Hi,everyone.It's been awhile since I've posted here but tonight I found myself coming here without even thinking about it.I guess I just wanted to see that there are many others still coping with the loss of a beloved pet.I am missing my baby Sox so bad tonight I can't stand it........I've been thinking of him every day wondering if he's in heaven,hoping he'll wait there for me when it's my time,wishing he were here instead of there so I could tell him I love him more one time and hug him like I used to...it's sooo hard to live without him.The holidays were always his favorite time of year with all the ribbons and bows to play with,the extra treats in his stocking,wrapping paper everywhere for him to play in,etc...We hung his stocking up this year even tho he's no longer here,is that weird? I just wish I could turn back time and bring him back to me just for a minute so I could say a proper goodbye.When he was put to sleep I was too upset to give him the goodbye I should have and now I feel guilty that I wasn't stronger.I don't know what else to say I guess I just needed to get out some of my feelings tonight.I pray that everyone who reads this post will soon find comfort and relief from the grief we are all feeling right now.Send me some prayers too while your at it cuz I sure could use them.Thanks for listening........ Renee (Sox's mom)

Hello Renee,
I'm feeling so much of the sadness that you are going through right now too. Even though it has been just over a month since T.C. left me I still find he is in my mind every day and I am missing him so very much. I don't think it's wierd at all to hang up Sox's Christmas stocking. I made a little one for T.C. several years ago and I hung it on my tree.It looks so empty so I think I'll put a little toy in it then give it to my other furbabies after Christmas. I never really said goodbye to T.C. either-I just couldn't, it was just too final. To me it was like letting go and I don't think I ever want to do that. I wish I could take your guilt away so you wouldn't have that hurt too along with everything else you are trying to cope with. I'd like to think our furangels really don't want us to say goodbye and are happy and content just knowing how much we love them. I truly believe Sox understands that. Please take care and my thoughts and prayers will be with you and Sox tonight. {{{Hugs}}} Kathi

renee,
i am right where you are today..feeling down and find myself looking for my furgirls.. this morning i used the can opener for the first time since kittens death and i actually looked behind me in the kitchen expecting to see her..as deaf as she was in her senior years she always came running when it was used. i'd like to think she was there in spirit.
i know what you mean..just one more hug, just one more lovey, a kiss, an i love you so much. i often wonder if they miss hearing our voices. i bet they do.
i am sending warm fuzzy hugs your way and prayers too. you are not alone..thinking of you and everyone here
take care
michelle

Renee

I understand what you are going through. Some days are okay and some are so bad and you miss them so much. I don't think it's at all odd that you want to hang his stocking, we are going to hang Moose's, and give him a toy.

I didn't think I could face a tree this year 'cause Moose loved them so much, but Hubby pointed out that Moose would miss it if we didn't, so of course we are going to get one. Sox and Moose are happy somewhere I'm sure, we are the sad ones.

A better goodby would be my Christmas wish this year also. A good hug, a nose rub, a kiss on the top of his head, yeah. Sounds great.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and Sox.

Love
Lori

ditto you guys. I don't care what some people think of how we feel so deeply about our precious fur babies, even if they were old. Those little animals gave us so much love and affection, and i feel that i never gave half as much to my baby boy as he gave me.
Yes, some days are ok, and some are just unbearable. It's been 2 months since my Buddy Boy left. Nearly every minute I am reliving some part of his life with me or reliving his death again.
Thanks giving was hard, because Bud always stayed near me at all times, even while I was cooking. He frequently went to the refrigerator door and begged for a carrot, which was one of his favorites til his little teeth started having to be pulled.
He loved tea. He loved turkey and &en.

Christmas will be especially hard. He always sat near me or in my lap while I watch tv or **. He loved riding around looking at Christmas lights. Yes, I know that sounds crazy, but he did. I would talk to him and say look at the pretty lights baby. Isn't that pretty? and he would just gaze at them like he really enjoyed it. The bank teller always gave him a Christmas bone, , cause he was alwys with me at the drive thru.and he would bark a greeting to her when she spoke to him.
He had a santa hat and a red hooded coat, even little boots for really cold weather, and a tuxedo for New Years.
The other day my husband and I were cleaning and found one of his treats which he had licked to soften it up and i guess knocked it under the bed. How did I miss that when cleaning before???? He held it in both our hands and we both cried for a long time. He placed it on top of Bud's little ashes box. Just haven't the heart to throw it away.
No, I don't think this hurt will ever pass. Maybe we will get stronger/ maybe not.
It seems to be destroying us. I pray for all of us to discover the strength within somehow and find whatever it is that will heal and guide us on.
Much love and concern for all of you. Merry Christmas. Cate

You're right, everyone...it's almost 3.5 months for me since my baby girl, Nissa, left, and frankly, the closer Christmas approaches, the worse every single day is for my anguish. It's not getting better, but worse, even though I know, from reading and experience, that major holidays almost always make our grief feel fresh again. I'm so terrified of the levels of pain that I might reach this Christmas. THIS is the one I've been dreading for so many years...the one with no baby left for me to hold while crying, and no getting kisses to soothe my shattered heart.

I could hardly sleep last night, either, Renee, with visions of Nissa's dying moments filling my head. Even though I was there, there are a few really important things that I wish I could change....and make perfect. I found myself 'rewriting' them the way I'd wished they'd been, then realizing with horror that these imaginings weren't the reality that had been! The guilt that enveloped me then was so sickening. I'd always told Nissa that she deserved absolute perfection, just like SHE was in my eyes...yet I couldn't deliver that to her in the last few moments of her life. It kills me yet. I try to replace those thoughts with imaginings of how her current life must be so much better (w/o a painfilled body to contend with)...and yet CAN'T imagine how in the world we wouldn't miss someone left on earth whom we loved, so I don't end up feeling much better.

People have told me repeatedly that it's more helpful to concentrate on the WHOLE of her (and Sabin's) life, rather than torture myself with those few seconds that weren't as perfect....but it's hard, when we love them THAT MUCH! I know it's good advice, but much easier said than accomplished.

And like you, Cate, I also feel like I never did, or could possibly have given my kidlets as much love as they gave me. And I, too, relive parts of their lives, or deaths...same as you, almost every waking moment. It kills me, but it's automatic and uncontrollable. Your stories of Bud and your recent discovery of his treat had me sobbing as I recalled my own stories alongside yours. (maybe you could put a plastic finish on that treat, so you'd NEVER have to throw it away? and perhaps finding it was a sign from Bud?) I'm glad for you, though, that your husband was touched enough to cry WITH you....something I don't usually get from mine, so I'm in this pretty much alone, and I feel so alone already w/o the constant presence of my girl, which I'd had for most of those long (but now short) years. The other day, my H said to me, "Well, it isn't Christmas yet!", when I'd spoken of being the only one crying....as if real grief can possibly be contained and relegated to one, singular day...he just always seems to make me feel even more alone than I'm supposed to be!

This is the part that's just SOOOO hard...just going through the pain, experiencing it in so many jabs and stabs and weak-kneed moments, endlessly for now. I find I can't even drum up much in the way of comforting things to say to my fellow grief travellers, I'm in such a pit of despair myself lately. I can only hope that we are all surrounded by loving forces in such mult*itudes that we might really feel that Presence when we really need it. It's going to be virtually impossible to make it through the holidays otherwise.

Thank you so much for all of your responses to my post.They touched my heart and gave me hope that things are going to get better in time.I'm not really looking forward to the holidays either even tho it was always my favorite time of year.I don't think losing a loved one is something you get over,you only learn to live with it.My husband Rick tells me that all the time and I really believe him.He lost his father when he was 18 and he told me that if he thinks about him he can still cry over how much he misses him.He said each day it gets alittle bit easier to deal with and that you learn to accept the loss and move on with your life.That's going to be hard for me because there's not a day that goes by that I don't think of my boy Sox and miss him.It's so much harder than I ever thought it would be....I knew in my heart that he was getting older and that he wouldn't be around forever but I refused to accept this reality.I never thought it would end the way it did.I always dreamed he would die in his sleep of old age and that it would be hard but I really think it would have been easy had it happened that way.To see him get sick and struggle so broke my heart.It's good to know that I am not alone in my feelings and that there are others who feel the same way.Let's make a pact that we will all help each other thur the holidays,o.k.??I really appreciate all of the responses I received and I will keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers tonight.I hope we all find comfort in knowing we are not alone in our grief.Many,many thanks to all of you.Sincerely,Renee (Sox's mom)

Renee,

Here's a thought for you to ponder if you choose, as it's something I've thought about quite a few times myself, also having wished for Nissa a death in her sleep:

If Sox (or Nissa) had gone in his sleep instead, then you still wouldn't have been there for him (unless you were awake and watching) and in fact, would have been even less 'prepared' and so would have suffered even more shock and trauma in that sense. You also might have to be dealing with many more 'why's' of what happened, and more guilt associated with wondering if you'd missed seeing signs of illness, etc. And unless you happened to be there to witness it, you'd probably still be wondering if they suffered in some way that you didn't happen to see. I've torturned myself with the same ponderings, and still do at times, but have also found at times that really looking at other scenarios that might have been can also carry their own set of problems. In the final an*alysis, sometimes it helps to try and imagine that the way things happened were the closest, in many subtle ways (that you may discover on your own, later) to the 'best', overall, that it could have possibly been. This is all part of the "finding meaning" in your loss, which we just can't see or process too early on in our grief. It sometimes does help to compare, in the sense that you might think, "Well, at least THIS or THAT didn't happen...cuz that would have been even worse!" This helps us eventually see that some aspects of a death were, indeed, blessings, and we can then become more grateful for those aspects...by comparison.

What I'm trying to impart is that no matter WHAT the circu*mstances, we almost always look for something to torture ourselves with and always carry some kind of regret. Most dying isn't truly as easy as we'd wish it to be (although the actual leaving of the body probably is)...simply because no matter which way you slice it...it's still a death, and that's what we rail against the most. We just don't want it to be true, period. We just want them still here, with us, the way it 'ought' to be, the way it always was before.

Christmas used to be my fav*ourite time of year, too (well, at least my fav*ourite time in the winter season)...but since all of my losses, all of which, until Nissa's, fell around the holidays...that's all changed forever and it's now the most painful time of year for me. I'm imagining that in the distant future (say maybe a few YEARS from now) I might have some pleasant moments during holidays, but overall...?????? who can say? Right now, it feels like they will all be forever tainted by loss and sorrow, or at best bittersweet memories that will last my lifetime. There's a word, Brazilian in origin, called "saudade" (pronounced saw-DAJH) that's supposed to mean, among many other similar things, "the sadness one feels for happy memories." I think that about sums up our 'new normal'.

I also just realized yesterday that Nissa's death has been the freshest/closest to the START of the Christmas season, whereas all my other ones were after the Big Day, so I had almost a year for each to 'settle' somewhat before I had to face a Christmas with each loss.....makes it that much tougher and something I'm not as 'used to'.

And you GOT it! If there's anything any of us can do for each other, even if it's simply to be a sounding board for others' thoughts and feelings, over this horrid holiday time, I'm sure we'll all do our best to hold each other up!

Hey guys. Yes, I thinkwe do feel pretty much the same, and of course those who do not feel it or understand it seem to want us to "get over it".
But I'm here to tell you that you have permission and ent*itlement to your grief and it is not only ok but it NEEDS validation. So maybe that is what we can and are doing for each other. We are saying it is fitting and right and good to acknowledge these feelings and not pretend we are OVER it. It hurts, dammit, and it has to be said --yes, over and over til it begins to heal, if ever.
Those who do not understand or care should at least be considerate enough to not be unkind or ridicule us.
All of you and I deserve to have our grief, love, and pain acknowledged as well as the fact that it does take time to get through this deep crevass* we have fallen into. Some of us are having a harder time than others finding our way throug it,
and some of us may not get through it. I know I have even had thoughts of wanting to go to my baby. I pull myself up and go on, and it feels like walking through waist deep mud with legs heavy as lead.
I hope someone is kind to you each and every one and gives you some reason to smile through this next few weeks.
You have my thoughts and prayers mingled with all of yours.
Love and Peace, Cate

I feel sad everyday. I thought I could get through today without crying. I can see my baby, hear his voice, and feel his softness. I leave his beds untouched, and his sister and brother don't sleep in them. They still expect him to come home. I don't sleep for more than a few hours and I don't dream of him. It's as though I would be letting go. That's something I can't do, not just because I let him get killed.

The snow is covering the ground tonight. I can no longer look through the woods for might remain of him. He isn't coming back and it's been over 11 weeks. I can't let go of him, but I can't look for him anymore. I want the snow to leave. I want to believe he is still out there and I can find him.

I know how you feel. How we all feel. It is a powerless place to be.

You know, there are quite a few grief authors who say we never have to "say good-bye" or "let go" of our loved ones. Death doesn't end a relationship, but only a body. I remember the very first time I read that, and the total relief I felt, knowing someone else (and an 'expert', no less!) agreed with how I felt about it! Instead, we can subst*itute whatever we're most comfortable with for that part of our resolution ( and even this word is different from that other classic misnomer, "acceptance" ). For instance, depending on our beliefs, we can say simply "bye for now," or not 'bye' at all. Me, I NEVER say anything of the sort...those phrases ADD to my pain, so why use them? I try to choose my words wisely, to be compatible with what my heart says and what my beliefs are (or what I want them to be, if I'm stilll struggling with them). For me, since Sabin had already shown me that the individual spirit lives on, how can I think of anybody as really 'gone'? They're just out of my earthly-conditioned sight, on another plane, and in what I think of as the Real World from whence we all originally came...perhaps many times before and many times hence.

It makes perfect sense. Why would we talk to them still and either believe or hope that they hear us, if they're really 'gone'? That would be a contradiction in our thinking. That is why you will see me often using single quotation marks around certain words...sometimes I just forget to use them, but the thought's still there in my head that it's just a poor word for a misunderstood concept.

Some people believe this non-letting-go can hold up our healing, but I've not found that to be so, for me. It just helps me go on somehow and w/o that belief, I wouldn't have the strength or any hope to do anything of the sort. My beliefs, like many others', have faltered many, many times over the course of my losses, and still do, but I can also never forget what Sabin (and my Mum and brother, too, but in lesser measure) showed me, and what I heard, felt and experienced. Sabin gave me the huge gift of KNOWING, of hope and of proof. Despite everything mediums say or what I've heard and experienced via animal communicators (animal mediums), w/o those personal experiences, I'd be nowhere. (I also know the pain it causes when one doesn't get those kinds of things oneself...such as I'd also experienced with Nissa's 'departure'; not the same as Sabin's at ALL, and still VERY disappointing and puzzling/worrisome in some ways!)

Thoughts of dying ourselves are very common in grief, too, btw, and should only be more worrisome if we actually find ourselves starting to make plans of how we'd accomplish a suicide. I've suffered clinically moderate depression over some losses, had many thoughts of wishing to die (still coming and going over Nissa's 'loss'), yet I'm still here. They're usually just wishes, w/o any plans attached...but they can be terribly strong feelings, just the same! And so sometimes, we just need to express that THIS is how badly we're feeling....and have it be heard, acknowledged and accepted as part of our grief. It's the thoughts and feelings we DON'T express that continue to hurt us the most and so the relative safety of a grief board should allow us to say what we really feel and feel what we say.

I'm now crying every single day, too...sometimes for about half of the entire day. My sleep is now very disturbed, too, and I often awake many times throughout the night (which I know isn't good for me, but what can you do? It's GRIEF!) This is turning out to be the opposite of all my other losses, where I felt like this immediately...this time, it's been a delayed reaction, with shock and numbness heading up the earliest phases. I'm exhausted, by this, and by wondering just how LONG I'm going to end up being in this pit of pain and despair, especially since it was so long in getting here. And yet, how could I NOT be in such pain over a change I never ordered? If there's anything to accept, it's our feelings during grief, hard as they are to 'live' with.

And you're right, Cate...we often HAVE to repeat ourselves, our stories or parts of them, over and over, until we've 'worn the hardest edges' off our pain. Most people won't take, or make, the time to listen to us....everyone's in such a mad dash to get through their very lives, as if it's a race, much less take time for others. But even if others don't or won't, WE need to make the time to stop and "sniff" what's 'in the air' of our mourning...to grieve mindfully.

My last words to my Schtoobing were, 'Okay, see ya later, Snuggsey!' I caressed his soft ears and left for work. I had dropped him off at the vet's for bloodwork, knew he wasn't doing well, but I didn't think he would die so suddenly.

I'm torn up about not being there with Schtoob, because I promised him I would be, but I am glad I said, 'see ya later' to my boy. I honestly beleive that we will see each other again.

Hey everyone. This has become THE post for me, I think.
I think my main question and struggle is that I want so desperately to KNOW the truth about it all, if it is possible for us to truly know. I guess that is what all of us want if we could put it into words.
I mean, if we believe in anything at all, their has to be something, some place, and the spirit has to live on, and then there's the slammed door when someone loved one dies that keeps us out from touching, hearing, seeing anything of them, and the knowing of anything about what is after that. We all know the different beliefs on all this, but probably like me, you would love to know the REAL and absolute TRUTH about it.
I don't want to console myself with something that may or may not be true, or just embrace a certain belief to be able to get through another day. I really really want the knowledge--or at least a speck of it--enough to be able to grab on to the lifeline and hold on. i believe in God, so according to the scriptures, LIFE is eternal, and Spirit doesn't die. So then, our loved ones spirits are alive and in some other place, a good place, because God is LOVE and love never fails or ends.
It's just this separation of the material and the spiritual that keeps us from being able to KNOW. What then??? Is there something to be learned and known that will begin to happen to us in this particular stretch of this thing called time? Are we to begin to find out and/or become a NEW thing---that is, that new creature talked about in scripture that is a mingling of matter and spirit? Is it possible that this could be the age when it will happen?
I know I am really reaching here, but IF it is to happen at all, why not now? Why not us? If it enters into the mind, isn't it possible?
Who knows? The scriptures say that it has never entered into the heart of man the things God has prepared for us, so maybe we have come to the time when it will begin to enter the heart of man. I am questioning everything, and with a sincere heart. I truly want to know. I don't want any theology or doctrine or momentary fix. I just want to know the truth for a change. If it is possible to hear the voice of God within or to learn anything true at all, I am desperate for it.
If any of you have any insight or hope or thoughts, I am listening.
I believe with all my heart that LIFE never ends, and I know there is coming a moment when we will begin to know more. My heart is broken, but I feel my baby's presence somehow. I can't explain that. I am seeking and knocking. I pray that we all find and walk through that open door.
love, Cate

Yah, Cate, you've hit the nail on the head. I want to KNOW it ALL, too. NOW, preferably! The way I view it deep inside with a kind of 'knowing' or at least sensing, we DO already know, but we've forgotten what we already know!

Some people have been very lucky and experienced these depths of knowing suddenly, or from NDE's they've come 'back' from, or from decades of meditation &/or contemplation....wish I had even that much myself. But all I've truly got is what Sabin showed me after he 'left'...and that was tactile touch once, a few experiences of hearing him clearly, which Nissa heard at the same times, a few dream visitations where I got to hold and feel him and KNOW his thoughts, same as when he was physically here, our telepathic bond while he was physically here, and hearing his voice clearly in my head a few times...definitely NOT my 'own' voice or thoughts. So....life does survive physical death, as far as I'm concerned, but as to what it's like or what it entails exactly....that's another age-old question that we all want answers to.

I've gotten what I hope is a glimpse of that via animal communicators getting in touch with my loved ones afterwards, but all I can truly go on is those instances of what appeared to be clear validations of them making contact. As for what they were actually 'up to' there, this couldn't be proved or disproved. Since I'm not one for blind faith alone, that's the hardest part for me. I really only believe wholeheartedly those few things that I felt distinctly in my very cells and soul were true and valid. These are MY "specks" of Truth and belief.

But equally perplexing and sometimes disturbing is the theory that we create our own 'reality' as we go along, which suggests that it's very fluid and open to interpretation. You don't know how many times I sincerely tried to make myself believe that even physical 'reality' could be wildly changed through nothing other than belief...and I DO believe that at least in the main, because in some ways, it's been proven to me at times....BUT, I also discovered how completely ingrained our previous or common beliefs are inside, and how impossible it can seem to change them. We're very conditioned by now and it's so hard to break out of the mold.

But even if the physical is just a big, elaborate dream and NOT our real reality, perhaps the trick is to first believe we can make it a GOOD dream, while it lasts, as maybe this is also what 'sets the stage' for the quality of our spiritual life after the physical is gone. I could go 'round and 'round in circles with this stuff....but I think we already ARE a manifestation OF Spirit, from Spirit (or formlessness as essence)...in short, we've created the physical ourselves, for ourselves...my only 2 real questions about this is WHY and HOW did we go so wrong and forget that we began as ONLY Spirit? I think the key as to why the physical world is so hard and cruel is rooted in the fact that we DID forget, somehow, and so we've gone very far astray in our entire way of thinking.

Many people ARE saying that this IS the era where our collective energy is not only quickening, but gaining momentum and I have some hope from that....but how long it's really going to take before we evolve enough to truly 'see' is anyone's guess. I've been pondering this stuff ever since Sabin's crossing and I hear your frustration and pain over it, as it's similar to my own. I guess, if we're feeling positive, this could be considered a 'silver lining' in physical death and grief....it can force us to question the biggest, most important questions. But a real ANSWER or two would be even nicer!

Thank you for that, and I think you are right.
At least I feel as if I have pulled myself together once more after reading your post.
What you said about forgetting.......I have always thought that, but was afraid to tell anyone what I thought.
We shall see what we shall see, huh? If a sincere heart is the key--or one of them--then we are in line for it.
If saying it could make it so, I would say Peace and true contentment to your heart.
God Bless

Cate,

Further to this important discussion, right after your last post I opened up my copy of "People and Possibilities" magazine and read this article by Dr. Deepak Chopra which deals with the same kinds of questions we're both asking. I thought you might like to read it also, so here's a link to the magazine (in pdf form) - just scroll down to the (first) article called "Who Am I?"...

People And Possibilities

I find much comfort and mind-blowing info from Deepak's writings. You might like to read some of his many books if this interests you, as he helps one believe in what both science and spirituality have to show us.

Hello,everyone.I am so glad that this post has helped so many of you who are struggling to get thur the days just as I am.We have a right to the way we feel and if others can't relate to it then so be it......I for one am thankful that I found this site and that my post has started this most interesting discussion.Let's keep it going....How's everyone feeling today?? As for me,today has been better than most, last night my husband and I had our annual christmas party and we set out a little grotto in our garden for our boy Sox to honor his life.We placed 16 votive candles all in a row to show that he lived for 16 wonderful years with us.It was such a touching memorial to him and it gave me such peace.I knew that God and my boy Sox were looking down from heaven and I hope they were pleased with what they saw.All of our friends thought it was a lovely idea to set up such a memorial.Last week I ordered a memorial river stone with his name and dates ingraved on it and it should be here by the end of next week.I am learning day by day how to move on without him but it is truly the hardest thing I have ever had to do.Is anyone planning on hanging up their lost pet's stocking this year? I hung up Sox's stocking even tho I'm sure there are people who think that is weird.I don't care what they think........Hope you all are doing well today and please let me know how things are with you by continuing this post.I't has given me hope that the future will be brighter for all of us.Sincerely,Renee (Sox's mom)

Renee,
I think that's a wonderful thing to do, have a memorial for Sox and share it with your friends that way, it must be a very healing thing for you all. I've lately been thinking a lot about silver linings too, how there are more of them than we know, and how they are more visible as time moves on. In 3 days it will be the 1 year anniversary of my cat Magic's passing, and so it's a bittersweet time for me, but the silver lining is that I found this site and have been able to exchange feelings and thoughts with others who are going through what I've gone through. You all have been an amazing blessing in what would otherwise have been an unspeakably miserable time. You're right, Renee, and that hope for the future makes all the difference. Take care - Barbara
PS I think it's perfectly fine to hang Sox's stocking this year. That's a tradition, and traditions don't end.

Renee, you hang that sock honey, if it's what you want to do. Your feelings about it are what matter. And who knows what those in the next dimension can see or know? IF we can sense them at times, they must be sensing us too???

Firkidletsmom, I am reading that article, and yes, I am always interested in finding and listening......I believe there are clues, words, gifts for us everywhere if we accept them.
Going to read now. thanks. Cate

Renee,

The votive candles to match their age are an excellent idea! I think I'll do the same for Sabin's grave, although for Nissa this year, just keep the ones I burn inside, since she's not actually buried yet (we're still waiting to hear back from the casket company on what they'll do for us re: the damage during shipping, etc.).

I've just hung Sabin's and Nissa's stockings, attached to the fronts of ours.

I'd mentioned to my H another lovely idea I'd read about, but he doubted he could get anyone we know to join in on it. Essentially, you ask anyone who knew your baby if they would write something, anything, about them and their life (like a memory, or what they loved about them, etc.) and someone puts these in your stocking, to be read on Christmas Day. But seeing as not one person has asked what OUR plans even are for the holidays (though we've asked them), I don't hold out much hope that anyone has written a darn thing for me. If it's a good bet with people you know, though, it would be grand! These notes can then be saved and read each year, or even added to through the years. So if no one else will do anything, I think I'll at least write a little something myself, but for my kidlets, and put that in their stockings. If no one else will give ME some love and comfort, I'll give mine to my kidlets, as always.

I'm so glad for you that your guests were so receptive to and touched by this tribute to Sox, and even that you were able to put together a party! You've got more strength and energy than I have right now!