I just found this site and how it has helped me relieve some of my pain over the past few days... I had a wonderful friend Otis that passed away this past sunday. I got otis a little over 11 years ago while I was still in college. He was my first true pet that I got on my own as an adult. He had a mast cell tumor which I had removed earlier this year, but it grew back ferociously and invaded more of his precious body. I was told after the his last ultra sound two weeks ago that he would not live more than six months. The first week he was fine, his tail still wagging and eating great. They gave me some pain medication and antibiotic to give to Otis, On this past Friday, he ate again fine although on Saturday, he didn't eat in the morning and it was tuff to get him to take some pain medication my vet had given me but he still seemed in very good spirtits. I actually had my wife take some photos of us because he was smiling and happy that early afternoon. That night my wife and I had plans to go out to dinner and he came up to me as I left and jumped up on me, he usually didn't like if I left, but for some reason he was very determined this time. we left to go and when we returned he was in obvious pain, he was shaking and panting heavy. I immideiatly took him to the emergency vet hospital to relieve the pain. I knew as I was in the hospital, that this was major and that I would be making the dreaded decsion very soon that had been haunting me ever since I heard the word cancer with him. They gave him some pain meds, it calmed him down and he seemed to be a bit more comfortable. I was a mess there and I was asking the Vet and Vet Tech when will I know to make that decision. Otis hated the Vet, he was so anxious every time we were in there ever since he was little. They said I would know and that he would let me know. But as we returned at home he couldn't go to sleep and he seemed to be more and more in pain again. I started some of the pain medication that they had given me for him, and it helped him go to sleep for a few hours. Once he awoke he was back feeling very uncomfortable. I tried to comfort him hoping it would break from the pain med's i gave him, but didn't work. His breathing became very erratic and I knew then that this was close to the end. And so he left us, that morning, and he did it his way, not in the vet, but at home where he felt the safest. I still can't believe it, I am still so stunned that it happened all so quickly, I mean seemed okay just a day before. I am a emotional rollercoaster right now, and feel so empty inside. My heart is so heavy. I wrote Otis a Eulogy the day after it happend and thought I might share it here on the site. Otis was very special to me, I know I will see Otis again, our connection was to stong not to be so. Thank you for listening....

The Otis Diary’s


How much can one learn about life through a dog? I can tell you that my experience and time with Otis was special as compared to any. On Sunday August 13, 2006 Otis passed on. His spirit left his canine body and moved into the next step in his existence. I loved Otis with something so deep with in me that it burns through my body not to have or hold him right now. I long for him, a kiss, his scent. I was truly connected to Otis as I had ever been to any other living creature on this planet. He himself taught me so much about loyalty, love and commitment. He never once compromised his love for me…Through everything…. He was my honky dory, my dog compatriot…We shared and felt so much for each other. I hope I did not keep him in too much pain in his last days for my own selfish needs. I know in my heart that what took place was supposed to take place. Otis let us know when he was leaving; he let us know that he loved us and that he would always be with us. For when he left I could feel his presence immediately. He was so kind to his last breath. He had waited for me the night before. As I left to go out to dinner, he walked up to me and looked at me as to tell me don’t go, for tonight is the night I must leave you and I want you with me, so as I returned, He had waited, in pain with his beautiful body shutting down, he waited to say his goodbye. We went together to the hospital and tried to give him some pain relief, as we returned and laid together in the early hours of the next morning the reality was bitterly clear for me that Otis was not going to be with me much longer. I tried to relieve his pain by giving him some more med’s. He, while body rigid with pain and shutting down, he continued to fight until he told my wife goodbye and gently wiggled his tail for one last beautiful time and then shed one tear in his left eye, as to say, my friends my time has come for us to part in this form, but know my love for all of you has been devout and that I do not leave you to create pain, but leave you so that you remember the symbol of my love and as you consider everything in your life, know that you should move forward with love and kindness as I. He then, in my arms, as I had held him for so many years the same way before, took his last breaths next to my heart. I can only hope to know and believe that he knew how much I had loved him and how my soul aches with his passing, but knowing he is still with me. As I move into the second day of this loss, I am beckoned by stillness, by loneness. An eerie quietness looms throughout our home, for It does not carry the sounds of his pant, his whimpers for your hand to rub him. At this moment, for I can not hear the heart that I had heard so close to me for so many years prior. As I gaze at my children and wife, I have, at this time, a longing for them, for their love. And not so much in a self pitying manner, but in a way to know what Otis had given me, for I must give back to them. That is resonating inside of me along with trying to push the hurt and pain of his loss. These are the people who are so dear and that the unconditional love that Otis gave to me, I must, as my honor to Otis for his teachings, give back to them. It has been only 25 hours since he left, but the calmness and love I have for my wife and children has newness to it. It comes to me as without any conditions or worries of non important effects. My spirit is weeping but has become stronger with the manifestation of Otis’s love with in me. Thank you my son Otis, for you have touched my life like no other. Your wisdom is part my salvation.

It was in him that I found wholeness, goodness
He gave so much and asked for nothing in return
Why, how can this be the way it is
For one moment living thriving and the next an immediate void

Why must it be this way, I must know in my heart that he is with his source
He is on to greater travels and that we shall indeed meet again in another life
I was bonded by life’s richness of love, and pained by the selfishness of its loss

I will forgo the material needs of this earth, but rather cherish the importance of love
The oneness of family and friends makes me complete
Otis was my hero, my love, my friend
For he is with me always, and has always been
As my mind has not allowed for me to remember nothing else but our love for each other

My heart aches, for Otis is no longer in this form
But I know that he is with me, with my son, with daughter, and with my wife, with all those he touched…..
I smile as I anticipate our next meeting, not letting his lessons of this life be for not
My wife, my children, my friends will be the beneficiaries of Otis’s legacy.

May my son and daughter know the truth, the love that a friend such as Otis can bring
It is through these connections that we get to know our spirit, our source.
It is through these connections that we get to receive the peace and love that this existence offers.

Life’s are chosen and those who we meet predestined…. I know the lessons are too clear not to have this be a truth…Faith vs. Knowing…. This is not a personal battle I will have anymore. I have found solace in my own personal truths. My knowing is as St. Francis scribed…..it is in dying that we find eternal life. As Otis continually showed me, to give rather than to be given to, it is through loving that we are loved.

Thank you my friend.

I will always love you in this life and the next.

Not as a master, but only a true companion and friend.

Here is a quote that My mom had given to me….so true it rings…

“The one absolute, unselfish friend that man can have is this selfish world – the one that never deserts him, the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous, is his dog….He will kiss the hand that had no food to offer, he will lick the wounds and sores that come in encounter with the roughness of the world…..When all other friends desert, he remains.”

By George G. Vest

So true this is….Otis was every inch of that statement. He the righteous bestowing kindness on me the ignorant….

What a raw and heartfelt tribute to Otis...oh how lucky he was to have been loved by you. "My spirit is weeping..." How true this is for many of us here. Your words are so eloquent throughout your message.

It am glad Otis went on his own terms, even though it happened so quickly. You did everything you could and you eased his pain in the end.

Take care.

Thank you so much for your kind words back. And you are so right, the more I read here, the more I see that everyone cared so deeply for the beloved freinds that have passed. It makes you feel not so alone..........

God Bless you, Otis. His peace be upon you, also George.

I'm grieving today for the loss of my four-legged son, Jackson.

These pawed friends of ours leave us with so many memories of happiness and joy.

Let us dwell upon the smiles and tail-wagging hugs we have shared.