Often I remember the day Daisy passed away, and I keep wishing that it could have been different. When she went into her final seizure, at the end stages of congenital liver disease, I yelled out to my husband - Daisy is dying. I rushed her to the vet, and my husband stayed with our son. We both knew she wasn't coming home., but somehow I hoped for a miracle that she would get to come home, at least for a little while. (She didn't want to leave us)

At least I was with her when she passed away, but coming home without her, my husband, who loved her so much, waiting, and knowing, but not believing. until I entered the house alone.

How can I remember her with joy, when the image of her death is branded in my mind? I know she is more than the end of her life and I want to remember all the wonderful times, without so much pain.

Daisy's Mommy

Give it time. You will remember the good times without reliving the end.

Take care,
Ken Albin

For the first few weeks after I lost both Magic and Groucho, the one thing which burned into my brain was seeing them both already departed - Magic on the sofa and Groucho under the deck. I just couldn't think of the good times, cause I thought I would never have good times again, in a way. I tormented myself with those images, and kept thinking "if only" over and over again. It seemed I would never get past those heart-stopping images of those still forms whose souls had already lifted to God.

It does take time, as Ken said. Various times for different people - we just can never be able to predict when that cloud of sorrow starts to lift, ever so slowly. But you're not alone in almost obsessing about those last few minutes or hours or days - it's part of the healing process, to try to make sense of why and how. You may never know why or how (I didn't) but as time has passed and I've shared and learned so much from other people on this board who've been through this agony also, those last images have started to be eclipsed by the joys of having been able to be a part of the lives of these wonderful souls, and it's helped make me more aware of appreciating my other cats now, since I now know how ephemeral life can be, and how they can be here one day and gone the next with no warning sometimes.

Time can drag, as I know you've found, but it does pass, and eventually those last images will be a part of Daisy's life, but not the most important and memorable part of her life. Take care - Barbara

This is really common with all those who grieve, no matter who it's for. If it helps....well, it might, but it's also, admittedly, also depressing.....since I'd had SO much guilt over Sabin's passing, it took me years for those final images to start to fade....and again, I found out later how very common this is. But the better news is that, while I can still recall them in an instant, they don't make up the better part of my memories about him now. So I believe guilt plays a HUGE role in how long they last at that intensity. With Nissa, by contrast, I seem to be remembering at about a 50/50 split (at least right now - I allow that this may change at a moment's notice!), between the final images and a few choice, better memories...usually having to do with either her coming to bed and doing our bedtime kiss sessions, or being on the couch with me in the evenings. On the other hand, I hurt so badly that I simply avoid, like the Plague, thinking about her ending as much as I can.

So I don't think it's just time that helps; it's also dependant on circ*umstances surrounding our babies' departures. As I'm fond of saying, Time itself does nothing; it's what we do with it that counts. If we have more guilt, it takes working through that to 'do' it for us, and that can be a longer process. I know I often feel 'pushed' into an even worse space by well-meaning people telling me to "remember the GOOD times". We're ready when we're ready, and not a moment sooner. We need to respect our own feelings and not stuff them, but experience them, in order to gradually let them evolve. For whatever our own personal timetable is going to be, we simply CAN'T remember nothing but the better memories, until our hearts and minds are ready to go there. It's often, in a strange but true way, MORE painful to remember the good times, because they remind us of all that we've lost. That's simply the nature of grief and needn't be apologized for, denied or shunted off before we've moved farther along.

What I'm finding REALLY difficult is that now I have no other feline babies here to remind me of all those little things....like expressions, grooming certain parts in certain ways, ways of speaking, etc. I remember catching dozens of these things in action, watching Nissa do them, after Sabin passed, and finding them both lovely and painful at the same time, because both Sabin and Nissa did most things the same way, being brother and sister. Then I would actually break out in a cold sweat...thinking, "What am I going to do when SHE passes and NOBODY'S around to remind me of all these adorable and loving ways?!".....and now I'm here....and hating it. Our feelings are as they are....and I hear yours.

Daisy's Mommy,
You will heal. The tape-loop that you are experiencing is normal. (I had the same thing happen, and until Precious' ashes were blessed did the loop finally stop.) You're still grieving; remember all of the good times, that should help! Drag out a lot of photos and smile!!
Lisa

I've been experiencing the same thing. Why didn't I hold him and talk to him when he was in distress that night? I didn't think he could be dying; that had to be at least a little way off into the future. It seemed completely unreal. I can't stop thinking about his last moments and picturing him there on that gurney after we got to the vet -- we shouldn't have even gone to the damn vet. My girlfriend is a nurse and she knew he was dying before I did...then she rode with him in the back while I drove to the animal hospital. I'm mad at myself for not just taking him out of the car, laying him down in the living room on a clean blanket and telling him I loved him while he could still hear me; for not comforting him myself as he slipped away.
This is driving me crazy.

i always find saying a quick praise helps me to get out some off them feelings of guilt etc....

It's a chance to say what you like and get say how you feel....

I was never religious , but once I lost my Meg it seemed to be very helpful when i'm down...

I empathize with yoy wholly. I pleaded to be with my Yoda when the vet called and said he was dying and they wouldn't let me come. I am still in spiritual and emotional distress that I could not commfort him in his final hours. I feel like I let him down, too. If I had to do it over again---nothing would keep me away-- they would have to arrest me to keep me away.
Theresa

I feel your pain. I lost my baby this week and was'nt there to at least hold her when she passed. She was in pain and I could'nt be there so she would'nt die without her daddy. It hurts I know. You can take comfort in that you will be reunited someday.

Oh, I love that picture of Yoda. I think one of the things I enjoy most here is when you all post some pictures. I know they are all gone but we keep them alive that way. More pics folks!
Joanne Raggs Mom

I read all these posts, and I couldn't help adding my two cents. I am up doing this tonight because once again I can't sleep. My tears seem to be a bottomless well.
just when I am about to sleep, I become wide awake with thoughts of my Buddy, and that smothering feeling of loss.
I was with him when he died, after driving all day to get to him. I had been on a trip, and blamed myself for leaving him for a week and him not well.

He let me know that he was waiting, and wait he did. His little heart was broken in addition to his little body. i know baby boy is still alive in spirit and his new body doesn't hurt and is not feeble. He is waiting for us to be reunited whenever we go where he is or the Lord comes and makes all things new.

Like you I can't get those last moments out of my mind, and I think that we have to let it all sort itself out. as it seems to be doing. i don't know how long it takes before you can feel anything like normal again, but we keep facing forward somehow. I know Bud would not want his mama to feel sad like I do. He loves me and wants me to know he is alive and the messages he sends me lets me know he is aware of my sadness.
In the scriptures we are told that ALL flesh shall se the glory of God revealed together. All means all. all flesh, and we know that there are more than just human flesh. There is animal flesh. All of God's creation is important to Him, and He will not lose any.
Take heart all of you. Be blessed with the love of your dear pets, knowing they live on, and that we shall all be together again in new bodies that will never be hurt or sick again.

Daisy's Mommy,
I had to reply to the t*itle of your post: you can't get the day she died out of your head. I am in the same place. I see my kitty lying peacefully - but not alive - on the vet's table.

From my experience of losing other pets, I seem to obsess on that last scene, the one where my precious pet is dead. But I also know that the image fades as time passes. As others have said in their thoughts to you on this board, you start to remember other times with them. But right now I can't. I hope you are improving as the days pass.

Since mine died yesterday, I spent today looking thru all my old photos so that I could remember her alive and vibrant and sweet. I did the same thing the day after my yellow lab died 8 years ago. Somehow it seems an obsession for me to find the pictures, and look at them so I can remember that my precious pets were once alive and well.
Good Luck,
janet