My little Penny died 2 weeks ago tomorrow. She was my baby girl. With me for 15 years. She was the bestest little kitty ever. I still remember the day I brought her home....15 years ago. We have 5 cats............Had I mean ...........Since Penny is gone...... I did not notice any changes in the other cats the first few days...... But over the last 5 days they are "different". My oldest...the one that had been with Penny the longest (13 years) seems the most affected although the others seem to look for her in what used to be her favorites spots... He cries for attention and seems to need to be comforted a lot more lately. See she was kind of his seregate Mom and even if she was just 6 pounds and him 22, she used to wash him and play with him, let him cuddle with her and scolded him when he was bad. I am not sure if I am imginating all this and projecting my own feelings on them. Are they aware of her death? Can they feel she is dead and not coming back? Are they greiving? Should I ride the house of her smell ...There is a cushion of hers that still has a little fur from her on it that I did not have the heart to "clean up". Would it help them? How do I help them over this?
Andrea
Full Version: The Pets That Are Left Behind When One Dies..
hi,
Some companion animals develop strong bonds with other pets in the household and they will show some of the same kinds of symptoms of mourning as people do - such as loss of appeti*te, "searching" for the missed loved one, and acting depressed.
DO PETS GRIEVE?
What many people find hard to believe is that animals can form very firm attachments with each other. Even pets that outwardly seem to barely get along will exhibit intense stress reactions when separated. In fact, grieving pets can show many symptoms identical to those experienced by the bereaved pet owner. The surviving pet(s) may become restless, anxious and depressed. There may also be much sighing, along with sleep and eating disturbances. Often, grieving pets will search for their dead companions and crave more attention from their owners.
How can an owner help the grieving pet?
By following the following recommendations:
1. Keep the surviving pet(s) routines as normal as possible.
2. Try not to unintentionally reinforce the behavior changes.
- if the pet's appeti*te is picky, don't keep changing the food. All that does is create a more finicky pet.
- don't overdo the attention given to the pet(s) as it can lead to separation anxiety.
3. Allow the surviving animals to work out the new dominance hierarchy themselves.
- there may be scuffles and fights as the animals work out the new pecking order (dogs mostly)
4. Don't get a new pet to help the grieving pet(s) unless the owner is ready.
- will backfire unless the owner is emotionally ready for a new pet.
- people still grieving won't have the energy for it.
Should the owner let the surviving animals see and smell their dead companion?
There is no evidence that doing so will help the surviving pet(s), but some people claim that it does.
Usually, all it accomplishes is to make the owner feel better. Therefore, if the owner wants to have the surviving pets "say good-bye," then it should be allowed.
also see here:
http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=2493
Some companion animals develop strong bonds with other pets in the household and they will show some of the same kinds of symptoms of mourning as people do - such as loss of appeti*te, "searching" for the missed loved one, and acting depressed.
DO PETS GRIEVE?
What many people find hard to believe is that animals can form very firm attachments with each other. Even pets that outwardly seem to barely get along will exhibit intense stress reactions when separated. In fact, grieving pets can show many symptoms identical to those experienced by the bereaved pet owner. The surviving pet(s) may become restless, anxious and depressed. There may also be much sighing, along with sleep and eating disturbances. Often, grieving pets will search for their dead companions and crave more attention from their owners.
How can an owner help the grieving pet?
By following the following recommendations:
1. Keep the surviving pet(s) routines as normal as possible.
2. Try not to unintentionally reinforce the behavior changes.
- if the pet's appeti*te is picky, don't keep changing the food. All that does is create a more finicky pet.
- don't overdo the attention given to the pet(s) as it can lead to separation anxiety.
3. Allow the surviving animals to work out the new dominance hierarchy themselves.
- there may be scuffles and fights as the animals work out the new pecking order (dogs mostly)
4. Don't get a new pet to help the grieving pet(s) unless the owner is ready.
- will backfire unless the owner is emotionally ready for a new pet.
- people still grieving won't have the energy for it.
Should the owner let the surviving animals see and smell their dead companion?
There is no evidence that doing so will help the surviving pet(s), but some people claim that it does.
Usually, all it accomplishes is to make the owner feel better. Therefore, if the owner wants to have the surviving pets "say good-bye," then it should be allowed.
also see here:
http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=2493
Dear Andrea,
Please accept my deepest sympathies for the loss of your baby, Penny. We all know how hard it is to lose a beloved furbaby, as well as how hard it can be on those remaining. My own Nissa (gone for close to 3 months now, and our last baby) grieved quite heavily when her real brother left us years ago and became anorexic and lost even more weight over his death than she did even before she herself passed while very ill. It can be just as hard on them as it is on us. So no, you're not imagining it. Nissa needed to kiss me even more than she already did (which was LOTS!) when grieving herself and she never gave this delightful and loving manifestation of her love for me up, even after her grief was over.
The article from Admin. is fairly helpful, though I somewhat disagree on a few points. I think it helps animals almost as much as it usually does humans, to view the body after a death, as it can help bring about a sense of acceptance. While I believe animals aren't as emotionally invested in death as humans are, I still also believe they can tell, just as we can, that their fellow friends' essences aren't in those 'shells' anymore and I think it helps them realize they won't see their pals in the physical form anymore. I showed Nissa her brother's body and she never, ever searched for him around the house or yard. I also believe it's good and safe practise to verbally or visually (in your mind) tell your babies what has happened to their friend, just to cover all the bases.
I also don't necessarily agree with not helping them, by whatever means, to eat if they're having difficulty with this. While some lack of appeti*te is acceptable for awhile, if it continues, aside from a health check (other animals can develop serious illnesses that stem from their emotional and individual response to grief), it behooves us as their guardians to see to it that they don't start losing too much weight, either....unless this is in order anyway! Nissa, at her top weight, was also only just over 6 lbs., too, so for her, every bit of it counted for alot! Both of her vets encouraged me to use whatever means necessary to get her appy and weight back up as quickly as possible.
And while it's probably best practise to keep things as normal as possible, and return to playtime as much as can be managed, I also believe many of our babies are here to actively help us with OUR grief as well, and if that means giving and getting more attention and love than before, I don't see anything wrong with this. We support each other ~ that's what relationships are for!
As for removing things, many of us choose to keep articles of our beloveds around for as long as WE find comfort from this, before putting them away later on. Personally, I would have left Sabin's things alone for a long time anyway, but seeing as Nissa and he shared most items anyway, I didn't even have that choice when he passed, as these were also still hers. I only removed, much later on, the few items he was to be buried with. Anything she didn't normally use much herself, she started gravitating towards then, and LIKED to sniff his smell wherever she found it, especially where his bladder had let loose just before he passed. She would lay down beside this spot on the carpet and just snooze. Just as we most often like to have items around that smell of our loved ones, so, too, I believe it helps our animals cope. In fact, I just heard of a woman's dog who was peeing on the bed where this woman's mother had died (this dog loved his grandma!) and didn't stop this behaviour until she gave him one of his grandma's sweatshirts to keep as his very own. He now guards it with all his might, sleeps on it and is behaving perfectly normally otherwise now. And if the sight of these things bothers YOU, you could move them to a place where you won't see them all the time, but your remaining furkids could have access to them, then assess if it's helping any of them.
I also highly recommend the use of flower essence combinations designed for grief, for both you and your furfriends. They are very safe and easy to use as long as they're diluted properly for cats. I also used a homeopathic remedy for both me and Nissa after Sabin's death, as prescribed by both of her homeopathic vets, if that interests you. But the most helpful thing I did for Nissa was to actively, one day, choose LIFE again for her and pictured her being more normally active and interested in things again...and w/i days, that's exactly what she did, which helped both her and me, even though I was still grieving. Also, if characteristics and pecking orders change, do your friends a favour and accept the 'new normal'. Nissa gradually got bolder, more vivacious and really came to enjoy being an only cat and soon was bossing us around as much as her brother had always done! It was a blessing seeing her come into her own, so please allow for that possibility.
Bless you for thinking so much about the well-being of your babies during this terrible time!... but don't forget to give yourself just as much compassion and gentle help, too. Let us know how you're making out, whenever you need to talk about things and how you're feeling.
Please accept my deepest sympathies for the loss of your baby, Penny. We all know how hard it is to lose a beloved furbaby, as well as how hard it can be on those remaining. My own Nissa (gone for close to 3 months now, and our last baby) grieved quite heavily when her real brother left us years ago and became anorexic and lost even more weight over his death than she did even before she herself passed while very ill. It can be just as hard on them as it is on us. So no, you're not imagining it. Nissa needed to kiss me even more than she already did (which was LOTS!) when grieving herself and she never gave this delightful and loving manifestation of her love for me up, even after her grief was over.
The article from Admin. is fairly helpful, though I somewhat disagree on a few points. I think it helps animals almost as much as it usually does humans, to view the body after a death, as it can help bring about a sense of acceptance. While I believe animals aren't as emotionally invested in death as humans are, I still also believe they can tell, just as we can, that their fellow friends' essences aren't in those 'shells' anymore and I think it helps them realize they won't see their pals in the physical form anymore. I showed Nissa her brother's body and she never, ever searched for him around the house or yard. I also believe it's good and safe practise to verbally or visually (in your mind) tell your babies what has happened to their friend, just to cover all the bases.
I also don't necessarily agree with not helping them, by whatever means, to eat if they're having difficulty with this. While some lack of appeti*te is acceptable for awhile, if it continues, aside from a health check (other animals can develop serious illnesses that stem from their emotional and individual response to grief), it behooves us as their guardians to see to it that they don't start losing too much weight, either....unless this is in order anyway! Nissa, at her top weight, was also only just over 6 lbs., too, so for her, every bit of it counted for alot! Both of her vets encouraged me to use whatever means necessary to get her appy and weight back up as quickly as possible.
And while it's probably best practise to keep things as normal as possible, and return to playtime as much as can be managed, I also believe many of our babies are here to actively help us with OUR grief as well, and if that means giving and getting more attention and love than before, I don't see anything wrong with this. We support each other ~ that's what relationships are for!
As for removing things, many of us choose to keep articles of our beloveds around for as long as WE find comfort from this, before putting them away later on. Personally, I would have left Sabin's things alone for a long time anyway, but seeing as Nissa and he shared most items anyway, I didn't even have that choice when he passed, as these were also still hers. I only removed, much later on, the few items he was to be buried with. Anything she didn't normally use much herself, she started gravitating towards then, and LIKED to sniff his smell wherever she found it, especially where his bladder had let loose just before he passed. She would lay down beside this spot on the carpet and just snooze. Just as we most often like to have items around that smell of our loved ones, so, too, I believe it helps our animals cope. In fact, I just heard of a woman's dog who was peeing on the bed where this woman's mother had died (this dog loved his grandma!) and didn't stop this behaviour until she gave him one of his grandma's sweatshirts to keep as his very own. He now guards it with all his might, sleeps on it and is behaving perfectly normally otherwise now. And if the sight of these things bothers YOU, you could move them to a place where you won't see them all the time, but your remaining furkids could have access to them, then assess if it's helping any of them.
I also highly recommend the use of flower essence combinations designed for grief, for both you and your furfriends. They are very safe and easy to use as long as they're diluted properly for cats. I also used a homeopathic remedy for both me and Nissa after Sabin's death, as prescribed by both of her homeopathic vets, if that interests you. But the most helpful thing I did for Nissa was to actively, one day, choose LIFE again for her and pictured her being more normally active and interested in things again...and w/i days, that's exactly what she did, which helped both her and me, even though I was still grieving. Also, if characteristics and pecking orders change, do your friends a favour and accept the 'new normal'. Nissa gradually got bolder, more vivacious and really came to enjoy being an only cat and soon was bossing us around as much as her brother had always done! It was a blessing seeing her come into her own, so please allow for that possibility.
Bless you for thinking so much about the well-being of your babies during this terrible time!... but don't forget to give yourself just as much compassion and gentle help, too. Let us know how you're making out, whenever you need to talk about things and how you're feeling.
On Thursday, February 8, my beautiful mother, aged 90, passed away in her sleep on her 1st day home from the hospital after receiving a pace-maker implant. She was greeted in heaven, I know, by Mack, and a host of other furbabies, that she loved, and nurtured, and grieved for in the course of her long life.
She left to me the care of her beautiful 22 year old kitty BK. whom I have always adored, and enjoyed loving-up. He and Mother had lived alone in Moms' house for 16 years. I'm trying to keep him there instead of our house, because of the dogs, until the will is probated. Fortunately my schedule is flexible enough that I can spend as much time as I want with him. But, I can tell he knows Mom is gone; and I'm afraid he will decide to follow after her. I love him and I can't stand the thought that he will leave me too.
She left to me the care of her beautiful 22 year old kitty BK. whom I have always adored, and enjoyed loving-up. He and Mother had lived alone in Moms' house for 16 years. I'm trying to keep him there instead of our house, because of the dogs, until the will is probated. Fortunately my schedule is flexible enough that I can spend as much time as I want with him. But, I can tell he knows Mom is gone; and I'm afraid he will decide to follow after her. I love him and I can't stand the thought that he will leave me too.
myhrtisbrkn
I'm so sorry to hear your mom passed. Even when they have lived a long time, and you are expecting it, it's a shock. My mom passed in 2005 at age 85.
It's nice to think a host of fur guys were there for her.
It's beautiful to know of how many fur kids she loved.
BK is very lucky to have you. Give him some loving-up for me. He is grieving poor baby. I'm hoping he will stay with you for a while. Change can be hard when you're a 22 year old kitty.
Thinking of you
I'm so sorry to hear your mom passed. Even when they have lived a long time, and you are expecting it, it's a shock. My mom passed in 2005 at age 85.
It's nice to think a host of fur guys were there for her.
It's beautiful to know of how many fur kids she loved.BK is very lucky to have you. Give him some loving-up for me. He is grieving poor baby. I'm hoping he will stay with you for a while. Change can be hard when you're a 22 year old kitty.
Thinking of you
Oh, Dayna! I'm so sorry to hear about your mother's passing, and about your concerns and worries about BK! Oh my goodness.....you're another poor soul who's been handed so much in too short a time!! I'm just so very sorry.
All I can tell you is what I think I'd be telling myself were I in your position. BK may indeed follow his own mom shortly, but if that happened, I'd be trying to focus on them hardly being apart for very long in that case....a nice thing for them. I'd also be trying to focus on BK having been given 22 years, which is a pretty good amount for a cat, and for him and your mom having had the privelege of growing old together. ( I know it helps me knowing that Nissa almost made it to 20, versus her brother going at only 13. ) And, trying to feel better knowing that at least you're there to look after your mother's precious boy, rather than the scenario that happens in all too many families, when no one steps up to the plate and accepts the responsibility of caring for those left behind after a death. So love yourself extra for that....you're one of the GOOD ones!
Do you think he'd ever get along with your other dogs, or they with him? If not, it may even be a blessing for him to leave by his own choice before his living arrangements have to change....although probate can take quite awhile to go through, so you may also have a long grace period.
This must be SO hard, so soon after losing your Mack. Two great losses, in such a short time! (I know what that's like...horrid!) But I'm sure he IS with your mom now, so they both have more company and can both watch over you and BK together. Try to trust in serendipity and grace-filled timing for yourself, as much as you can muster. Try to trust that things will unfold in the best possible way all around, for everyone's sake. It's the best you can do for yourself and BK right now.
And let us know how things go, with this, and with your added grief now. If I may, if you'd like another board for your grief over your dear mother, I can give you one I'd recommend. Just PM me if you're interested. My Mum passed at age 84 in '04 and I used this board for that, and my brother's passing, too.
Please take GOOD care of yourself in this double-whammy of a time. I'll be thinking of you,
F.'s Mom
All I can tell you is what I think I'd be telling myself were I in your position. BK may indeed follow his own mom shortly, but if that happened, I'd be trying to focus on them hardly being apart for very long in that case....a nice thing for them. I'd also be trying to focus on BK having been given 22 years, which is a pretty good amount for a cat, and for him and your mom having had the privelege of growing old together. ( I know it helps me knowing that Nissa almost made it to 20, versus her brother going at only 13. ) And, trying to feel better knowing that at least you're there to look after your mother's precious boy, rather than the scenario that happens in all too many families, when no one steps up to the plate and accepts the responsibility of caring for those left behind after a death. So love yourself extra for that....you're one of the GOOD ones!
Do you think he'd ever get along with your other dogs, or they with him? If not, it may even be a blessing for him to leave by his own choice before his living arrangements have to change....although probate can take quite awhile to go through, so you may also have a long grace period.
This must be SO hard, so soon after losing your Mack. Two great losses, in such a short time! (I know what that's like...horrid!) But I'm sure he IS with your mom now, so they both have more company and can both watch over you and BK together. Try to trust in serendipity and grace-filled timing for yourself, as much as you can muster. Try to trust that things will unfold in the best possible way all around, for everyone's sake. It's the best you can do for yourself and BK right now.
And let us know how things go, with this, and with your added grief now. If I may, if you'd like another board for your grief over your dear mother, I can give you one I'd recommend. Just PM me if you're interested. My Mum passed at age 84 in '04 and I used this board for that, and my brother's passing, too.
Please take GOOD care of yourself in this double-whammy of a time. I'll be thinking of you,
F.'s Mom
I too am so sorry to hear about your mom dayna. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you, especially when you were already grieving.
I am glad that BK has you to take care of him and I know you don't want to lose him, but 22 is a long time for a cat and I hope you are somewhat prepared that he may not make it too long before he joins your mother.
You and Bk are both in my thoughts.
Paula
I am glad that BK has you to take care of him and I know you don't want to lose him, but 22 is a long time for a cat and I hope you are somewhat prepared that he may not make it too long before he joins your mother.
You and Bk are both in my thoughts.
Paula
When my Jemima was pts at the beginning of December, I asked my vet about how this would affect, Checkers, my 9 yr old. The vet said Checkers will mope; will want more attention. In short, pets do grieve as well. He also said since cats, as a rule, are more of a solitary creature, they will adapt better than a dog since dogs are more of a pack animal. I know for the first 2 months since Jemima's passing, Checkers hung around me a lot more than he usually did before (he normally hung around my husband more than me). It's like he knew I needed him as much as he needed me as he lost his companion. Checkers is slowly going back to the way he was before only I feel he misses having another cat around.
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