My cat was sick since March with the diabetes, and died on last Friday. I am not sure if I did everything in my power to keep him alive for a longer time. He was not responsive to the treatments, and deteriorated rapidly after Labor Day. Last days of his existence, he was unable to walk, but still was fighting for his food with the other cat. I red how people managed to have cat with a feline diabetes for years, but I don’t understand why my cat died so quickly. I feel guilty that I did not find out that he had a health problem, and brought him to the vet sooner. I wish I would understand more about his sickness and keep him longer, but I have the feeling that I should have done more for him. The blame and remorse is truly bothering me. Do other have the same reaction to their pets’ deaths?

mysacek,
We ALL have those feelings of guilt and remorse, it's part of the grieving process. It sounds as though you did all you could for him, and you couldn't have foreseen that his diabetes was so advanced - cats are notorious for hiding health problems. It's an instinctual thing with them, as is the fighting over the food. Other people do manage to control feline diabetes for varying lengths of time, but there are no guarantees with any health issue. There are all sorts of issues involved - genetics, diet, activity, susceptibility to the disease itself, and weight. I took my cat to the vet last week for something, and he said my cat would be prone to diabetes cause he'll be killed with kindness with all the food and treats I give him throughout the day. He (the vet) wasn't trying to be thoughtless or cruel, he was just telling it like it is.) I don't for a minute suggest that that's what happened with your kitty, but diabetes is a growing problem for cats and humans, and it's a chronic condition which can't be cured, only treated.

Almost everyone here has a story they could tell you about not recognizing health problems in their pets when they first crop up. I had my old cat Heidi for 17 years, and it took my husband to convince me to take her to be seen, and she had chronic renal failure. I was in total denial - we often are, and that gives us one more thing to beat ourselves over the head with. In the end, though, when a cat has such a diminished quality of life, death can be the kindest way for a loved one to leave.

So the answer is Yes, we all have those reactions when our beloved ones leave us. I'm of the opinion, though, that their spirits stay with us, and one day we will all be reunited. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. So many cats die pitiful, unloved, painful deaths everyday - yours knew it was loved and had a family both human and feline.

Grief is a journey that we who love these furry ones all experience at one time or another. It can be the most painful, bewildering thing you can go through. So many people here can identify with your pain and guilt, so you are not alone. We care, because we've been through it, and in the depths of my own grief I've found words of deep wisdom and comfort. Please come back and let us know how you're doing. Take care - Barbara

mysacek,

I'm so sorry for your loss of your furbaby, and for the common denominator of guilty feelings that you're experiencing right now. The experts in grief say that the 2 most common feelings in bereavement are guilt and anger, so know that you're not alone whatsover in suffering this.

I went through the same for both of my furkids' passings, and especially so for our boy, 6.5 yrs ago. With his sister, I decided to be more proactive in tackling my guilt because I had no desire to suffer with it for as long as I did over her brother (about 5 YEARS' worth!), so ended up calling both of her usual vets about a month later, in hopes that they could help me with it. While one of them was sympathetic, he couldn't allay my fears about not having tried the one last little thing I might have, to try and bring her back from her acute situation. However, the other vet did manage to both allay some fears and mention one, singular point that made me realize we'd been in a terribly difficult position in deciding what to do for her and that it most probably was for the best that we euthanized her when we did. (I'd posted here about all this, so you can read my story about this one point if you like.)

So one option you have is to call your vet and try and discuss some of your concerns with them, in hopes that they can help you understand both this disease and your own decisions, and their recommendations at the time.

When we're feeling guilt, it's natural for any of us to say to ourselves that there was always something we never tried, or didn't know to do. And while that may be true, it so often comes down to the fact that we did the best with what we DID know at that time. Beating ourselves up for not having more knowledge than we did is a form of displacing our ANGER about our loved one's death onto ourselves, where it naturally turns into GUILT. Overall, when we actively work through all the facets about our guilty feelings, we can discover 2 things:
The guilt is justified, or it is unjustified. If, after having pondered everything, we find any part of it IS justified, the best thing to do with it is make amends in some way and learn from it, ie. not to repeat the same mistake under the same or similar circu*mstances, again....followed by the hard task of self-forgiveness, where we need to realize that if the shoe were on the other paw, and our babies had made the same mistake with OUR lives....wouldn't we simply forgive them, out of our great love for them? If it's UNjustified, then we must learn to release it, whatever that takes. We all make mistakes (even our furkids can and do) and those mistakes are designed to help us grow, not to use as forms of self-flagellation...at least, not for forever.

I also recall when our furboy, Sabin, was first showing signs of something being not quite right. We DID get a check-up done, and some bloodwork, but nothing showed up. I later learned that this is very often the case with bloodwork, in both animals and humans. By the time something shows, it's often already quite advanced...so no self-blame necessary there. And as for cats (especially) hiding their illnesses, yes it's part of their wild nature. You don't want predators to know you're not healthy and not able to either defend yourself or escape. But also, in an animal communication I had with Sabin afterwards, I asked him why he hadn't let me know sooner...and found out it was just his choice...he hadn't wanted me worrying. Speaking of putting that shoe on the other paw...so I couldn't blame him, either. I would have felt the same, had it been me. Such is the nature of love, and it goes both ways.

If nothing else, the fact that you are showing the capacity for feeling guilt tells you that you are a good person, with good intentions, otherwise that feeling would never bother you in the slightest. So try and be soft and forgiving of yourself and any limitations you think you have, just as your beloved would, as you work through your guilt. The fact is that your baby could no longer walk, just as both of ours couldn't, and you then took what steps were necessary at that point, and THAT was done out of love, pure and simple. If you need to spill your feelings and thoughts out here in order to work through the guilt, feel free. We're here to both give and get help, as we are able at any moment in our bereavement. Grief, and especially guilt, is best not gone through alone, and that's why we all need each other during this sorrowful time. I KNOW how hard this is, trust me, but I also know what a heart-saver this site can be. You'll be in our thoughts and the good intentions of our prayers.

I am so sorry for your loss. How old was he? Sometimes age can be a factor in recovery, something I know only too well. I too felt guilty after my Precious died, but that (and denial) is a very normal reaction, though it did not seem that way to me at first. I know you did all you could for your cat; if the situation were reversed, he would have done the same for you, out of love.
Please give yourself time to grieve and to heal. Cry as much as you want, it's very therapeutic and cleansing. Keep in mind that though he's gone physically, he is still very much with you in spirit, never forget that!!
Lisa

Hello.Your story rings so true for me.I had almost the same thing happen to my baby boy Sox.He was diagnosed a month ago with diabetes.He was being treated with insulin shots and a strict diet.We thought it was helping but in all honesty in my heart I knew he wasn't getting any better.I kept on trying...then on friday he became very sick and we rushed him to the vets office where they told us that his kindeys were failing and it was only a matter of time.We chose to have him put to sleep rather than see him in anymore pain.It was the hardest decision I ever had to make.You don't have any reason to feel guilty about your sweet kitty passing away.You did the best you could!!! And that's all any of us can do! Please don't put yourself thur this kind of agony,it's not good for your health and it can't benefit your sweet kitty now.He knew you loved him and you did everything you knew how to do to try and make him better.I felt the same way until I talked to some people about it and they told me it wasn't my fault.Your kitty knows you did your best so give yourself a break.It takes time to get over losing a love one.Be kind to yourself.If you need someone to talk to about it,send me a private message and I'll be happy to write you back.I hope it helps knowing someone else out there is going thur the exact same thing as you are.I promise you it will get better.

My decision to put him sleep was not hard after finding him paralyzed on Friday, and unable to move. I had seen the pain written in his face. When he died, I was holding his paw, and he noticed immediately how peaceful he looked now. He would be 14 years old at November, was very big cat about 14 pounds, but he ended with half of his weight. I expected after diabetes treatment was not successful that he would die by end of the year, but I did not expected to be so suddenly. I wish that I could find out more about his problem long time ago and paid attention to his health issue.