It feels like just a few hours ago I had to say good night and good bye to my boy, Rosie. But it was really about a week and a half ago. But the grief and sadness is oh so fresh…

He was such a great buddy for so many years. I adopted “The Boys” Roosevelt and Churchill 15 years ago when they were only 8 weeks old. We’ve been through so many life changes during this time. Apartment to apartment to apartment to apartment. A few boyfriends here and there. Family dramedy. Cancer. But most of all we’ve been through a lot of love and comfort, laughter, sadness… and now grief.

Roosevelt was the most social cat I’ve ever met in my life. Everyone loved him. He loved just about everyone. The few he didn’t, he let them know. He was great at screening anyone new I dated. He was incredibly friendly and super loving. He’d let you dress him up, rub his stomach, or sleep on his belly. Rosie would always greet me at the door when I’d come home, sometimes calling out before I got the key out of the door. He was rarely ever aggressive. A natural kitty komedian. The center of attention.

It was a few months back when he started to show signs that he wasn’t doing well. In my head, I kept saying, he’s getting older and it’s nature taking it’s course. When he started to look thinner, became reclusive and then incontinent, I brought him to the vet. He was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism in which the doctor prescribed pills that he needed to take twice a day along with vitamins and enulose to regulate him. I had brought him back continuously every few weeks to have his blood levels checked. Unfortunately, his liver and kidneys were beginning to shut down. We also think that the thyroid medication was making him anemic causing him to exhibit pica behaviour. For about a month, I slept with Roosevelt on my chest. He rarely ever moved during the night, and would not let me get up. The thoughts in my mind knew that it was almost time, and my heart was simply aching. In the past few weeks, Rosie started to get more stubborn about taking his meds and would fight me by clamping his jaw real tight and trying to swat my hand away from his face. It was so upsetting and stressful to medicate him, and I kept telling him we just want him to get better. Then the Friday evening before his passing he began to moan and had trouble walking. We brought him to the vet the next morning. It was the last official doctor’s visit and we had the talk. The vet gave us alternative options of what could be done, but I couldn’t bear to have a tube down his throat and hospitalized. Plus, the doc said he couldn’t guarantee that he’d come back from this since he was already so weak. In my heart, I do not think Rosie would have wanted that. As much as it was the toughest decision to have him sleep, I did not want him to suffer any longer, especially with the possibility of seizures.

That same evening, I was again lying on the couch with Rosie on my chest. Then, in a special and profound moment, he began crawling up to my face. Closer and closer and closer until we were eyeball to eyeball. He just layed there, as if saying to me, “Mommy, I’m done. Please, no more doctors, no more pills.” It broke my heart, yet at the same time I felt an odd sense of relief.

We - me and Roosevelt, my fiancé and Churchill spent the remainder of the weekend with him. Loving him, caring him, hugging him, kissing him. We knew he was ready when most of Monday, he spent hidden, away from everyone. He knew. He really, really knew.

Our vet was so kind and it gave us peace as we said good-bye to our dear old boy. We then went down to the water to reminisce about the countless amount of times he made us laugh and all the years he has given me his unconditional love and great comfort. Then a small miracle happened. Up in the beautiful blue sky, there was a cloud in the shape of a tiger head. Oh how I wished I had my camera. My fiancé saw it too and he said, he is finally at peace and looking down at us purring his love.

The past week has been very difficult. I created a memorial album with hundreds of pictures from the time they were both babies till now. I still cry at odd moments, and expect to for a while. I miss him so much it hurts. Churchill roams around the house meowing and calling out, perhaps looking for his brother. It’s upsetting for me to see him in so much emotional pain. I know he is grieving too.

Roosevelt, my lovie love love, you will always be in my heart. May you always be with lots of lots of flowers and endless amounts of tuna. Mommy and Daddy and Church love and miss you so very much.

Thank you all for your stories. It is a great inspiration and comfort that there is such a loving and understanding community with such great big hearts. It truly helps through the grief. I appreciate any of you that have taken the time to read my story - especially since it's so long! He was truly a great love.

I am truly sorry for your loss. Your beautiful story of your Rosie was a great tribute of the love and life you shared together. It is so unbelievably sad when we lose a pet, who becomes so much more than that. They are there for us, when no one else is. There to listen to us when we are happy or sad. They don't care what we look like or what we wear.
From your story I know you did everything possible for your Rosie. And that night on your chest, when he looked you in the eyes, he certainly was telling you, he was tired and ready for peace. That decision is always a difficult one, but one always for those of us here made out of indescribable love for our pets. It is nice that you had that one last weekend together, to give him love and spend time with him.
And, I am sure from the sound of it, that his brother,Churchill is grieving for him. We lost our cat Scooter 5 weeks ago to renal failure at the age of 6. We have 3 other cats also, and it was truly heartbreaking to watch them look and call for him. This went on for a while. I think they are still wondering where he is, but I'm sure they know. They knew he was sick.
And, you did see that sign in the clouds, like I saw that Angel so clearly. I feel truly blessed, that I was shown that, and, yes, I have found so much peace from that. I never thought I would feel that peace. Yes, I still have my emotional moments, but, I know Scooter is no longer suffering, and we did the right thing, by ending his suffering. You will have tears to shed, but so many happy memories. It is wonderful that you have pictures to look at, and remember him by. Putting an album together is very helpful, and I did the same thing.
This forum, is truly wonderful, and I hope you continue to write here. There are so many wonderful people, who understand exactly how youu are feeling, and it really helps, just to write how you're feeling.
I am glad you have the support of your fiancee too. May you all find peace and comfort, you are in my prayers for this.
Scooter's Mommy

thank you for sharing your story.

i'm sorry for your loss, but am grateful that you shared your four-legged friends story with us. What a cherished set of memories you must have with your feline companion.

I hope and pray that you find solace and peace in the days ahead.

I'm so sorry for your loss. What a precious and loved boy Rosie was and is. His soul is in complete bliss now, and he wants you to know you don't need to worry about him. And you'll be reunited.

About your sign, I agree that he was telling you. I can understand how you would have felt some relief, to see what he was communicating. I copied a previous post of mine about some signs my Little Girl sent me after she p^^ed on:

Let us know how you're doing. You're a great Mom!!

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As some of you know, on March 24, 2004, my precious Little Girl p^^ed on.

I've gotten some incredible signs from her:

1) Little Girl had always loved my flute playing. When I played, she became animated and thrilled and would climb up onto me. ...A few days before she p^^ed on, she was curled up in her little condo, and I needed to get her up to give her her medicine---but I couldn't stand the thought of bothering her (she at this time was telling me that she needed to be left alone; she was very very frail). So, the idea came to me to play my flute. As soon as she heard the sweet notes being played, she "rose up" out of that condo and started walking, as though I was a snake charmer magically lifting her up. .........Well, the moment on the 24th that the vet was putting her to sleep, I heard flute playing . When I went out to the front desk afterwards, through my tears I asked where it was coming from. Nobody seemed to know, or even hear it! But I think it was the background music of some training video going on in another room of the hospital. But I know what it really represented: My Little Girl's soul had risen free from her elderly little body.

2) When I arrived at my Mom's (my boyfriend drove while I cradled my baby's little body), I carried her in to my Mom's house, where we intended to bury her in the backyard. ...Something odd happened then: Later, before my boyfriend and I left the house to head home, out of the blue my Mom handed me a bag of pumpkin seeds she had saved from the previous fall's harvest. She said she didn't really know why she was giving them to me now, feeling that it was kind of an odd thing to be doing on a day like this... But I thanked her and didn't think much of it.... On the way home, my boyfriend said, "You know what this means, don't you?"... You see, his nickname for Little Girl was Pumpkin, also Pumkinhead, Pumpkinstein (lovingly spoken). ......The seeds represented new life. Her body may have died, but her spirit was very much alive.

3) After Little Girl p^^ed on, I couldn't picture doing anything fun again, or at least not for a long time. I was in a little dance group and even before her death I wasn't sure whether I'd participate in the recital because I almost felt guilty for doing anything slightly fun, and also I wasn't confident enough in a couple of the steps, and recital participation was optional anyway. About 2 weeks after she p^^ed on, I was getting the feeling---as though it was coming from Little Girl---that I should dance in the recital. So for some reason I went to my closet to look at the outfit that I would be wearing... when for the first time it hit me that the scarf was a brightly colored rainbow! And the tag on it said "783 Freedom Rainbow"... And that each dancer's T-shirt would be a different color of the rainbow.... and after the dress rehearsal, I was driving home when I noticed a big rainbow in the sky! I got several other rainbow signs too. And typically I hardly EVER see rainbows!

4) Now for what I consider to be the biggest sign of all: About 2 years ago a friend gave me 4 or 5 little packages of seeds she'd come across, that I hadn't gotten around to planting. Finally on June 6th I felt like doing a little indoor gardening, so I got them out. I was in the middle of working on them when I heard the Little Girl bird (It's a type of bird with a voice that sounds like the one Little Girl used when she was urgently insisting that we play her favorite mouse game. So I ran to my screen door and looked and listened to a beautiful concert. When the bird was finished singing, I went back to working on the seeds. That's when I noticed the name on the package of seeds I had been working with: Bird of Paradise. It was Little Girl, reminding me she's in Paradise!!! The message was delivered by a bird who has her physical voice. I immediately felt uplifted. Then, I noticed the date on the package: "Packed for 1987 "..... 1987 was Little Girl's birth year! I knew this was from her, to comfort her Mommy.

I wanted to share these with all of you, in hopes that they help to comfort you, too, as a reminder that all of our furred/feathered/finned babies are in a state of bliss.

Love to you all,

Kathy