Last Monday, I drove 600 miles to get home to my puppy boy whom my husband had taken to the emergency clinic the night before and they kept him. He had had the heart worm treatment 4 weeks earlier, and seemed to be well and feeling pretty good for a 15 year old. He is a black Pomeranian with the white markings around his mouth and feet--from his mother, who was a champion, the black from his father, also a champion.

We had him since he was 9 weeks old. He was always such fun, loving, never bad.
His favorite toy was his ALF, which is still here, and it is the only one he paid any attention to the past couple of years, although he had a big basket of toys and would go and find any particular one you named among them.

He loved to throw back his little head and sing with all his might when the national anthem came on tv at a race or a game. It seemed to be his favorite song.

He was so intelligent and perceptive. He seemed to understand when I was sad or tired or sick or happy and he would comfort me or jump with glee if I was happy.
He didn't like people that I didn't like. He loved those I loved. Funny.

I made it to the pet clinic just in time to spend his last hour with him, and I know he knew it was me, even though the massive stroke he had suffered left him totally blind and deaf and paralyzed from his chest down. He had been barking pitifully, constantly, and his eyes kept rolling back and he would push his head back like you would do if you felt like you were drowning, paddling with his front paws. It was heart breaking.

All the way home I talked to him aloud and in my spirit. I almost never turn on the radio in the car because it irritates me, but I had a strong feeling to do so. Instantly i heard the last line of this song..........WHATEVER IT TAKES OR HOW MY HEART BREAKS, I WILL BE RIGHT HERE WAITING FOR YOU......I knew it was a message from my baby boy. I turned the channel, and I could not believe I was hearing the nation anthem!!!!! I have NEVER heard that played on the radio in my life, altho i am sure it has been, but I have never heard it. It was so that I would know for SURE. Unmistakeably. My baby wanted me to know he was waiting and holding on for me to get there.

The horror my little puppy boy went through is unimagineable. His strength is incredible. His love will always be in my heart.
I have heard his scratch at the back door twice this week. I have recieved two other song messages from him letting me know he is not alone, and I HAD TO SAY I LOVE YOU IN A SONG......which I felt and believe he was trying to tell us as we held him there at the clinic. When Dr gave him the shot in his I V at the end, his little eyes cleared instantly and he looked directly at us. He had tried so hard to communicate to us that he loved us. But he sent that message because he wanted us to know for sure. We know baby boy. We love you so much.

I know my mom came to get him, because I saw her come down the hallway to my bedroom door a few nights before I had left on my trip, which kept me away when my baby got sick. I know now that she came to be with him and to take him with her, as she was the only one on the other side that Buddy knew. He saw her too. We both looked in that direction as she stopped at the door tomy room.
I didn't know then of course what was going to happen.

The grief is impossible to bear, and seems like it will never stop. Our pets are such a big part of our life and no one can ever convince me that they don't have souls. Of course they do. All creation does. And all will live again in God's kingdom with no end. Not just floating around somewhere in a foggy existence, but a LIFE, full and exciting such as we can't imagine yet.
I hold on to this thought, and I wait for more knowledge and understanding as I finish my own course.

Thanks for your forum, and I hope to gain strength and give strength amond those who love and hope and believe in Life and Love.
God Bless .........

I'm so sorry for the loss of this very special and intuitive little guy. I hope it can give you some comfort to know that he is sending you so many messages of love and generosity. I think you can have no doubt that he adores you very, very much to try so hard and with such regularity to show you that he is still with you in so many ways.

The heartworm treatment can be fraught with dangers - we had a dog who went through it, and the most difficult part is keeping them calm and quiet while the worms themselves are working their way through the body's system. Especially with such an active character as your little guy, it can get so tricky. But you had no alternative after he contracted them.

It's a lovely image of your mom coming for him when he needed guidance. I have never had any doubt that animals have souls, sometimes more generous and loving than any humans have. And I've never doubted that they go to God's kingdom when they leave this earth - after all, they exhibit the traits that God would want all of us to live with - the unconditional love and forgiveness and generosity of spirit, which so many humans have yet to learn.

God bless you and your little guy, and again, you have my deepest sympathy. The pain of losing a pet companion can be unexpectedly agonizing. Please come back and let us know how you're doing. Take care - Barbara

I am so sorry for your loss. Sounds like you're baby boy had so much character.. as do all our pets. We always used to joke about how our baby boy Nipper was just like a human. He did the funniest things and would always be aware of our moods. He didn't like when anyone was arguing, or if one of us were upset. Just like you're baby, Nipper approved of the same people we did. He knew if someone was a bad egg!

I totaly understand about the signs that you've been getting. Ive been getting them too from Nipper (see latest posting) I really beleive that our babies stay with us after they're gone, to protect us like they always did when they were around.

Its been 3 weeks now since my parents and i lost Nipper and even now its still painful. He's always there when i open my phone or if i see another dog. Even having a cookie reminds me of him- he always did enjoy his cookie on a night.

I can only advise you to keep reminding yourself of those happy memories and not of his last moments. I hope this gives you some comfort. Time will heal as i keep telling myself. Iam just glad that we have this site to turn to, talking to other people who understand what you're going through helps a great deal.

Your Friend Gemma

thanks so much for your replies. Your words mean so much, as Im sure you both know when someone shows any sign of understanding.

I noticed that someone posted asking us all to share memories and stories. That is a wonderful idea, and I look forward to reading and sharing in that.

My Buddy Boy was old, but he was still our baby, and we will never stop missing him or looking and listening for messages from him. We heard him a few nights ago making that little sound he made like a grunt instead of a bark to get onto the bed or for us to let him out. I put some of his little things, including his hair brush--with a gob of his hair still in it (so I can pet it and smell it) into a special place in a curio cabinet in the living room and his ashes box on top by his picture.
i slept with his little bed and blanket, and cannot let it go. Our hearts are broken, and I know Bud's spirit visits us and he sends messages. They are too clear to be coincidence. I will share some on the post reply mentioned above. thank you all for being here. I love you for caring. I pray your hearts will heal and you will be blessed for all your compassion for others. Cate

Hello.Your beatifully written post has touched my heart...you can actually feel the love you have for your beloved pet in your words.He was so lucky to have you as his mommy.I know exactly how you feel and it is so very painful.My kitty Sox who was almost 17 years old had to be put to sleep almost 2 weeks ago friday because his kidneys were failing and there was nothing they could do for him.It was the hardest decision I have ever had to make and it is still painful for me to talk about it even now.He was in so much pain at the end and I know I made the right decision for him.Your sweet boy knew that you loved him and that's why he has sent you so many signs to let you know that he has made it safely to the other side and that he is waiting there for you when it is your time to go home.I am the person you wrote about asking for memories of your pet so please do go and leave me a post on that one,I would love to hear all about your special boy.He sounds like he was a special one,so funny but yet sweet too,a wonderful combination...Please feel free to keep coming back to this site for as long as you need too,we all understand your pain and we know just how you are feeling.The pain of losing a loved one is real and it hurts.We care so keep us posted on how your doing,o.k.?