As most know Oscar went to heaven yesterday after a very difficult mouth tumor. Today my Mom, husband and I went to the grave to place a cross, and put some flowers. My husband has a small cinder block at the head and we placed a bobble head dog on it with both Oscar and his surragate Dad Odins names painted on it's belly, and the white cross with their names engraved on it. I tried very hard not to picture the little grave, prior to being filled in, with my little guy wrapped in his favorite blanket laying in the bottom.
My father died 11yrs ago and my life became a black hole. Depression colored my whole world black, and for a while I wanted to die. I finally got the courage to talk to the Dr and go on medication ,but it wasn't enough. I finally contacted a grief counselor and we spoke for a while. It was suggested I write everything down from the moment I got the news until present. I started an online diary because I didn't want family finding what I wrote. Sometimes when you try and tell people how you feel they take it as being against them and get upset. It was amazing and such a help. When I found out about Oscar and felt that hole opening again, I looked for kindred spirits, and here I am.
I want to thank everyone, I can't begin to tell you how much this site has helped me, and what a blessing it has been. To be able to talk to, or even just know there are others like me out there has been so much help. I have read the stories of these amazing furbabies, and their equally amazing loved ones.
I wish I could reach out to everyone and be of some help. Some have let the grief consume them in ways that makes me hurt for them. We all grieve, these are our loved ones we have lost. Some feel guilt and I wish there were a way to make them understand they aren't guilty of anything, but loving their babies. I feel a lot of things but guilt will not be one of them. I did all I could to keep Oscar. I know others have too. I miss and love Oscar very much, and he will be in my heart always. I will remember the happy times, silly antics, soft fur, and the love he gave me. His little sis misses him to and now my job as her momma is to comfort her and make her life happy. I will always choke when I see an oscar mayer commercial, and a memory will bring tears.
Thank you to everyone Nina