It has been 10 days since my Tigerpaws left us, yet it has been an eternity, I hear "tiger sounds" all over the house, yet it is still and quiet. I remember the past 18 years and how fortunate we were to have loved our Tigerpaws, and more so to be loved by her. I mourn her passing and slowly things get better. I feel empty because she is gone, I feel empty because I am not yet ready to give my love to another little one, and that is what is grossly cruel and unfair as giving a baby kitty lovins is my nature, it is part of why I am here. It makes me feel less of who I am, and I struggle with that. Throughout my life, my kitties have taught me to give that love freely, and I am now convinced that doing so pays forward what they gave freely, and they wouldn't want it any other way. Yet pain of loss is a part of the process.

"...feel no sorrow, feel no pain, feel no hurt there's nothing gained. Only love would then remain, she would say..."
Candice Night

" there will be an answer, let it be..."
Sir Paul

Hey Lord, take a look all around
And I'd a-find where my baby's gonna be.
Hey Lord, would ya look out for her tonight
'Cause she is far across the sea.
Hey Lord, would ya look out for her tonight
And make sure that she's gonna be alright
And things are gonna be alright with me.

Hey Lord, would ya look out for her tonight
And make sure that all her dreams are sweet.
Said now, would ya guide her on the roads
And make them softer for her feet.
Hey Lord, would ya look out for her tonight
And make sure that she's gonna be alright
Until she's home and here with me.

Hey, Lord would ya look out for her tonight
If she is sleepin' under the sky.
Said now, make sure the ground she's sleepin' on
Is always warm and dry.
Ummm, don'tcha give her too much rain,
Try to keep her away from pain
Because my baby hates to cry.

Hey Lord, would ya look out for her tonight
'Cause it gets rough along the way.
Said now, this song seems strange is just because
I don't know how to pray.
Ummm, won'tcha give her peace of mind,
And if you ever find the time
Won'tcha tell her I miss her everyday.

Hey Lord, take a look all around
And I'd a-find where my baby's gonna be.
Hey Lord, would ya look out for her tonight
'Cause she is far across the sea.
Hey Lord, would ya look out for her tonight
And make sure that she's gonna be alright
Until she's home and here with me.
With me.

Billy Joel

May I add a quote from a George Harrison song (it applied to me in a big way):

"Beware of darkness
It can hit you
It can hurt you
Make you sore and what is more
That is not what you are here for"

Think of the light and you will see your much-loved one, he/she is there!

You will know when the time is right to give your heart to another baby who needs you. I did to Patches almost two weeks ago and he gives his love very freely!
Lisa

Tikkanen,

Ten days is not very long but I am sure it seems like alot longer. I know what you mean about not ready to open your heart up yet and I feel as you do. Sometimes I am afraid I will never be there and other times I can't imagine not having another fur baby. With the passing of Dugan, age 17 on 8/19/06 and his brother Dobbsie at almost 17 on 12/20/04, it has been 18 years since we have NOT had a cat in the house and it seems so unreal.

I tried to find a middle ground as I so missed holding Dugan and hearing him purr so I contacted an organization in our city which helps to adopt cats and dogs and asked it there was anything I could do. My daughter & I sponsored a cat, who was older, and needed grooming to remove his mats. They thought that would make him more adoptable. Well, the volunteer who picked him up to take him for the grooming also took him home for a few days and fell in love with him and kept him! You have not idea how good that made me feel.

Then last week I went to where the organization houses the animals and did some brushing and petting. It felt so good when I was doing it and they loved the attention, especially the ones that life has not been to kind to. I cried all the way home ( which is why I dragged my husband along) but I plan on going back. I need that contact as I would give anything to be able to hold my Dugan one more time.

There are things that happen around our house also and I think they are signs from Dugan. I hear a scratching at the back door or a kitty sneeze. I hold those things very close to my heart that he is still with me, just in another form and I will be with him again.

Dugan's Mom
Krissyo