Thanks so much to all of you, especially Furkidlet's Mom, for all of your support and kind words. You have all been so wonderful and reading your posts helps me get through the day. I can't remember who wrote it in here but someone said that friends are supportive for a few days but drift away when they can't deal with the magnitude of your grief. That is very much the case with me and I am so blessed to have found this site and all you wonderful people. There are tear drops on the desk below my keyboard that fall and dry there as I read everyone's stories and type responses. All of you truly do understand and I love you all for it. I feel bad that I don't have time to type more.

During the work week I get into my normal routine (as much as I can), get up, go to work, come home, make dinner, watch a little TV and go to bed. I don't look at the posts here much during my work week (Wed-Sun), but on my days off, I think my brain has designated those days for me to be a fairly useless, blubbering, grieving mess.

It has been almost 2 weeks since Kitty left me, and it still hurts so very much. She used to insist on sitting on my lap while I sat on the back porch. She'd sit on the deck next to my chair, put her little paw up on my leg and meow her little broken meow. Since she was a kitten, her meow was always more of a squeak than a meow. I think the meow was just a warning because she would just jump into my lap whether I was ready or not. She'd sit on my lap with her paws on my chest and cuddle with me every day. I miss cuddling with her. Last night, I was outside sitting on the back porch and I looked over at Kitty's resting place in the corner of the yard. I felt her presence so strongly that I just knew she was sitting on my lap wanting to be cuddled. Anyone looking might have laughed or thought me crazy, but there I was, stroking and talking to a non-existent cat on my lap. I even laughed a little myself.

Buddha is missing her a lot I think. He is much more needy than usual and doesn't go outside very often anymore. He LOVED being outside with Kitty. He used to sit by the sliding glass door and meow every morning to be let out. He would sleep with us for a couple hours at night but always needed to be let out. Now, he sleeps with us the whole night through, follows us through the house and meows, sits with to us on the couch and cuddles. Sometimes he'll just sit there and look up at us and meow when we open the door for him to go outside. We give him lots and lots of love, but he doesn't seem to be getting better. Does anyone know how long an animal's grieving process takes?

As for my grieving process, most of the hysterical crying, screaming, sobbing fits are over. I still shed a tear or two now and then, but most of the sharp pain has given way to a dull, throbbing sadness. It takes it's place as a rock that sits on my chest where she used to sit. I can see her face and her blue eyes as clearly as if she were sitting with me now. There I go petting the air again. And there goes another tear. I miss her so much.

Oh, Linsey, both Kitty and Buddha are such beautiful kids!! I loved the grooming-session photo!...and have always missed watching those since Sabin left us. I felt so bad for Nissa not having her brother to groom her anymore, that I'd use the end of my nose to make grooming 'licks' on her, trying to make them in that same, varied way that cats do....then I'd give her the occasional kiss at the end of one 'lick'. I'd always be apologizing for not having a nice, raspy tongue so I could groom her properly. It used to make my H laugh, too, so it was joyful all around. I'd also found that when actually grooming her with her brushes and comb it was more comfortable and comforting to her to follow this same kind of random-pattern, irregular style of grooming. She really appreciated it, I know.

How long do THEY grieve? Well, just as with us, it varies according to the individual, and also, I believe, as to how much help and support we give them. Nissa became technically anorexic, she was so sad, and that's when I first started finger-feeding her. That not only made us bond even more than before, but eventually it helped her start eating normally again. That part took about 3 months or so. But what I found helped more than any of the other (new) care I gave her, was that one day when I actively and consciously decided to CHOOSE LIFE for her ( and me, secondly ) again. I could no longer bear to see her so down and inactive compared to before, so started envisioning her being like her old self, and put that mental picture into my heart where it could really be felt. THIS was when she started, within days, I kid you not, to really start perking up and it wasn't long before she once again started living it up again, taking me with her, of course, on her forays. It made me realize I still had a kidlet to teach me how powerful the mind is, and how telepathic we all really are. It was one of the single-most beautiful lessons I've ever had the pleasure to receive. But, I had to be ready, inside, first, in order for me to put my heart and soul into this decision on her behalf. And that one day, I just was. So she ended up helping me and I helped her.....it was very symbiotic, as all things really are.

Now, I was ALSO using flower essences for her, to help soften her grieving process, so I believe that helped alot as well. I also did a communication for her, to find out if there was anything else I could do for her, and how she felt about things. At that point, she was just existing and even pondering whether she should even STAY around! This is partly what propelled me out of myself and back into being of more service to her by a change in atti*tude. And of course, I was spending much more time with her than I'd been able to while Sabin was here. And I made sure to talk to and with her alot more, plus all the extra lovin' stuff. Within a few more months, she REALLY started to come into her own, and started continually surprising and amazing us with her new-found self, which had obviously been repressed up til then. Whether this was because I'd spent more time with Sabin, because he'd been the sicker of the two overall, or because the 'competi*tion' was gone, I don't know for certain. But it also taught me that this WAS one of those good things that can come from a loss - the silver lining, as it were. She was then a silvery girl inside and out!

As for patting the 'air', no, I don't think this is crazy. It's been known to even help furbabies who have to stay at clinics w/o their people there. I used this method myself when Sabin was in Emerg. overnight once, and by the time we physically got there the next day, he'd improved and was eating for me. It's the INTENTION that counts and that is received by those we are focusing it on. You could call it a rudimentary form of energy work and works similarly to prayer. So if you felt Kitty there, this was a very good thing to do for the both of you and I congratulate you for trying it! While these kinds of thing aren't yet accepted in mainstream society, they're all on the rapid rise and someday, they WILL be a normal part of our understanding. This is one of the ways I'm using that surrogate-Nissa stuffie....I INTEND my pats, strokes and kisses to be transferred from this toy to HER.....plus, if I took it outside where I might be seen, I guess I might not look so odd! So pat away and either don't bother with what others might think, or find yourself a stuffie!

I'm not really sure where to get flower essences for Buddha, or if there's anyplace to get anything like that where I live. What kind of flower essences? I will try anything to make Buddha feel better. You're right though, I need to start being more positive while I'm around him. Normally when I'm feeling particularly sad, I'll go find him and we'll snuggle in a melancholly ball on the couch. I'm sure all my sadness is seeping into him and making him miss her too. Maybe I'll give him some catnip and play with his ball of yarn. He always has a blast with that. He's normally such an aloof guy, but I have to say I do enjoy him wanting to be around us more. I will try and focus on how he was before Kitty left us for his sake.

I have that pillow that Kitty sent me in Fred Meyer (I think I told that story). It's so soft and beautiful. I did nothing but snuggle it for the first week she was gone. Now, I find myself avoiding it and I'm not sure why. I've petted the air a couple times but only when I feel her presence very strongly. I will try to do it more often with the pillow. It breaks my heart to think she could be sitting on my lap wanting love and I'm ignoring her. She sent that pillow to me anyway, I'm sure and I don't want to seem ungrateful.

Linsey,

Re: flower essences ~ one of the best brands is FES ( for Flower Essence Society ). You can find them here:

FES

Check out their "find a distributor", their online store and the flower repertory. They also have several combination essences, one of which is "Grief Relief", which you might want to use for yourself. For Buddha, it might be better to make up your own combo ( of no more than 5 essences at a time, is best ). You can also join the Society for, I think, $35, which gives you the entire repetory online for a year, with cross-references for 'conditions'. You choose individual essences based on what you notice about the individual's symptoms for the 'condition' they're suffering from. In a cat's case, some intuition is sometimes helpful, plus just knowing and observing your cat, although for grief, there are some standard ones that usually fit the bill quite easily. If there IS a healthfood or supplement store near you who sells flower essences ( there are quite a number of different brands/lines ), they often have repertories to go along with each line that you can use while instore. FES can also be mail-ordered from directly if need be and is quite prompt in getting orders out.
You can also check out the suggested essences for grief in animals from Teresa Wagner's site:

Animals In Our Hearts
This is also an excellent, and huge, site to read through, overall. I keep going back to it whenever I need to. Teresa also does animal communication.

Remember, I said I wasn't able to change my at***ude until I was ready...so don't feel you have to push yourself if it's too soon. Or, do what you can, when you can, in between the heavier episodes of grieving. But don't stuff it, just to try to help Buddha. There's nothing wrong with snuggling in a melancholy ball with him, although the catnip playtime might be a really good idea, too!

Right....I forgot about that pillow. You don't have to use it if it doesn't feel right for you, so play it by ear......or just use it outside if you think your neighbours might be watching you! I wouldn't worry about breaking Kitty's heart if she's there and you don't happen to recognize that.....I'm sure YOU wouldn't blame HER if the shoe was on the other foot, and so she must feel the same. You're her mom and she loves you and wouldn't expect you to know everything about everything. You KNOW how understanding, patient and loving our babies always are as long as we're loving them!

If you get stuck with something about the F.E.'s, let me know and I'll do my best to help you out. Best of luck and don't forget about YOU, too, when picking and choosing them! ( btw, companies are required by law to list an expiry date on these substances, but, like homeopathics, if properly stored, they never really expire, so once you buy some, they're good for years and years, so are really a good value for the money ) In most cases, they are taken for UP TO 6 wks., and they are impossible to 'overdose' with. If an incorrect essence is chosen, it simply doesn't do anything ( good or bad ). You only need observe Buddha during this time-frame to see if he's responding and once he's improved, you can stop using them. If he backslides, either try them again, or better yet, try different essences, as you may not have picked ALL the right ones.

Almost forgot:
Can't remember if Teresa's site has a how-to-use-for-cats section, but if not:
Sterlize a new dropper bottle ( let boiled water sit in it up to the neck for a minimum of 2 min.'s, then drain ). Put in bottle 1 oz. of purified water ( not tap water ). Add 2 drops each from the 'stock' bottle of each chosen essence, up to the 5 you picked. Label with the chosen essences ( in case you want to change the combo afterwards ) and store in the fridge. To dose: administer 3 drops from this mixed bottle, 4X's/day, either straight into their mouth, or if they hate that, you can just rub each drop onto their skin, either on the ear-skin or their pawpads, or anywhere you can get to their skin. The idea is to get it on any mucous membrane or skin area to be absorbed. Be careful not to contaminate the dropper or lip of the bottle. Just drop the drop onto your finger or hand first. If it happens to touch something, rinse the dropper under PURE water before putting back in the bottle. Alternately, you can put a dropperful of your mixture into their drinking water ( if it's pure water ) each day, but only if you can be sure they'll drink at least the 4x's/day. OR, you can add the 3 drops to their canned food where they'll be sure to eat it all. ( so you could do this for as many applications/day as they have a meal, but might need to add more doseages another way if they don't eat many meals in a day ). NEVER give F.E.'s straight, or 'neat', from the stock bottle, to a cat ( although dogs can usually handle this ) due to the bit of alcohol used as preservative. You can also put 2 drops straight into their waterbowl, of each essence, but the alcoholly taste this way is usually not acceptable to them....plus you're using alot of essence this way. For yourself, either put 2 drops straight into a glass ( or water bottle ) of pure water and sip throughout the day, or make the same kind of mixture up and take a dropperful 4x's/day from your mixture bottle. Hope this is clear enough.