The nights are are getting here earlier, it's only 7.30 p.m. & it's almost dark. As the seasons change I remember all the things that Furry used to do:- go out & sniff the air & if it was too cold, come straight back in again. Sleep on my tummy when the nights were cold. Sit in front of the woodburning stove & get too hot to touch!
I just hate to think of her under the ground, yet I didn't want her to be cremated either.
I wish she would come to me in a dream, but it hasn't happened yet.
What do you do if you don't really believe that there is a Rainbow Bridge, or any kind of heaven? I find myself longing for her so much, & thinking of all those wasted hours, when she was asleep somewhere upstairs & I wasn't with her.
I wish I could remember if I was talking to her in her final moments but my mind is blank for that last half hour.
Today the grief seems as raw as that first week.
Judith

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL I MISS MY RAGGS SO MUCH ALSO AND IT HAS BEEN 9 WEEKS BUT I GUESS IT IS A SHORT TIME IN REALITY. I KNOW I TRY TO GO OVER AND OVER THAT LAST FEW DAYS AND WISH I HAD HELD HIM MORE EVEN THOUGH HE SEEMED MORE COMFORTABLE ON THE FLOOR. I AM SURE IN REALITY WE DID ALL WE COULD AND THEY LOVED US. BY THE WAY FURRY WAS BEAUTIFUL
JOANNE(RAGGS MOM)

Furry's Mum,

Dugan has been gone four weeks and 2 days and I still can't believe I am in so much pain. The weather here has begun to turn wet and cold and it has depressed me even more (if that is possible) I still want to rush outside in the rain and find him and bring him in. He had such a thick coat that he would stay out in the rain way longer than I wanted him to. The first season without him. I dread all the "firsts" that will be without him. I feel so empty.

I know what you mean about watching them sleep. I always loved to watch him sleep. Dugan always seemed so serene and peaceful when he was sleeping. I miss watching him sleep. I miss everything.

Furry and Raggs are both very beautiful.

Dugan's Mom
Krissyo

I agree, Krissyo. Even wondering how the first Christmas without Precious will be like is a scary feeling. I'm grateful to have Patches (whose new middle name was christened by my vet yesterday, Precious!) to hug and love when I feel blue. If I'm crying about Precious (especially if something on television or the radio sets me off), he will give such a cute "chirp" like Precious used to and jump in my lap -- just as Precious used to do! That comforts me more than you know. In my mind's eye I still see his face when I'm hugging Patches. I know Precious is still with me in more ways than one, and I love him for still being with me spiritually. The bond is still there seven weeks after his death and it's so amazing! I hope many of you can experience that, it's a wonderful thing that I never dreamed existed, but it does!
Lisa

krissyo, i have been meaning to tell you Dugan was so beautiful that pic of him in front of the poinseta is awesome
joanne(Raggsie"s mom)

Not to get off topic, but I second Joanne's post ....I too have been meaning to tell you just how beautiful your Dugan is! Do you have any more pics that you can post? Or maybe even post your avatar larger so we can better see him!

Judith,
Just try to think about what your life would have been like without that beautiful creature.
Steve

Thank you all for your support it makes such a difference.
My OH doesn't want to listen to me talk about her if it's sad.
Yesterday it was really windy here (tail end of your hurricane's) & I sat out in the garden remembering how Furry used to love to sit there in the breeze & sniff the summer scents. I still can't believe she won't be here ever again, & I feel guilty about all the times I had to leave her on her own, & especially when she had to go into the cattery when we went on holidays., which she hated. But I am trying hard to keep thoughts of the happy times together to the forefront.
I guess it never ocurred to me to cherish her even more until she became ill. After that we never went away & left her again.
Our adoptee, Bella, has been in the wars. She had to have most of her few remaining teeth out on Tuesday, as she was in pain & couldn't eat. The worry of that brought back the feelings I had for the 21 months of Furry's illness - the constant anxiety about her breathing & heart rate.
But I think we made the right decision to let her lead a normal life right to the end. She might have lived a bit longer, although it might not have made any difference, if we'd kept her confined in one room & resting. But she loved to come out in the garden with us & hunt for mice, so we let her.
R.I.P. dearest Furry Furskin.
Judith

Kim R. & Joanne,

Thanks for the compliments about Dugan. That is one of my favorite pictures of him. Believe it or not, it was not even a posed picture. He just loved to get up on the counters (especially in the winter) and roam thru the plants. Every night when I would get home from work Dugan and Dobbsie (pts 12/20/04) would be on the counter in front of the "treat" cabinet knowing that the first thing I always did was give them treats as I was so happy to see them at the end of long day! I will try and post a bigger picture this weekend with my husband's help.

I saw this and thought it spoke volumes to me and I am sure everyone else so I thought I would pass it along:

[/QUOTE] "Love knows not it's own depth until the hour of separation..."

Judith, you and Bella are in my prayers. I so admire you for adopting Bella and opening yourself up again.

Dugan's Mom
Krissyo

krissyo, that quote was so beautiful and true I heard one about the time my mother passed away and it really holds true ."their absence is felt greater than their presence
I found that true because as much as I knew my love ones were present a a function when we were all together the absence felt so big after they were gone . Most of us are going to experince the upcoming holidays without our furbabies for the first time.
joanne

I understand exactly how you feel. We do that to ourselves, we punish ourselves by finding the slightest thing to feel guilty about. We do this, I think, because we loved our friends so much and in the end, we're all powerless over death. I'm angry over loosing him and I wonder how did God let this happen to such a sweet boy. He didn't deserve it.

No matter what, it's hard to not let those thoughts haunt you. I They do me also. I look at Buddy's blanket on the back of the couch, looking out over his grave and I hate that he's out there. I didn't want him cremated either. At night I hate that he's in the ground and we're in the warm house. But I remind myself that he's not there anymore anyway. His body is there, but his essence, his spirit is soaring, sometimes far, and sometimes very close.

I think for many of us, we have faith, beliefs in the afterlife, but when that faith gets tested when a beloved friend dies, we search for answers all over again and question everything. It is part of the grieving process. In time, comes acceptance and I believe, the realization that this is not all there is. This physical life on earch is one small blurb for us all. Faith is the belief in what we can not see. But there is more than faith at play. Buddy gave me a gift when he passed away. He came to me as a butterfly or mothlike creature, and a rainbow shined over his grave. See, I believe most of the time so my eyes are open.
To see, you have to open your eyes and look around.

Peace and blessings.