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Lightning-Strike Pet Loss Support Forum > Pet Loss Support > Death and Dying Pet Support
Christian B
Bobby, my sweet, gentle, affectionate 15 year old cat, died this morning.

I'm hurting worse than I ever have before. I have lost my family of three cats in the space of less than two years. Bobby's twin brother, Vic, passed away in the summer of 2005, aged 14. In November last year, just two months ago, their 16 year old mother, Charlotte, died. Both of these losses were tragic, but had been preceded by long periods of general ill-health, so were not unexpected.

Over the last month, I had noticed that Bobby had been losing weight, and finding it hard to get up stairs. Less than a week ago, on Wednesday 3rd, it seemed like his stomach was swollen, and he wasn't eating much, so I took him to the vet to get checked out. My worst fears were confirmed, when the vet told me that Bobby had cancer in his liver, and that it was quite advanced. He wouldn't have long left.

Bobby's health deteriorated shockingly quickly, and he ate less and less each day. By last night, he could hardly stand up, and I knew the end was near. I stayed up with Bobby all night, to make sure he was comfortable and safe, and so he knew he wasn't alone.

This morning, I had to make that most difficult decision, though I knew the time was right to take him to the vet for the final time. I can't believe that he has been taken from me less than a week after his diagnosis, and so soon after losing Charlotte.

Bobby's death has hit me harder than before. I loved all my cats very much (and still do), but Bobby was special. He was the one who, until recently, slept on my bed, and woke me every morning. He understood me, and I understood him.

I was there when Bobby was born, and when he died. For this, I feel so privileged. I'll always love you, Bobby.
myhrtisbrkn
Dear Christian,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Bobby.
We all know it is so hard. It's hard when the are young, It's hard when they are old. It's terrible if they die suddenly; it's agony to see them decline slowly.
All of this on this forum have chosen to open our hearts to love these wonderful creatures whose life spans are so much shorter than ours, whose health is so much more vulnerable than ours, and whose safety is so hard to secure. By making this choice we have " chosen tears". I hope to help you bear your pain, as
it is identical to my own.

Try to take care of yourself.
Macks Mom
AlleysMama
Christian -

I'm so sorry about Bobby. He was a beautiful boy. Black cats have always been my favorites. Making that decision to end his suffering is hard, but like my Alley, it wasn't as hard as the thought of her suffering. He knows you did the right thing and loves you for it.

Somewhere, someday, you will be together again, and he will tell you so himself.

These forums are full of wonderful people who are all dealing with loss. Please share your stories of Bobby when you feel up to it.

Paula
Christian B
Thank you, to both of you. The kind words of strangers mean so much at a time like this. I hope I can do the same for others at some point, though I feel like I'll never be able to do anything again right now.

Whenever I've been upset in the past, I've always gone and looked for one of my cats. Cuddling and making a fuss of them has always made me feel better. It's doubly painful that now, at the most upsetting time of all, I have no cats to turn to.

Part of me wants to rush out and get another cat straight away, but I know deep down that this would be a mistake.
Moose Mom
Christian

Oh your Bobby was so Handsome! I'm so sorry you lost him. He sounds like such a special boy, it's so darn hard to lose them. It's even harder to lose three so close, my heart is hurting for you. One comfort is that now they are all together again.

I admire that you could come here so soon. All I could do for 24 hours was cry. We lost our 10 year old cat, Moustache, two months ago. He was the one that woke us every morning too. We miss that so much. A kitty is much better than an alarm clock.

QUOTE
Part of me wants to rush out and get another cat straight away, but I know deep down that this would be a mistake.

Well I know all the experts and books say this, and if you really KNOW then you should wait, but the hardest loss of my life was my Butch kitty 10 years ago. I got a new kitten just 4 days later, and it was the very best thing I ever did. I think I would have followed my Butch if I hadn't had that baby. She still lives with me, my Autumn, and is a great help once again.

Thinking of you and your Bobby, and Vic and Charlotte too.
Lori
vizsla-angel
Christian,

I'm so sorry for your loss. Bobby sounds like such a special guy. In fact, he sounds and looks very much like my Buckwheat who is still with me.

You have come to the right place and hopefully will be able to find comfort in at least knowning you are not alone in the feelings you have. We all are going through the same things here. Two years ago, I had 2 cats, Nina and Magic, leave this world 6 months apart and remember how devastating that was. Now I'm here because my Copper dog crossed over Dec. 31.

When the time comes to get another cat, you'll know. I tend to agree with Moose Mom on this one. Some people do get a new baby right away, some take months, some can never seem to heal. As for me, I did just rescue a dog from a shelter yesterday even though it's only been 9 days. You can find my story in other places in this forum to understand why. The best suggestion I can give you is to make sure your heart is in it. I needed to be sure I could look at my new dog and think "I love you" rather than "You're not Copper" and have no expectations of him to be anyone but himself. And I am a die hard fan of helping the homeless. 5 cats allow us to live with them now. My husband made sure to keep my far away from the cat sections of the animal shelters we were in because he knows what a sucker I am for them.

In the mean time, be good to yourself. Cry, scream, do whatever you have to. Don't forget to laugh too. Read some of the funny stories we've got going on here. You'll be very happy to know that we who love black cats have declared them all hanging out together in a "special" section of heaven where a certain black cat named Denis keeps them all well supplied with bacon.

V-Angel
bluest1
Iam so very sorry for your loss.. I know how much you hurt right now. Pleae be gentle with yourself and your thoughts..Peace my friend.
ryancat
Christian, I too, want to say how very sorry I am for your loss of Bobby.What a beautiful kitty he was.I am also very fond of black kitties (well black and white but it's kinda the same thing) as they are always so beautiful.My baby Sox had to be put to sleep back on Oct. 13th and I still come here almost every day to find support and understanding.All of us here know just what your going thur.I cannot imagine how tough it is to lose so many beloved kitties so close together.My heart goes out to you and I hope we can help you get thur this most difficult time in your life.Take the advice of the others and read up on all the stories we have shared here.They make me smile and bring me back to happier times when my boy was still alive.If we talk about them in some small way we are keeping them alive if only in our hearts and memories.Be kind to yourself and allow yourself time to grief properly for Bobby.He was a special kitty to you and it's not going to be easy to get over losing him.I hope we can help you with your feelings.I hope it helps to know there are others going thur the same pain as you are.We are bond in our love for animals and when we take on the responsibity of owning a pet we go into it with our eyes wide open.We know we will have to say goodbye to them but it is still the hardest thing we ever have to do.You made the most unconditional act of love you possibly could have when you chose to end his suffering.He loves you for that so please never ever feel guilty about that decision.My thoughts and prayers are with you tonight.Please keep in touch and let us know how your doing.We really care.Sincerely,Renee (Sox's mom)
lynda
Oh, Christian, I am so terribly sorry. What a beautiful cat, and how wonderful he must have been. My heart just breaks for you. Please know that you made the right choice for your baby, although all of us here know how much this choice took from you. The light of your life...I know exactly what you mean by this. It is not describable to anyone who has not experienced it, but we here on this site, we have been there. It has been two weeks yesterday since I held my precious fur son for the very last time, and I was not expecting to hear anyone tell me that terrible C word either. I am grateful that I was with him, that the last face he saw was mine, the last voice he heard was mine...that is something to be grateful for. But it hurts, like no other pain we can ever know. Please know that we are all with you in this, you do not have to be alone.

I was not present at Larry's birth, but he came to me as such a tiny baby that he fit in the palm of my hand. And all the best things of this life on earth were contained there in that tiny form. He was the light of my life for almost 17 years. This does not take away from the love I have, and had, for all those who are still with me or who passed before him...but he was the light. Reading your posts I know that you understand. It was so for Bobby. And I am so, so sorry that he is gone from you. I wish I could say something, anything that might comfort you in some small way. Really all I can do is to weep with you, and send my deepest sympathies, and say again: you made the right choice. Please, know how welcome you are here. The site has helped me survive the first days and I hope that you can find some comfort here too.

Blessings and hugs,
lynda
Schtoobing'sMom
Christian,

I'm so sorry for your loss. Bobby was lucky to have you. I can relate to your story, because I lost my baby Schtoobing on Nov 13th, after a very short illness too. Even though he was 17, I thought I would have a couple more years with him. Cats live into their 20's and beyond, right?? I still cry for my boy, almost every day, but it gives me comfort to know that he is with other loved ones who have passed.

I still talk to Schtoobing and sing songs out loud- the neighbors probably think I'm nuts, but I don't care. It feels good to say his name and remember all our silly times. Last night, I searched my entire house, looking for a little ball of pure white belly fur that I had collected from Schtoob's brush. It took me a while to find it, and I was getting really sad. When I finally found it, I was so relieved and happy- every little bit of my Schtoob is more precious than gold to me.

Sorry to ramble. All I can say is, we know how you feel, Christian. I think Daisy's mom said that the pain doesn't ever go away- it just becomes less acute. I beleive that is true. It's been 8 weeks since Schtoobing died, but I still miss him every day. Last weekend, I thought about going to see some kittens. I just felt the need to hold one, and feel him purr. I didn't go. I guess because I'm not ready yet.

Peace,
Diane
Furkidlets' Mom
Christian,

It was hard for me to read your story about Bobby, as it reminds me of my own about my beloved Sabin...also a beautiful, black cat, like your Bobby. Sabin also got cancer and by the time it was even discovered, it had metastasized to his lungs w/i 2 wks. Please be as easy on yourself as possible about your decision to help Bobby out of his failing body, to be free and pain-free. Your choice was based on love. When it came to Sabin's illness, we were in the midst of trying one last treatment that may have bought him extra time if it had worked...and so unlike most others, and in my ignorance which our vet didn't question (when she ought to have), we didn't euthanize him and he ended up dying on his own, at home. It was both good and bad, but still pains me to this day and I wish I had known more and helped him leave. Long story short though ~ despite this, I KNOW he still loves me and never stopped loving me. However, there's still that massive regret. I just wanted you to know how it feels from the other side of the fence, so that you can come to terms with your own situation in a gentler way.

Like Bobby, Sabin was our alarm clock, too....scratching our wooden cheval mirror's posts if his yowling for breakie didn't work; knocking pens and things off the nighttable if those didn't work; and finally, nudging the phone receiver off the hook so 'that lady's voice' woke us up. He was very ingenious.

As for adopting another....in at least one way, you and I are in the same boat. With Sabin's sister's passing (Nissa) almost 5 months ago now, I no longer have anyone to help me through this horrible pain. Nissa had been the one to get me through her brother's loss, then my Mother's, then my oldest brother's. I always knew that her death would be the very hardest, because of all she'd done for me, because she'd been with me the longest (19 yrs, 7 months) and because our relationship was, just like me with her brother, my very foundation in life. They were both our children...what else needs to be said about their vital importance, really? Now, even though my heart screams for another feline soul to touch and love.....I don't really want anyone BUT my kids...the ones I already know and love, and who have loved me. Plus, I simply couldn't bring myself to burden another already-in-need soul with my anguish right now. I would feel like I was doing a great disservice to them. It was different when Nissa helped me with my sorrows, as she was already here, already my daughter and already an integral part of my soul, as I was to her. But a newcomer who doesn't even know me? No, for me, I couldn't burden them like that...even though I believe they're here to help us humans out. I also don't believe that anyone I'm not already totally connected to could really ease my pain anyway. In fact, having to deal with vets, nutrition, any problems so soon again....it would kill me. All I can deal with right now is the GOOD stuff from cats....and life just isn't nothing but good stuff. So I don't know what your reasons are, but for me, this is how I KNOW that I must wait, until I feel stronger, more certain, less like dying myself. If there is to be a next relationship, I'd prefer to start it out from a position of strength and not cause undo emotional 'sponging' for another, just to end up making them sick, too. I know most people won't agree with me, but this is my perspective.
Moose Mom
Furkidlets' Mom

QUOTE
So I don't know what your reasons are, but for me, this is how I KNOW that I must wait, until I feel stronger, more certain, less like dying myself. If there is to be a next relationship, I'd prefer to start it out from a position of strength and not cause undo emotional 'sponging' for another, just to end up making them sick, too.


I do often tell people to get a new kitten, and it does help. Strangely enough I also agree with you. Ten years ago when Butch died, we got Autumn just 4 days later. She saved my life, and she was strong enough to handle it, thank all the gods. When my Alex passed just 5 weeks after Butch, well that was the darkest night of the soul I have ever been in. In our pain and grief we reached out and attracted a baby much like we were feeling. A baby who could not handle the pain and grief in our house. A sick kitty, who was sick all ten years of his life. A baby who had his first problem just ten day after we got him. Now I would not have given up one day with Moustache, not one minute. He would have lived and died if I had not had him, and he most likely would not have made even 10 years. He was loved and cared for and warm and well fed. I just sometimes wonder if it was fair to him. I don't think we made him sick, he came that way. I do think we attracted him. What I wonder is would he have been so sick? Could he have handled stress better, if we had not brought him into that environment? Of course we would not have had him either if we had waited so....sometimes the questions are endless.

I think it's always the best idea to wait until you KNOW, and that you do know when you are ready. If it takes 1 day or a year or whatever.

Love
Lori
Furry's mum
Dear Christian,
How sad you must be, but how wonderful that you were able to be there at his birth & have all those years with the family together. I don't think anything can ease the pain except time & it takes a lot of that.
Thinking of you, Judith
Christian B
I'm overwhelmed by all your kind messages. Of course, I can't read any of them without crying. When I signed up here yesterday, I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing. It was so soon, but I needed to reach out to someone. Thank you all for being there. You've made me feel less alone, and it's so good to know that there are other people who understand how much Bobby meant to me. I'm sorry to hear about all of your losses, too. Thank you for sharing your stories.

Bobby's death has hit me so hard. I know I did the right thing, so I feel no guilt about it. I know Bobby knows how much I love him. But there's a great big hole in my life. Bobby used to follow me around the house, never far from my side. Everywhere I look, I expect him to still be there. When I go to the kitchen to get a drink, I expect him to leap off his basket to greet me, like he always did. I miss him so much.

I've been thinking of all the good times we had - so many good times. It makes me feel better for a little while.

I'm hoping that I will know, instinctively, when the time is right to welcome another friend into my home. I know that Bobby would hate for another cat to be in his home - he was so territorial. One Christmas, a few years ago, I received a stone garden ornament of a near-full size cat. Before I put it in the garden, Bobby saw it on the floor by the stairs. He went completely crazy! He was convinced it was a real cat - a stranger in his home. He was scared at first, and tried to hide behind me. I had to put the thing away in the garage in the end, where he couldn't see it. The strange this is that Charlotte and Vic didn't seem that bothered by it.
Furkidlets' Mom
Christian,

I'm so glad that you've found the same comfort here as so many of us do. It's a Godsend, this site, that's for sure. And know that there are probably many more just reading all this sharing, yet not able to respond, for their pain. I often fall way behind myself and sometimes it's just not possible to keep up. Often I should be doing something else important....like finally getting to write my eulogy for Nissa! (I'm SO sorry, Sweetie! Mom will do it at some point!)...but then I read something and my heart breaks for everyone, so I just start typing away....

My kidlets were just as territorial, too....Sabin's big reign was our yard, while Nissa's was even more about the house. They never could make any friends!....only one, an orange cat named Tigger who lived down the street but liked to visit us. He made the mistake one day of not just waltzing into the house for a lie-down....but digging into Sabin's food! That was IT for that tolerance!! After that he wasn't even allowed in or around our property!....too bad, as he would have been a very good friend for them....sigh...

Now, when the possibly-stray cat I've taken to feeding outside comes IN to our house, and even has a nice claw on their cat-tree.....I always feel so guilty. And yet, I believe both Nissa and Sabin understand....how lonely and heartbroken their Mom is and how it also lifts my spirits a bit to see some cat doing something normal and cat-like, right in front of my eyes. It also helps me to remember them, and that can't be a bad thing.
Furkidlets' Mom
Lori,

Yes, the endless questions....they drive me bonkers! The worst thing is I KNOW I could, and often did, make my kids sick....that whole idea of mirroring has a big downside, too sad.gif . It wasn't until after Sabin crossed that I became more familiar with this whole concept, and then Nissa demonstrated its power and obviousness to me on more than one occasion. Both of her vets also believed in this, so I often got told by one of them in the last couple of years to basically RELAX more!! So, Nissa helped me to grow, but on the other hand and extreme.....I can't help but wonder just how much I may have 'made' my kids die, too....especially Sabin, who left so much earlier. It's so painful a thought, and one that's rattled away inside my head for so long, that I can't even go into it on the board yet. But that latest book I got for Christmas, "Reflections of the Heart", is making it all the worse...when I thought it would be a comforting book for me! However, I can't now NOT believe in the Law Of Attraction, and other related ones. Sometimes I wish I'd remained more blissfully ignorant...
Moose Mom
Christian,

We do understand how much Bobby meant to you and how much you miss him. While it's very hard to read what people say to you, I still have trouble, it's so nice to have that understanding. Some of us need to vent, or go crazy, it's all good. You may not be able to come here often or read much or say much of anything for a while. It's okay. The first week was the worst for me. I admire that you could come here so soon at all.

QUOTE
I'm hoping that I will know, instinctively, when the time is right to welcome another friend into my home. I know that Bobby would hate for another cat to be in his home - he was so territorial. One Christmas, a few years ago, I received a stone garden ornament of a near-full size cat. Before I put it in the garden, Bobby saw it on the floor by the stairs. He went completely crazy! He was convinced it was a real cat - a stranger in his home. He was scared at first, and tried to hide behind me. I had to put the thing away in the garage in the end, where he couldn't see it. The strange this is that Charlotte and Vic didn't seem that bothered by it.


You will know, just listen to your heart. Bobby sounds like quite a little territorial dude. I don't think Bobby would hate another cat in the house now, he would want you to be happy, he loved you. I think from where he's at he'd be okay with it. I think he will understand. He has a much more understanding view from where he's at.

Thinking of you and Bobby
Lori
Moose Mom
Furkidlets' Mom

Well the hardest thing for me is not talking all the responsibility. Yes I'm very connected to my kids, and if I get sick it makes it harder for them, but they have a choice too. My problem is I always want to take it all on myself, and not give them the responsibility for themselves. They may have small bodies, but they have large souls and do their own choosing. If I could just remember that.

The one thing I do not believe, of you or me, is that we could have 'made' our kids die. That is, I believe, a very personal choice. When a loved one chooses that road all we can do is accept and respect their choice. While I have some bad days, I don't believe anyone goes before their time, if they go, it was their time. While I hate that Moose went at 10, and feel robbed of time with him, I still know it was his time, or he'd still be here. For Sabin, it's the same, it was his time. It sucks but there it is.

What I try to do is use attraction/creation, unity, connection, whatever you want to call it to learn from and grow. If I am sick, and my baby is getting sick, then I do need to relax, to get well, for both me and them. They show me how to and when to relax, let things go. If they get sick I can't get stressed without making things worse for them, again I have to relax. My husband is very prone to panic, but Moose taught him to try to stay calm, or things would get so much worse. They teach us so much about how to live.

Love
Lori
5catsmom
Christian,
I'm so sorry for your loss coming so soon after your other losses. I also lost several pets in a row last year and after a time it seems to become as much a battle for sanity and just keeping yourself going as much as anything else, especially when you find yourself surrounded by people who really don't seem to completely understand the pain you're going through emotionally. Luckily, I found people here who were able to listen to me pour my heart out and never judged or made me feel like I was losing my mind or should check mysel into the nearest mental health facility (I also did have some very sympathetic family members - I shouldn't lump them in with the semi-ignorant ones at all, really).

Regarding the question of whether or not introducing another pet or not into the mix or not, or would be therapeutic for you or Bobby or not, which is a theme I seem to sense,that is a decision which I think is best made by YOU and only YOU. You knew Bobby better than anyone, and you knew what he would want best. That being said, I'm a strong believer in honoring the memory of our departed loved ones by taking in another lost loved one who might have no other chance but you, or Bobby. I had a cat like Bobby once myself - Heidi was very anti-social toward all other living creatures and disapproved of every one of them - but when I feel her presence now, and I do, really, I sense a strong approval of her having me taken in or taking care of these other 6 cats. If I could picture her, I know she'd be smiling that smug cat smile as if to say "Look what I made you do." If she were alive, she'd be horrified, but now that she's gone, I think she's become much more tolerant, if that makes sense. But as for when, when it comes to your situation, you'll know. I can't tell you when or how, but you'll know. Bobby will let you know. Don't search and don't wait, it'll come to you. If it makes any difference, I have read that only a really psychotic cat will attack a kitten, there will the normal spats and hisses and territorial issues between adult cats - as I well know since I've only rescued adult cats in the neighborhood for years - but only a really sick, rabid or psychotic cat will really go seriously after a kitten to injure or kill it.

Please don't feel that I'm pushing you one way or the other - I really don't mean to do that. It takes time, sometimes years and years, sometimes forever, to recover from the loss of a beloved pet, and I understand and sympathize with that. And you do have my deepest condolences for your loss of Bobby - it is a pain that sucks the life out of you and hurts more than you ever ever expect. The only comfort I ever received was by coming here and sharing my feelings, and knowing that I wasn't alone or on my way to losing my mind. Please, come back and let us know how you're doing, we do want to know how you're doing. Take care of yourself, we care - Barbara
vizsla-angel
Christian,
I'm so glad we could all be of comfort too you. Even though Bobby was very territorial, it also sounds like he was very loving.
Keep that in mind when the time come to consider a new family member or two. Ask yourself, would he really rather see you alone or does he love you so much that he'd want to see you happy loving a kitty again?

Love,
V
Precious' mom
Christian,
Please accept my condolences. Bobby sounded like such a sweetheart. It's terrible when they leave us; my Precious has been gone five months now, and Tigger has been gone only a month tomorrow. The nearly 19 years I had with Precious (and the nearly 16 with Tigger) cannot be erased. So many good memories. Such a shock that both of them are gone. I miss both of them but know they are in a much, much better place.
I hope Bobby still sends you signs that he's okay. Look for them because since you shared such a strong bond with him, he'll still communicate!
Lisa biggrin.gif
Christian B
Thanks again for all of your messages. I haven't been here for a while. The truth is, visiting this website became a bit too much for me.

I found the site to be an immense comfort in the days immediately after Bobby's death, and everybody's comments meant a great deal to me, helping me at the worst time. But I felt that I needed to take some time away from the website - the sadness of our combined losses was more than I could bear at that time.

I'm feeling a little stronger now, a bit more positive. I've been looking through all of my photos of my cat family, and they help me to remember all the good times.
AlleysMama
Christian

I know what you mean about the immese grief being too much sometimes. I have been a bit distant myself this weekend for that very reason. Sometimes I just can't handle it. I have made some wonderful friends here though and I don't know what I would do without them.

Its good to see you back and to hear that you are doing just a bit better.

Paula
Moose Mom
Christian

We understand how hard it can be to come here, as much help as it is too. It's okay, do what you have to do. It's so nice to hear that you are doing a bit better.Thank you so much for letting us know. The pictures and the memories of our babies are a godsend.

Love
radgirl
I am so sorry to hear Bobby's story.......the first three weeks are the longest, please keep checking in here for support.

Sounds like Bobby had a great life with you! I am so sorry for your loss.
Furkidlets' Mom
Christian,

Yes, I understand where you're coming from. I often simply can't even read certain posts in full, or can't reply to them, as it hurts far too much and makes my own, personal grief even more 'owwy'. I then have to rest assured that someone else will always reply and that poster won't be left feeling all alone. I'm just glad you found what you needed at the time. The fact that you've decided what helped and what wasn't helping is a great thing and you're to be congratulated for that! Do whatever you feel most comfortable with and you won't go wrong. (but keep in mind that you sure don't have to be feeling "more positive" in order to come here! I'M sure not a lot of the time, and that's when I, personally, need this site the most)

I'm glad you're able to look at some of your pics now and find something good in them to keep you going. Take care.
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