Yesterday morning I lost my angel Nicky. He had been on heart meds for almost 2 years. We almost lost him in September, but 3 days at the animal hospital brough him home good as new. He was slowly going down hill again, but he was still doing okay. Thursday morning at 3:30am he was breathing strangely. We took him to the hospital and by 8am he had died; his heart just gave out. I'm so grateful he made through Christmas. It was so hard taking down the tree today. Just Wednesday night he was sleeping under it as always. I can't even imagine putting a tree up ever again. He would have been 13 yrs old today. I handled yesterday pretty well, but today I am a mess. I just keep crying. I feel so empty. Please someone tell me there is life after Nicky. Mary

I am sorry for your terrible loss. This is a great site because everyone here has suffered a similar loss and understands your feelings.

Does it get easier? In some way, I think it does. In the days following Daisy's death, I was in acute pain, shock, disbelief. Now 8 months later, the pain is usually less acute. I can even tell people she is gone without breaking into tears. But, I miss her terribly, perhaps more as time goes by and it is longer since I held her and pet her and saw her sweet face.

The question in my mind is - Given how much we suffer when they die, is it worth it? The answer is YES, because the only way to avoid the pain is never to have known our furbabies.

I wouldn't have missed a minute with my Daisy, and I am sure that you feel the same about your Nicky, no matter how much it hurts now. Also, it helps me to remember that Daisy, like your Nicky, would have lived and died even if we had never known them. Both would have still suffered death. But, by knowing them, we were able to give them wonderful lives, filled with love and happiness.

Daisy's Mommy

Daisey's mommy thank you so much for your reply. I am sorry that you also know the pain I am feeling. For some reason your words really helped. When you said that Nicky would have lived and died even if I hadn't known him, that really hit home. I did give him a wonderful life and nobody could have loved him more than me and my husband did. I do feel a little better, but I know I still have a long way to go. My daughter forced me to go shopping with her this evening and getting out of the house helped also. I've been crying so much at home I didn't dare leave, but it actually helped. Walking around the house seeing all the things that remind me of him is so hard. Going out in public made me not think about it constantly. Maybe Daisy and Nicky will be friends up in heaven. My Mom passed away a little over a year ago and I am taking care of her two shih tzu's. They are great dogs, but I just don't have that bond. I like to think that my Mom is taking care of Nicky for me now. Thanks again, Mary

It will get....manageable, and will become a scar that you will will bear for the rest of your natural life. You will keep the loved one forever in your heart and remember him with fondness and laughter. This does not seem to come without payment as I have learned. Anger guilt & sorrow are all the precursors to acceptance....and from that comes the manageability. This place will allow you to express all of that so you may come to "accept" and someday believe that yes..there is life after Nicky. I am sorry for your loss. Take care and come back

Mary, so sorry for your loss of your precious Nickey. The hurt is so fresh now but it will get better. I loss my Bichon Raggs in July almost 6mos and I can hardly believe it. I never thought I could live one day without him, but of course we have no choice. I found writing on this site helpful it seemed to ease the pain and talking about Raggs has kept him alive. Iam so sorry for your pain and remember you two shared so much love for 13yrs but of course it is never enough time. I know you like the rest of us could not bear to watch them ill and in pain I could stand anything but that ,even letting go. Take care of yourself
and know each person grieves in their own way and time do not let anyone push you too fast as some will say get over it and it is only an animal. Hope you will give us a picture of Nickey and describe him.
Joanne(raggs Mom)

Hello Mary:

I know the battle you had with Nicky as my Miss Ellie had a bad heart too. Her little heart also gave out around 1:00 am Dec. 26th. I know your pain as I am feeling it too. I have found the support here so helpful and healing. I actually spoke of Miss Ellie several times yesterday without crying. She was so sick and deserved not to suffer anymore. I think its easier to resolve yourself when you know the animal has end stage problems that you can't cure.

Guilt, it is an ugly demon that rears its head during the grief process. Those on this site have kept my in check. Come here often and purge the grief from your heart. We are all here doing the same thing, trying to support one another through a terrible loss.

Mary,I can honestly say that it does it better.It's just going to take some time to work thur the grief.You are probably still in shock over the loss so please be gentle with yourself and take it one day at a time..When my boy Sox passed away back on Oct. 13th I was crushed by the guilt I felt that I could've done more for him if I had just acted sooner.That acomplished nothing.You and your husband gave Nicky a good home and he had a good life with you.Try to focus on those good times instead of thinking about his last day.I got caught up in thinking about the day we had to put our boy Sox to sleep and it ran like a video thur my head for days on end.I can tell you that it did not help at all.It made it worse to keep reliving that horrible day and it didn't solve anything.I'm glad you found this site as it has been an invaluable place for me to come to terms with my own grief and start to look forward to the future once again.Please come back often and let us know more about your sweet Nicky.Those of us on this site know what your going thur and we understand your pain.It helps to know that your not alone in your feelings.My thoughts and prayers are with you.Sincerely,Renee (Sox's mom)