It's been one month since my kitty Murphy passed away and I still miss him so much. The pain of loseing him has gotten a little better, but I still have the days where I just want him to be here with me at home. I just want to hold him one more time and tell him how much I love him. Him purring in my ear seeming to say I love you just as much. It was my birthday last weekend and my heart just seemed so empty. I know he is in a better place now. But I don't think my missing him so much will ever go away. I just hope with time it won't hurt as much to think about it. I have been afraid to go see him at my moms house, he is burried there. I dont know why. I think maybe it is time to go there and say goodbye. I didn't get to before when he passed away, I was out of town and my dad had burried him before I got home. I think maybe that will help. I just miss him so much. . . .

Teaghan

While I was sitting here I was thinking about how I have wanted to get another new fur baby. I'm not sure how long I should wait. I know a new kitten would not ever come close to replaceing my Murphy, but I know there are many kittens out there who need good homes and it can help me heal from the loss of Murph, what do you guys think?
Teaghan

Such a sad anniversary, my heart goes out to you. It does get "better" in the fact that you don't spend every day crying all day long, but the empty feeling is still there. I know just that feeling. My Alley is buried at my mom's 1100 miles away and I truly wish I could visit her grave. All I can do from here, is send flowers for them to place on it for me. I think it would be good for you to visit Murphy's grave, but not until YOU are ready. You can't force yourself into things that you aren't ready for yet. Everyone grieves differently, at their own pace, in their own way.

As for getting a new kitten.. only you can know when it is time. I am not allowed pets in my apartment or I would have gotten one already. Nobody can ever take the place of my Alley, no kitty could ever be as sweet and perfect as she was to me, but each animal deserves a loving home and each one is special in their own way. Will a new kitten be Murphy? no, but he or she will be themselves and just as deserving of your love and attention. You might consider just visiting the shelter first, to see how it affects you to be around them before you decide. Be prepared though, for all those adoring little faces staring at you through the cages. You never know, one of them might just convice you to take it home!

Hi Murphy's Mom,

These anniversary's...the first day, the first week, the first month, etc. are always hard. Give yourself some time; it's only been a month, and it is normal to still feel sad. Yes, it does get better as time passes. You'll never stop missing your Murphy, but eventually you will be able to think about him without that terrible, gnawing ache; it'll become fond memories instead, even if you always long to hold him and be with him.

Go to his gravesite when you feel ready to take that step toward closure; you will naturally feel sad, but perhaps bring something for him; a little gift or flowers or a token of some kind - after that, when you visit again, you'll have 'broken the ice' of the first visit, and then being able to go there may provide you with a sense of peace; a sense of connecting with his memory in a special place dedicated to him.

Only get another cat when you are ready; remember: none of them will ever be able to be 'like' Murphy, even if its a cat that looks the same; but, if you feel that you are ready to open your heart again to another wee one who needs a home, then do what you feel is best.

I'm so sorry for your grief; I know how much this hurts. I hope that you can find peace by being with others here who understand. Take care.

Teaghan

Oh the anniversary's, they are so hard. It just seems to make us miss them more than at other times. I think it's a good idea to go to his grave and say goodbye, it's hard I know.

I've gotten new kittens as soon as 4 days after a fur kid passed. That was kind of soon but it's all in how YOU feel about it. As long as you understand it's NOT a replacement I think it's okay. Nothing and no one can replace Murphy, but you can honor the love he gave you by giving it again. I think YOU will know when you are ready, and often if you are asking the question, you are. I'd go and look at the babies in a shelter, (no not just the kittens, a grown cat can make a wonderful new kid) and see. For me if it hurts to much to look, then I wait a while, on the other hand, if I just have to hold one, and then want to take him home, well that's a great answer.

If it helps at all, we got Majik about a month after Moose passed. A kitten is a wonderful thing. If you'd like to see photos of our new baby, he has a post under 'new beginnings'.

Love