I just couldn't write about this until after Sabin's anniversary (yesterday), but I did want to share some better news for a change.

After only a week of me being really miffed at the company who we'd ordered Nissa's casket from, only to receive it all damaged and just not well-made, I was so pleasantly surprised to hear from my H that they'd responded again to his query about replacing it....but with a new and better answer! They'd just changed their staff of woodworkers (I'm guessing the other crew maybe just sucked royally??) and were now willing to replace the first one, not at just a reduced rate as they'd originally said, but for NO CHARGE!

It came in the mail earlier this week (good thing I didn't realize what the parcel might be and had my H pick it up, instead of me)...and it's SOOO much better than the first one! No damage (they packed it MUCH better this time), much smaller and in keeping with Nissa's tiny size, the lining's done as nicely as Sabin's had been and they've even done a newer design, with rounded and bevelled edges...plus, they remembered the closing clasp this time! I'm so pleased with this one, as I needed a proper, well-made one for my girl's precious body to rest in. So here's to Woodruff For Pets (in Ontario, Canada), who came through with real customer service!! (still dreading her burial in the spring, mind you!)

I'm so glad they got their act together and decided to replace the casket, as they very well should have in the beginning. I know the burial will be difficult but I'm glad that at least you won't be worrying about the quality of the casket for your girl.

I really wish I had had Alley cremated so that she could be here with me instead of a thousand miles away in Oklahoma, but at the time I was in such shock and pain that I didn't even think of it, didn't even realize they would do that for pets really. I plan to visit in the summer though and when I do I'm going to plant some kind of flowers on her grave so that she will always have something pretty.

It has been such a rough week for us both, in so many different ways, so its nice to actually have some GOOD news for a change.

Nissa's mommy

Well good news for a change, whew. I'm happy it all worked out you, finally!

Love

Thanks, gals. Yes, it IS good to have something go right, for a change! And yes, at least I won't have to worry about having a sub-standard one to use now...my girl deserved much better than that, and now she has it.

Paula, you could always consider having Alley 'taken up' and still cremated, if that doesn't bother you too much. That's what I'll be doing eventually for both Nissa and Sabin, as it just wouldn't do (for me) to leave their bodies behind here whenever we should move in future. It seems all the crematoriums here will gladly do that. I don't know if your family used a casket or not, but if they did, that makes this a much easier process. Or, you could possibly take some of the dirt where she's buried back with you, or plant those flowers and then later take a cutting of the same plant, to grow wherever you are. Just a few options and ideas for you to consider.

I wish I was having better luck with the 2 stuffed collector cats I'd ordered way back in early Dec.! I JUST found out about this and I'm so mad at the woman who's a retail distributor for these, I could SPIT!! Supposedly, they'd been shipped quite awhile ago, but the courier company sent them to the wrong address...a residential house in town here...and the owners simply took possession of mine and another woman's, different order, w/o having to pay a red cent! Then, supposedly, they were REshipped out again and were supposed to arrive over a week ago. NOW, this woman won't answer my messages, is never picking up her business line, AND when I phoned the main distributor to find out if they could tell me when this second order went out (they couldn't), I was horrified to find out 2 more things: One, this woman is no longer listed on their website as a dealer! And two, the GREY kitten I'd ordered is no longer in production, which she'd assured me at the time of the original order that it still was!! This was the one I REALLY wanted, as it looks much more like Nissa, while the other one, while a Tuxedo cat, has more black, like Sabin. These are both the types that 'breathe', with batteries installed. I'm now SOOOO upset and can only find the grey kitten one MAYBE in 2 places.....but they're in the U.K. and I don't even know if they'll ship them to Canada, OR if this one is actually in stock or not. I've been waiting for over 2 months to get these, to help me get to sleep easier and to hold on my lap in the evenings. But it's looking like, for some ungodly reason, this woman has lied to me and there's NOTHING coming through her. The blacker one I can reorder through another dealer, though that will mean another wait of up to at least a couple of months, but not the grey one...and to think, some local thief might HAVE my kitten, and maybe the very last one that was still in stock!, mere blocks from me and there's nothing I can do about it! I can't believe someone would do such a mean thing....meaning both the thief and the dealer, who I TOLD why I wanted these cats! I thought I'd have them LONG ago, and now may have to wait that much longer to get possibly only ONE. So, for every one GOOD thing, there always seems to be something else that ISN'T. Gad, I'm so tired of all this, having to fight for every little means of self-care, with energy I don't have enough of anymore.

FK's mom

I had considered the possibility of having Alley cremated still, but I think I would rather not disturb her. SHe was buried only in cardboard and plastic. The spot she is buried is under a bush that was one of her favorite spots to lay in the summer time, with the flowering branches drooping down and shading her from the sun. I have the lock of her fur now, so I feel like I have a part of her with me. I'm just having trouble finding a locket made to contain it rather than just a picture. So if you run across one, let me know.

I've never seen the stuffed collector's cats, the one I got is just a stuffed black long haired toy cat and he's not nearly as big as Alley. Its so frustrating when things like that don't work out. I mean, haven't we gone through enough, losing our precious babies??

Paula,

It sounds like Alley's already in a really good spot for her, so I can also see why you wouldn't want to disturb her. Cats and bushes are a good mix.

The locket I finally found, firstly for Sabin's fur and now the other side for Nissa's, is a sterling silver one about 1 inch high, in a teardrop shape (tjat suits all those tears!), and I got it at Birks Jewellers...don't know if they're in the States or not. It was quite hard finding one big enough to get enough fur in to see clearly what it is. This one's deep, too, at about 1/2 inch. But only one of about 3 of their stores even had one like this. You might try looking online under 'pet memorial products/jewellery' or something like that if you can't find anything in stores.

The collectors cats I found through the Bradford Exchange website, though they're made by Ashton-Drake and just distributed thru B.E. They're not cheap, but at least the black/white one is supposed to be about 14 inches in a curled position, which is just about Nissa's real length. The one I've been using so far is barely 10", so I know what you mean about not being nearly as big...it doesn't FEEL right....and the fur's not very soft compared to her. And yes, we HAVE gone thru enough already!

And hey....thanks for always being here to listen!

I have never heard of that jeweler, so maybe they aren't in my area, but I will take a look online. The teardrop shape sounds perfect so I would love to find one like that.

As for the stuffed cats, I will keep looking for one of those also. Alley was a very large cat, length and width so it would be tough to find one big enough and like you said, the fur isn't nearly as soft.

I think its best to let Alley rest where she is, like you said. I have her fur so I will always have a part of her with me.

And being her for eachother, is mutual. I don't know what I would do without this place and all of you.

AlleysMama

Try this site for some wonderful lockets. The are made for ashes so I know they would fit some fur. They have several different shapes. They seem to be about $80.00 to $150.00, not cheap but not too bad. I used them for a personalized photo frame and they were so good, very fast. It's called '4ever in my heart.

http://www.specialtypetproducts.com/Mercha...&Store_Code=MDT


Lori

Thank you, I will take a look!

Well, I finally heard from that retail dealer's husband, who claims his wife checked with Bradford Exchange, who further claim they sent my shipment 2 wks. ago, through the mail. None of this is making any sense, as a courier was used the first time, and it still shouldn't take THAT long for a parcel to arrive from only 3 Provinces away, even by parcel post. So I still don't know who or what to believe. The husband said to not give up on them yet (gad, buddy, it's BEEN over 2 months already!) and to check back with them by the end of this week to see if it's come in.

But I don't know...what kind of customer service is this, that I'm the one having to keep calling them back, instead of the other way around? Anyway, I'm still waiting for replies from the other retailers in the UK, so maybe I just need to pray that BOTH of my cats arrive in the mail this week, so I can finally cuddle something more life-like, and don't have to search the globe for that grey one I really wanted. This ridiculousness is only adding to my already-depressed state. Here's some of that 'passion' of mine -> Stupid world!

FK's mom

It seems like you are having the same "waiting" problem with your stuffed cats that I had with my pictures! It is SO frustrating. Don't these people understand that we need these things NOW not later?? Grief cannot wait. If you need something to help you with it, you need it right then and having to wait on something only makes things worse. Sometimes you just want to start slapping people, hard!

Guess I am in one of those moods today

I really hope they show up soon for you, but like you, I think 2 weeks in the mail is ridiculous. I've sent things to England that didn't take that long. I think they are lying or have lost your order or something.

Well, your mood lightened my mood! I like your idea of "slapping people" 'round about now! I highly suspect you're right, even though I don't want to have to think it's lost, or that I've been lied to. What I can't figure though, is WHY someone would lie about not having something available. But then, this guy told me that Bradford Exchange won't tell individuals calling that they have a few items still in stock, because they reserve those few left for the dealers....so, from one lie to another, down the pike. But I also had TOLD Bradford that this was an order through a dealer. But I'll tell ya...I sure don't appreciate someone playing with my emotions like this! Yup, a slap or two might be good!

I sure hope I'm all wrong and will soon have some happier news to report on this front.....gotta think about how your pics finally arrived.....

Well! Guess what I finally got just last night?.....BOTH of my "So Truly Real" cats! Hand-delivered to my door. Long story short, they'd been shipped parcel post to this dealer's home address, but she was away and not one person in her family was even checking their mail, so the parcel notice for pick-up wasn't even discovered until she thought to check her mail yesterday! They'd been sitting there for over 2 wks. and were just about to be returned to sender! A couple more days and they would have been gone again. Anyway, she gave me a discount and drove them over last night. FINALLY!

The sad part is....they're not what I'd expected! The fur's pretty soft, but the bodies are actually hard and not malleable as I'd expected. One had stated that it was 10" "in curled position", leading me to believe they could be UNcurled....but not so! You can't even move them, so they're like ornaments! And the black one is barely bigger than the grey one, at only 11" (not 14"). The 'breathing' apparatus works okay, but on the black one, when running, it sounds like a constant mechanical gear grinding away, and it's pretty LOUD. The grey one breathes even more naturally than the black (looks VERY real!), but the "patented breathing sound", which I take it is supposed to sound like purring, while somewhat close to (constant) purring (which isn't natural!, from farther away, is quite UNnatural when close up....and it doesn't work independantly from the breathing (up and down movement on the side, just like a cat), so I won't be able to go to sleep with it on, as the sound would drive me nuts!! The black one also has 3 babies attached to it, and I'm not sure if I carefully rip them off, if that might also rip its fur off, too....but they're in the way of my hand! The only thing I get, then, is to hold the one paw that sticks out, just like Nissa always made me do when we went to sleep at night...and it's tiny like hers, so it feels about right, though too hard.

So....after waiting ALL this time....I'm rather disappointed, to say the least! (strangely, they actually shed a bit, just like the real thing!) They are as nice-looking as the pics, but just not cuddly, which was my main point for wanting them! UUUUUGGGGHHHH!!! For my purposes then, they weren't worth either the money or the wait and all that fretting! ****sigh**** Oh well, at least when I wake up in the morning, there's a little GREY head in front of my face, just like it used to be.....And last night I plunked them both on my lap in front of the TV, so it was nice to have TWO cats on my lap, like I always did 7 yrs. ago. Here's 2 links to show you what they look like, though:
grey kitten
mother cat with kittens

I'm glad they finally arrived, but so sorry they are not what you were hoping for. The ARE pretty and have very real looking fur in the pictures, but you're right, they don't look very cuddly.

This is the one I got http://www.kazootoys.com/anblanstcat1.html and he looks nothing like Alley but he is nice and cuddly although way too small to cuddle like I did with her. His fur is soft but a bit scratchy synthetic stuff.

FK's mom

I think you're going to have to just give in and get a REAL cat Then you could have all the soft snuggly purrs you wanted!

The one you got is much like the first one I bought, with the same kind of synthetic, soft but somewhat "scratchy" fur, and also too small, even compared to Nissa's dainty size! It's virually impossible to find ones that are the size of adult cats. What bugs me the most though, is the way they always make their legs so 'weird' and unnaturally attached (and able to pose) to their bodies, and with feet so inappropriatedly proportioned, ie., LARGER than normal for most cats.

I managed to remove 2 of the 3 kittens (then do some remedial repair work) on the black and white one, so at least I can reach that back foot now, and cup my hand on its belly, and the fur actually is quite nice to touch, but the lack of malleable bodies is still very unsatisfying....except where the 'breathing' sac is, where it feels very normal, with some 'give'. They also did a pretty poor job in that there are hard bits of glue, and bumps under the fur, in many spots on each. NOT worth the $$$ for the quality.

The saddest part IS that you're right...nothing artificial is going to come close enough to satisfy me, and so the only 'fix' is going to come from a real, live cat-person. *sigh*

I know that FK's mom would NEVER buy anything that would harm animals in the process, but these remind me of those 'furry animals' that were made of dog and cat fur from China...ya know those horrible stories of dogs and cats being kept in horid and abusive conditions and then skinned alive for their fur! I unknowingly clicked on a video clip at the PETA website and actually saw an undercover video of them doing that...to a German Shepherd of all animals...and the image still haunts me today...it is forever burned into my mind and I don't think I'll ever escape it. They use that fur (because it is so cheap) under other names so people won't know the difference. Anyways, some of the things they used that fur for was to make little animals that look very similiar to these. I couldn't find what they used in the making of these critters, but I assume FK's mom checked it out....what is it...it looks so real!?

Yah, good point to raise here, Kim. Of course these ones ARE synthetic.....and not AS soft as real fur from any animal....just better than the cheaper stuffies usually are. They actually look softer than they feel...dang.

There were a number I came across in my searches that were bluntly advertised as being made from rabbit fur (((((shudder))))) as a desirable feature, so naturally I elimated those right away! It's horrid....what they do to animals just for our selfish desires.

What REALLY bugs me are all the CAT toys that are made from other poor creatures, when there's no need for this at all! It just strikes me as too ironic, if you're the kind of person who is trying to look out for your babies and all others....and too many people don't give it a second thought and just buy the toys. Not to mention the fact that most commercial cat toys are incredibly UNSAFE to being with (parts that can come off and choke them or get in their intestines, glues, dyes that are usually carcinogenic, etc., etc.). That's why most of Sabin's and Nissa's toys were home-made by me, and the potentially-dangerous ones were stashed safely away for strictly supervised use.

Looks like we just started another good topic!

And Nissa's casket (my original topic that I strayed far afield from!) material is fur-free, too.

FK's mom

I hadn't even thought of the prospect of real fur being used!!! I'm so glad this subject was brought up so that I can be careful of it in the future if I decide to find a more "realistic" one.

Must run, but will talk more tomorrow about your almost admission that a new cat might be just the thing someday Do you ever search petfinder.com for your area? I'm addicted to that site! So many gorgeous kitties on there. I know I can't have one yet, but I can't help looking!

Paula,

Okay, you can have your little chuckle... ...but no, I never check. I know I'm still nowhere near ready, really. I haven't even done all my memorial stuff for Nissa that's been on the back-burner all these months (will be 6, on the 23rd). I can't even bring myself to do them yet, and there are so many, so I'm certainly not ready to bring another soul into my life yet, when I haven't even 'finished' with my girl's stuff. Besides, I still have to 'dream up' how I'd like both of my kidlets to look (and focus on them being super-strong and healthy) when they return to me in this lifetime! I still want no one but them....unless I end up with them PLUS someone new. And there's much work to be done before I'd want even them coming back, so this is going to be a really long-term project. The only thing that would change my mind would be if they showed up 'on my doorstep' ahead of time and I knew it was them.

If they happen to turn up with Alley, please send her my way! I truly hope they can find their way back to you in this life. I believe they can, unless they really have nothing more to do here on earth and may be content to wait across the bridge for you. In which case, I'm sure they would send another little soul to you in the meantime, because they wouldn't want you to be lonely until it is their turn again.

I know what you mean about having so much left to do for Nissa. I know you still have the burial in the spring, which is going to be a major step for you. I too have some things I want to do for Alley. I did get most of her pictures put into three multi-picture frames to hang up through the house. I still want to make a webpage for her too, but just haven't had the heart to try and get one going yet. I want to send some nice flowers for her grave as well, but haven't found any yet that I thought suited her. I may be visiting home for a few days in May which is going to be hard, but I will also be glad that I can visit her in person and do some things to make her grave look nice for her. I just need to be able to be that close to her. I also think, when I am there, in the space I shared with her, the bed we slept in together, the windowsill she liked to catch the sun in.. then maybe it will be easier for her to visit me. She's never been where I am now, so maybe she has a hard time finding me here. I just know I'm going to break down though when I walk into that room and not see her laying on the bed, looking up at me.

Well, I DO trust that if there's a reason for them not coming back to me at some future point, that they'll have some paws in the choosing of whomever else might be sent instead. And I do believe there'd be a very good reason, even if I couldn't see it.

I wish I could just get going on Nissa's stuff, though. I'm avoiding it like the plague, and that's not like me at ALL, so I'm tortured and puzzled by this procrastination/avoidance. I just feel overwhelmed by everything I yet have to do and am not accepting this lack of action in myself. Each day is like the last....I still barely get ANYTHING done, no matter what it's about. I just want to run away from it all, and run away from all the pain, too.

Yes, it most likely will be very hard for you to return home, but I also truly believe there will be some beneficial nuggets for you in that visit, even if you might not know what they'll be as yet....some more healing in the tears that are sure to fall....just like mine will be when it's time for Nissa's body to be laid to rest. Just typing that sentence makes me feel sick to my stomach and starts up the waterworks, so I know how much more pain still resides inside....pain that still needs to be released, released again, released some more, until it's worn smoother and smoother and becomes another part of me that I can live with more 'comfortably'.

I DO need to do this work, these projects, or at least start them, to get closer to that pain in order to work through it. I'm shutting too much of it down, in fear of it...even knowing that that's not wise. The only good part is that I'm aware of what I'm consciously doing, at least in part.