On January 27, we had to make the awful decision to let our Nikki, a 10 1/2 year old German Shepard, go. One day she was playing with snow balls and acting normal, the next she was lethargic. We rushed her to the emergency vets and Nikki was diagnosed with a large tumor on her spleen which ruptured and she was bleeding internally to death. To avoid a painful death for her we had to make a quick choice. The vet said she would not survive surgery because of her age and condition she was in. I said good-by to my furry baby kissing her soft head and hugging her and letting her how much we loved her. I could not stay with her when she took her last breath and that is now haunting me. I hope she does not think I deserted her. i just remember looking into her beautiful, tired eyes. Now I cry everyday missing her SO MUCH. The tumor Nikki has is a common thing to happen to German Shepards and Golden Retrievers and there is usually no warning till it is to late. Thank you for letting me share my pain. It helps to talk to others who are in the same situation. God Bless you all!!

ramona i am so sorry for your loss. i lost one fo my cats in sept form a tumor on her spleen that ruptured.
i know what you are going thru. and i wish there was a way that i could take the pain away for you. i can only say that with time it does get easier . i still cry and i miss both of my girls so much(my older cat passed two months after my younger one did) and now there are times i look at the pictures and i cry and sometimes i think how lucky i was to have them in my life. our fur babies are such a blessing in our lives. take the time to grieve and take the time for yourself to heal. we are all here for you. this place is the best and the people on this board are wonderful and have helped me so much. i know we can be there for you.. come here as often as you need to, you may not feel up to posting some days, but when you feel like posting we are here for you. i know somedays i just come here and read the posts or i just pull up the screen and stare at it..not posting.. but somehow i feel the comfort..
thinking of you
michelle~ kitten and pooh-bears mom.

I just had to make a quick decision too and it just put us in a state of shock and grief. You spared her from any more suffering, I know I keep telling this to myself to deal with what happened. I try to remember how happy he was before this happened and your Nikki was happy being outside with you playing in the snow. My husband could not be in there with Leo either for his last breath. No matter what she knows that you loved her and that feeling would stay with her.

Dear Ramona,
I lost my best pal, Hrudey, 14 1/2 yrs, on Christmas morning, from a recurrance of the same kind of cancer, it does seem to come on really fast without signs or symptoms, plus it comes and goes sometimes so you don't realize....its just terrible, my heart goes out to you, I know the feeling honey, your Nikki remembers all the love you gave him until the end, likely he was so sick he didn't realize those things that we think about, he was thankful that you got him the help as soon as you did, that was a brave and kind thing you did, its always awful no matter what, but in the end you stopped his suffering. I wish I had the words to heal your pain, it takes time and this is a great place to come it has helped me so much, take care, I am thinking about you and Nikki and wishing you peace. Love, Tory

Ramona,

I'm so sorry to hear about your Nikki. There is nothing harder than making that decision to let them go. I too had no choice with my Alley and had to make the decision quickly to prevent her suffering. I was a thousand miles away at the time and unable to be with her at the end and will regret that for the rest of my life. Sometimes though, its for the best to not be there. If you are too upset then it might have upset your Nikki as well and I know you wouldn't want that. She knows you loved her and didn't desert her and she loves you just as much.

It does help to talk about them and this is the best place to do that. Everyone here understands what you're feeling because we are all dealing with the same thing, loss of our beloved animals.

Ramona, I was so sorry to read about your loss of your baby, Nikki. I understand so very well how you must feel. Nikki knows you loved her and she took that with her. After having her for so many years, I'm sure she felt you with her, even when you had to be apart for her even for a short while, thoughout your life together with her. So I know our beloved babies feel us and our love whenever they need it, even if we aren't always there. They glow with our love. Look at all the pictures of the beautiful pets that are loved, and see the glow in their eyes. That's love, and I think it's a lot more durable and flexible than we sometimes give it credit for. My husband and I lost our beloved Caesar, after 16 beautiful years with him, and I cry for him every day. Today is exactly two months since we said goodbye to him, and it was the hardest thing we ever had to do. What I've come to know in my heart is that, even though I've heard it so many times before in the past, now I know how true it really is: Love endures. Love conquers all. Absolutely all. That love will allow us to see them, again. They just walked a little bit ahead of us, that's all.

Hang in there, cry when you have to, and hold on to those precious memories, and the love you will always share... love shared, not in the past, but forever in the "now". That's your bond with Nikki. The silver cord that can never be severed. My darling Caesar and my love for him allowed me to know this. Blessings to you and yours.

Amarna

Hi Ramona....Just kinda been through pretty much the same thing myself with my big daft G.S. too. It was a shock for me too, I too couldn't stay with him at the end though my partner did, sounds like our kids kinda had the same problems, and yeh...I cry each night too. My Tan was 12. That haunting feeling is awful, I have it too. The more you understand that we gave them love for years and that they wouldnt want us to be sad and that us being upset would only upset them more..the more that haunted feeling fades and turns into something else. Grief yes, but with a feeling of acceptence too. Do you know anyone in the world who could've loved Nikki more? I bet you don't! She knew that too hun, she really did. She still does somewhere. Look for my post, you will see I am going through the same feelings. You can always share here, and the sharing helps too.

Thinkin of you hun

Ramona,I am so sorry you lost your beautiful boy.I know it's hard to make the decision to put them to sleep and I am still haunted by not staying in the room when my boy Sox was put to sleep back on Oct. 13th.I wish I could say that it gets easier but it really doesn't,you just learn to live a new reality.Try to remember that your baby had a long and happy life and that you did all that you could for him.He knew you loved him even if you weren't in the room with him at the time of his passing.It helps me to come to this site and write out my feelings so I hope you will visit here often and when your up to it please share some things about your baby.My thoughts and prayers are with you tonight and I hope it helps you to know that your not alone in your pain.Sincerely,Renee (Sox's mom)