It's been over a month since I lost my sweet Tabbie kitty. I miss her so much! She was 16 & had health problems over her life so I was always caring for her. She developed a liver condition so I started making plans. I found a vet to do home euthanasia when the time came. But it didn't work out. She went to bed purring next to me & woke up in horrible pain. I was alone. I made some phone calls & looked for a mobile vet but it was too early. So I took her to the emergency hospital. I'm still feeling so guilty that I didn't rush her to the hospital faster & she laid there suffering & crying while I looked for a solution. I didn't want her to have the stress of going to the the hospital but I realized she was in such bad shape she needed to go fast. I didn't have any quality time to say goodbye. It just happened too fast. They did the injection & I stroked her but I didn't get to hold my baby & tell her goodbye. Why am I still blaming myself for letting her suffer? I always tried to protect her & I don't feel I did a good job. Why can't I let that go? I still cry every day.

I am very sorry for your loss. You have come to the right place to talk about it. This is a great place with some kind people that understand what you are going through. Post here and talk about it as much as you want. We are here to listen and offer some comfort.

Feeling guilty is part of the grieving process. All of us here have feelings of guilt, it comes with the process. You just have to remember that you did the best you could for your little girl. Our babies can't pick the time they are ready to go and you did what you could for her when the time came with what was available to you.

Also remember that she had a great loving home with someone that loved her and cared about her.

I cry with you in your loss. Unfortunately since our little one's conditions can change so quickly when they are ill we cannot always prepare for it. You did what you could for your girl with what you had. She knows all you did do was from love. One gift our dear friends give us is the lesson of selfless love, which you gave back to your baby by placing her need above yours and your willingness to go through what you are now on her behalf. I know to ensure my Tiger would not hurt, I would gladly endure again what I am going through now. My guess is that your love for your Tabbie kitty would guide you the same way. Take comfort in knowing you are not alone in your sorrow, that eveyone here feels your pain. I hope what I was trying to say makes sense, for my wish is to help you through this

Be Well,

mark

Please don't blame yourself!! Do not feel guilty, your baby knew you were there even though you weren't in the room. I sympathise because I was told to leave just for half a minute. I was called back in and held mine (Precious) as he slipped away (he was dying before I brought him in; the vet techs helped him on painlessly). I stayed with him a while longer before saying goodbye for the last time to his physical body.
I beat myself up so bad emotionally but I am at peace with it now. I was inconsolable for a few days, but it got better, especially when Precious' ashes were blessed. Things have gotten much better after that.
Now I have a new addition to the family (Patches the cat) and though I still miss Precious have a new furry friend who loves me, and I love him but much differently than Precious. Give yourself time to grieve, there's no set time for the grief process but know we are here for you. Everyone here is very supportive and helped me tremendously!!
Lisa

I am so sorry for your situation...it is one that is all too common. I have heard VERY few people say that their babies euthanasia went just as they had planned, so please don't beat yourself up over that. I myself had been a vet tech for several years before Sasha's time came, and with all that I had seen and experienced with so many other people's euthanasia experiences, I took a lot of notes. I told myself that I would NEVER let my girl get to the point that I had seen so many others reach, and that when it was her time, I knew step by step how I wanted it done. I wanted it done at home. I wanted her to have an I.V. catheter in place so she could be quickly sedated I.V. first without the burn of it being injected in the muscle (the I.V. catheter eliminates the risk of the needle from the sedative damaging the vein for the euthanasia solution to be administered), I wanted to be sure I was whispering in her ear as she left this world so she would carry the sound of my voice with her.....NONE of these things happened for me. The day I decided it HAD to be done ( and knew if I waited I would change my mind), the vet, without notice, couldn't leave the office so we had to go there. I got so wrapped up in the emotion of the event, I forgot to request the I.V. catheter, so she put it in the muscle, which made Sasha cry out. I was trying so hard to contain my emotions so as not to upset Sasha, I couldn't bring myself to say a thing to her. I guess my point is that even when we have months to plan out an impending good bye, it is hard to have it always play out like we would have wanted. The thing we must always remember is that our intentions were good, and our babies know that more now than ever. Our babies are at peace now, regardless of how they left us, and all they know is happiness. They know no regrets, pain, heartache, what if's, could've, should've....only happiness...[quote]Why can't I let that go? I still cry every day.