Last night my family and I had the misfortune of having to put our poodle, Lightning, down after 15 years. He was suffering from many degenerative ailments - major hearing loss, debilitating arthritis (and ACL tear in his hind leg), and severe cataracts that left him practically blind.

I am 20 years old, and grew up with him by my side. He was there for me through my childhood and adolescence to offer his unconditional love. Hardships and heartache were no match for his company - his cold nose that would nuzzle up against me, and his kind eyes that would stare at me as if to say "everything will be alright". Through boys, my parents' divorce and about a million other everyday teen dramas, he was there. Now, the greatest heartache... no, heartBREAK... of all, and who can I turn to?

I've been fortunate enough, in my almost 21 years, to never have lost a loved one until now. This is all new for me - a pain I've never felt before. I live away from home, and now coming home won't ever be the same. I need advice - how do I cope? Getting a new dog to fill the void (but never to take his place - that'd be impossible) is not an option for me at the moment. When I graduate and start a life outside my mom's home I will definitely be getting a new pet, however my mom is totally against the idea (for herself). Lightning was her best friend, he slept beside her, and loved her more than anyone in this world - he would cry for her when she'd leave the house. As hard as this is for me, it's much harder on her.

How can I help her? How can I help myself? I appreciate you taking the time to read this, and for the opportunity to share my story and vent in such a forum. When I found this site, I truly thought that it was Lightning's way of telling me that everything will be alright, one last time. I can feel his kind eyes watching down on me now, and forever.

Lightning, Boodge (as I affectionately call you), I love you. Thank you for growing up with me. Thank you for watching over me.

Sara

This is a picture of Lightning before he declined. He had just developed cataracts, as you can see.

Sara,
I am so so sorry for your loss.
I used to have a poodle, they are such wonderful dogs, so intelligent.
My thoughts are with you at this sad time.

Cleo1

Sara,

My sincere sympathies to both you and your mother in the loss of Lightning. You've come to a great place here where you can 'vent' as much as you want. Perhaps you could also offer this as a means of healing for you mother, too, if she's got a computer herself. (many of us seem to be middle-aged moms and dads of our furbabies, so she'd have lots of company)

Generally-speaking, aside from using this board as a means of support and a learning tool, I'd also suggest you (both) read as much as you can, online &/or thru books, about grief and grieving...especially, at least for your mom, things on child loss, as I've found that this particular type of grief is the closest to how most of us think of our furkids, and so others' journeys with child loss can be invaluable to our own process through grief over our furbabies. There is a wonderful site called Grief Healing with a list of articles, online courses on grief and many other resources on learning about and dealing with grief of all types. It would give you a very good basic understanding of what to expect and how to cope. Here's a link to it:
Grief Healing

There are also some wonderful articles right here on the LS Resources forum. A couple I posted on how to help others can be found thru this link:
...Others' Insensitivities

But the single most important thing you can do for your mom is to offer to be willing to LISTEN to her when she needs a caring ear and heart, and just be present, emotionally, to her. You need not have all the right answers all the time to lend her support. You need the same thing for yourself, though not necessarily from her unless that makes the grief journey easier for both of you. Only experimentation with this will tell you what will work better.

And here on LS you can find the necessary emotional support for the loss of your very special guy, with many caring members ready to share their own experiences and feelings, and it's so beneficial to release all the feelings associated with grief in a safe place and in a safe manner. This is such a place.

The fact that this is your first major loss will have an effect on how you grieve, hence the need for some basic education in what grief entails. On the emotional front, with ANY grief, there is no way around it. Grief must be gone through, not around. The feelings must be felt and hopefully expressed. Memories of our furkids can be shared, as can pics of them (just as you've done). The more we do to help ourselves, and open up to others who understand, the more we grieve fully and healthily. And we need to give ourselves plenty of time, too and never expect too much of ourselves, especially in the early phases. Know that grief is a roller coaster, full of ups and downs, sometimes for a very long time. But gradually, we find more balance again and learn to live in our 'new normal'. This 'new normal' is perhaps the hardest part. And after 15 years of some of the most formative times in your life being shared with Lightning and his constant love and support, it won't be easy. Society at large may not offer you the same understanding as we members of LS can and will, as many of us have learned the hard way. So feel free to come here as often as you need, for as long as you need. We will be here for you.

Your dear friend will be honoured and respected here, as will your grief over him. Once again, I'm so sorry for your loss, but glad you found LS. Considering the name of the site being shared with his own, I'm sure he had a paw in your finding us. He looks like a very sweet little boy, cataracts and all.

good to see you were able to make it in, condolences for Lightning

Sara

Oh your Lighting was so handsome! What a face, so kind, so sweet. I'm so sorry you lost him.

It's so hard to lose them. When we lose someone close to us, our reality changes, things never 'go back to normal' we just learn to live in the new reality, without them. It seems so unreal, like maybe we never really had them. Like it was a beautiful dream, or that this is a nightmare we can't wake up from. Our stablity is just gone.

I would say that you and your mom have each other to talk to and to hold onto now, that is probably your biggest comfort. The thing no one ever tells you is that you will have to learn to grieve. It's a very hard lesson to learn. Both you and mom just need to take it one minute, one hour, one day at a time. You feel your way through. Take help from anyone who will give it and ingnore the ones who just don't get it.

The worst part is that Lighting could help you so much now, and he isn't here to help anymore. He is still watching over you, he helped you find this place and he will help if you ask him, whatever you need.

Thinking of you, your mom and Lighting

Thank you all for your kind replies and support. I can see this will be a very useful resource in my grieving.

A little update: After sitting in the house crying all day yesterday (my mom went to work where she was greeted with the warmness of her coworkers), my mom and I went out for a girls' day. It was a nice distraction and we talked about a lot of our good times with Lightning. I can see this is going to be a long road, but my mom and I will get through it together, and on our own.

Again, thank you all so much. I'm sure Lightning is up there making friends with all of your loves.

Sara

My oldest daughter is going through it too.. we got Leo when she was only six years old and it was hard to make that phone call and tell her he was gone. It does help to talking with your siblings, friends, parents about it and also to remember the good times with Lightning growing up. The crying will be less with the healing of time but dont be ashamed to cry if you need too.