I can't believe that it has been a week. I can hard believe that I have even gotten thru it. I feel so spent. I have tried walking our remaining pet Jake, journaling, talking with my daughter and husband, pet loss chatroom and reading pet loss books. I just feel so empty without my beloved Dugan, like things will never be right again.

I try and get up every morning and thank God for the the blessings I still have and am very grateful for. I put some of Dugan's hair in a locket that I wear to keep him close to me. I am grateful that he is with his sister, Darby and brother, Dobbsie and I am sure that they a playing together like they used to but it sure is lonely down here and I can't stop crying.

I just want him back so bad. I want to feel his soft fur next to me. I want to listen to the way he always talked to me. I want to listen to the sound of his loud purring. He even purred for me in the car on the way to the vet the last time. I want him to come in at 2:00AM and wake me up because he is hungry. I want to see they way his face used to puff out when he got excited and wanted to play. I want the hear the gentle beating of his heart as he lay next to me. I don't want all of this to be gone.

Kristine

Kris,
I'm terribly sorry about the loss of your Dugan. Such a beautiful creature. You're in my thoughts and prayers this evening.
Steve

I am so sorry for the pain you are going through. One week is such a short time. It hurts real bad, I know. It has been six weeks since we lost our cat Scooter, and Saturdays are always horrible for me. I cried and cried until I thought no more tears would come, but they did. I got angry, made, depressed, then overwhelming grief would come back again. I too, kept some of Scooter's fur, and have it with his ashes. My husband just found more pictures of Scooter today. He looked so healthy. I had not realized how much weight he had lost at the end, until I saw those pictures. He was still a beautiful boy, even at the end, but so , so thin. I know we made the right choice, but it still hurts.

The only thing, you can do, it just cry when you need to, come here and talk, but what helped me, was just that. Crying, and letting time heal. I've not gotten to that healing place where the tears are no more, but, at least I have found my way this far. I try to remember all the wonderful happy funny, nutty things about Scooter, and made a scrapbook of pictures.

Just try and get rest, grief takes so much out of you, I know it exhausted me. I got back to work, and it did help to be with people.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Scooter's mom

Dear Kristine,
I am so sorry, & know just how you feel. If only I could have had more time with Furry, 11 years was never enough. I felt like I wanted to die with her, but believe me, the pain does ease very slowly.
The greatest source of comfort to me has been adopting Bella, who is even older than Furry was when she died. But I sense that she is grieving too, perhaps her previous owner died & she was abandoned? Or perhaps she was just thrown out when she became old.
I have to say that when Bella is lying on my tummy asleep at night I pretend that she is Furry, as like you with Dugan, I want her back so much. I still have all the fur that we brushed out of her, so I can smell her individual Furry smell.
Things will never be the same for either of us, but I am sure we are both so glad to have known, loved & been loved by our darlings.
Judith

Thank you Judith for your kind words. I hate Sunday afternoons as it was when Dugan I would curl up watch a movie and take a nap.

I am glad you have Bella. You sound like you have a big heart in which you can give Bella things that she may never have had. I bet Furry is looking down on you and is very proud that you are willing to open your heart up again.

I found a poem that I thought I would p^^ on:

WHAT WE HAVE ONCE ENJOYED
WE CAN NEVER LOSE
ALL THAT WE LOVE DEEPLY
BECOMES A PART OF US.

By Hellen Keller

I know that things will never be as they once were but I would not trade the love I have received or given to all of my babies for anything in the world. I know I learned alot from Dugan as well as my other animals, and I like to think it has made me a better person.

Dugan's Mom

Just know that Dugan is with you -- he will give you a sign that he's okay! My Precious does that a lot, he wants to make sure his mum isn't sad (though I am really, but seeing his subtle signs like dragonflies and butterflies makes me feel better). I miss my sweet baby too but time is healing and having supportive friends and especially you on this list helps so much!!
Watch for a sign -- he will send one!!
Lisa

Thanks for your kind words Lisa. Yesterday Dugan's ashes came home so it was kind of a rough day. I cleared a shelf in the living room and put all three of my babies ashes and pictures together. The cremation place did something really lovely. Attached to the certificate was a small mirror cut in the shape of half of a heart with a small bird on it and the words "Half of this heart has been placed with your friend, this half is your remembrance." I think I may try and get a bail attached to it so I can wear it on a chain.

Take care everyone

Dugan's Mom

That was so sweet of them to do that! I know some crematories give you a lock of hair and a card but all I received was a certificate proclaiming that the ashes in the urn were indeed that of my cat Precious. A sticker on the bottom of his urn shows his name and the date of cremation (080906).
Hang on in there -- things will get better. I'm planning a day of rememberance on Precious' one-month anniversary (090606). Hard to believe how fast the first month without him is going!
Lisa