Although I have posted many times, I have never mentioned the thing that probably bothers me the most. For almost 12 years, Daisy was like a child to me and my husband. She was the center of everything and we believed that it was in part due to this that she was living so long. She had a congenital liver defect that usually kills dogs before they are 3 or 4 years old.

About three weeks before she died, the son whom we were trying to adopt finally was able to come home. I am afraid that Daisy felt betrayed and depressed and that this contributed to her death. We really tried to pay a lot of attention to her, like if I was holding the baby, my husband would be holding Daisy, but she had to know that someone else was there.

My sister said that perhaps she died because she finally felt that she could leave us and that we would be o.k. without her.

I feel terribly guilty and can't bear to think that at the end of her life, after so much love, she might have felt replaced, which she wasn't.

Daisy's Mommy

I'm sure your sister was right. Daisy probably didn't feel anything but love in your home, and she felt okay to leave you in that love. Dawn

Daisy's Mommy

Guilt is part of grief, I can tell this one is eating you up. If it wasn't Daisy's time, she wouldn't have gone. You got her to stay for longer than she 'should' have. She had a good long time with you and a great life. I know you didn't want her to leave and no amount of time would have been "enough".

I agree with your sister and dusktodawn, maybe Daisy was hanging on because she knew how much you needed her, and when she was sure you were okay, she left. It's a good thing.

I'm sure she knew there was someone else there. I don't think that made any difference. She knew how much she was loved and is still loved.

Congratulations on the new baby.

Love

This is a big and important step for you, to have gotten to the point where you can now speak of what "probably bothers (you) the most"....your (worst) feeling of guilt. Expressing such feelings is the first step to working them out of your mind, so good for you! That took courage and you should pat yourself on the back for deciding to be brave about it.

I agree more with your sister on this, though. Animals are, by nature, so attuned to love (a purer emotion/vibration), so they can sense it even more highly than we humans. If your love for Daisy was still there, affirmative actions notwithstanding, she could not have helped but feel that from the both of you. If in your heart you were feeling that this child was not replacing her in your heart, don't you think she would know that, too, even if no words were spoken about it? Daisy was already a part of your heart, so how could she not know the vibrations of the love for her that emanated from it?

Whether she further felt the rest of your sister's supposition is also a possibility (animals truly ARE incredibly giving!), but one which I couldn't say for sure is true or not, but the first part, I feel, is such a given that it needs no defense. Additionally, you and your husband were also, by your own words, taking actions to demonstrate to her that she remained such a central part of your lives, so do you think she was too 'dumb and blind' to see that, too? No. Give Daisy and your heart-speak more credit. What was true was as apparent to her as everything else from her life with you had been. Unless you were doing things to deliberately shut her out, there is no basis for this fear of yours.

What was true was always true and will forever more be true, and that is your huge love for your fur-girl, and hers for you both. She knew it then and she knows it still. You don't need this self-flagellation. It has no substance in reality. Your mind is just looking for something to feel guilty about, as if this might undo her passing or something. From someone else's perspective on the 'outside', I see nothing to be appropriately guilty about here. Please try and see the illogic of this for what it really is. You don't need to feel guilty. Let the light of reason and truth shine it right away.

And congratulations on your new baby!

I had the same concerns when I lost Bono. I'd gotten a new kitten, Darcey only a week before Bono passed away. I spent a lot of time during that week trying to bond with the kitten as she was feral, not to mention going to work, housework, seeing to my other cat and dog. Of course Bono got attention too; he was my favorite, as I'd had him for many years before I even considered another pet. When he died, I was so angry at myself for spending so much time with the new kitten, time I should have been spending with Bono in his last week of life. Time I'd walk through Hell for now ... I wonder if he felt betrayed and lonely ... let down by me, jealous. He was so ill. He shouldn't have had to deal with that on top of his illness ... I do understand what you're going through. I actually fell pregnant 2 months after Bono's death, and I even feel guilty about that. The first and hardest part of grief is guilt ... I'm sorry you feel the way you do.