I don't know whyI even try after almost two months anymore....

Tonight I heard from a friend from work who works a different shift. We had no spoken since Thanksgiving.

The friend basicall asked a ton of questions of what I was up to. Very meekly later in the conversation I mentioned something of Misty's passing. She completely ignored it.

Everyone knew how into Misty I was. I revolved my work schedule around him and called every break to see how he was doing......I think a I'm sorr would not have been unreasonable to expect.

Why do people do this??? I've gotten to the point now that I would just rather not mention it to anyone. They make me feel like he was nothing, when they know he was everything to me....

Mist's Mama

Dear Misty's Mom,

I'm sorry that this girl at work made you feel this way. Many people do not share deep bonds with their pets, or don't have pets at all; both are sad scenarios.
It's awful to be grieving over a lost pet and have others react in such a callous, indifferent manner. It's ignorant. Sadly, too many in society can't or won't acknowledge death and grief, be it for the passing of people, but especially for the passing of animals. That's why groups like this are here.

I am sorry about your Misty; your dedication to your little furbaby is very apparent in your post and shows how much you loved Misty (and Misty knows this). No matter what anyone else says (or in some cases, don't say), don't let them make you feel badly; they are the ones who need to learn to empathize. If only these types of people would realize that a few kind, sincere words such as 'I'm sorry; I know how much you loved him' would mean to a grieving person, they'd try harder...but too many people don't.

I hope that you can feel better by knowing that people here do understand, for we've gone, or are going through the same kind of grief ourselves.

I lost a little girl rattie whom I'd loved and shared with for almost 3 years, just two weeks ago, and I miss her (and all of my other babies) terribly. Most people don't understand, and much like yourself, I don't tend to talk to many about it because, outside of groups like this one, it has been my experience that some people could care less.

Don't let that kind of person make you feel badly, okay? When they act like that, just tune them out. Be glad that your Misty was with someone like you instead of someone like them.

Take care of yourself.

You can't let people like that bother you. It would be nice if we could round them all up and just smack them around but you have to remember, what goes around comes around and someday they will need comforting and it will be your choice to ignore them or not.

I pity someone like that because they will obviously never know the love of a furbaby like we do.

radgirl,

I hear and know your pain, caused by these insensitive types, who sometimes abound when we're hurting so badly! I went through much the same thing, over my loss of Nissa, AND all my other losses in life, too. I'd like to refer you to a thread I'd started earlier, So Sick Of Grief Being Minimized! which is on the 2nd page (see the bottom of the page for the link) of this Death and Dying Forum; sorry, I don't know how to set up a direct link to it on this site. I've had many really good discussions here with the other wonderful members about just this kind of thing, with some really fine advise and empathy given to me. So you might want to read through it.

I know what you're saying, though. We want and need our babies' lives to be acknowledged and respected, at the very least, just as we need the same for our grief after their transition. At best, we'd like their lives to be heralded, not minimized! When we don't get that, our pain gets intensified. It isn't limited to the loss of an animal companion, either, sad to say...but it's more prevalent for that kind of loss. Although WE know differently, unfortunately animals just don't yet have the same kind of status as society gives humans in this world...and so we suffer for that when we've lost them. AND, people generally avoid pain and painful subjects as much as they can, even IF it's not a wise thing to do. Society is stuck on feeling good all the time, if they can help it, so avoidance of grief (and the grief-stricken) is seen as tantamount to mental health. They have it all as*-backwards, mind you, but they don't know that.

I won't advise you to be understanding of their ignorance, because that just puts the onus on you to caretake them, when you're the one needing somewhere soft to fall. But if you simply realize where some of it is coming from, it can take a little bit of the edge off. It doesn't solve the basic problem, however, and we can't MAKE these types of people be nicer to us, more's the pity. It's been my experience that often the most we can do is avoid contact with them. And yes, I know, we don't KNOW who to trust with our feelings until we've already stuck our necks out there and the damage is already done. It IS quite a quandry, with no easy answers, or none that we really like!

I tried all sorts of ways and means to get what I needed from some 'friends' during the first few months. I even sent some of them articles on how to help a grieving friend, some on animal loss and related matter, in hopes that they might learn what my feelings were all about, and how to, essentially,not make it worse for me, even if they wouldn't try to help! But it was all to no avail, and in fact, some interactions got even worse ....so I was never even sure if they'd read what I'd sent. In the end, I took the advise of others here and gave up with these 'losers', coming here instead. It's a hard lesson to learn, to be certain, and one that I've had stuck right in my face every single time I've had a major loss. But in the end, only those who WANT to step forward and help us carry the burden will do so, and of their own accord, w/o us having to beg for crumbs.

So I'll repeat what others here offered: let US be the ones you come to, at least for the most part. You know WE'LL understand. And vent here at will about such atrocities if it helps you to get it all out. I know I did!

Holding you gently in thought,
F.'s Mom

I read Nissa's Mom's post about grief being minimized over the holidays. Well, it seems to be all the time, but the holidays even worse.....I sure wish I had found this site over Christmas........

My H and I spent Chrismas EVe bawling our eyes out driving around our old apartment complex, as it had been two weeks at that point.

We didn't go to any parties, aand from Nissa's Mom experience, I am glad we didn't! But there sure was pain from phone calls that never came, cards never received, sympathy never offered.

But the bottom line is that society doesn't consider their pets important--they are just a status symbol for most. We've seen people give their pets away at the slightest "problem."

I miss Misty, and I am still look for him around the house......I don't need to explain myself or apologize to anyone.

thanks again for listening.......Misty's mama

I have learned that some people cannot understand the love that exists between people and their furbabies. I don't know why this is, but I feel sorry for them because they are missing so much.

But, their lack of understanding does not excuse their insensitivity to another's feelings. If they have ever loved anything or anybody, if they have ever suffered a loss, they should be able to understand the pain of losing a furbaby and act accordingly.

Of course there are those people who just don't know what to say, who have trouble dealing with emotion, so they say nothing or something off the point. Those people might have sympathy, but no way to express it.

So, I am grateful that there is a site like this where so many people do understand.

Daisy's Mommy

I am so sorry Misty's mom to have your loss ignored by your coworker. As others have responded people are often not sympathetic for a number of reasons, but her actions don't change how much you loved Misty and what a mark has been left in your life by this precious animal.

I hope you know that all of us here are not just sympathetic, but we are empathetic as well because we all share in the loss of our beloved pet. Take comfort from us and don't allow your coworkers lack of good manners to bother you so much.

Hang in there...treasure the memories and your Misty!

Sherli, Sable's mom

I have the same problems I think it makes others uncomfortable to hear how I still miss Serson. I start to feel like I just can't talk to them about how my heart still and will always miss him. He, like everyone elses pet, or child, was such an important part of my life, my heart, it may sound silly but he was my best friend. I am glad to read, even though it is hard, that I am not alone, I thought I was maybe lacking in some sort of ability to let go of Serson. I attached a memory of a happier time for my buddy. I don't know if it worked http://www.in-memory-of-pets.com/personalc...es.php?ID=64078

I hope it helps to know you are not alone.