had a wonderful life,and he wouldn,t of had that without you.i know exactly what it,s like for you,having them with you for all them years and then losing them.i rush about all day trying to keep my mind off of it,so many things come into your head,and walking around searching and looking everywhere in the mad hope that you might see them.time will get a little easier,but he,ll always be with you and i do believe he,s in a happy place and running free just like he used to.
read my story,s,it might help you a little.it will take a long time to come to terms with,but your not alone.

I'm so sorry for your loss of your beloved Sam. I know how awful it is to lose someone you love, a member of your family, so suddenly. Let yourself grieve for him though. If you want to cry or scream, then do it. Don't try to hold it inside. Sam was a beautiful dog and I am positive that he knew how much he was loved.

I know there is nothing we can say to take away your pain, but please know that we are here for you, and we do understand what you are going through. It has been over two months since I lost my girl Alley, and I miss her every day and cry myself to sleep at night, wishing for just one more minute with her.

Things will never be the same without your Sam, but eventually, you will be able to think back about him, look at his pictures, and smile. Right now all you can see is the pain, but those happy memories are inside, just waiting for you to be able to appreciate them.

We are here for you whenever you would like to talk about him.

Masterofsam

Your Sam was so handsome, I'm so sorry you lost him. The agony of the first few days without them is unspeakable. There just are no words for how much it hurts. For me things got a tiny bit better after a week, the another bit better after a month. Take things day by day, or hour by hour or minute by minute. Dawn said it best when she said there should be an option to 'follow' when they leave us, but there isn't and somehow, with help, we can make it. I know the feeling the first few days that you don't even want to go on.

When we lose someone close to us, our reality changes, things never 'go back to normal' we just learn to live in the new reality, without them. Some day you will stop crying all the time, some day you will smile again, I know you will. I also know right now that doesn't seem possible.

You were good to Sam and took great care of him. I'm sure you did all you could, it was just his time. It was, in fact, a good way to go. Not scared or hurting or without you. He died where he loved to be, in his home, with you.

Thinking of you and Sam

Dear MasterofSam ~~

Your Sam is so beautiful. I'm so very sorry to read your story about you and him. I totally understand how you are feeling, the overwhemling sadness is beyond all words. I'm so glad you found this site. It has helped me so much, as well, over the past nearly-three months since our beloved Caesar went on his journey. My husband and I also had our Caesar since he was a wee pup, as you also had Sam as a pup. They are truely a part of our lives, and when they leave, they take so much of us with them. I can only imagine what it must be like to live alone, and experience a time like this. Please keep posting, tell us about Sam, and please hang in there... You are not alone in your grief.... All of us here are feeling it, either the raw grief such as yours, or like me, who have been dealing with the absence of such a beloved one for a couple of months. I also found this site so soon after saying goodbye to Caesar, and it truely helps to talk to others who understand. Sam is such a lovely dog. He still loves you, and he always will.

Thank you all for your kind words.
I know that time heals pain but I know there won't be a day that goes by without thinking of Sam. I just wish I could spend time with him again.
The house is so quiet without him and I miss doing all the little things he needed doing.
I find myself praying to God to let him know what he meant to me as his death came so quick and I didn't really have long enough to say goodbye.
I'm sure that he came back inside that last morning to say goodbye cos he could have passed away outside but made the effort to come inside and go to the bedroom where slept at the end of my bed and passed away within minutes.
I'm so upset as I type this, just thinking about it and I miss Sam so much.
I loved Sam more than I can express and I'd give up anything to spend a few more minutes with him.

Master of Sam ~~

Most everything you said, I can relate to, only too well. I know they say that time heals all pain, as you said, however, I feel as you do... A day, an hour doesn't go by that I don't think of Caesar. I even talk to him, all the time. Sometimes, the words are pertaining to his new journey and how I'm missing him now, and sometimes, I just talk to him like he's still here, and never went away, like the silly, special things we all say to our beloved pet-sons/daughters. What you said about the house being so quiet and missing the "things he need doing". The last months of Caesar's life, my husband and I hardly got any sleep, and now, I'd give anything to be with my Caesar, again. Even if just for a minute. A second. Just to pet his beautiful head once more, to lift him up when he fell every few steps, to hold him and memorize every feature on his face, once more, just to hold him once more near my heart...like you, I also pray that he knows how much he meant to me, to my family, and that he's happy romping in the Summerland. Above all, I want him to be happy. I read somewhere on this board or elsewhere, that the reason we suffer so much when they embark on their journey, is that so they don't have to suffer in any way. So they don't have to feel sad, as we do. If that's true, then it at least makes the pain a bit more bearable, if that's possible. What you said about Sam coming back inside to be with you, that last time, I'm sure he wanted to be with you, always. And I'm sure he will be... I'm sure he is.

My heart breaks for you. It is almost 5 weeks that my Nikki left us. Hers was sudden also, but from a ruptured spleen tumor (which we never knew she had). I miss her so much. The first few days were very hard. I cried all the time. Time does ease the pain a little. You will never forget your Sam, he will live on in your heart and happy memories. You were fortunate to have him for 15 years. Nikki was only 10 1/2. Keep coming back to this site. It has helped me with my guilt feelings of would have, should have, and could haves. God bless you!
Ramona

Dear Master of Sam, I feel terrible for you and I am so sorry you've had to go thur such a tragic event (especially by yourself...) but please,please, don't feel guilty about anything you did or didn't do for your boy.You loved him and if you had known he was so ill you would have taken him to the vets as soon as you noticed something was wrong.You even said yourself that you called the vets as soon as you noticed he wasn't right.It was just his time to go,I know that's so hard to hear but you had a great life with him and he knew that you loved him.The first few days you will be in shock and it does seem as though the pain will never go away but in time it will get a bit easier to manage.It will never go away completely because after we lose a loved one our lives are forever different.It sucks, but we have no choice but to go on without them.When you feel up to it please share a little bit about your boy and a few more photos if you can.We would love to hear about him.I know the pain your going thur quite well.I lost my boy Sox who was 16 yrs. old back on Oct. 13th due to kidney failure.He was really sick and we didn't know anything was wrong for along time.Our vet told us that animals seldom show their pain because when they are in the wild to show their pain means they are weak and hense vulnerable to prey.You'll be in my thoughts and prayers tonight and I hope it helps to know you are not alone in your grief and that we do care about you here.Please come back whenever you need a friend to talk to, we'll listen.Sincerely,Renee (Sox's mom)

masterofsam, i am so sorry for your loss of sam. he had 15 great years with you. that is alot of memories to cherish.
i can tell you that the first month is hard, ah heck the first weeks are awful. but you will get thru this. sam would want you to. i know he is just looking down on you and making sure you are ok. he's a beautiful dog, that is him in the avatar? beautiful, simply beautiful.

this is a wonderful site,

come here as often asyou need to. we are here for you. the people here understand what you are going thru. if it wasnt for this site and these wonderful people i dont know where i would be today.

your in my thoughts and prayers

michelle<3

Master Of Sam,

He knew he was loved, no doubt about it.. and even though it was difficult for him to move he wanted to come in to be with you. When you are ready to, share some stories and good memories about him. Take care, our thoughts are with you.

Oh, I'm so sorry about Sam. What a good boy who loved you so much. He knew it was time for him to go, and to go where he was comfortable and peaceful without tubes, needles, and everything else that a lot of them must endure - he went surrounded by so much love, and he went on his terms.

I understand the emptiness in the house. It's awful. I live alone, and when my boy left me almost 6 weeks ago, even though I have his sister, the silence was deafening. The routine was shot. I wasn't speaking out loud here anymore.

It is so devastating to lose your best friend..it's really a horrible experience. It will get better with time, but you have to grieve first. Please know that my thoughts are with you and Sam...