Today I go to pick up my Sweet Miss Ellie's ashes. It's been four days since she went to Rainbow Bridge and I am still so heartbroken about losing my best friend.

My son invited me to his house last night and took me to dinner at my favorite Italian restuarant, mainly to see if he good get me to eat more. I did eat some but then my stomach knotted again, right in the middle of dinner. We started talking about getting a new dog and knotamatic hit.

My son reminded me this morning while giving me many long hugs that my dog was with an old cardiac nurse, and would never have lasted this long if I had not known the symptoms of heart failure. I used to take apical pulses (listen to heart and count beats) with my pedi stethescope to monitor Miss El's heart rate. I checked it several times a day for the last nine months. Adjusted her meds accordingly. Once her kidneys were involved management became a challenge. She would shake life a leaf when I had to give her human doses of lasix to get the fluid off her lungs. She died when her kidneys no longer responded to her medication. She became uremic (full of toxins) and couldn't hold down food or medicine. She held on long enough to see us through Christmas and I believe she was smiling in the picture taken below with my husband and I. She had all her family with her what more could any dog ask for. Mark works out of town and I am alone alot. Ellie was my company, my companion.

Although I want my dogs ashes the act of having to go back to the place where we put her down and get a box of ashes instead of my dog has me crying a river, I miss my sweet little dog so very much.

I have a chronic autoimmune disease and an antibody attacks my liver eventually I will die of liver failure unless I am lucky enough to get a liver that matches and be transplanted. This makes me feel fatiqued most of the time and my little dog always knew when the antibody was attacking me. She could tell I didn't feel well and always comforted me. She was more comfort to me than any of my family. I guess what I am trying to say is this dog, that some say are just dogs, gave me more comfort in my hour of need than anyone. My constant companion who would lay her head on my shoulder and gently lick my cheeks to make me feel better. God knows I will miss her so very much. So you see my friends this dog comforted a chronically ill woman and I needed her as much as she needed me.

My hope is to someday be rejoined in heaven with my dog by a wonderful lake with plenty of kayacks, sailboats, sun and sand.

You are in the throws of the terrible onset of grief. Many years as a male I tried to hide profound feelings inside of me because I thought they were wrong. I don't do that anymore. I "let it all out". My wife tells me I possess great empathy. I think it is a curse. I read your post and cried alot. It is good to see you come here and write, sometimes that is all one can do for the moment. This place is an outlet. I am glad to see you here using it. I am certain there is a place in heaven for you. Me....I am not so sure. I have some things in the past I will have to answer for someday...even though I did those things to protect and avenge others. I had to smile at the "knotamatic" word. I think I have experienced those too in my life, Take care...come back

I think God sent you Miss Ellie, I really do!! She helped you in more ways than most humans could. I know her death was a terrible loss. My cat Precious was alive for 19 years 3 days and then he entered eternal life on 06 August 2006. I miss him a lot but know he's free from pain and suffering (he was diagnosed with cancer and lived three weeks after that). He's still with me in every way; I have his wooden urn right beside my bed. The thing you see in the photo was something my friend Karen made for Christmas that I cherish very much.
I know you had a bond with Miss Ellie and even though she will be in another form she will be with you in that way too! A pet may die but the bond remains, stronger than ever. Watch for signs, they do happen (dreams and otherwise). Precious still sends me a lot!
Lisa

Hello John:
You are so full of compassion and understanding. Any woman would be proud to have you as a mate. YOu have shown more compassion to me on the board than my own husband who kept asking me when I was crying and needed a hug if I wanted him to come home. I felt he was just asking to get permission not to come which I gave him.

To Precious MOM:

You may be right about God sending Miss Ellie to me just wish he hadn't taken her from me so soon. Right now I am not having any dreams when I do I hope they are good dreams of a healthy Miss Ellie. One thing I know you are right about is the great comfort and joy this little dog brought into my life. For the experience of owning her I am grateful.