Yesterday at 3:23 p.m. my Cuddley Cat passed away, he was 18 y/o. I miss him so much. I had him from the minute he was born. I had a sleepless night last night....I just kept seeing him laying on the couch slowly dieing while we( him and I ) waited for our ride to the vet. I could of drove but I didn't want to lay him in the seat, I wanted to hold him as long as I could....for I knew I wouldn't have him to hold to much longer, and I wanted him to know that mommy wasn't going to leave him, not for a second. My heart aches for him. Last year we were told he had a heart murmer, his little heart was tired and so was he, he just couldn't go on anymore. I kept telling him when he would try to meow it was ok to let go. By the time we got to the vet he was almost gone. I knew Dr. Lynn couldn't save him and I didn't want him laying like that for a day or so. So she gave him the shot. Then the tears flowed and haven't stopped. Sunday he was fine, Monday he was gone....18 years of true love, gone in a blink of an eye. Last night as I was getting ready to go to bed I had to do one more thing for Cuddley. Every night he would let me know that the water bowl wasn't full enough. He always had to have the water filled to the tip top of the bowl. So, I filled that bowl one more time for Cuddley. As I filled it I told him, here you go my boy, filled to the tip top for ya. We buried him up on the bank in our yard. He's up there with his mom, dad, a brother, and two sisters. I have his last brother left(Beethovan) he'll be 17. I brought all seven of them with me when I moved here to AZ back in 1989. My heart is so empty, but yet feels so heavy. I didn't want to do anything today, but having 9 other pets I had to do my things. 6 of those pets are geese, I had to clean their pools. I feel so depressed and lonely for my boy. My pain showes, I loved him and still do with all my heart.

I am so so sorry for the loss of your Cuddley. I am sure he is having such a happy warm reunion with his cat family at the bridge. Still, I know your arms ache to hold him here.

YOU are a wonderful mama. To have cats that live 17, 18 years, takes someone who treats their pets incredibly well. Thank you for giving them such full happy lives.

I hope you take it easy on yourself over the next several months. Some things, we can't put off. But other things we can, and I hope you are able to do that and be gentle with yourself in this hard, hard, cold, empty time.

Give kisses to beethoven.

Love,
Jennifer

Samantha- I am so sorry about your Cuddley Cat. I too had to have my 19 year old tabby girl to sleep May 1 of 2003. She just couldnt let go, but she was so sick I owed it to her to help her go to the bridge. Even though it has been a year-sometimes it still feels like yesterday. My tears still flow heavily if I even think of washing her blanket so it still sits in her favorite basket with her beautiful hair all over it. My heart goes out to you. Take care of yourself and know that you did the most loving and unselfish thing by helping him to the bridge.

Jennifer and Wagon....thank you so much. My heart is so empty for him. I keep looking at the spot where he laid on the couch. Yesterday I thought I heard him meowing, it caught me off guard, I turned to see what he wanted then I realized he's gone.It wasn't Bethovan, he was sleeping on the couch. A few days before he passed my dog(Chance) kept barking at something that wasn't there. My daughter said maybe it was an Angel kitty waiting for Cuddley. Where he's buried at on the bank, there's alot of wild flowers, along with two minature rose bushes I planted a few years ago, a small bird bath and several 4'oclocks(flowers), with a creek behind it. I have a small tree stump there to sit on when I visit daily. I wish you both the best with your healing also.

Samantha,

I am so sorry about Cuddley. I thought I had posted a reply last night to you, but I don't see it. I don't know what I did with it!

We all understand your loss and longing for Cuddles. That was so cute and sweet and sad about his water bowl. I know what you mean.

I had my little Hannah put to sleep 5+ weeks ago now, and I still have that emptiness/heaviness in my heart too. I, like the rest of us, do so yearn to have her back in my home and my arms. I too know the feeling of just not wanting to do anything. It's so hard to get up and go. Of course, I've felt that way in the past, but then I had little Miss Hannah to get me going! I'm glad you have other little ones to take care of and love.

Hannah had a heart murmur too - a 6 on the 1-6 scale, at least one bad tooth, arthritis and I don't know what else. She would have been 16 in July. I was so afraid she would die alone at home of a stroke or heart attack, and I did not want her to be scared and hurting. So, now she's gone. Nothing is the same without my precious little Hannah.

Bless you. My thoughts are with you. Again, I understand how much it hurts and how very much you miss him. I am so sorry for your loss of Cuddley.
Marcia

Dear Samantha,

What courage you showed! How difficult it had to be for you to put your little cat ahead of yourself--but you did it. For that is what it boils down to, isn't it? There comes a moment where you deeply understand that hanging on is for "us"--not for them. You paid such homage to your kitty by not requiring him to suffer endlessly, fulfilling an illusion that he would live and live. The end of Ginger's story was determined for me. I did not have to show the mettle you did. But I would like to think I would have had your determination to do the right thing, if Ginger would have gotten to live to 18.
I wish I could give you a real hug. You and I are comrades right now. You and I share the common ground of grief. I wish that I could have you over and show you Ginger's yard. Two weeks ago I wanted to get a glide swing for the front porch because that is where he was almost all day. He and I would have sat there together. Now there is no reason for the swing. It would only make me even more sad.
I love what you did with the water bowl.
Wouldn't it be grand if this talk of the rainbowbridge were true? I bet my cat would not fight with yours at the rainbowbridge (he was such a territorial guy!) but nah, at the bridge I bet they would have a commaradamie of their own, new inductees knowing how much you and I love love loved them! There are so many animals who are not loved like Ginger and Cuddley were.
I looked into Ginger's eyes one day and had the conscious thought--one day I may not have him. and I remember how beautiful his eyes looked as he looked directly at me while I thought that thought. He did not look away. He looked square at me as much as to say---no problem.
I am glad you have so many other animals--it sounds like a farm!! lol.
Thanks for posting about your experience. I am so glad your Cuddley cat had you, and you had him.

Dear Samantha:

Today, while I was reading your story, about your Cuddley Cat, I cried for the first time in awhile..... I wasn't even able to reply to you........

You gave a special gift to Cuddley, in holding him until such time that you let him pass to Rainbow's Bridge... You helped your Cuddley there......and, I know that he thanks you for that......

I LOVE that you filled Cuddley's water bowl............ I think that's what made me cry.... because his mom wouldn't go to bed unless his bowl was filled to the very top!!!
That's LOVE.... Really!!!

Please kiss Beethovan for me................and, hold him close to you.....his heart is probably aching for his brother, too!!
I've got a candle lit for your Cuddley Cat, and another for all of the other fur-kids that have passed on here at LS...... (including our girl, Ernestine...)

God Bless you Samantha, on being your Cuddley Cat's mom, and also the mom to many other babies..........whether they're furry or feathery...... You are special, I can tell!!!

Love, Denise

I'm so terribly sorry, Samantha. . .I lost my 15 y/o kitty last week. Well, I'd have more to say if I wasn't in tears right now.

Thank You everyone. I am so glad that I was told of this site, from BabyHannahsMom. I'm so worried now about Beethovan. He's sleeping on the back of the couch where Cuddley slept. Just a few minutes ago he let out several blood curdling howls. Scared me something awful. He has asthma and arthritis in his front legs, he's on meds for it. I'm so worried, Cuddley let out a howl like that a couple weeks before he passed. It can't be happening to Beethovan now. I am so beside myself......and so depressed. I know he's so lonely for Cuddley. I will never again have so many cats so close in age with eachother, seems like their passing comes so close together. I lost my PeaPod in 2000, C.J., Ozzie, and TopCat in 2002, K.C. in 2003, Cuddley this week. I just feel like I'm totally loseing it. I'm so grateful for you all. God Bless to all of you. Samantha.

Samantha,
Now I know why I couldn't find my first post to you. When I was looking for it, I forgot I had "talked to you" on another site, and I suggested you come here. I'm sooo glad you did come here.

Gosh, I hope Beethoven is going to be okay. If anything happened to him, that would be TOO much, I know.I am sure he is missing Cuddley, and that's why he's staying where Cuddley stayed. I know you are all going through such a sad time. I know what it's like to feel like you're "losing it," but everyone says that goes with the grieving process. I still have lots of days like that. Still so much sadness and longing for Hannah, still confusion and ache and emptiness -- missing her so.

Take care Samantha. Extra kisses and love for B, which I know you will.
Marcia

Samantha, I'm so sorry!!

You are an unbelievably special Mom, it is obvious.

Cuddley is fine in the realm where he is now---there's no suffering of any kind, and no sense of time or space. So to him, it will be like no time before you'll be there with him.

But I know you miss him something awful. Keep coming to this site. We all understand, and we're in this together!

I will be sending some intense prayers Beethovan's way----and prayers for you in this time of excruciatingly painful grief.

Much love,

Kathy

I'm so sorry to hear about your Cuddley Cat. He sounds like he was a very special boy. How lucky you have been to have so many wonderful years and memories with him.

I certainly hope that Beethovan will be o.k. It could be that he is just grieving the loss of his friend. When my Rumpleteaser died, his brother was so stunned he just quit talking. He would open his mouth to miaow, but nothing would come out. It took months before he started to vocalize again. Just spend as much time with Beethovan as you can, reminding him that you love him and you miss Cuddley Cat as much as he does.

My thoughts are with you.