The last Christmas I had without Bono, I was 14-years-old, living with my parents 80 miles away, and praying for a dog of my own ... That seems such a long time ago .... because I'll be 23 next week, and I now live with my fiancé, and I'm crying for my dog ...
I used to love all the Christmas cheer, and now I see all the commercialised adverts. And I'd get a little excited about thinking about Christmas. Bono loved Christmas; it's the only time of year I let him eat what he wanted, no matter how unhealthy it was. I'd smile at him wolfing down his turkey dinner (I'm Vegetarian so he got LOADS of turkey), but at least I'd know that he was happy. I knew that this Christmas might be my last Christmas with Bono. So I'd begun to plan ahead to make it a special one. I bought his Christmas doggy stocking early, and even a little Santa outfit ... but last week he died ... and I didn't have my last Christmas with Bono.
My vet warned me 'Don't set targets. Just enjoy him'. This is going to be a sad Christmas without him ... and I've no idea how I'll cope ...
Full Version: Setting Targets
It's going to be hard on all of us who lost pets within the past several months. Since Precious was a cat, I didn't dress him up (though I wanted to, but he wouldn't let me even put a hat on his head!) but let him lay in the gift wrap while I wrapped presents. He sat with me while I blubbed through the nth viewing of A Christmas Carol. He always got a few tastes of champagne on New Year's too.
Keep his memory alive by doing things that you do with your family. Include him still and even sign his name on the odd Christmas card! I'm doing that but putting "in loving memory of Precious" and Patches' name too (since he's the new "baby brother").
Remember, he is still with you and will never, ever leave you!!
Lisa
Keep his memory alive by doing things that you do with your family. Include him still and even sign his name on the odd Christmas card! I'm doing that but putting "in loving memory of Precious" and Patches' name too (since he's the new "baby brother").
Remember, he is still with you and will never, ever leave you!!
Lisa
I know just how you feel...this Christmas will be my first without my baby boy Sox.He loved Christmas too with all the wrapping paper to play in and the extra treats on Christmas eve.I will certainly be sad this year.How bout you and I agree to take the holidays one day at a time? If you can,go thur some old photos and find some good pictures of your boy and put them out in frames so that everyone who comes to your house can see what a pretty boy he was.Today I went to the craft store and bought a scrapbook for my Sox.It's themed for a cat and I intend on putting all of the pictures I have of him in that book so that whenever I feel lonely or start to miss him too much I'll be able to pick that scrapbook up and look at his wonderful face.Maybe you could do the same thing for your boy?I know it's just a small thing but at least I know I'm doing something to help keep his memory alive.My heart goes out to you and just remember that alot of us know how you feel.We are all going to be missing our pets this Christmas.Let's pray that it will get better in the near future.My thoughts and prayers will be with you.
Thank you for your responses. They both really touched me ...
Oh there's a photo of Bono is practically every room of the house, on my phone, on my PC monitor. He's even on my mousepad! And my keyring. And now I've created a beautiful photo album for him. I had been thinking of adding Bono's name to some of the xmas card to certain people. But they'll probably just think I'm odd ... But why shouldn't he be included. Just because hes died doesn't mean he's no longer part of my family ... He's still my number one ...
Oh there's a photo of Bono is practically every room of the house, on my phone, on my PC monitor. He's even on my mousepad! And my keyring. And now I've created a beautiful photo album for him. I had been thinking of adding Bono's name to some of the xmas card to certain people. But they'll probably just think I'm odd ... But why shouldn't he be included. Just because hes died doesn't mean he's no longer part of my family ... He's still my number one ...
I don't really know how I'll cope, emotionally, either, even though I have a few loose plans in place already.
For one, I'm not shopping for anyone. We did this, too, when we'd lost Sabin 6.5 years ago and it helped take alot of stress out of the holidays. I know I won't be able to stand handling wrapping paper or ribbons or bows, as last Christmas Nissa reverted to her kittenish ways (despite being 18 at the time) and was back to chewing on these, especially the ones on her own presents...even at the time, I thought it was a portent, telling me this was a gift from her to me, on what was to be her last Christmas with us.
Two, I'm going to be on the lookout for another Christmas Memorial Candlelight Service put on by one of the funeral homes nearby, where they also have given out glass angel ornaments in the past....so I'll be needing another one now.
Three, I'm still deciding whether or not to put on a small holiday dinner to which we'd invite only one couple who are understanding of our loss...so me and my female friend can share a few (or a LOT) tears together - she loved Nissa, too.
Four, I'm only putting up the tree-top in a pot and decorating it with some of Nissa's fav*ourite toys, our glass angels and the now 4 personalized glass ornaments for each of my major losses.
Five, I also use these ornaments in a beautiful little ceremony I found for loss where you light candles and read a few verses that symbolize the meanings of the loss.
Six, my H and I might even stay at a local hotel for a day or two, just to do something more relaxing for ourselves.
Seven, try and plan for some exercise, like cross-country skiing or something.
Eight, I'll consider attending one or two dinners that will be put on by another friend who knows how difficult this season is going to be for me, one on Christmas Day (less likely) and one on New Year's Day (more likely).
Nine, I'll be asking the few closer people who remain in my life if they'd like to write something, anything, they'd like about Nissa so that I can put it in hers or my stocking (hers is pretty weanie) and I'll get to read them on Christmas Day.
This whole season has already been a really tough time for me over the past 6 years, because first we lost Sabin on Feb.2, but his first collapse came on New Year's Eve (and we spent the Eve and Day visiting him in the Emerg. Clinic)...and then he only lasted another month. Then in '04 I lost my Mum on Jan.2, right after New Year's Day...and then my oldest brother on Feb.29 (a Leap Year), soon after Sabin's Death Anniversary. So while Nissa's the only one who didn't cross in the winter, we've never NOT had her with us during both Christmas and all these anniversaries during the holiday season. So THIS year?....I'm truly worried for my sanity as this is a time I've been dreading for so many years already, with no Niski here to lend her wonderful charms and comfort to a really stressfilled time of year for me. I feel sick just thinking about it and fear I might need an awful lot of 'nog to get me through.
And I thought I'd add this link for anyone who's interested. While it deals with human loss, I've taken a few ideas over the years from these articles, as many can just as easily be used for dealing with furbaby losses. The site they come from also has a section devoted to pet loss and the holidays, but I found the human section had more, but you're free to look around there for more articles.
Coping With The Holidays
For one, I'm not shopping for anyone. We did this, too, when we'd lost Sabin 6.5 years ago and it helped take alot of stress out of the holidays. I know I won't be able to stand handling wrapping paper or ribbons or bows, as last Christmas Nissa reverted to her kittenish ways (despite being 18 at the time) and was back to chewing on these, especially the ones on her own presents...even at the time, I thought it was a portent, telling me this was a gift from her to me, on what was to be her last Christmas with us.
Two, I'm going to be on the lookout for another Christmas Memorial Candlelight Service put on by one of the funeral homes nearby, where they also have given out glass angel ornaments in the past....so I'll be needing another one now.
Three, I'm still deciding whether or not to put on a small holiday dinner to which we'd invite only one couple who are understanding of our loss...so me and my female friend can share a few (or a LOT) tears together - she loved Nissa, too.
Four, I'm only putting up the tree-top in a pot and decorating it with some of Nissa's fav*ourite toys, our glass angels and the now 4 personalized glass ornaments for each of my major losses.
Five, I also use these ornaments in a beautiful little ceremony I found for loss where you light candles and read a few verses that symbolize the meanings of the loss.
Six, my H and I might even stay at a local hotel for a day or two, just to do something more relaxing for ourselves.
Seven, try and plan for some exercise, like cross-country skiing or something.
Eight, I'll consider attending one or two dinners that will be put on by another friend who knows how difficult this season is going to be for me, one on Christmas Day (less likely) and one on New Year's Day (more likely).
Nine, I'll be asking the few closer people who remain in my life if they'd like to write something, anything, they'd like about Nissa so that I can put it in hers or my stocking (hers is pretty weanie) and I'll get to read them on Christmas Day.
This whole season has already been a really tough time for me over the past 6 years, because first we lost Sabin on Feb.2, but his first collapse came on New Year's Eve (and we spent the Eve and Day visiting him in the Emerg. Clinic)...and then he only lasted another month. Then in '04 I lost my Mum on Jan.2, right after New Year's Day...and then my oldest brother on Feb.29 (a Leap Year), soon after Sabin's Death Anniversary. So while Nissa's the only one who didn't cross in the winter, we've never NOT had her with us during both Christmas and all these anniversaries during the holiday season. So THIS year?....I'm truly worried for my sanity as this is a time I've been dreading for so many years already, with no Niski here to lend her wonderful charms and comfort to a really stressfilled time of year for me. I feel sick just thinking about it and fear I might need an awful lot of 'nog to get me through.
And I thought I'd add this link for anyone who's interested. While it deals with human loss, I've taken a few ideas over the years from these articles, as many can just as easily be used for dealing with furbaby losses. The site they come from also has a section devoted to pet loss and the holidays, but I found the human section had more, but you're free to look around there for more articles.
Coping With The Holidays
This Christmas is going to be difficult for all of us for sure. Scooter used to love sleeping under the Christmas tree. It used to be so hard to find him in between all the Christmas presents. Somehow, he managed to find a small space to sleep in. I'm afraid to take out the Christmas tree skirt this year, because I'll probably find his fur all over it.. With his black and white fur, he used to look so beautiful laying there. I'm glad we took pictures of him this past Christmas, because, I feel we knew that his time was going to be limited. It will not ever be the same again. I don't know if I can even put the tree up, but I'm sure I'll find the will to do it somehow. I know Scooter would want us to put the tree up. Who knows. maybe he'll send us a sign from under the tree. That would be a wonderful gift. I miss my baby so much.
It's always seemed to me that the holidays are stressful enough, and adding in a heartbreaking loss or two or more during the year just make it that much worse. And it's so sad in a way, because for those of us who are Christians, it should be a season of joy. Last year was so bad, because Magic passed on 13 Dec, and we had in-laws coming, and the dinner - which is too much anyway - is always my responsibility, and the gifts get more expensive and shopping is a nightmare - well, you get the idea. Afterwards I told my kids and husband that this year we'll go to the Christmas Eve church service, have a pre-cooked dinner from Safeway, and no gifts, no tree - we'll just celebrate the real reason for the season, you know? Well, I've reminded everyone periodically of this through the year and been laughed out of the room every time. I have the feeling that I'll have to adjust this plan somewhat, but it just exhausts me to even think about the holidays. I was on auto-pilot last year, still in shock after losing Magic, but this year - I can't even comtemplate it. I feel like I never properly mourned Magic, so I'm afraid that this year, the anniversary will be that much worse.
The only way I think I'll even make it through this year is by focusing more on my faith, which is the only way I think I even made it through this year, after losing Groucho too. I'm clinging to that this year for dear life - I have to. The birth of Christ, who died and rose again, has given me, personally, a belief that my departed loved ones also live on. For those of you who aren't religiously inclined or are of different faiths, I don't intend to offend you, but when I think about the holiday season, I've just got to hang on to that belief.
My sympathy goes out to all of you who face this difficult time. However you get through it, I hope there will be some comfort somewhere for you. I think we all need to have some kind of plan in place, because this is just such a public and family and friend togetherness type of holiday (as compared to oh, Columbus Day or the 4th of July) and if we want to keep it together for the sake of our living loved ones, it helps to know where and when to go and what to do when tears or sorrow inevitably surface. I'm glad this topic has come up now, because it's so timely, and it helps to have some kind of preparation for this time. I send my best wishes to all of you who are grieving - we can all learn from each other how to face this upcoming season, and maybe even find some comfort from it.
The only way I think I'll even make it through this year is by focusing more on my faith, which is the only way I think I even made it through this year, after losing Groucho too. I'm clinging to that this year for dear life - I have to. The birth of Christ, who died and rose again, has given me, personally, a belief that my departed loved ones also live on. For those of you who aren't religiously inclined or are of different faiths, I don't intend to offend you, but when I think about the holiday season, I've just got to hang on to that belief.
My sympathy goes out to all of you who face this difficult time. However you get through it, I hope there will be some comfort somewhere for you. I think we all need to have some kind of plan in place, because this is just such a public and family and friend togetherness type of holiday (as compared to oh, Columbus Day or the 4th of July) and if we want to keep it together for the sake of our living loved ones, it helps to know where and when to go and what to do when tears or sorrow inevitably surface. I'm glad this topic has come up now, because it's so timely, and it helps to have some kind of preparation for this time. I send my best wishes to all of you who are grieving - we can all learn from each other how to face this upcoming season, and maybe even find some comfort from it.
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