Where have you gone my dear little friend Luba?

One week ago today we were in the park. You were joyfully retrieving your ball, as you had done almost every day over the past 9 years.

Now you are gone. I look for you everywhere, but you are not there. I keep thinking that if I go outside and call your name, if I look really hard, you will come bounding back into my arms.

You are gone. I saw your little body at the vet's. Yet I cannot believe that you are now completely gone.

Do you see me? Do you hear me? Are you upset that I am crying like you always were when I was upset. Or are you just gone.

"Little Dog" where have you got yourself to? I often wish that I was with you wherever you have gone.

Stephanie, your post reminded me of a beautiful song that Barbra Streisand sang in Yentl--it was "Papa can you hear me"--of course it is sung to her father, but it had all the same sentiments that you wrote here.

When I first lost Ginger there was such a HUGE void--but after a couple of days I felt that Ginger sent me "word" that he was still "with" me! I sure hope that you will get a similar message....!

I have forgotten which poster here wrote this (and I wish I could remember so I could give the proper credit) but she wrote that when you are crying really hard over your pet you should turn you mind to something you remember that Luba did that made you laugh. The idea is not to "dry up" your tears, of course, but to mix up your memories so that you are not so concentrated on the darkness. I tried this for myself--it helps!

I get moments of peace sometimes in which I can think about the happy times with Luba. For the most part, however, the grief is still ripping me up from the inside. It is as though there is an iron grip around my insides, and it is twisting and turning them around.

I can't believe my dog is gone. Tomorrow will be one week ago that she first collapsed. I hung onto hope until Saturday. Then it was all over.

yes, steph, that was the worst---the hoping part--in my case my cat lived for almost a week after surgery--in the middle of the week the vet told me that he was probably going to be able to come home in a day or so! that surgery was successful!!--I don't think I have ever been so happy in all my life--but then when I went to see him in the hospital I knew looking at him that things were so bad.
I don't understand why the vet seemingly lied to me!! maybe she was just "hoping" that her little cheerleading thing would help turn the tide. Ginger had about 5 different vets in the last week--each time I went into the emergency clinic it was a different one.
The "hopes dashed" thing was truly awful so I can totally relate to what you have written.
Have you gone back to work yet?

Gingerspal, I'm so sorry that you lost Ginger. It sounds as though we went through similar turmoil in dealing with dashed hopes about a recover.y. The strange thing was that Luba actually ATE a little bit on Saturday morning, then she walked about a bit. A half hour later she had curled up and died of a heart attack.

I haven't gone back to work, last night, despite sleeping pills, I only dozed off at 5 am. I was pretty wrecked all day.

The lucky part is that I got most of my heavy projects finished the week before Luba got sick,, so there is no real crunch to get back.

I work p/t at a non-profit charitable. I have an inflammatory joint disease that slows me down a lot, so that's why I'm only p/t.

Heartbreaking that Luba seemed like he was going to recover and then did not!!

I have wondered for myself if the week that Ginger lived was somehow given to me to help me adjust to the idea of not having him!!! I mean MOST cats suc%%b fairly quickly to being hit by a truck. Not my big fella. He gave it a good fight --I think that was for me alright. I bet he could just feel my anguish!! who knows if he wasn't wanting to slip away, but there I was just begging him to stay. I am sure you understand. I feel terrible for holding onto him too long. I loved him so much and I just could not bear to part with him. The vets all said he had a chance--but now I really wonder on some level if they did not take a little advantage of me and my emotional state. The bill was enormous. Not that I wouldn't have paid whatever to get him back. I would have drained all my accounts twice over to get him back.

Were you able to upload the other photo yet? I want to put together an album of all my Ginger photos and also put up a memorial page online--but I sort of can't do it yet. maybe in a week or so. I seem to be feeling better every week. I sure hope you'll feel some better too soon! A day hasn't gone by without some tears--but it is getting better for me---!

My last "day" with Ginger--of course I had no idea it would be the last--he did something really funny--I had the trunk of my car open and he jumped into it. He had never done that before..and then I thought --brother! he is getting sort of complacent...with him jumping into open trunks like this he could be closed into a structure easily and then I wouldn't be able to find him and I would search and search until I dropped from exhaustion and he could starve to death blah blah all this in one 30 second thought. This was the same day as the accident. I did NOT like him jumping into a structure that could have been closed shut on him. A real "mommy" thought. I guess as awful as his end was at least I didn't "lose" him--I was always so terrified that one day he would not come home--I had never had an "outdoor" cat and I really kind of hated letting him go out everyday--I would have really hated losing him and wondering forever whatever happened to him. As horrible as what happened was, that would have been much worse.

Hi Gingerspal,

I just went back in the threads to find out more about your Ginger. I'm so sorry. He was a gorgeous cat!

He was the same age as my Luba.

My neighbours lost their cat two months ago. He was an indoor cat that got out when a repair guy came through the side door and left it open. They are still looking. It's so sad.

Steph--thanks for reading about Ginger! I have alot of trouble coming close to representing how special he was!! I am sure you feel the same about your Luba--
Will you write up some of his characteristics??
I had one of those microchips put in Ginger just about two weeks before the accident. I had it done because of a wonderful story I saw on the news about a woman getting her cat back after he had been missing for 7 years!!
How are you feeling today???

Hi Gingerspal,

I actually had a long sleep last night, without medicating. However, contrary to what I thought would happen after a good sleep, I actually felt WORSE for the better part of the day. I cried until about 3 pm.

I forced myself to go to the office for a few hours to distract myself. This evening when I went for a walk with my significant other.

Tomorrow I'm off to visit a good friend. I'm spending the day with her and her little kiddies.

Who knows what my emotions will be doing. It's insane.

significant other, as in a person??

I am glad you were able to go to work!

Yesterday I got a beautiful locket (well, it is just the right size and I like the style)--I put some of Ginger's fur in it and I am wearing it--I was going to take it off at night--but I took it off and then put it right back on again...I really like having this. It is like a talisman! It has chinese writing on it that of course I can't read. I want someone to translate it for me and I hope it says something wonderful!

Please take good care of yourself--more walks!! okay??