I've been in the deepest of Mourning. Last Sat. my extremely ill cat "Alchemy" who we call "Meekamee" was put asleep. He was my bestest friend and the most perfect cat in the world. He was kind and loving and seemed to understand humans. He always sensed my emotions and was always there with a wet nose, fresh tail swipe or nibble of love.


He was 13 years old and was having complications due to a growning tumor. It had been growing for a while and I begged my mom to take him to the doctor but she kept insisting that she had no money, I lost my job and was relying on the only thing I had; food stamps. It kept growing and growing until last Thursday night I noticed that he was hiding and not making any meows (this is the sign of a seriously ill cat). I found him hiding and in pain. He wouldn't eat, he wouldn't purr at all, he couldn't even close his eyes. I stayed awake the entire night with him, I couldn't go to sleep in my comfy bed knowing that here he was in pain and unable to sleep. He tried to sleep as best as he could thru the long night but as morining came he was no better. I told my mom when she woke up that he was sick. She looked at him and said "we need to put him asleep". I almost took a steak knife and wanted to plunge it into her heart. Wouldn't she even attempt to get him surgery?


I begged her to take him to the doctor ASAP. Again she said she had no money. (yet she spends ridiculous amounts of money on new clothes and fancy gadgets like ipods and cd's for my little sister, who doesn't even work though she's 21). Then she decided that she'd take my sisters cell phone money and make and emergency vet appointment. so all Friday during the day and night, I stayed with him without a wink of sleep for hours, just to stay with him, hand feed him water and try to get him to eat (but he never ate). Occasionally he'd give a pitiful meow and look up at me pale as a ghost and his eyes wet. He seemed to be in pain on my lap or on my bed but he wanted to stay on a cold floor near my terrace door (which may have eased pain on his joints). So that night I layed out a towel for him near the terrace door and I took couch pillows and made a bed next to him with his water dish. I refused to sleep although my whole family went to bed. HOW CAN I SLEEP WITH HIM IN SUCH AGONY!!!!!!

I pet him thu the whole night reassuring him that it was almost time to see the doctor. He probably only got 30min. of sleep here and there the whole night. by morning he was the same. When we finally went to the vet dr. Leeds, he told us that Meekamee is really old and is suffering breathing problems and most likely his tumor spread to the rest of his body, he told us that meekamee was really pale and jaundiced. He explained that he could do chemotherapy and surgery but with meekamee's advanced age: it'd be horrid for him and that he might just end up dying in even more pain from so many surgeries. So he suggested we let Meekamee go rather than force him into a painful series of surgeries. I wanted to go ahead and try something else but the dr. explained that if money were no option it would possibly be easier but then he still might die in agony.
my sister and I were unconsolable.


he went out so fast and so peacefully wrapped in my bedsheets so that he can be with something from home and not just a cold metal table. We all were kissing him and petting him as he went to sleep. The look of his lifeless face will burn my memory for all eternity-his eyes open and his tongue just hanging out.

I begged my $%^&* mom to have his ashes but she insisted that she's jewish and that her religion doesn't permit ashes in her house! I asked my step dad if we could keep his ashes in HIS house instead but my mom screamed that she's legally owner of Meekamee and won't allow it and punched my arm. I almost decked her fat ^&#$% but I didn't 'cuz then I'd be homeless again. So Meekamee was cremated and his ashes dumped in a mass potters grave. This is the same thing that happened to Meekamee's brother Weiland in 2003. I'm quite angry at my mom, for whatever reason whether right or wrong.

but I love Meekamee forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Meekamee


Weiland

I'm so sorry for your loss of your sweet boy. (I love that name Alchemy - our cats do work magic on us, don't they?) However old they are, however they leave this world, nothing takes away the sadness of those last days and hours when we know they're in pain and there's so little we can do. Your cir%%stances seem particularly painful since your mom (forgive me, I usually try not to criticize people's moms) seemed to show a real lack of concern for your pain, and Meekamee's to some extent. We know you're hurting, and you will probably hurt for some time - that kind of pain never really goes away, it just sort of morphs into a lesser pain where the funny things we remember about our babies is more memorable than how and why they left this world.

You may not see or know where exactly Meekamee is now - so many people never do know where their beloved ones go when they're lost for so many reasons, but I'm the type of person who really does believe that our babies don't actually leave us, ever. Their spirits are part of us and part of who we are, and no one can change that. Some people even have visits from their departed ones; I can't guarantee that'll happen, but my point is that they never go away completely. And one day, a long time from now, hopefully, I believe, we are reunited with them anyway, so in a way, it's a temporary separation.

You'll have a rough path ahead of you, no doubt. There will be grief and anger and sadness. We all go through that, sometimes all together and sometimes separately. And once you think it's getting better, sometimes it all gets worse again - that's normal. You can't set a date for when this will end, and there are no rules to follow - it's be so much easier if they were, but we all have to do this individually. But please know that anytime you want to vent, or feel bad or angry or need to share your feelings, you can come here and we do understand. I like to say that we all pull each other through these difficult and heartbreaking times, and I have to say that there are so many people here who are so generous with their compassion and wisdom, and have similar feelings. We all understand cause we've been there. Please come back and let us know how you're doing. Take care - Barbara

Let me just tell you more about Meekamee:

-He learned to actually tap people gently on the shoulders or back to get their attention, though no one ever taught that to him (odd!)

-He developed this nibbling phase where he'd be so loving or comfortable while being pet, that he'd bite. Sometimes painful, sometimes not. He once went under my sister's robe and bit her thigh!

-we cosidered him to be "sleazy" because he seemed to love the company of many different Human women. Everyone knew Meekamee and loved him and whenever a girl came over to our house, he'd start rubbing on her and get her to rub his belly. Then unfortunately he'd let his privates out (bad kitty!)

-Meekamee was......well..........."simple". Even from the time of Kittenhood, he'd run into walls, he'd actually trip, He'd chase shoelaces..while they were on people's feet!!!, He'd jump on things and knock things down breaking it, he always had this confused look on his face, When he got old his kitten sister used to bathe him!

-Meekamee was the most gorgeous color! He was orange with little hues of golden brown and when he was in the sunlight, his fur glittered!

-Meekamee was unusually photogenic. I'm a photographer and he ALWAYS stood still during a photo shoot even using my flash equipment. He always knew when to stay still and when he could move. I NEVER taught him that, he just did it!!!!

-Meekamee didn't like people to cry no matter if he knew them or not, if someone near him was crying he'd come over and keep wiping his nose and mouth, and rubbing on them and nibbling them until they stopped.

-Meekamee learned how to open doors. Though he never actually managed to twist the knob (he has no thumbs obviously) He kept watching us, and soon he'd try to use his little paws to pull the knob. He actually knew what direction to pull too!!!! (so odd!!!)

-Meekamee's morning breath or fish breath was actually cute!

-Meekamee used to be able to jump from the floor to the top of a 6 foot cabinet!

-Meekamee always let people pick him up and was super friendly!

-Meekamee would sometimes watch television

-Meekamee would always sit by you if you were alone in a room

-Meekamee waited outside the bathroom door when I was on the toilet

-Meekamee liked to sit and watch me take a shower, just waiting for me to get out so he can replace his scent on me to cover up the icky soap smell

-Meekamee once set his tail fur on fire, but luckily he never felt it as my bro doused him when seeing a slight smoulder.

-Meekamee would run outside into the hallway of our bldg. everytime we opened the door, and when we went out to take out the garbage, he was there following us and never leaving until we were safely inside!

-Meekamee learned to stand and move just a little bit on my skateboard!

-Meekamee liked to wash my hair with his tongue

-Meekamee used to bite the feet and hair of my barbie dolls

-Meekamee could actually smell a wound on me and was always trying to lick my wounds

-Meekamee never minded when my little bro made him dance

-Meekamee was perfect around babies and would pull my infant niece if she moved close to the edge of the bed

-Meekamee would wait outside my bedroom door in the morning to greet me

-Meekamee would actually share his food with me by bringing it to me or leaving it in places I was usually at.

-Meekamee trusted us so much he'd lay in the middle of a doorway or of a room or hallway totally trusting that we'd never intentionally step on him. & we never did!!! though sometimes we'd trip on him when he assumed we could see him in the dark

-Sometimes Meekamee would manage to get out of his collar and hide it!!

-I, after a few years of meeting Meekamee, was able to communicate with him on a very basic level of meows and gestures and noises, and he could communicate back. I knew when he was hungry, loving, comfortable, happy, thirsty, wanting to play, tired, angry etc....

Thank you so much barbara!

yeah it's such a hard path, I can hardly explain to people what exactly I'm feeling.

Just empty....kinda like that. I know I'm hard on my mom, but I know she loved Meekamee as much as I did, she's just sort of a "gung-ho" type of person, like rambo or something. She takes action and doesn't like to show pain. I think I may have misinterpreted her. I hope everyone here can forgive me for sounding like a raving spoiled brat, sometimes I just explode.

but that's why I'm glad I found this place, I think that all of us can help each other, I know I felt happy just being able to post here without people making fun of me (like in some other places I've posted), it helps me keep meekamee alive

~pika

p.s.: I'm sorry for my LOOOONG posts, I'll be more brief from now on

Don't worry about long posts - those stories about Meekamee were wonderful! I nodded at some of them - some of my cats do and did similar things - and some made me laugh, and some brought tears to my eyes.

The thing with your mom - it'll work itself out. At a time like this, I've always found that family issues are magnified. That's just part of it all. You're not a raving spoiled brat - if you are then we all are!

Thank you for the comments about Meekamee. He was quite a guy! No cat like that leaves without leaving pawprints on your heart. He was too much of a character to be gone now - he'll always be alive for you. Take care - Barb

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby. (I love that name!) He was with you for 13 unforgettable years. Cherish those great, sweet memories and know he is no longer in any pain, he is whole and celebrating his reward of eternal life. I hope the bond you had with him is still as strong as when he was with you physically. Look for signs (anything: rainbows, birds, other animals). He'll send you some letting you know he's okay and will watch over you.
Precious and I were together nearly 19 years. He still communicates frequently and he's been gone over three and a half months now.
Lisa

Hello fellow Lisa (my name's also Lisa )
I'm so sorry you lost precious, 19 yrs. is such a long time.
Wow do you really feel precious's presence and communication? That must be an amazing feeling, I hope I can open myself up to feel Meekamee to!

~Pika

You don't have to be brief here...no one minds. This is a wonderful place where you can let everthing out with no fear of reprisal. I came here on November 10th after the loss of my littlebaby Chase. I didn't think the pain was ever going to subside. But with Gods help, my Wifes help and this place, i get a little stronger every day. I am starting to remember the happy things about Chase...the things that made me laugh about her...and and by the way you DO NOT SOUND LIKE A RAVING SPOILED BRAT. So don't ever say that about you again. You sound to me like someone who misses something they love very much. Take care. We all feel your pain here. We are here for you...

I am so very sorry you lost your baby, and your mother wouldn't help you. Your baby sounds wonderful. His love will stay with you. You stayed with him when he needed you.

Your sweet Meekamee sounds like a wonderful kitty.
I'm so sorry.