This day last week, I had two dogs. My beautiful Cavalier King Charles Spaniel - Bono, and my Jack Russell Terrier - Coveu. They were devoted to each other. Bono was Coveu's big brother, and they looked out for each other. My lovely Bono passed away on Monday, and its ripped my heart in two. And Coveu misses Bono dreadfully ...

I've been advised to get another dog, if only for company for Coveu who is very lonely, especially as my fiancé and I are out at work all day, 5 days a week.

Today I looked through the newspapers and saw various types of dogs; I phoned a lady about a whippet pup, and when I was half way to her house to view the pups, I burst into tears, and went home instead. Bono hasn't been dead a week, and there I was, off to get another, as though he had merely been a broken ornament which needed replacing, and not the loyal companion, and devoted friend I've had since I was a 14-year-old child. His ashes haven't even been returned to me yet ...

How could I have been so thoughtless to be going to get another dog, when Bono was alive this day last week ... ? Is there anyone else out there who feels as I do? I feel so conflicted and ashamed ...

You are not being thoughtness -- you are being thoughtful for the well being of the dog who is still with you. And you are not trying to replace the friend you lost.

In my own recent time of turmoil, a friend told me that I can continue to love the dog I lost but can also make room in my heart for another dog who needs a home and love. One doesn't negate the other.

You will know when it is the right time for you. Don't push it for the sake of the dog you believe is lonely. You need to heal enough first. If it feels wrong to you, you may not be ready yet for yourself. Grief takes a huge toll on us and you need energy to introduce a new member to your household. Be gentle with yourself please.

I am so sorry for your sad loss. Hang in there, Karen

I have to agree with Karen. Your Coveu (that's an interesting name, btw - is there a story behind it?) - may need some extra loving and attention during this time, but you have to heal and adjust to Bono's loss before you bring in another dog. Dogs take a lot of energy, from you and in convincing them to get along, and it will take all your attention for that. It's nothing to be ashamed of, and you are not alone in wanting to make things better for a remaining pet. It's really very admirable, and I have no doubt that you were thinking of Coveu when you made the call about the whippet pups, not yourself.

Take your time to accept your recent loss, and then make the ultimate tribute you can for Bono - bring another loving soul to join your family. There is no limit to the love a heart can hold, and another dog will never push Bono from your heart.

I extend my sympathy to all of you - you will heal, although sometimes it will seem impossible. Share your sorrow, and we will all pull through this time with you. Take care, Barbara

Coveu is African literally for scar, but it means permanent ... It's supposed to be spelt Kovu. But I changed it to make it sound more exotic ...

Thanks from the responses. I appreciate it.

Gillian,
Your heart will tell you when the time is right to adopt again. I've said this before: the new pet will NOT be a replacement, only an addition to your family. My Precious was one of a kind, my feline "baby" for almost 19 years. I kept telling other people and myself, "not ever, I won't, I can't". Only after I met Patches did I make the decision to adopt him, and he has been such a joy to me. He reminds me of Precious in many ways but he is not, nor will he ever be, Precious. I didn't intend for him to be even close! But his sweetness reminds me so much of Precious it's hard not to discount that Precious arranged for us to meet. Precious definitely doesn't like me crying about anything, he never did when he was alive, and he certainly doesn't want me to blub anymore now! (I admit, I do but it's only occasional now, nothing like it was right after he died.) He does approve of his new "baby brother" (four years old!)...and here is a picture of Patches!
Lisa

There is no right or moral time to get a new dog since you are not replacing your departed friend. It's just a matter of what feels right for you and your surviving dog. If your dog is used to company, he might be happier with another companion - however, you need to really make sure that the two dogs are compatiable before you commit to adding the new dog. If your dog was dominant, you want to make sure you get a more submissive new dog, etc.

The new dog will not replace Bono for you or for Coveu, but that doesn't mean that there isn't room in both of your hearts for a new friend.



Daisy's Mommy