On July 19th, I took our two dogs, Sandy and Nestle out to go to the bathroom. We live in an apartment complex and we usually take them out to a little patch of grass right in front of our building. My mother-in-law was visiting and our routine was little off. And I made a judgment call that I will regret for the rest of my life. Normally, we take the dogs one at a time so we can keep better track of them. Unless we went on an actual walk, we never put them on a leash. But on this morning, I had waited so long to take them out that I decided to take them together. Everything was fine, both girls did their business and we were on our way back in when I stopped to pick up another "pile". They started playing with each other, running back and forth past me. And then they ran, full speed, still chasing each other, into the parking lot. Within 10 seconds, they were gone. I had no idea which direction they ran in. I dropped my bag, and tried to follow, but I didn't see them. I went inside, got my keys and got in my car. We have a lake at our apartment, and I thought for sure that's where they were headed...another fateful mistake. I looked for them for almost an hour, three separate times. I called the apartment complex manager to let her know they were loose. And then I called the city animal control. Ten minutes later, an officer called me back and I'll never forget her words..."I have your dogs," "Are they ok?", "No, they're not." Somehow, they got onto the freeway and were hit. The guilt I feel is indescribable. I have so many questions...how did they get on the freeway??? Did they die instantly? Were they scared? Where were they going? Why didn't they just come back? Why weren't they ok like they always were when they got out? They were such wonderful dogs...so gentle. Nestle was just a big lap dog, part German Shorthair Pointer, part Dalmatian. All she ever wanted was to be on the bed. And Sandy was a Lab mix, with a tail that could knock over a small child. They weren't young, by any means, but they still acted like such puppies. At 7 and 8, they showed hardly any signs of aging. I read lots of messages from people who had to euthanize their pets due to sickness or old age, and I can at least say that I'm thankful I never had to see them that way. We always said the day that Sandy didn't want to play ball anymore would be a tragic day. I just keep doing the "what-ifs" and reliving the horrible scene on the freeway over and over. Sometimes I feel like I want to know more details, because maybe it wasn't as bad as my imagination is making it out to be. But then what if it is, or what if it's worse? I feel like I will never get over this...that I will always feel responsible and broken-hearted. My husband keeps telling me that regardless of what happened and how, that now they're fine. They're not in pain, they're not scared, they're not looking for us. They're fine. We're the ones suffering. I hope that's true. Thanks for listening. And best wishes to all of you who have lost your beloved pets. Every day is a new day.

Ana

Ana, I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you feel...

The only thing you can do is stop torturing yourself over HOW or WHY... It's done. They're gone. I am so sorry, but that is the painful and horrible reality - but NOW they are feeling NO pain, NO fear - that is what you should focus on.


Everyone you will ever tell this story to knows that this was an accident. I can tell you would NEVER have been careless, I can see it in your words - it was a decision that wasn't UNWISE, it just didn't turn out the way it should have.

Take some deep breaths, cry your heart out, make a photo album of them and let them stay in your heart and mind as loving, bouncy babies who will always love their Mommy.... They'll be with you until you meet again face to face...

Dear Ana finding out what happened on the freeway is not going to bring Nestle and Sandy back or ease your pain, my guess is that they were chasing something and hot on its trail and didn’t know what happened.
You know I was heading for a fox on the road in my car one day and he just stared at the lights no fear or panic, luckily I wasn’t going very fast but couldn’t believe that he just ambled off into the distance completely oblivious of the danger he had been in.
Its going to be hard but you must stop torturing yourself with thoughts of what might have happened, you’d taken them out 100 times before who was to say this time would be different. Your husband is right they are not in pain or scared, unfortunately you are and punishing yourself with unknown facts is not good, if you find yourself making up stories just say to yourself ‘no - stop’ and think of something else even if its something sad but don’t torture yourself with false thoughts.
Every day I would let my dogs out the front door to make their own way to the car knowing full well that if they saw another dog or cat across the road they would be off after it, crossing a road that all too often has one lunatic or another doing much more speed than they should be, the gate was shut but Jude was so skinny shed squeeze between the posts to be first at the car. Your tragedy could so easily have been mine.
You know I find myself these days starting to hum or sing softly to myself if I start bringing up sad thoughts it does seem to help, except anyone that hears me thinks I'm mad, well maybe I am a little.

Love Sue

Hi, Ana,

I am so sorry about Nestle and Sandy. And I am sorry for you too.

You will have to stop torturing yourself at some point, but often that is easier said than done. And I don't mean to be morbid, but if they were hit on the freeway, chances are the car(s) were going very fast. It was probably over before they even had a chance to be scared, much less hurt.

You were a good mom; and a good neighbor picking up those piles! What happened is NOT your fault. I really think that is the strongest theme on this board-- that sense of responsibility. And why not? We were responsible for feeding them, watering them, getting their shots, cuddling them, playing with them and everything else. I suppose it is natural that no matter how our furbabies died, we feel responsible for that, too.

They are in good company now, though. All of our pets are greeting them on the bridge and there are many kisses and much playing going on. They are not looking for us, but they will excitedly greet us when we join them.

Love to you,
Jennifer

Ana, I am so sorry for your loss. But you must not blame yourself. I agree with Sue and Jennifer that Sandy and Nestle probably would not have been scared. To illustrate why I recall an incident a few weeks ago. My dog Lucky was getting very old and was not able to walk very far. One day I took her into the woods and thinking she would sit in the sun while I read a book. Instead she decided to go home. I caught sight of her as she was crossing a very busy road with cars braking all around. She was completely oblivious to everything that was going on around her and if she had been hit by a car she would never have known anything about it. Meanwhile I was frantic and panicking like crazy as I ran to catch her. I am sure Sandy and Nestle did not suffer. Please do not beat yourself up thinking that they might have been in pain. You have suffered a tragic loss and you really mustn't compound your grief with worries and anxieties over incidents which have already happened.

My thoughts are with you and Sandy and Nestle

Steve

Hi, Ana,

It's been about a week. I was just thinking about you and hoping you are ok.

--Jennifer