Jennofthejungle
Dec 28 2006, 01:33 PM
Wrote this on Tuesday for my blog, many were familiar with my boy,, hours after we'd been given the diagnosis.He passed away that night.
****Diggz passed away this morning at 12:30 a.m. He went very quietly. It was all we could have asked for. We were both there kissing him and hugging him as he took his last breathe. Thank you all for your kind thoughts.****
I found out today that my best friend in the world is dying. The only friend I've ever had that loved me unconditionally.
I knew he'd been feeling badly. He'd not been himself. His eyes didn't have the same glow. The hitch,the swagger in his step had slowed to a meandering roll. He didn't "laugh" at my jokes the way he used to and his propensity to play sports, especially anything involving a tennis ball had ceased.
Today he was diagnosed with rapid late stage lung cancer and another tumor in his stomach had grown in the last two weeks, to the size of a cantaloupe. They think he has a brain tumor, but the word "inoperable" when applied to his lung cancer made him decide that all he wanted was to live his life out in a little dignity, and peace. I agreed with him. As hard as it was. Right now he's not in pain.
All day today I thought back to all the times we'd shared. All the parties. Days at the beach. Swimming in the ocean. Running until we thought we'd pass out. Long walks, when we'd just enjoy each others company, that's all we needed. Sitting on the sofa on rainy days watching movie after movie, cuddled up in THE BIG BLANKIE. And oh, the big wet kisses. So many, too many to count. He likes to sneak in big wet tongue kisses, but my husband doesn't mind. The time he ate all my handmade chocolates, so many he was sick for two days. Or the episode where he ate a whole lemon. A WHOLE UNPEELED LEMON!
My goofy best friend in the world. Been my best friend from my feckless youth, seen me marry his other best friend, sat next to me on my 21st birthday while I hurled chunks from the stomach flu and missed my big night. Walked me down the aisle to my husband. He's been by my side for 13 wonderful, sometimes weird years.
He was with my at my lowest lows and my highest highs. Through thick and thin, good and bad. As I will now be with him. Holding his paw.
Can I just ask those of you who do pray to think of him, and those of you, like me, who don't, to still just think of him and wish for him a quiet, peaceful end.
Mr. Diggz. Super Diggz. Diggerboy, my sweet, sweet Diggerboy, my polka dotted best bud, my sunshine, my greeter at the door, my joy, my walking partner, my best friend, is dying.
Whoever said dogs are man's best friend were wrong, they're woman's best friend as well
Moose Mom
Dec 28 2006, 01:47 PM
I'm so sorry you lost your son Diggz. It's so hard to be without someone who was our very best friend. He sounds like a wonderful dog. The lemon thing must have been both wierd and funny.
He is in a peaceful place, in no pain. I will take some time to just think of him.
Do you have a picture? I'd love to see him.
Thinking of you
Lori
Jennofthejungle
Dec 28 2006, 02:37 PM
All my pics are video and actual photos, of which I have hundreds, maybe thousands, thank the stars, though I have them put away for the time being. He was a Dal/BLK Lab mix. Two black ears, black snout, black back and the rest was very, very spotted. He was just such a handsome boy, and he was so loved by so many. 14 years I was so lucky to be blessed by his presence.
Waking up this morning, to the quiet, was so hard. Usually, even at the end, he'd beat his tail against the floor in anticipation of morning walkies, he could sense when I was waking up. The silence that greeted me upon waking this morning was deafening.
I came to work this morning though I didn't have to, to get out of the house that holds so many memories. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for going home, where he won't be, to greet me at the door. This first time.....arggggg, just so hard.
Some people don't get it. "He's JUST a dog," they say. No, he was, as close to being my son as anything else could have ever been. I loved him with every fiber of my being. I will always love him. I'm just so glad that he went when he did, with my husband and I there for him, as hard as that was, instead of alone when we were at work, or in a vets office. He was on his favorite blankie and being hugged, kissed and held, stroked and even a butt scratch or two, his absolute favorite.
AlleysMama
Dec 28 2006, 03:00 PM
Jenn -
I'm so sorry for your loss. He wasn't "just a dog". He was part of your family and it will be very hard, but we are here for you. Feel free to talk about him all you like. We would love to see a picture.
Birdiemom
Dec 28 2006, 03:15 PM
So eloquently put Jenn. Some people don't get it, that our pets are our children. It's good to have another pet person here, too bad we all have to meet under these cir%%stances.
Diggz sounds like he was a complete joy. I have a bird that I feel the same way about. The day he goes I fear I may want to go with him. He should have quite a few good years left. He is 19 and should live to be in his late 20's... thank God for that.
I know what you mean by a deafening silence. My mothers house was like that for a couple of months after loosing 2 of her 3 cats and the one she still has we never see, she's always been like that. For Christmas she bought my sister who still lives at home a kitten... New life breathed back into that house. Maybe one day, when you are ready, a new furry life will come to your heart and your husbands. But take your time, you'll know if and when it's right to help another soul.
Take care,
PAtti
Schtoobing'sMom
Dec 28 2006, 03:25 PM
Jenn,
Of course Diggz was not 'just a dog'! I'm so sorry for your loss, and I admire your strength for being with your precious boy until the end. That is something I didn't get the chance to do for my sweet baby, and I probably will always carry that guilt with me.
I understand what you mean about coming home that first time...When I got home the day my Schtoobing died, it felt surreal. He had always been there to greet me, and now home just doesn't feel like home any more. That first evening, after I closed the front door behind me, I threw my keys across the living room, went into my bedroom and sobbed. I cried each time I came home for several days. But each day, it gets a little easier to turn the key and open that door. I still think about how Schtoobing's not going to be there, waiting expectantly for me in his favorite chair, but I now have a place for my pain to live. Before, it was just running all over and through me, and now it's just...there.
I don't know if that makes sense. I'm not saying that you'll get over the loss of Diggz, because you won't. Just remember that Diggz had such a great life with you and your husband, and that he will always be part of you guys. I hope you find comfort here at this site- so many of us are going through the loss of our best friends too, and we know how you feel. Take care and God bless.
Diane
Jennofthejungle
Dec 28 2006, 03:43 PM
He'd been really picky on the food (a dog that would eat ANYTHING) for the last month, and after 14 years of high quality dried food, we started feeding him anything he'd eat. On Christmas day, he didn't want bacon, nor turkey, though he took a few nibbles. We knew the time was coming. But not so soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When we took him to the vet on tuesday morning, she gave us the news, but she said three weeks to three months. We just didn't know he'd die in 12 hours. But we spent the whole day laying with him, and about 3 or 4 hours before he died, he even went walkies with me, I even let him lick dog pee off a leaf, which he always wanted to do, but we tried to avoid. And he ate, he ate better than he had for days, I'd cooked up some steak, some left over turkey....bologna, a favorite.
At 12:30 he woke us both, choking, breathing hard, standing in the doorway, illuminated by the hall light we'd left on for him to get to his upstairs water bowl... we shot up and went to him,he walked towards my voice and as he lay down on the big blankie, we held him, loved him... we still just thought he was "having an episode". Then, he died.
So, while we knew it was coming, we didn't know it would be that soon. Not that there would EVER, EVER have been a good time. But at least he had quality of life even on his last day. That, that is one of the only things that's getting me through, is that his eyes were brighter that day, and while the tail was a bit slower, it still beat on the floor, and that we just spent the day loving him. That he heard my voice in those last few moments and came to me.
Oh, and his grandma and grandpaw (my parents) who loved him like he was a 2 legged grandchild, came with us to the vet, and each spent some good time with him that last day.
He died at home, that'sall that matters. He died with us, at home, surrounded by love.
I know I sound like a broken record, but this is helping me. Thank you all, thank you soooooooooo much.
boatlady13
Dec 28 2006, 04:07 PM
WE all know how you feel as I feel the same way and tears are flowing since I read your post. I know you loved your dog so much and he was so much a part of your life. It is so hard to let them go isn't it. They are so unconditional and forgive painlessly. They comfort you and love you at your worst moments.
I wish for you some peace in your sorrowful heart as I am searching frantically to find some in mine. I really miss my little Ellie it's only been three days and I am still mourning so heavily for her. Her death was horrible and the image not of peace but of suffering to breathe is burned in my mind. My poor little sweet baby didn't deserve to suffer not one minute like that.
Jennofthejungle
Dec 28 2006, 04:51 PM
Oh, boatlady, I am so sorry. So terribly sorry. But, while she may have suffered a little in the end, she then went on, and you were there with her. That's all she wanted.
I'm still at the office, I'm the last one here.... I don't want to go home. Today will be the first day going home to that empty place. It will be the first day that he won't be waiting for me at the top of the stairs when I come up from the garage.
So many bad, bad firsts that follow such a sad, sad last.
boatlady13
Dec 28 2006, 05:23 PM
Oh Jenn I feel for you I do, I don't want to get in the car coz it will be the first time I have left the house without her to go somewhere. And it will be the first time I come home to the house with her not here.
Come back tonight when you get home and let it all out, we are here to comfort and help you as you have helped us.
Hugs to you.
ryancat
Dec 28 2006, 09:26 PM
Jenn,I am so sorry for your loss.Oh,what you must be feeling right now.It is the hardest thing in the world to lose a pet that you love like your own child.I understand what you going thur.I lost my baby boy Sox to feline diabetes and kidney failure this past Oct. 13th and I am still having a hard time of it.It doesn't get any easier I'm afraid but time does make it a little bit easier to handle.You learn to live with it,day by day,minute by minute,second by second.For those people who say,oh,he's just a dog...well,I say to them,you just don't get it!!You have to feel sorry for them that they have never had the unconditional love of an animal.Loving a pet is just like loving a person,love is love after all.....I thank you for sharing your story with all of us and I hope we can be of some comfort to you in the following weeks,months,and years.I've been coming to this site almost every night since my baby died and it was helped me so much.I found out that I am not alone in my thinking and that it is okay to grief for as long as you need to.We understand your pain and we would like to help you if we can.I do pray,I pray every night,and I'll be happy to include your boy in my prayers,tonight and every night for as long as you need me to.Try to focus on all the good memories you have of him instead of focusing on his last days.I did that and it really helped me.My thoughts are with you at this terrible time.Sincerely,Renee (Sox's mom)
Jennofthejungle
Dec 28 2006, 09:31 PM
Thanks Boatlady, I waited in the office until my husband called to tell me he was home. Then I came home.
It was bad, but my husband met me in the garage, so I didn't walk up the stairs alone. It was still just so empty.
I sat outside talking to my mom, who like I said earlier loved him like a 4 legged grandson, and when I came in, I felt a little better, but my husband was sitting with his head in his hands sobbing on the sofa, and believe me, he's not a "cryer". So, we had an "episode", but I took out one of Digger's pictures and we looked at it, and well, this sounds like we're nuts but we talked to him through the picture, and it gave us some comfort.
We got rid of his two beds, his blankies and bowls and toys except the one he "went" with, and everything else. I boxed up his pictures we had out all over the house, and the other momentos, and a sign we had that said WARNING:STRANGE DOG. I put it all away, then went back into it yesterday and removed one I loved that was an action shot of his a couple of years ago, wagging his tail and licking him chops. It's a wonderful picture, so joyful. I felt this horror that we'd somehow just tried to eradicate everything about him...so we have the one under the sofa, so we can pull it out and look at it.
I feel a bit insane right now. Sorry, so scatty.
Jennofthejungle
Dec 28 2006, 09:34 PM
Thanks Renee, I'll need it, I was telling my mom that this site has been a huge help today. HUGE.
Please do pray for him, but I think he doesn't needit. A dog as sweet, loving and good as he, is romping in a special place with steaks and balls to chase and sunny spots to nap in all day long.
michelles kitty
Dec 28 2006, 10:47 PM
jen
i am so sorry for your loss, he sounded like a true friend/son. i have two dogs of my own that are like my children to me. i lost two cats with in two months and seven days apart from each other. it is the most hardest thing i ever had to go thru(and am still going thru)
i did everything you did boxed up everything, and then i sat back and reaslized that by doing that it meant they were truly gone, not from my heart but from my house. i went back and put everything out again.. and i found comfort in that i really did. its been now three months for one cat and two months for the other on the 10 th of january and i can tell you it eases a bit, but it is still painful when i see other cats..it still hurts and i still cry, but somehow having things of them around me takes the sting out of it. and of course thier urns..they are with me. i've had signs and i had dreams of them both.comforting but each time i miss them more and more.
i am glad you found this site. they have given me a shoulder to lean on and a place to feel loved. its an incredible site and the people here are the best they really are.
hugs to you my friend, i wish i could be there to give you one in person, i could sure use one myself..cyber hug to you
take care and i'll be thinking of you.
michelle~poohbear and kittens mom
also mom to tee bonz and coco~my pups who are here to help me heal.
xrayspex
Dec 29 2006, 04:56 PM
I am sorry you lost such a good friend. I am keenly aware of how you feel right now. My Chase was a little goofy as well. Goofy makes them cute & endearing....doesn't it

Pets don't know any bounds when it comes to being with you. If you have a rough day a pet can make it all better. They are always there for you...unconditionally. You have come to the right place to talk about your loved one.Welcome....
sheps mama
Dec 31 2006, 01:23 PM
Jenn I too have just lost my boy (yesterday) and understand totally how you feel. The house is so empty without him and I don't think I'll ever get used to it. Comfort yourself in the fact that he was yours and no-one else would have loved him or cared for him in the way that only you could. This is what I am trying to do but my guilt in putting my precious boy, Shep, to sleep is eating me alive.
I wish he could've gone naturally of his own accord, but it wasn't to be. The vet said only old age would get him and as he was 14.5 years, it was only going to get worse - normally Old English Sheepdogs only reach 11 or 12. They said that his back end would finally give up and we should not let that happen because he would be aware of this and it would distress him. We agreed to nurse him through Christmas and then act, but I wish I could turn back time. I wasn't ready to let him go and even at the last minute asked the vet one last time if we were doing this too soon. Her words were of no comfort to me as I held his head in my hands and watched my baby slip away. I am haunted by this moment - it plays over and over in my head torturing me. If I have a minute of peace it kicks in again with extra force and tears me apart. Please tell me this will subside soon as I feel physically sick every time it happens.
In the end I suppose that what we all have in common is that we all loved our babies more than most will believe is possible and that we gave them the best life ever. I know Shep will be remembered in my family as the gentle giant and no-one will ever be as loved as he was by me and my other half. I just hope that with time this pain disappears leaving only the good memories. I hope you are starting to feel a little better and that the same is just around the corner for us. Take care.
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