i havent written in awhile, my emotional well being has beeen all over the map lately. it hasnt been a great couple of months.
on the 3rd of january it was 4 months since poohbears passing and then on the 10th it was two months for kittens.

my heart is very heavy and i miss them so much. the feeling to touch them again is so intense. i still cant even go to the pet store or the pet isle in the grocery store.
my husband has to buy the dog food for i cant even go to get it for the tears will flow when i see the cat food or litter.

these past months have been bumpy, the week before christmas money was tight and our septic system overflowed. i cried hysterically. my brakes went on my car cried then too.
christmas came and went with out my girls. then new years day came and my husbands cousin passed away from colon cancer leaving a wife and three kids.
i went to the funeral and wake. and cried and cried not because of him passing which was sad in itself.. and i loved him dearly but all i could do was cry about my girls(everyone thought i was distraught over dh cousins death) when in reality it was just all built up inside me from losing my cats....i cant help but feel that it wont get better with time... i know it will ,my brain knows it will but i really need someone to tell it to my heart....
thanks for listening...
michelle

Dear Michelle,
I'm so sorry for your loss of pooh-bear & kittens. You describe the feelings so well - the heavy heart & the constant nearness to tears. Furry has been gone 6 months now & I keep thinking how can I live all the rest of my life without her, what is the point? I haven't got to the stage of thinking of the happy times yet, but I do believe eventually the pain will be easier to bear. Have you any other furbabies to care for? We adopted Bella, who is older than Furry was when she died - without her I don't think I could carry on - she is the most loving cat & comforts me in my pain.
Your losses are still so recent, don't feel bad about the grief - when I get upset I think to myself that would I rather be like an ex friend of mine who said she'd drowned her cat when it got sick?
The joy & the love we shared with them is the reason why the pain is so intense now.
Judith

Michelle,

The holidays can be so brutal. My mother spent them in the hospital, meanwhile I was trying to care for her 22 yr. old kitty, who was recovering from surgery, and take care of my own family...and I could go on. And I felt so buried in my thoughts of death, and injury, and ilness; it literally felt like the weight of a grave was pressing down on me. And all I could think was "Joy to the World"my a@#.

Can yoou tell I'm fealing much better. This forum has been a godsend to me, glad you came back.

Dayna

Oh Michelle

I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time, two so close, it's so hard. I'm glad you could come here and let some of it out. I wish I had the words to let you heart know it will get better, sometime.

Just keep on putting one foot in front of the other, and some day you'll notice that most days ARE better. Some will still be hard. I lost two boy kitties just 5 weeks apart 10 years ago. I really came close to just following my boys. But one foot and one foot, one day and one day. Now it's 10 years, I still cry for them sometimes. I did find joy again, loved new kitties again. If I can do it anyone can. Just get through day by day, or hour by hour, or minute by minute.

Doesn't it seem like when we are so sad over our babies the rest of the world should just stop? Not keep dumping stuff on us? That you have made it this far shows how strong you are.

Thinking of you and your girls
Lori

Michelle,sweetheart,it will get better,I promise.Your just going thur a tough patch right now.You are missing your girls and that is completely normal.We all know how you feel and I wish there were words I could say to you to help you believe that in time it will get better.I am so sorry about your husband's cousin,gosh,that is so sad and to happen around christmas just makes it worse.You go ahead and cry all you need to if it makes you feel better.Yesterday was the 3 month anniversary of Sox's passing so I know how your feeling.I cried several times last night,I was just missing him so much.If you can't go down the pet aisle of the grocery store then just don't...let your husband do that for now.In time you'll get the strength you need to be able to go down that aisle if you want to.You'll be in my prayers tonight and I hope it helps to know that you are not alone.We care, so please be good to yourself.Sincerely,Renee (Sox's mom)