I'm so tired, but everytime I lie down to sleep I get overcome by emotion. All I see is my sweet little Luba's lifeless body lying at the vets. I didn't even get to say goodbye to her. She died with anonymous strangers. They were very kind and loving towards her, they were very compassionate towards me, but I wanted to be there with her when she passed.

I wish I could have just cuddled her during her last day, but the vet was optimistic that she would recover, and told me that a visit from me would exite her too much, and that they were trying to keep her stable. She had, in fact, recovered a bit and was eating a little.

Half an hour later she was gone.

Will the pain ever end?

I slept three hours last night. I tried to go without sleeping pills because I don't have much to do today.

I am sorry to hear about your precious Luba. Although the vet wanted to keep my Indy . . . I thought to myself I am here and I can take care of him as I did all his life. Sometimes, I think should I have left that to the vet? But I wanted him home not with strangers (even if they were the nicest people in the world). He was my family. I know that grief stricks differently in everyone but I am dealing with it in a different way. I sobbed all day right after he was gone and realized he was never coming back home with me. I cried at night and for the last two weeks I haven't been sleeping too well. He would always wake me up barking at something, he always thought he saw someone or something and had to protect. He left me quickly I thought we had more time. In time you will be able to sleep. You know that your Luba is with you always. She is a part of you like Indy is a part of me. I don't know if this will help but it helped me. I found some great pictures of my baby and put them on my dresser. Every day and night I tell him how much I love him and miss him. I talk to him a lot hoping that he is listening. My kids also help. This one sounds even stranger but I got my children a plant and it represents Indy. Hopefully one of my crazy ideas might help. You know it sounds as if you gave Luba all your love and she gave hers in return and you know what that love will get you through this. Soon you and Luba will be united and be whole again. Again I am sorry for your loss. Time heals everything and your love will be united.
Take care and Luba is watching over you!!!!
ChrissyW

Hi Crissy. I'm very sorry about your Indy.

It's driving me nuts: Had I known how sick Luba was I would have just let her die peacefully at home. However, everyone was expecting a full recovery. It wasn't until the tests came back that I realised how serious the situation was. Even then there was hope, but her heart just failed.

She was too young to die (9).

Neat idea about the plant! I have a cute Luba photo hanging over the computer.

On my way home I saw two border collies and their owner playing ball in the park. Just ten days ago that would have been me and my girl. It's so devastating.

I am sorry about your beloved little Luba.....

Please remember how much you loved Luba and how much she loved you!

It is a bond.....and I believe, a BOND SOOOOOO STRONG, THAT EVEN DEATH CANNOT "UN-DO THE BOND THAT YOU & YOUR SWEET LUBA SHARED".....

When I first came "on board" on LS, that was in the very early morning of 2/8/2004....
My Ernestine was put to sleep on 2/7/2004, at noon-time.

So many people (all of these people here are JUST SOOOOO WONDERFUL!!!), answered my posts,
and told me that I would go through all of the: "what if I", "why didn't I", "well, I should have", etc....

And, go through all those feelings, I certainly did!

I agree with you---nine years is not long-----It isn't long enough at all...

I remember hearing a story, (and, it was probably on LS), that when a human child dies, and they
are in Heaven, they need a "friend", to watch over & to love.

God chooses our special furbabies to be a very special friend to these children
and entrusts our babies in their little hands to take care of,
until such time that we cross over Rainbow's
Bridge, and that child will then give us our furbabies, that they have loved & watched over.

Then, we will be reunited with our "family" --- our lil' furkids.....

I truly know of that "last vision" at the vets...
I will be honest and tell you that, after awhile, and for some of us it's longer, some of us
it's shorter........
But, that "vision" will be replaced with all of your beautiful memories that you and your
beautiful Luba shared together for 9 years....

Dear Steph, the pain "does lessen", "it does fade with time"...... Really....

If there was ever anyone who thought that they wouldn't ever be happy again -- IT'S ME!!!!

A month after our Ernie was put to sleep, Ben & I went to a shelter and adopted two new
kitties.... (well, older kitties.....)
Lucy is 5ish and Yo-Yo is 6ish.....

(that's another thing---I NEVER EVER WANTED ANOTHER KITTY----)
Not to love, and then to lose.... I couldn't bear the pain...

My little girl Ernie was suffering so much in the end.....and it always made me
terribly sad when she would violently vomit -- She had lost soooooo much weight.
She had hyperthyroidism (which was pretty well controlled with Tapazole), but she developed
kidney disease.....
And, that was the worst, because it affects a lot of systems in their bodies...

At the very end, she stopped eating.... and the vet said, at this point, she was starving herself,
and it was a very painful way for a furbaby to go.... (any of God's creatures, for that matter)..

Though I remember her last days very vividly, I remember all the happy times that we shared.
She was, really, my best girlfriend....

She knew when ever 1/2 tear was about to fall from my eye -- if I was sad.... she was right there,
to comfort me.........not wanting anything for herself.....Just to comfort me....

And, right now, as I type this, my girl Lucy is sitting to my right, purring like crazy.... Just loves a little
pat on the head, for me to talk to her.....anything..... they never want much of anything....

My Lucy is ill with "Mega Colon", and she also has asthma... The asthma is being controlled with Prednisone,
but she is eating SO MUCH MORE WITH THE PREDNISONE (JUST LIKE HUMANS), but her "extra" over-eating isn't
good, because her colon is sooooo huge, and she only goes poop once a day.
I've got to get some Metamucil for her tonight, as per instructions of her vet.

I remember after Ernestine was gone......I kept saying, "I wish I was a better mom to her.............."
And, again (someone on this site ), said that "you two were family.... I treated her the best
I could....the best I knew how.. And, Ernestine knew that....

There's no question, Ernie knew that I loved her with all of my heart & soul... (where she now lives....) She is definitely with me, in my heart!!!! She was my daughter; she'll always be my daughter!!

Please believe me, that your Luba is right with you.... Though her physical body isn't visible, she is here... She
is with you, and she is trying to help you... She is perfect, she is whole, she is not suffering at all!!!!!

And, your Luba loves you for loving her sooooooooo much for all of the 9 years that you had her "in this life"...

You two, you will be reunited............. I believe that all of us will be reunited with our "kids"... For sure!!!!

I have to believe that!! I have to believe something...and I choose to believe that!!!

So, when I look at our new furbabies now, that we have had for 3 months.....I make sure I just do "whatever extra
they seem to need"......
Here we are with two beautiful new furkids, and I look at them, I love them, and one day - they won't be here (or, I won't), whichever comes first.... But, in the "very end", we will ALL BE TOGETHER FOR ETERNITY.....

I feel bad for our lil' Yo-Yo (Mr. Yoster).... Lucy tends to pick on him......she eats his food.... But, I make sure that
he's okay.... sometimes she'll swat at him... (And, if I'm with Yo, (he has a little more confidence), he'll take a swat at her... )

Sometimes I find them laying together, sleeping, and Lucy has her paw over his back....
Lucy just happens to be the "Queen of the house"....
They do love each other... Of that, I am sure!!
They just have "their own special language", and I don't understand it.

Their "special language", I'm not meant to understand it, I guess....and that's fine...
As long as they're happy, that's all that matters to me!

In my earlier posts, probably mid-March, I was concerned because Lucy was being quite aggressive with Yo-Yo.
Another wonderful person on this site said, "are you sure you aren't missing any tender moments????"
Well, I guess that I was!!! (there are just so many "WISE SOULS" ON LIGHTNING STRIKES!!!)

You Steph, are in my thoughts, on a daily basis.......
You, and all of the people on LS, who are suffering in pain.....

It hurts!! I know that... It hurts like HELL and I hated it!!!!!!
My head hurt, my heart hurt, my stomach hurt.....everything felt like it was being ripped apart, twisted.
I didn't shower for a few days.....I'd just look at the wall. I even looked for Ernestine....
She wasn't here...........and, then I'd remember.....

But, believe me, things do get better......And, everyone is individual. I feel better, but when I look at
my lil' Ernie Girl, I miss her....
BUT, I know that she isn't suffering anymore... She is at peace, and she is having fun with all the other
furbabies who are over Rainbow's Bridge==== we'll be reunited....

But, coming to a wonderful site like this......there is NO SITE AVAILABLE RIGHT NOW LIKE
LIGHTNING STRIKES.......... This site is wonderful, and I thank MD all the time, in my prayers!!!!!

I still NEED to come back here...... I'll probably be here forever..... I was helped SOOOOO MUCH
BY EVERYONE, after my girl was gone.......
If I can ever help someone, just a little bit, then I definitely want to!!

God Bless you Steph.....
I care, I really, really do...

If you need to talk, I am here for you....

Love, Denise

Thank you Denise,

It sounds like you had a very special relationship with your Ernestine. She sounds precious.

I'd like to believe that the hurt will stop. I've lost a dog before - it hurt like hell, but he was old, and quite ill. I saw it coming. I have yet to get over the shock of loosing Luba so quickly and unexpectedly.

It would be wonderful if Luba and I could be reunited some day, in some form. Then we could play again.