I took both my dogs to the vet Saturday and while I was trying to get one back in and one out, Max jumped out, Toby followed him, and they both ran into the street. Toby got hit, but Max is okay. I can't get over the guilt. There were so many things I did wrong. I shouldn't have tried to take them both at the same time. I should have put Max in the back seat instead of the front. I should have thrown myself on them to stop them from running into the street.
I had so many things planned for both of them this summer. Long walks, trips to the park, I was going to make this a great summer for all three of us and now I can't even imagine what I'm going to do without Toby. He was the sweetest dog I've ever known and he wasn't even a year old. He should have lived for fifteen years or longer and been happy for all of them but he'll never do anything of the things he loved again, because I did something stupid.
I had a fence company to my house the day before to arrange for an invisible fence because both dogs were a couple of escape artists. I knew they liked to escape, I should have been more careful. I will never forgive myself for losing Toby. I loved him so much.

oh, Karen....

I am so so sorry for your loss.

PLEASE let go of the guilt. I know it is hard. But this was NOT your fault. I have two big dogs, and they want to escape, too. The other day, at the vet, Chata was in the back seat when I pulled up. I was GOING to shut my door, then open the back door, grab her leash and lead her out. But before I could even shut my door, she had jumped over it, and out of the door! I tackled her before she could move any further. Scared the bejeezus out of me...

But it was all just chance. She just as easily could've shot into the middle of a four lane busy street. It was just by luck that I caught her. Just dumb luck.

You CAN torture yourself with "whatifs" -- we all do. But this was not your fault. You were being a good mama taking your baby to the vet. Please don't blame yourself.

I am so sorry.

--Jennifer

Dear Karen,

My heart breaks for you, I am in the same boat--blaming myself for my Ginger's demise. Every single night when I come home and drive up the driveway I see the places my faithful cat once stood waiting for us. He usually was right there---right there on the porch! but not that day--the day we drove over him. In our own driveway with our own truck. so I am right with you ...going over all the things I COULD have done instead of what I did. Oh how I wish I could set the clock back to Monday before last. I am so certain you feel the same.
But Karen, like Jennifer just wrote to you..she very nearly could have had the same identical outcome very recently...but she didn't--My cat avoided driveway danger for over five years--how is it that on these particular days the worst befell us?? what about the many days before when something did NOT happen--but "could have?"...It makes me wonder a little bit if there is some sort of destiny at work. Neither you or I would EVER have EVER intentionally hurt our pets..so why did these terrible things happen to us and the animals in our charge at this time? You wrote that you were getting the invisable fence--funny, a week before my tragedy I had a microchip put into Ginger (even though I also had ID tags on his collar too) My thought was that if he ever got "spooked" and left our yard and lost his collar he could be scanned for ID. I go to these lengths to keep Ginger safe and then we run over him in our own driveway!!
I can tell from what you have written that you had your pets best interest at heart. What you and I experienced were accidents. I was hyper vigilant about protecting my cat. I checked on him all the time. Yet this terrible thing happened. Maybe it is as some people say..some things are meant to be. Maybe nothing you and I did or didn't do would have changed the outcome. I wonder. Certainly if tears could bring them back they would be back.
Little by little every day I am starting to forgive myself. You must do the same. I wish I could give you a real life hug. I am going to send a prayer up for you to heal soon. I know you meant no harm to your wonderful dog. He knows it too. It could be that we need to do something (ultimately) with our respective tragedies. I am not sure what it is yet for me. I keep thinking that it is not the things that happen to us that shape us, but rather what we DO with the things that happened to us! I am wondering for myself what good thing can I do because of what happened. I'll come up with something. I can't let this have no meaning.
Thinking of you,
Patti

Jennifer,

Thank you for your kind words. I haven't lost a pet to an accident since I was a kid and when I lost Gibb to cancer twenty-six years ago and then Carter a little over a year ago to failed kidneys, it broke my heart, but they, at least, had good, long, happy lives. This is different and I don't know if I'm capable of forgiving myself. It's been a rough year in my personal life and Toby was my joy. Max is trying hard to take his place and I wish I knew what is going through his little doggy mind, because I think he's hurting too. The only person I know who truly understands how I feel is a friend at work but unfortunately I'm afraid he's not much better at dealing with people's grief than I am. Lots of us aren't, and I'm so grateful that someone was here to listen. Thank you.

Karen

Patti,

I'm so sorry about Ginger. I do know how you're hurting and I'll add her to my thoughts at the end of this day. Toby did know I loved him, all the kisses were a pretty good hint, but this terrible thing happened to him and I don't know why. If I get through a day without tears maybe I'll remember him at his happiest, chasing the cats, but right now I can't see that. Thank you.

Karen

Karen, if Max meets Ginger at the rainbowbridge Ginger might still try to beat him up. Ginger was a male cat despite his girly name and loved to pick a fight with a dog.
One day we won't cry. Hasn't happened for me yet but my friend assures me--one day I will think of Ginger and not cry. (really???)

And my Toby was pretty much a big baby, so Ginger would probably win. Good-night Toby. I love you.

and goodnight to you too Karen, dear girl.

(((((((((((((KAREN)))))))))))))))

I'm sorry that you lost your Toby. Please don't feel guilty, it really wasn't your fault. My thoughts are with you.

Karen,

I'm so sorry!!!

I was really touched by the responses from Jennifer and Patti. What they wrote---about NOT feeling guilty, about it being an ACCIDENT, about there being some sort of destiny at work, etc.---was basically what I wanted to say, but they said it better than I could have.

Let us know how you are doing!

You'll be in my prayers. Love,

Kathy

p.s. Remember that Toby is in perfect bliss---without physical pain, without emotional pain.

I don't know, maybe it will get easier, but right now it just doesn't feel like it will. I come home for lunch most days and he's not there, trying to break down the gate to get to me, he's not there when I feed the oscar his piece of shrimp every night, begging for the last bite, and it just kills me knowing that he should be. Just one thing done differently. I want to take Max for a walk but everything I do with Max that I used to do with both dogs seems all wrong. There are a lot of people at work who know and whose understanding helps, and I'm going to spend part of this holiday with friends, so getting through this weekend should be easier.
Thank you all for listening.

Karen

Dear Karen:

I am SOOOO VERY SORRY ABOUT YOUR LOSS...... My heart is breaking for you.....

As hard as it is to do, please listen to everyone and try your best to let go of that awful guilt...
It was not your fault.... It was an accident....

I'm sure your Max would love to take that walk....... (and, I bet Toby would love to look down on your guys taking that walk)....

You have a guardian angel in your beloved Toby.... He's watching over you & Max.

I'm happy that you will be spending this long weekend with friends, and I'm sure they will all be of great comfort and very supportive......

But, if you need us here at LS, feel free to come here... Okay??

Love, Denise

Hi again Karen...me too--- I just walked past the area of the yard where Ginger always came around--bells jingling every night--he was different than most cats--he was like a dog in how he stood guard!

A friend reminded me today that Eric Clapton stated recently that he will no longer sing "Tears in Heaven". He wrote the song because his toddler fell to his death off a balcony. (can you imagine the guilt he must have had over that?) The reason he gave for no longer singing it is because it is a very sad song and he no longer feels sadness associated with his son. This really gives me hope that our thoughts about our events will evolve over time.

I hope you have as good a weekend as possible. I have been trying to decide whether or not to have some folks over. I know that they would all ask where Ginger is--so I am not sure I can handle that. Still thinking about it.

Hugs to you.