My final moments that I remember of Twinkie were of him struggling with the tape on his feet. He was scared when the cold saline ran through his line and he looked up at me with these big scared eyes. Then, the euth solution was given to him and he was gone. Completely gone. His body was there but his soul was not. His long, white tail that he always held so high and proud was limp in my hands. These memories are burned into my memory and they are the source of a lot of pain.

The social worker and vet told me this was the best way to do it. That way, I can see him go in peace. I don't know that I feel that it was the best way because the memories are so vivid and I replay them in my mind, which causes more grief.

I was there when my little Twinkers died. It's just so incredibly sad to think about. I just waved my magic pet owner wand and Twinks life was over before my eyes. It was so painful. It wasn't helpful for closure and it just makes me miserable to think about.

So why the he ll did they encourage me to watch this?!?!?!?

for some its closure. for me well i made a pact with myself and my furbabies that i would always be there for them, for them to never pass away alone. but thats just me. i was there when they were brought into this world and i would be there when they left this world.

both of my girls deaths are etched in my mind so deep. both were peaceful and dignified. but it replays like a rerun in my mind over and over again. not all the time but it will creep up on me when i least expect it to.

i know how you feel, i thought the same thing why on gods green earth did i stay? why did i watch?

i think it should be up to the owner and the vet to dicuss what you desire to do.

for me well i made that promise to my girls. and to myself. i kept my promise and it was my way of saying goodbye and getting to hold them one last time. and i know they loved me for it(at least i like to think they did)
neither are in pain or suffering. sometimes i think i know i did the right thing just wish someone would tell it to my heart.

i am sorry for your loss, your not alone we are here for you.i hope i have some how helped you. big hugs..

michelle

I also stayed with my babies, Shadow and Tessie, when they were at the end. I loved them and wanted to be there for them. Shadow had only been with me a year when FIP took his life. He trusted me and loved me. He tried so hard to live, he let me hold him up when he was too weak to stand in the litter box. He purred while I spoon fed him special mixtures of baby food and cat food. He decided to stop eating, and after 5 days I asked my vet, if she thought it was time to let him go. She said that he already made the decision for me, by refusing to eat. Now I had to decide if I could let him suffer or I could let him leave my life. I stayed with him, even though it didn't go smoothly, and I remember everything clearly as if it happened yesterday. I was there for him, he needed me to be there. I can carry the pain of living through that moment, knowing he was at peace and was not afraid while I was there to hold him. Your baby loves you for what you did, by staying. Their death holds no peace for us, it is for them, their peace. You took on the pain to save them from further suffering, that's what you do for the ones you truely love. Your babies know you love them.

Debbie, the first dog of my childhood died alone at the vet, and though it is more than 30 years later, I still feel bad about it. I was resolved that if I ever lost another pet I would be there and I was for Daisy on April 1 of this year. I wasn't there for closure, but to minimize the fear that Daisy would feel being alone at the vet. I had promised her that I would never leave her, that I would always return for her and I didn't want her to feel abandoned in her last moments on earth. I wanted her to leave this world in my arms, hearing how much I loved her. It was horribly painful, a terrible memory now, but nothing like the memory of Debbie, alone in a cage over 30 years ago, not knowing that she would never see us again.

So, as bad as you feel now, I believe it is likely you would have felt worse had you not been there. It is a sacrifice of love, your pain to help ease Twinkie's passing. Imagine how much more fear he would have felt if he had looked up and you were not there, if his eyes had met emptiness rather than your eyes.

There is no easy way to say good-bye to a beloved friend and no matter how we do it, we will have regrets. I think in someways having regrets block out thoughts of our true grief - the knowledge that we will not see him/her on this earth again.


You are not alone in your feelings.

Daisy's Mommy

Samara,
I've never been in that position before, but I have been there when one of my cats, Heidi, passed away. I was not there when Magic and Groucho passed. Without a doubt, the losses of Magic and Groucho, and not being there for them when they left, have been far more traumatic and painful for me than being there for Heidi. Knowing how much you loved Twinkie, I can't help but think that if you hadn't been there, it would probably have been more emotionally difficult for both of you. You were there for him, not for the vet or social worker, and he knew you were there. There is always an element of guilt with the grief when you lose a loved pet, and making the decision to let them go, as I understand it from other people who've posted their experiences, amplifies the guilt. You'll never know, of course, how you would have reacted to the grief if you hadn't been there. But from my experience, the grief was by far more intense because I wasn't there for Magic and Groucho.

Either way, it hurts, and is painful and heartbreaking. But I have to believe that Twinkie knew, and knows now, how much you love him. Maybe it's just my wishful thinking, but I know my beloved departed ones are still here in some form, that I can feel even if I can't see. You were loved and depended on by Twinkie, and you proved it for him not just by being there when he left, but by being there when he was hungry, or cold, or just by himself.

The last memories and minutes of our pet's lives are always painful. I can never think of any of them without feeling almost nauseous, it hurts so much. I have to think of them as they are now, waiting for me and at peace, and as they were when they were being loved by me when they were here. Twinkie knows that you love him, and always will. He knew it when you were there, and he knows that now.

I'm sorry for your loss and your pain. You were good and giving and loving to Twinkie, and he had so much more than so many animals out there have. He had you, till his physical end, and he has you now that his physical presence is gone. It hurts, I know, and always will, and you have my deepest sympathy. Please come back and let us know how you're doing. I wish you peace, so take care - Barbara

Being there for the end is definately tough. But I think if you weren't there you would have regretted it alot more. At least you were there for your baby to look at you during his last seconds.

For me I was probably more scared for Simba because I never had a pet PTS before and didn't know what it was like. Once they put the decathader in him I think he knew what was happening and layed down on his side. He was suffering so bad and I knew then that he was telling me he was ready to move on. He always used to put up a big fight at the vet but that day he didn't at all.

I know that Simba was hanging on his last few days for my sake. I was glad to see the process go so quick. It was pretty much over before the vet finished the shot.

I am grateful that I was able to be with him during his last seconds and that I was the last thing he seen.

Samara,

I'm so sorry about your loss. Your Twinkie was such a beautiful kitty. I know what you mean about having those last moments etched in your memory forever. I knew that I definitely wanted to be with my Taco at the end and I feel fortunate that I was but just thinking about those last moments will always make me feel terribly sad. It's been 3 and a half weeks and I've spent so much time crying, feeling guilty, being depressed. Whenever I have really sad thoughts I now try really hard to counteract those thoughts with a good memory. I do think that not knowing what his last moments were like would have been heartbreaking as well and chances are you would be second guessing yourself about that too. We took on our baby's pain. Doh, I'm crying again.

Please be well,
Sandy

I was with Sherman and I am so glad. I dressed him in his little jacket the last morning and I put on my happy face for him. I spoke softly of only pleasant things and a lot of baby talk. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. To laugh when I wanted to cry and pretend it was just another day. I thank the Lord that it was so fast and peaceful. The doctor came in and told Sherman what a good boy he was and stroked him too as I held him in my arms. It took only about 10 seconds and his little body just relaxed. I had not seen him that peaceful and relaxed in over 9 weeks. No struggling or spasms or anything. Just a deep deep sleep. I think that the hardest part was actully making the decison. When it became apparent that he was not getting better and the side effects of his medications were racking havoc on his little body, I knew what had to be done. It is the first time I ever had to make that decison. I cried like a a baby and Sherman was terrified. He had never seen me cry before and the look on his little face told me, he must never see me cry again. I kept that vow until afterwards. He was able to pass away thinking that I was happy.


Samara - I am so sorry for your loss. They probably thought it would be this way for you too. Take comfort in the fact that he was with the one he loved best and who loved him best.


http://www.in-memory-of-pets.com:80/person...te.php?ID=62875

This is hard to write. I was there for Zack I to could not be any where else, having had him since a kitten even seeing him be born, he was is my heart and when the time came less than two weeks ago, for him to go to sleep as it was the hardest desicion to make but the cancer was eating him up and I just couldn't let him live like that. I knew it was time. So the day came Zack was lying on the bed as that was all he did those days, we just stayed around him all day giving him love, we bought him flowers, lit candles, and play light sweet music. The vet showed up around 3 we all sat and talked, gave Zack love, he was so curious, he was soo tired but wanted so badly to know what was going on, he wouldn't let himsefl sleep. It took a few minutes to find a vain and when the vet had he injected him with the smallest amount at that moment Zack jumped up and scratched at his eye it was strange because i think that he took the rush of medicine as the cancer in his eye and attacked himself as he reared up he hissed, he hissed towards me, I felt like maybe he blamed me for his pain, he didn't understand, his heart was so strong. Well that tiny amount was not enought to kill him only put him under, so I tried to comfort him, tell him that I loved him and that it was all going to be over soon all the pain would wash away, that this was the medicine he we were waiting for. When the vet injected the rest of the euthinasia he passed, very peacefully, we stayed with him, his little body was still warm, his lips turned purple, he left this world. The vet gathered him up he looked soo sweet so calm, peaceful, a way that I had not seen him look in to long.

I replay that day in my head to often and although it kills me I would not could not have been anywhere else, I needed to offer him what little I had to give.

Jazmin

I was there when my precious Raggs left this world and I would not have had it any aother way. I was his life and I wanted to be right by him untill the end. He was so pitiful, blind, incontinent and unable to walk but a few steps without stopping. I still wonder why did'nt I just let him die on his own maybe he would still be here but I know that would be for my on selfish reason and I just could not ever stand to see him hurt in any way and not be able to help him. So if you have a choice I think it is best to stay but there are some of us who just cannot and if that is the case it is ok also.
Jazmin, I have been meaning to write that the very first picture of Zack you posted with the protective collar? on just touched me I wanted to reach out and pet him . I go back to that picture and look at it because he looks so sweet.
Joanne (raggs Mom)

I chose not to be there when my boy Sox was put to sleep.My husband Rick stayed in the room with him and that has given me so much comfort.He was a true daddy's boy in every sense of the word so I thought it was only natural that Rick be with him at the end.I felt guilty for weeks after that I wasn't strong enough to stay in there myself but for me it would have been too painful and I know I would never have gotten those images out of my mind.My husband told me all about what they did to him and he said it was very peaceful and he didn't suffer at all.Sometimes I wonder why we don't have something like that for people who are suffering terimal illnesses.He told me he rubbed his head the whole time and told him that his mommy and daddy loved him so much and that we would miss him forever.I guess it's up to the individual person whether they are strong enough to stay in there with their pet but for me I know I made the right choice.I wanted to remember him alive and well like he was before he ever got sick.I will keep you in my prayers and I hope things get better for you soon.Sincerely,Renee (Sox's mom)

Thanks to all for the hearfelt responses you gave. I never thought I would get this much support from cyberspace but you all (unfortunately) understand what I"m going through.

I am actively trying to NOT think of his death. Not to fixate on those last moments because they didn't matter. Twinkie didn't know what was going on. I need to realize I was there for him and that's all that really counts. He wasn't mad at me, he was uncomfortable with being in a room of strangers. and he perked up because of the adrenaline of being at the vet.

I think the best thing for me to do at this point is try to put those scenes out of my mind because they are painful. But I do think there is value to being in the room because of the social workers stance and the regret felt by members on this board

Joanne

I just wanted to thank you for that kind note. He was very sweet and loving, I miss him terribily.

Your Raggs was adorable what a little muffin, we just have to think that they are better off this way, free from all their pain. We all need to remind ourselves of that fact everyday, i'm sure they would want it no other way.

xxJaz

I had to be with Precious at the end. I wasn't there at the beginning of life but I felt he wanted me to be there when it ended. He was so much my right arm and letting him go was like whacking it off with a machete. But I knew it had to be done because he was almost gone anyway so he went very peacefully.
I still think about what happened that day but not as much as I used to. I'm still healing; it's terribly hard after almost 19 years with a cat that was loved very much. I still love him more than ever and know he is in a much better place...but he is also still with me in many ways!!
Lisa

I just had to be there when my Meekamee passed. I couldn't imagine not being there when he needed me, he'd always been there for me. ALWAYS! So I put my own feelings aside to keep him comfy and surrounded by those he loved. I even wrapped him up in my bedsheet so that he could simply fall asleep wrapped in something he smelled familiar and nice instead of a cold table. We kept petting him and didn't stop till after he was long gone, just so that he could feel us as he went on to cat heaven. (the place with all the "tuna & egg" canned food he loved so dearly )

I can't answer that. I know when I read your post it made me cry because of the strong vision your words created in the minds eye. I have never had to euthanise a pet yet but I know the day will probably come. It is one of my greatest fears. That is probably another reason why I was so moved by your post. I know even through the fear and sadness though I will have to be with my pet to see he or she thru it. There is no option for me...there is no other way

I was with all of my animals that were PTS but the last one. I coud not bring myself to do it. I have vivid memories of Ace in the carrier knowing he was no longer with us. I can't get rid of them. With Doodle I just couldn't do it. My husband asked me to make sure that I could live with myself afterwards and not regret it. I do regret it to a small degree, but I did not leave him alone, my hubby was there with him. I think it is a personal choice, but by all means we have to do what we can live with and not regret after the fact. I can live with the decision I made. I kissed him on the head and told him how much I loved him and thanked him for holding on long enough to help me deal with the loss of Ace 2weeks before.
And then I went to wait in the car. When my hubby got to the car he told me that the vet got upset and cried herself. My last mental pictures of him was him looking up at me as I kissed his head. I can live with that.

I was there when Harriette was put down in 1999 & more recently, Jemima. It was hard but I made a vow I would be with them until the end. I remember petting them, stroking them on the head and I believe it comforted them knowing their mom was there. I know when it comes time for Checkers I will be there for him as well. I agree - it is a personal choice and no one should have any regrets regarding their decision.