I work in an emergency veterinary hospital, and so every day that I'm in work I'm pretty sure to see another beloved dog or cat euthanised. They always come in with their sobbing owners, wagging their tails, or miawing for attention. And through all the paperwork, invoices and consent forms I have to hold back the tears and tell the owner that their baby won't feel any pain and will simply fall asleep ...

Its only been 3 months since I lost my own beloved dog - Bono, and when the animal lays its head down, just before he/she dies, I think of my baby, and it's like I've just lost him again.

I love my job, and do it well; would never want to leave. I feel myself getting stronger. I used to have to blink back the tears. Now I feel I'm good for the owners. I try to show sympathy, which was not shown to me when Bono passed away.

Bono passed away in an oxygen tent at the vets without me there. It wasn't until the morning after he'd passed that I went to see him, and although it was almost unbearable, I don't regret seeing him. I stroked his head, kissed him endless times, and I said my goodbyes ... Does anyone regret seeing their babies sleeping? Should I advice owners to see their babies after they've passed?

i dont regret one moment in time when i held and saw my girls before they"went to sleep" matter of fact it gave me a sense of peace for them and for me. i think it is truly up to the individual to decide what is right for them(the owners i mean) i probalby wouldnt advise them but maybe ask them what they would want to do. clear it with your boss too before offering that advice to the owners. i dont know what the policy is that your vet(boss) has but i would clear it with them before hand. who knows they may think that the owners would benefit from your experience with it personally, and coming from where you work.
i just know from my experience that both vets at the private hospital and my vets office asked me first and i told them i had to be the one holding them while it was being done. but that was just me. but they were very accomadating to me with it. and for that i am very thankful.

I don't regret it either. I know it would have torn me up if I wasn't there with him. I had Simba since the day he was born so I had to be there for him at the end. As he was going I held him and looked into his eyes while talking to him (thanking him for being my best friend) until he couldn't see anymore.

I also felt at peace with a mixture of relief to see that he went very quickly and peacefully and that his suffering was over.

Gillian, I said goodbye to my beloved Caesar four weeks and four days ago. We chose the same for him, as you chose for your lovely Bono, after spending 16 beautiful years with our Caesar-pup. The pain of choosing this is almost unbearable at times, and your question that you're seeking an answer to... When I think of this, I keep seeing the stillness of him. How can anything be so utterly still?? The pain is nearly unbearable. I loved our Caesar so much, and I never wanted to leave him. I can only speak for myself, however. If I hadn't been with him, until later as you were with Bono, I would have needed all the time in the world I could get with him, to say goodbye. I hope this helps a bit, in some way, with what answers you are seeking. Thank you for what you do to help people like me, at the times when our hearts are breaking beyond what we ever thought was possible.

That is one thing I will always regret and feel sorrow for, that I was not able to be with Alley at the end. I would give anything to have been there. I just wasn't possible with her being 1200 miles away.

I do not regret it for one moment.
I was lucky enough to have my vet come to my house to let Homer go. I hated it to happen, but if it had to be, I'm glad I was able to be there holding him through his transition.

Not only have I not regretted it, I always insist upon it. Not only seeing them afterwords, I insist upon being there during the process.
I have the highest regard for good vets and vet techs. I think people who try, day in and day out, to help animals who can't tell you where, or how much they hurt, have the highest form of courage,and compasssion.
But I will not hand over my baby to a relative stranger to be euthanized, and then take the " easy" way out for myself. I regard that as the ultimate kind of cowardice and I would never sleep again.
I'm sure you would have moved heaven and earth to be there for Bono, at the end. I think an important measure of peace is to be had in saying that final fairwell.I'm sure Alleys mom who couldn't be ther for her angel at the end can express this better than I.
Bono was beautiful, i'm so srry you lost him.

peace'
Macks Mom,
Dayna

Gillian

Our story is one of shock. We didn't know anything was wrong with our kitty, Moustache, untill he lay down on the floor and started to scream. We got him to the vet as soon as we could, less than 30 minutes, but he was gone. They took him in, it's a very large vet hospital with all the bells and whistles, and started CPR but could find no heart rate. I had them take him off CPR but told them we NEEDED to be with him. They wrapped him in warm towles and closed his eyes for us, then brought us too him. It was a busy, noisy place. I told them we needed time and they took us to a room they have just for that. Quiet, with a couch in it. We sat and held our baby for a very long time. It was so hard to say goodby. It helped us accept that he was gone. I think things would have been much harder for us without that time.

This time we didn't have to make the decission for him to be euthanized, but if we had to we would have stayed with him till the end and beyond. I think the time we spent with him, even though he was gone, really helped us afterwards. There was no question that he was dead. We got to kiss his head and love his tail (god I miss that tail). We got to tell him we were going to see him again. We were very grateful for the time and place to do that in.

Love
Lori

I just so agree with Dayna - it would be the easy way out not to be there. It seems that it's harder in the U.S. to get the vet to come to your house, is it the distances involved?
Furry was pts at home with her head in my hand - a nightmare that I can't forget, but I could never have left her for a second of those last moments. What I do regret is all the hours I wasn't with her in those 12 too short years.
Judith

Gillian,

It seems it's different for everyone, so I don't know that "advising" anyone, other than offering the options and the possible pros and cons, would be most helpful.

That said, I'm of like mind to Dayna (Mack's Mom) and can't even imagine either not being right there if I have the choice nor seeing and spending time with them if I didn't. To me, despite anything else, I honestly think it's cruel to allow a furbaby to die alone, w/o at least one loved one there by their side, IF one has a choice. I know some people don't feel they're strong enough to handle it, but to my mind....we OWE them this much, and more! Unless one would run away from their own spouse's, parents', siblings' or other loved one's actual death....I don't see how one could do that to one's furchild, either. I'm not the most courageous person in the world and have suffered from many fears in my life...but this...for this I MADE myself have the strength and could never have forgiven myself if I'd wavered. I wouldn't want to die alone, or with strangers and no family or friends, and so I apply that same value to my babies. I know that many people actually wait until their loved ones are OUT of the room before going, but I can't say with any certainty that as many animals do the same, willingly. So I'd never take that chance if I could help it. If I couldn't help it, that's another thing entirely.

As for strictly viewing them afterwards....we let Nissa lay 'in state' for 3 days after she'd gone, in her bed on our bed. We'd left Sabin in his bed, too, covered, but for even longer, in our garage, because it was Feb. and very cold out so this was safe to do and I visited with him quite often until I was ready to place him in the freezer to await his burial when the ground wasn't frozen. For those of you who think this may be morbid, I'd remind you that this laying in state is how most human passings were handled in the past. There was time given for loved ones to visit (before embalming became mainstream later on) and it wasn't considered morbid then. And don't forget the Egyptians, either.....who revered cats.

For me, this has always been easier and kinder than abruptly whisking them out of sight and provides me with a more gradual transition into the 'new reality'. While it was in some ways a hard re-learning experience with Sabin (I'd done this with my budgie years ago, too), seeing him so still and not quite normal-looking (and for both, WE had to close their eyes), it was still a comfort in that I could still touch them, weep over them, talk to them and really experience, first-hand, that KNOWING and seeing that their essence, their Being, was not in that vehicle...and most importantly, that THAT was not who they ever were in the first place. Their bodies were beautiful, but it was their SOULS that animated those bodies...and now their souls were free, yet still alive....just not limited by their bodies. So this is what I needed for ME, and I couldn't possibly regret it, as it was a very real help in the long run. (and when Sabin's spirit showed up only 2 days later....I also knew that it was okay to hang onto his body for as long as I needed to....he understood, as he always had) So with Nissa, I was already familiar with how they looked...somewhat different, but still themselves....but free from those ailing bodies. No, no regrets at ALL, and I'd do that part all the same again.

One of my biggest regrets is not being with Bono when he died. I'd always thought I would be. He had heart disease so I envisioned him eventually being put to sleep, in my arms ...

But I remember coming home from work on Oct 16 at 5pm to find him barely able to breathe. I stayed with him, holding him, waiting for my fiancé to get home so we could take him to the vets, and I held him in the car on the ways to the vets, and comforted him whilst the vet examined him. Then the vet took him away from me, and told me they'd do everything they could to save his life, but that I should go home, and there was nothing I could do at the vets. And I did ... That was at 6pm.

An hour later I phoned the vets and she said his colour was better, and he seemed to be improving, but that seeing me might excite him and tip him over the edge, and just to phone back in an hours time. My baby passed away 45 minutes later at 8.15pm ... on his own in an oxygen tent at the vets ... I'd let him down.

Knowing that keeps me from my sleep, and will haunt me for the rest of my life. I should never have left the vets ... I should have stayed with my baby right through to his darkest hour like I always promised him I would. He was with me from the age of 8 weeks ... I was the only source of consistency in his life. And when he needed me most, I wasn't there for him. A part of me stresses over the idea that he might have been hanging on till I was there to die. He was in such an awful state at 5pm. The fact that he survived for a further 3 hours is a miracle. He must have just given up, and thought 'she's not coming' and lay down and died.

This is why I encourage people to be with their babies when they pass. The horror of seeing death is awful. But guilt, and the idea of Bono being so lonely and scared is enough to tear my heart to shreds.

Gillian,

When I was referring to choice of being there, I meant when one knows for certain that a beloved is going to die because that's what one has been told, and there is no massive denial going on to utterly prevent one from believing that diagnosis.

But with your story of Bono, all I hear is that you followed the advise of the vets and acted on what information they gave you. The fact that they weren't right is not your fault. NO ONE can predict these things....not even the vets, it often turns out. The same things happen to humans all the time, too, and people suffer regrets and guilt that doesn't belong with them. The same thing might have happened to us, too, with Sabin, as he spent New Year's Eve and Day in Emerg., with the staff not even allowing us to stay with him for more than a few minutes every few hours on New Year's Day. All I could do for much of that time was sit at home and try to send him my love and energy, as if he was in my lap. We had to be at home for much of that time, too, because Nissa was still there to be taken care of....and worrying herself about where her brother was. But if he'd died there....it wouldn't have been my fault that I wasn't with him, just as it wasn't yours.

We do whatever seems best at the time, even if it seems, later on, like we had more options. We most often didn't, really. And in the midst of anguish and worry, our brains often just don't function at peak performance, either, and this is where self-forgiveness must come in....it's NORMAL....to not know ahead of time what the future will bring, to not be able to envision every conceivable scenario of every single hour, or even minute, in order to decide differently. Please believe me...I suffered with guilt for SO long over Sabin's death and the choices I made at the time....to finally make it to a place where I realized AND believed that I did the best I could with what limited knowledge I had at the time and that I didn't intend to add suffering....just like your decision that was based on not wanting to add suffering to Bono's illness (based on what the vets told you about visiting) OR to even be the cause of his possible death. You could not have known that they'd be wrong in their assessment. And probably, neither could they.

I do empathize with how this is eating you up inside, and wish I COULD transport you to a magical place of peace inside about this....very sadly, I can't...no more than I could for myself back then. It wasn't easy at all, but I did overcome the guilt, eventually. But I had to do it at my own pace and in my own way, for my own reasons of survival.

But know that Bono loved you and still does, and would never blame you for not knowing what was to come, any more than you would him. Perhaps he was waiting, but perhaps not. I'm sure you've noticed how both people and animals often rally soon before their crossing....a sort of 'last hurrah'. I think of it as the time when they're seeing the wonders of where they are next going, and the other loved &/or loving ones who are waiting to lead them there. So perhaps Bono was only preparing for his continued journey and content in knowing that your bond would never be broken anyway, despite your unwitting physical absence. Your LOVE, though...I'm SURE he felt that, as I KNOW there's no distance between shared love!

If nothing else, try to find some comfort at some later point (or now, if possible!) that your experience will most likely benefit many other grief and trauma-stricken individuals as well as, of course, their own babies. I had to allow Sabin's death to be a lesson, to me, to others, and most importantly, for me to not repeat with Nissa, and thereby do honour and justice to my boy's life. It helped to give his physical death meaning, and a purpose other than the horror of what it looked like on the surface. I sincerely and urgently hope that you can find the same kind of peace in that....because what you must force yourself to go through in your job....your courage is already remarkable, dear lady, and I humbly aspire to show as much capacity for strength as you.

Gillian -

I understand what you mean about it haunting you, not being there with him in the end. I too, spend my nights laying there thinking about Alley, wondering if she was scared with only my Mom there with her. I was 1200 miles away, no money for a flight if there was even one available being so close to the holidays. I could have taken a bus, but I was afraid to make Alley wait the 2 1/2 days it would have taken me to get there to her. She had only days left at the most and her end would have been extremely painful for her if she had died naturally. I couldn't take the chance that it would happen before I could get there. i couldn't stand the thought of her hurting like that. So I chose to go ahead and have her put down. I wanted to be there with her more than anything in the world, but it would have been cruel to ask her to wait for me. The last morning she wasnt able to jump up to her food bowl and had to be lifted to it. She didn't try to go outside or run upstairs and hide. She couldn't. She was too weak. I knew it was time. I wish I could have been there, I wish she could have waited just a couple more days. But I couldn't take that chance.

I couldn't ask her to suffer more, just so I would suffer less.

Paula

Hello,all.I do regret not seeing my boy Sox after he was put to sleep.My husband was with him when they did it,I was too upset and emotional to stay in the room.I wish I had stayed in the room now that I look back on the experience.I thought it would be easier to handle if I didn't have to witness his passing.But in not being there I feel left out.I missed out on being with him at the end of his life,when he needed me the most I was too upset to pull it together and stay with him.I do feel very guilty about that.I know that my husband was there with him but I was his mother and I should have stayed....If I had to do it again I would stay.I have said in the past that I was glad that I didn't stay in there with him but after much thought I know it was the wrong thing to do.I won't ever forgive myself for that one.I also wish that I would have looked at him after we brought him home.He was in a small cardboard box and I wanted to open that box so bad but I was scared to for fear that I would have that image in my mind forever.I did put my hand inside of that box and stroked his beautiful body.It makes me sad just to think about that.I was afraid that he wouldn't look like himself and that it would give me nightmares if I looked at him after he was already gone.I should have been stronger.....I hope he forgives me and knows how much I loved him.God,I loved him.I miss him so much.It will be 3 months on saturday since he passed away.It seems like an eternity.Take care everyone.Sincerely,Renee (Sox's mom)

I echo everyone's comments here, unfortunately you have no idea when or how the situation will play out with your pet in the end, you may or may not be able to be there, I was feeling the same issue of "it didn't go the way I wanted it to" my dream was if he didn't go peacefully in his sleep, than I wanted it to be done at my home...but it didn't work out that way.... in an emergency, and you don't know how you will really react either. I was with my buddy thank goodness and spent quite a while with him afterwards...that's hard because leaving him the final time was harder than ever however I realized that it wasn't really him anymore in that room, the real guy had crossed over. My partner couldn't be in the room with me during the procedure..but I realized I wanted to be just me with him anyway due to our close relationship..sometimes you have to go it alone, and thats what I preferred. It was always my hope to be the last person he saw or heard before he passed away, I always vowed that to him, however its the luck of the draw.. In the end you do the best you can. Hold tight to your knowledge that your buddies had wonderful full lives and were loved beyond compare. Take Care...Much Love, Tory PS I also am in awe of vets and vet tech's, I have no idea how you can cope with that so often, its an amazing support you are giving to those families, I know how much I appreciate the two that helped us, we'd never met them before but I will never forget them now. Thank you Dr. Sevedge and Shawndre!!

One thing that has always made an impression on me is how different each time was, even though they all had the same ultimate outcome. Tori is so right, you just do not know how the scene will play out. So many factors come into the picture. If I had been advised that my presence might cause my pet anguish and agitation, I might not have gone in with them either.

I was present with all of my babies who passed, except twice. I feel privileged to have been allowed to be there in the final moments and that it was a sacred duty that I had toward them. The first time I was not there, it was my husband's cat. We had been married less than a year but I loved this new family member as if he were my own. The vet we were seeing at the time advised us to let the cat rest, he needed some time and quiet space but not to worry, he would improve. We left the cat there with them, and a few hours later he passed away. My every instinct told me to stay with Hector, that he really seemed seriously ill, but I didn't because I was given the idea that he would sense my anguish and it would be detrimental to him. I will never know if that was true, or if it would have been better if I held him gently as his last hour came and went.

The second time I was not with the pet, it was a dear cat who had been with me nine years. The reason I did not stay with him is something that I still regret, but at the time it seemed the right thing to do. Exactly one year prior to this day, this cat had lost his best friend. The vet had seen me through that, and I think my performance had just about driven him to seek a career change. I couldn't help it, but I wept over that little body so pitifully the poor man must have had nightmares about it. So when the vet implied that he did not want to remember us that way, (me weeping over the lifeless body) and his voice shook with emotion, I felt that he was losing his professional detachment and it would break his heart to participate in the euthanasia with me present. Have you ever heard of such a reason? I stayed out because I could not put my human friend through that hurt. I regret it, but then again I don't...I trusted the vet to do his job well, and he was, after all, not a stranger to Roddy...

One has to remember that veterinarians and vet techs have hearts and emotions too. You guys walk such a fine line...you can't be too detached or you will appear uncaring, but you can't break down, either, you have to stay in control. And each case and each client is going to be different, what worked with one won't be anything like what worked with another one. I admire you so much for the work you do.

Bono was so beautiful, I am so terribly sorry you lost him. I'm sorry that you were denied his last moments, but I agree with the others, Bono knew that you loved him, I'm sure he did not feel you had left him. No, I have never regretted being present at the last and seeing my babies sleep, but like you, I have experienced times when it is not just a simple matter of "being there no matter what." May you be comforted, for you tried to do the best for him on the best advice you had.

Thank you to everyone for your generous responses. You've made me feel better. I'm not sure I'll ever stop tormenting myself with grief. But I've learnt my lesson. I have 4 other pets, and I will be sure to be with them when they pass. Again, thank you.

I certainly didn't mean to criticise the conduct of anyone else in this forum. I was speaking strictly for myself. Lynda is right, we can only play the hand we are dealt.

PEACE TO ALL
Dayna

Gillian,
I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Bono.

I have to agree with Lynda on this one, we can only play the hand we are dealt. I've had so many furbabies that I've loved and lost. Each and every time has been different. Some deaths were sudden and happened at home. Some of those I was holding them for their last breath, some I wasn't. Some were taken in to be put down. There were two dogs in particular that I couldn't take part in the process, my Manchester terrier Fido because my parents thought I was too young to handle it (17). When my ex and I took our Clocker Spaniel Toe-B in, I ended up not being able to leave the car and we left him there for creamation. I did not say good-bye when it was done and do not regret it. The others I was there for and do not regret doing that either.

I did have one situation similar to yours. My German Shorthaired Pointer Patton, who was only a puppy, had surgery for a bowel obstruction. There were complications and he had to be taken to an advanced vet hospital 45 miles away for a second surgery. Afterwards he was on about 5 machines. We were called at 4:10 am and asked if we wanted CPR done. They called 20 minutes later and asked if we wanted open heart massage and that's when we told them to let him go. We had no way of being with him in the end. I brought him back here to be creamated so the whole family and other dogs could say goodbye too. I don't regret that for one moment either.

It's really up to the individual and how they feel at that moment. Just ask them what they want to do.

Hope that helps.
V

OOPS, SORRY,

Of course I meant that I DIDN'T mean too criticize anyone elses conduct. You know what I meant. And I know you know, and you know, I know etc.
I really should do a better job of previewing.

Dayna

Once your pet has passed away, I don't think it really matters if you say good-bye with the earthly remains present or if you go to some special spot and say good-bye there. Some people need to see the body for closure, others don't. Whatever is most comfortable should be done because the pet's soul has gone. No one should be made to feel bad because they don't want to see the body of their beloved furbaby.

What I would advise people if I were you - is to try, when possible, to be present, when your furbaby actually passes away. I don't know anyone who regrets being there, holding and comforting their furbaby, helping him/her to leave this earth without pain or fear. I know many who regret not being there, when it was possible.

When I was a child, my first dog, Debbie, died at the Vet's office on a Sunday, after being there all weekend. Now, more than 30 years later it makes me sad that she died all alone. I understand my parents were trying a last ditch effort to save her life and didn't know it was too late. As an adult, I was there when my own furbaby, Daisy ,left this earth.

Best wishes,

Daisy's Mommy

Ummmm.... Dayna,

I really don't think anyone really knows what you're talking about. But if you think that I thought that you said that I didn't because I know that you wouldn't and I thought that you would know that. Understand?

For what it's worth to everyone out there reading this discussion: Remember that this really is a sensitive topic. Most of us are grieving and this is fresh in our minds and we know it's the same for others. As much as we try to choose are words carefully, we may fumble over them, accidentally offend someone, or think that we have. Just remember..... It's all gonna be ok!

Peace&Love
V

P.S.>>>>> I saw it said that you "did mean to criticize" before you modifidied it. So I went back & modified this one because I didn't know that we could do that before you said it down there. So yep, I hope everyone knew it was a typo because you really weren't being critical.

V,

I think we're on the same page. My original post did originally say that hurtfull thing, I modified it; I just hope in the interim no was offended.The last thing I want is to cause any pain, or the the slightest pang. Only to share my own and be a comfort to others.


Sorry for confusion,
D

A friend of mine who is blind was not present when her first guide dog had to be euthanized. Her father went, but she felt that she could not stand it. Her guilt was terrible. Years later, another guide dog, sick with cancer, had to be euthanized and she asked me what she should do. She was afraid of being there, but I reassured her that she would always be happy that she was there for her long-time friend. She was there, and thanked me for the advice.

But, often we don't know that our friend is going to die. We leave him or her at the hospital hoping for a miracle, for a reprieve, our vet seems optimisitc, but then we get the phone call - he or she didn't make it, and we know that our furbaby died alone in a cage. Should we feel guilty? Absolutely not! We made a loving decision, without self-interest, and tried to save our furbaby's life. If we hadn't put the pet in the hospital and he or she had died at home, we would have also felt guilty. Perhaps he or she could have been saved. So, all we can do in life is make the best decision with the information that we have at the time.

The best decision by my parents based on the information available at the time caused Debbie to die alone at the vet's office (referred to in my earlier posting), and, years later, another best decision caused Daisy to die in my arms. Two loving decisions with opposite outcomes.

It is hard to be responsible for another soul's life.

Daisy's Mommy

I think I've mentioned this in previous posts but it's a topic which comes up from time to time, and it's a natural dilemma - to be there or not. It's a question which can torment some people unbearably, but I echo some other people whose comments I've read here - its gonna be alright! In the end, it's all going to be okay - our pets, where they are, and with their understanding and forgiving natures, they get it!

That being said, for those who may be facing this decision, it's a dilemma to be worked out personally. I've done it both ways - I was there when my older cat Heidi, who was meant to be put to sleep in the morning from CRF, made the decision herself the night before and left on her own volition, which was so incredibly painful but a relief in a way. She would have had such a traumatic experience, she was so shy and hated to leave home. The other 2 cats, Magic and Groucho, I never knew why they passed, they were young and, I thought, healthy, and I found them already gone, and I never did know what happened, and that hurt also, in a different way, not knowing, and not being there for them. So, it's all different for everyone. My choice, if I had one, and of course you don't always, would be to be there, if only to tell them to let go and wait for you on the other side. Other people may think differently - it's the wonder that makes us human. And in the end of course, our pets know, where they go, that it doesn't matter in the end, they are at peace and welcomed, and know we will be reunited one day.

I don't know if that helps or muddies the waters more - it's just been my experience. I think that it helps that I have a strong faith and I know that my pets, so many of them now, and mult*itudes of them by the time I leave (hopefully) will be there waiting, and the people I love who have gone before will have to crowd through the 4-legged ones somehow. We'll all get through it, with each other's help. Take care - Barbara

Gillian, in my experience and this is only MY experience, if you can be there I think you should be there. My Shep was 14 1/2 years old and suffering from oste-arthritis in his hips. He was older than most Old English Sheepdogs ever manage to get. For about 4 years he was on medication to ease the pain and saw the vet regularly to check on his condition.

Early November 06 we took him in for one such visit and the vet said that it was his time. We fell to pieces there and then and took him home. He looked the same to me - clearly slower and less active than years before, but the blue eyes still had that sparkle now and then.

I tried to ignore what the vet had said for many weeks but my partner felt that we should really try to think about it. He said what if Shep fell and couldn't get up while we were out at work? What if he couldn't get up for a drink of water and we weren't there to help him? But no matter what, i just could't reconcile myself with the idea of letting him go. He kept on at me for weeks and the day after Christmas day, Shep took a downward turn - unable to walk and clearly uncomfortable. He again started talking about putting him to sleep but after half an hour or so, Shep was up and bouncing about. It was this inconsistency that was troubling me. I felt that we were doing this too early because he still had some life in him. He kept on and on at me and eventually on 30th Dec 06 (exactly 3 weeks ago to the minute) I said "call the vet".

She came to the house and put the IV in his foreleg. I had always promised Shep that I would be there with him at the end, no matter what but I had to try really hard not to become hysterical for him.

I held his huge head in my hands as I knelt on the floor beside him and told him how precious he was and how much we loved him. He stared straight at me and didn't look away. Then I felt his body relax and saw his eyes glaze over a little bit. I broke down and cried my eyes out, whilst cuddling and stroking him. I wish his eyes had been closed as he had the most amazing baby blue eyes you have ever seen and they remained open, lifeless. My partner and I stayed with him, cuddling him and telling him how he was our boy and how much we loved him. I cut off some of his fur and placed in a trinket box. Then the vet came in and took him back to the vets because it was the holidays and we couldn't keep him here until the crematorium re-opened. It was this lack of time with him afterwards that upsets me - I needed more time but I don't think I could ever have had enough.

Although this is the most painful thing I have ever experienced in my life, I had to be there with him. He was my baby and I had promised this to him.

I don't regret being there - I only regret that he couldn't pass naturally. This whole scene plays over and over in my head, torturing me, but I can't imagine how much worse this would have been for me if I had chosen not to be there with him at this time. I would have wondered about it forever, and as painful as it is now, it would have been so much worse for ME if I had chosen anything else.

You had no choice with your precious Bono and that is your torture. I sincerely hope that this lessens with time for you as i understand the guilt and anger you will be feeling. But like all of the other posts here, I truly believe that Bono was thinking about you as you were thinking about him and because of that you really were together somewhere.

All you can do is give people the benefit of your own experience and maybe some of us here, and hope that they make the right choice for themselves. I am thinking of you and Bono and Shep and all of the other animals that are so sadly missed and I am thankful that there are people like us on this planet, still.

Love

Debbie
Sheps mama

My cat, of 17 1/2 years, Sable passed away in the early morning hours at the vets clinic. But I HAD to go today and say "goodbye" to her one last time. When I arrived, she was curled up in her favorite sleeping position and it brought me such peace to see her like that because I knew that she had rallied enough to get in that position and just drift off on her own. I needed to touch her and let her know that even though I wasn't with her in person that I was there with her in spirit. I needed to see her and express my love to her one last time.

You know what's it's like to "hope" they'll be there one more day, so you can help that pet owner reach the best decision, but I truly think most people will be comforted to see their precious pet one last time!

I pray your memories will help you just like I know my memories of my sweetie will help me.

I was there when my Harriette and my Jemima were pts. Not for one moment, have I regretted it. A long time ago, I vowed I would be there until the end for my furbabies no matter what. I know I would have regretted more not being there.

However, it is a matter of personal choice. It isn't an easy decision to make one way or the other. What is right for one person, isn't right for someone else.

No matter what, we all know our furbabies know we love them.