I was thinking about if there was any difference in my feelings now that it has been 8 months since Daisy passed away. I was also wondering how people think the grief changes over time.

In the days following her death, my grief was horrible and acute. Now, it is horrible, but generally less acute. At times, I can even think of her with joy in remembering her, but then waves of pain still hit me. I almost never come home without thinking how she is not there to greet me.

In the days following her death, I could not believe that she was really gone. I still cannot believe it.

I think that the main difference is that now, when asked, I can say that Daisy passed away without breaking into tears.

I will always miss her - my first pet of my adulthood, my true friend, my soulmate, my tiny terrier. There will never be anothe like her. Like in the rose in the "Little Prince", she was unique to me because I loved her.


Daisy's Mommy

Daisy's mommy,I know just how you feel.For me time has helped alittle bit.I can now tell people that my boy Sox passed away without breaking into tears but I must admit my voice is still alittle shaky when I say it.I've tried hard to forget the day of his passing because it is such a painful memory,one that is burned into my mind forever.I still think of him every day and yes,it still hurts so much.I still cry at night but not every night like I did when he first passed away.It's been alittle over 2 months since I lost my boy and for me there are differences.The pain is still there but I have tried to learn to live without him (even tho I don't want to).My friends and family have helped alot,especially my wonderful husband who I would have been lost without,and my faith for I know in my hear that someday I will be reunited with my baby Sox and it will surely be a joyous reunion! I hope it helps to know that you are not alone in your thinking and that there are others out here who feel just as you do.We will all learn to live without them,it's just going to take some time.I am thinking about getting another kitty to love,not to replace Sox for he can never be replaced,but a new addition to the family.Perhaps that will help ease my pain as well....I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and I wish you well.Sincerely,Renee (Sox's mom)

I too have begun with (great sadness and a profuse sense of loss) to accept my Baby Chases death. I still will cry if I "dwell" on it so I don't. There are still things I can't do like look to long at the spot in the backyard where she is buried. Not sure how I am going to come to grips with that one yet. But I can talk about it now without bringing myself to tears. I am sure my big male cat "Piper" is relieved this day is here since he was a big feline "kleenex" for a while. Poor cat. I am still very careful however who I talk with about it since there are a lot out there I don't trust with my feelings. It's tough to be a guy sometimes. Like my close friends have said...I always wear my feelings pinned on my shirtsleeve

I guess we all progress through the stages of grief different. One must remember that these stages can rear their ugly heads at any time after you lose your beloved. You will vacillate between the stages. Unfortunately I haven't hit denial and don't think I will since I was there when Miss Ellie passed.

ryancat, I certainly understand about nightmare deaths as poor Miss Ellie had one. She struggled to breathe and i stroked her head with water and blew in her face, she finally started to quit breathing at which point I gave her mouth to mouth and she came back, but had stroked her two front legs wouldn't move. I was agast at what I had done and the guilt of bringing her back to suffer one more minute is haunting me. I did take her immediately after the resusitation to the vet and we put her down. Vet said her kidneys and heart were shot and i was making the right decision.

It was awful and i cry everytime I think of how she stuggled so hard to breathe at the end and wish we both could have spared that by me not listening to my husband about being mean and putting her down on christmas day. She suffered so much on Christmas Day and I just want to put her out of her misery but no one else would agree so she could only wait until 1:00 am Dec. 26th. This haunts me and I can't get the image of my dying dog out of my mind. I waited too long to help her and the guilt is haunting me.

For Gods sake don't do this to yourself...GOOD LORD....how can we as frail humans be expected to excercise any good judgement when faced with the complete and total departure of something we dearly love? There are a lot of us here when faced with this decision would do the same thing. What is the alternative....put them down and then wonder if you could have got some more quality time with them. Guilt is a double edged sword, We can't escape it...but we can protect ourselves from its terrible hold. YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!!!!

To Boatlady13,

The decision about when to help a beloved friend leave this earth is one of the hardest decisions we ever have to make. Remember, we are making the decision for someone who cannot express his/her wishes. So, I have always believed that we should apply the same standards when deciding for our pets as we would use for ourselves.

Many people would not want to die on Christmas day, in part to spare having their loved ones connect such a joyous day with such a sad event.

We can never know if our decision was "right." Did we do it too soon, too late, did we not try every last resort first, was there one more thing we could have done? So, in my opinion the decision is "right" if it is made with love, and not with self-concern (such as people who euthanize their pet because of incontinence or something that is inconvenient for the person, but not for the pet.)

It is clear from your posting, how much you loved Miss Ellie and gave her a wonderful life. In the end, you tried to give her one more Christmas day, and then let her go. Remember that a life is more than its end, and no death is pleasant.

But, Miss Ellie is safe with God now, after a happy life, filled with love and cariing.

Daisy's Mommy

It's been 6 months for me. 6 months, 12 days. I no longer cry every single day. Yet, I almost always cry when I think of her. It breaks my heart that sometimes a whole day goes by that I don't think of her. And I can't believe it's already been 6 months. It still seems so fresh.

Magdalene

The grief does change, what it doesn't do is go away. I lost my best friend and kitty cat, Butch, 10 years ago. There are times I think of him and cry, I still miss him so much. Most days are not like that, but something will come up and set me off. There are more days I can think of him with joy.

When you lose a loved one your reality changes, again and again. Nothing ever 'goes back to normal'. You learn to live in the new reality. At first it changes fast, the first week, the first month without them. The first year is hard, too many firsts. Things settle down some after that, your 'new reality' becomes more stable, and sadly you do forget a little. It hurts but your new reality doesn't include feeding, taking care of and petting them. Less accute is a good way to put it.

You never stop loving and missing them. Not when they were such a bright star in your life. My Moose kitty has been gone just two months, he is much missed, our reality is very unstable yet.

Love
Lori

Daisy's mom and John, Bless you both for relieving me of the guilt I feel for lovingly trying to keep Miss Ellie from suffering. You see I had given her mouth to mouth before when she got bad and she came back. This time it wasn't so good and she came back paralyzed. The decision at that point was not hard. I feel guilty for making her live when i should have let her go and not breathed the lifesaving air i nto her lungs. I couldn't let her go that way suffering for every breath I felt I had to help her. The absolute nightmare of this event has been haunting me.

You are right I did it out of the love I had for her and I did love her with all my heart. Thank you both for giving me the permission to make a loving mistake to help her.