I know I'm not unique in my pain, I've read so many posts here by others who have also lost a beloved friend. I'm so sorry for all of us.

I have this need to continue to talk about my feelings of grief but I sense those at home would like me to stop. No one has said that, but I feel that way. Everyone loved Buddy but he and I had a special bond.

My beloved friend and companion of 13 years, Buddy, died this week on 9/11/06. He had been diagnosed with cancer in late January and was doing really well. But he went into kidney failure and we just couldn't keep putting him through treatments any longer. He seemed so tired.
So we chose to let him go. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

Afterward, when we brought him home and buried him, we saw a rainbow over his grave and shortly thereafter, a moth type butterfly fluttered around my head and followed me for a few feet before flying off toward Buddy's grave. I sense that he was sending me a sign that he is okay and that he survived physical death.

While I find alot of comfort in that, I miss my friend so much I feel sick and can not function. I do not know how I will ever be happy again.

I am so sorry for your loss of Buddy. Your loss is so new. The journey through grief is very draining on you physically and emotionally. You did the right thing for Buddy. And what a beautiful sign he sent you, that he was ok. A beautiful rainbow and butterfly.
It is hard for our families to hear of our grief. You can come here and talk all you want about how you feel. and tell us more about Buddy when you want.
This forum has been a blessing for me, being able to write and talk to others about the grief process, and my beloved Scooter. You are never alone here. Everyone understand what you are going through. You gave Buddy the ultimate gift of love and that was to free him from the pain he was in. You did everything you could to help him through his illness, and it sounds as if he did well for awhile. Find comfort in that if you can.
When you are up to it, many people here, have made up photo albums of their pets in honor of them. After awhile, you will be able to look at the pictures, and smile, and not cry. I made an album of all my cats. It is still difficult to look at the pictures somedays. Sometimes, I cry uncontrolably, and other times,, I laugh at the silly pictures of Scooter and the things he used to do.
Again, I am truly sorry for your loss. Write here again, and let us know how you are doing.

Scooter's Mom

Rockadoodle,

I am so sorry for you loss of Buddy. Everything you are feeling is only natural. Your loss is still so new and painful. I lost my beloved cat Dugan after 17 years on 8/19/06 and he was diagnosed with cancer as well. We had two surgeries to remove tumors but they kept coming back and we could not due chemo because of his kidneys. We had to make the awful decision let him go but I try and remind myself that he is not in pain anymore. That he is with his brother and sister at Rainbow Bridge waiting for us but it sure is lonely down here without them.

I loved all of my fur babies but Dugan was mine heart and soul. He loved me the most and I feel like he took my heart with him when he left. It was so hard to even get out of bed. I try and take it one day at a time and be gentle with yourself. Do what you can and leave the rest. Don't worrry about what anyone else says. This is your grief and we all grieve differently and on our own timetable.

This place is a life saver. We are all in this together. Like a club that we all belong to but never wanted to join. Keep coming back and posting.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Dugan's Mom
Krissyo

Thank you both so much for your replies. I appreciate your comforting words more than I can say.

I am sooo sorry for your loss. My heart aches for you. But just remember that Buddy loved you and you took such good care of him. My baby Charlie has been gone 1 month and I miss him like crazy. He was my handsome baby boy and my shadow. I can say that time does heal all wounds, I went through this 2 years ago with my baby Gizmo who battled CRF for 1 year. It does get better. I still cry, but have been remembering all the good times and just started a scrap book with all our loving memories. Buddy is in no more pain and you will meet again. Take care and you and Buddy are in my prayers.

Michelle

All of us here have suffered very recent losses and feel for yours too. My Precious (19 years old) died on 06 August and I miss him terribly. He shows himself in the form of dragonflies and butterflies but has opted for birds recently (he loved &adees and would watch them for hours) -- all of a sudden there's a nest of them near my bedroom and one sings so loudly it has to be him channelling his loud voice through a bird! It gives me comfort because he's still with me in so many ways. I just wonder what he thinks of Patches, his new "little brother" of almost a week. Patch has looked at different things of Precious' with wonder in his eyes. He can see something that I can't and boy I wish I could!
I felt the very same after Precious died but time will heal you. So will keeping faith that things are okay where Buddy is and that he's being taken care of and is no longer suffering or in any pain. That keeps me smiling about Precious!
Lisa

Rockadoodle, My deepest sympathies in your loss. I too grieve losing my little one, Tigerpaws who also struggled with kidney disease. She died the 12th. I just wish there was more I could do to comfort you and all our friends who mourn losing our special friends. I am confident you will find comfort in your own way and in your own time. That a rainbow appeared over Buddy's resting spot can only be him telling you he is well. Like you, I am sick at heart and I too wonder how I will ever be happy again, but I also know this to be true...(Sir Paul was oh so wise) "there will be an answer, let it be..."


Be Well,

Mark

Thank you everyone.

It is amazing to me how folks in such pain have hearts so large that they reach out through their grief to comfort someone else.

There are no words to express my gra***ude.

p.s. I have no idea why gra***ude is posted ^^ way...sorry...

Rockadoodle,

I too am profoundly sorry for all of us, yet the love of our furry friends is such a joy and a curse all at the same time. We all have a special bond with our buddies that can not be broken even in death. I wish you may find peace and many happy memories in this time when sorrow seems neverending.

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. A Lincoln

Theresa

I am so sorry for your loss. Everyone here understands exactly what you are going through. Please know that you did the right thing in letting Buddy go. It hurts like hell and there are times when you think you can't make it thru the day but somehow you do find the strength.

Take one day at a time and cry all you want too.I believe that tears are very healing The emotional roller coaster you're on is so physically and emotionally exhausting.

There are no magic words , only pain and sorrow but please try to remember that Buddy wouldn't want you to be sad. He was so lucky to have someone as special as you. You were a great Mom but there are times when we can't fix everything as much as we want to, we just can't. He is free from his pain and playing with all of our furbabies having the time of his life.

Remember that you will be reuntied again someday, but until then please feel free to come here as often as you need to. This site was a Godsend for me both times I lost my babies.

Take care of yourself and remember that you're in my thoughts and prayers

Denise

"This place is a life saver. We are all in this together. Like a club that we all belong to but never wanted to join.
Dugan's Mom
Krissyo


I couldn't agree with you more.....

Yes, there are many kind souls here who understand and care...I feel your sadness too. Buddy was special and your grief is unique. Be gentle with yourself and try to be around supportive people.

Know you did all you could for Buddy. Then it was his time. This is the ultimate act of love....And, what a gift you received - the message in the form of a rainbow and a moth. He is OK.