I am new here - been reading all of the posts over the last few days. Wow, what a step that was for me just to read them - let alone to post something here now.



My question is this...how do you know when "it's time?" I can’t seem to get that question out of my mind. It eats at me every minute of every day. I called my Vet today and she asked me a bunch of questions. She is totally awesome and knows how to lead me and guide me but yet let me make the decision myself but yet, I sit here VERY confused. My baby, JBone as we call him, is not sick, is not in pain but is showing all of the signs that say to me that the time is near. He went blind about (2) weeks ago, is losing control of his bladder and bowels, fell off of the bed last night in the middle of the night and just seems pretty lost. My husband says he totally perks up when I come home and that makes me feel better but yet, am I making it worse?

Does my baby have to be in pain to “do it” or is it just when his quality of life is suffering? Am I selfish if I keep putting it off just so I have more time? Sometimes I look at my little man and I think, “Nah, he is fine” then 10 minutes later I look at him and think, “Wow, I really need to do this” but yet I can’t. I don’t think I will know how to do so many little things in life without him for he has been my shadow for 15 years (he will be 15 on Saturday, May 15th). Who will greet me at the door? I love my husband more than anything and he is always there to greet me with a kiss and a hug but yet my baby is never far behind him. I was joking with my Mom last weekend and told her that I don’t even know if I can go poop (sorry! ) without my little shadow sitting there watching me. He has been sitting there for as long as I can remember. What about all of my passwords? Either his name/birthday/nicknames/etc are my passwords. How do I run to McDonalds to grab us a hamburger without him with him sitting on my left hip breathing in all the air that he can? It is these little things that make me wonder how I will even go on after I make this horrible decision.

My husband supports me and whatever decision that I make and also whenever I make it but da*n, its just so hard to make. Is it wrong to pray that he just falls asleep and I find him so that I don’t have to make it? Is that the coward way out?

As you can tell, I am pretty confused and just need some words of wisdom from those of you that have been through this. I went through this (6) years ago this Saturday (yes, that’s the same day as my baby’s birthday) when I put (2) of my dogs to sleep on the same day. Those were so much easier than this - maybe because I still had JBone. They were both in so much pain that it was obviously “time” to do it but this one isn’t that way. Am I somehow just getting myself ready or is it really time?

In terms of the “whole process”, is it important who actually does “the procedure” or is how I handle it (with dignity and grace, of course) the most important part? My favorite vet in the whole world lives (800) miles away and it may not be financially possible for me to get him back there. Is that OK?

I hope that the picture posts OK. This is a picture of him trying to “sneak” in a hamburger bun. I had made burgers on the grill one night for my hubba-licious and I and accidentally dropped a bun. I made more, we ate and I forgot about the one that I had left outside on the ground. Well, JBone had been outside and started scratching on the door to come in and when I went to the door – that picture of him is what I found. He was standing there just looking at me like “What? I don’t have anything in my mouth, Mom. Just let me in. It’s no big deal.” It was SO funny!!!! He is such a ham too! Just looking at him makes my heart smile.

Thank you for listening and ANY AND ALL wisdom will be much appreciated. JBone and I will treasure anything and everything that you can say to help us. Thank you in advance for your help!

Netter

I have been agonizing over having put my little Hannah to sleep on April 19. I miss her so very much, sometimes it feels unbearable. If you'll read the topic regarding "Hannah and Euthanasia," you'll see the regrets we all share. Also, in a response to Peanutdmb re: Two more days putting my dog to sleep, I talked about some of the things I wish I had done.

Also, in my late research this past Monday night, I came across and article that might help you entitled "Old Dogs Are Special." You can find this article at
http://www.dpfa.org/olddogs.html
There was another article I saw somewhere on the net too, but I can't find it. Just do a search on aging pets and euthanasia. You might find some help there. I found many articles that deal with the question of whether the time is right or not.

I am personally still trying very hard to "maintain" and to try to begin to remember the wonderful 16-years Hannah and I spent together. Honestly, I don't know how I would feel right now if the vet who put her to sleep hadn't told me the other day that, as she was when he put her to sleep, she probably had no more than two weeks to live. I still don't know how I'll feel tomorrow or the next day, or the next week. This is really, really hard. Our babies trust and love us so. One thing I would suggest and something else I wish I had done -- talk to Jbone about it. I mean, really talk to him about it. I talked to Hannah every single day of her life about just about everything, but not so much about THIS, or at least I don't remember it right now. I do wish I had talked to her more about it.

Also, it may have been on this site, but somewhere someone said, you can or might tell your baby that it's okay if they are tired or really sick, that it's okay for them to go ahead and leave, that you are sad but you want what's best for him, and give him permission. Gosh, I don't know. I hope this helps. I really want to help. There are so many good people on this site. They have helped me so much.
(JBone's so cute and so is the story about it!)
Marcia

Dear Netter:

First, please let me say what a precious furbaby that your JBone is!!!
I absolutely love the story of the hamburger bun that is rightfully his -- you know, "finder's keeper's ......etc...."
Her is just beautiful & Precious!!!!

Our little girl Ernestine was put to sleep on 2/7/2004....Her 20th birthday just passed - it was in April, 2004. She had been ill for the most part in her last 3 months on earth; her kidney disease had progressed to a point that giving her fluids through an IV on a daily basis was not helping....(we had done that through the vet's office for about 3 days)...
Ernie had lost 25% of her body weight in 3 months time... She went from 8.2 lbs., to 6.85 lbs., and on 2/7/2004, she weighed 5.9 lbs.

Also, she was at the point, in the last couple of days that she could not go to the bathroom. The worst thing about her illness was her violent retching many times a day... Just stomach acids. Her poor stomach & esophagus I could only imagine were "burning", which is why she kept drinking cold water....
Her antacid didn't help that much...

We "could have" let her go on with the IV treatments at home, but I thought that for our precious girl, and for us....it would be the wrong, wrong decision...
We loved her sooooo very much, and she would only suffer longer...

I've always said that there are many wise people on this site, and it is THE ONLY SITE THAT I'VE COME TO SINCE THAT EVENING....(I have looked at others, but this is the site that has been "my family"......).. No other Pet Loss/Grief Site can compare to Lightning Strikes....

One person from this site said to me,
"You took on Ernie's pain (by having her put to sleep), so that she could finally be
without pain".....
WELL, AT THAT POINT, NOTHING MADE SENSE TO ME, BUT THAT QUOTE DID!!!!!

In your first paragraph, right after your babies picture, you said that he went blind around 2 weeks ago, and is now losing control of his bladder and bowels.
Can JBone STILL GO TO THE BATHROOM; BOTH BLADDER AND BOWELS??????

When you say, "is now losing control of his bladder and bowels", in what capacity do
you mean??

What does the vet you are currently seeing say about your furbaby???? What have they suggested???

With our Ernestine, yes, she could still "jump up on the bed, the couch----she could even jump on the bathroom sink, which is where she loved to drink her cold water....", but, the life she was living was horrible....

I remember that our vet said that she was just at the point of starting to starve herself, (because she was not eating at home....we'd open 10+ cans a day, if she'd only have a teaspoon or two)..
And, he told us that that was a very painful way for a kitty to die....

Sure, I had prayed to God to please, take our beloved wonderful girl while she slept.... But, that was not to be..... We had to do it.....
And, knowing how sick she was, the pain she was in -- we would do it again in a heartbeat..
(because of her thyroid disease, her heartrate was always over 300 beats per minute, which is terribly fast, even for a "nervous kitty at the vet's office"..)

I have read & re-read your letter about 4 times, and inasmuch as I want to help, I know there are lots of people on this board that have soooo much more insight and wisdom than myself...
And, those people will come on and answer you....

From reading your letter, it doesn't sound like, (and that's just, to me), that your beautiful JBone is "ready to go to Rainbow's Bridge, just now"...

I think that perhaps you might be "getting prepared", and in my opinion, that's not at all a bad thing to do... Really. Sometimes, a lot of us are just wicked surprised when that day comes, and we are very saddened that "we didn't have more time".....

So, I'm really not sure what the answer is.....but, one thing I do know is that during the day tomorrow, the other people that are on this wonderful site, will see your letter and they will most likely have lots better information and guidance than I could ever possibly give, in this case...

I wish you, Netter, your husband, and your beautiful JBone a peaceful evening!!!

Love, Denise

Netter:

You WILL do the right thing and you will get through this.

So many people lose their furbabies suddenly. When I lost all my old ones last year, they were old, they were sick... It is an agonizing, terrible time, and yet... those months of waiting do give you some time to prepare. Not for the loss -- nothing can prepare you for that. But you get some time to remember not to take your love for granted -- to treasure every little last dance they give you.

Freyja was very old and arthritic before she died. For the last year, she couldn't do the steps outside to potty. We had to carry her. But we were not ready. I prayed hard that I'd get a "sign"... then, over memorial day weekend a year ago, she -- had a stroke??? I don't know. She didn't seem to be in pain, but she couldn't stand anymore... The vets were all off for the holiday, and so we had to wait. She just lay on the carpet -- she could still lift her head. We gave her lots of steak, and water, and love...

We didn't use our vet -- our favorite vet. Instead, we drove Frey to my parents house. That was her favorite place. We always called it "Doggy shangrila." A vet that does house visits came there... We didn't want her last memories to be in the clinic. It was the right way for us, for her..

When Saki died -- she was only really sick briefly-- a couple of weeks. She had liver cancer. She died June 19, 2003, just a couple weeks after Frey. On that day, Tim told me "You need to call the vet and make the appt for June 20." I refused and told him he would have to do it. So he did. So that afternoon, I held and held and held her. I brushed her and cut samples of her fur to save. I poured my heart out to her. I told her everything. How much I loved and adored her. How she was sick. And I did tell her it was ok to go. And I meant it. I did not want to put her down the next day.... And then I fell asleep -- which was so odd, bc I do not nap. And when I woke up, her body was still with me there on the sofa, but she was gone....

Electra was 15 and had been born with FIV. She was a darn healthy cat, despite that. She had some kidney problems starting when she was 10 or 11, but she was put on special food and that seemed to solve it. But after Saki and Frey went to the bridge, she grieved hard. She would cry -- these noises I'd never heard her make before. And her health began to fail. By December 2003 she was in really bad shape, and down to 3 lbs in weight (and one point, she had weighed 10). I wanted her to make it to xmas, but we put her down Dec 23...

Yesterday, I came across some photos of Electra that were taken a week or less before she died. In the photos, she looks like hell. I don't remember her looking like that, looking that bad. I can't help but wonder if we waited too long... But at least I can take solace in the fact that we did not wait any longer than we did...

I still miss them, and I still cry. I am crying right now! But if you'd asked me 1.5 years ago if I would be able to make those decisions, I'd say "NO!!!!" And yet, you do make those decisions, and you do do what is right...

I know you will do what is right, when it is right. Until then, I am sorry for the struggle and anticipatory grief you feel.

Love and hugs,

Jennifer

Dear Netter,

First, your JBone is a doll ... what a wonderful picture to have and the story is just awesome. It made me smile as it brought back some fond memories of my Snoops ... so Thank you for sharing that story.

As for you dilemma: How well I remember those moments. Wondering what to do ... whether the time has come etc. My Snoops was quite ill when I had to let him go ... he was not in any pain but he had a brain tumor and the end was coming quickly. But, he was still functioning but his mind was no longer there and he was confused most of the time. The vet told me on that last day that he didn't have much time ... it was a matter of weeks at most and she kindly told me what nature had in store for him. That made the decision for me ...

That is my story ... similar to yours but not exact. I think the going back and forth is part of the acceptance process. It is your way of preparing yourself for what may happen. I went through this for months before I actually had to make the decision. I wouldn't use that as a gauge to determine whether you should or not but that is me. Talk to your vet. Your vet can tell you things that may help to make the decision. I did this ... I had at least two conversations with my vet prior to making the decision ... the first time she told me it was not time yet and the second time she kept hedging until I point blank asked her. I think she didn't want to tell me what to do but she wanted me to get there on my own. After you talk to your vet, then listen to your heart. You love your little JBone and you will do what is best for him ... believe this. Talk to JBone ... listen to what he is telling you. When the time is right you will know it. What I will tell you is that if you have any doubts at all (ANY DOUBTS) don't do it. It is a very hard decision to live with after it is over and you need to have the comfort of knowing that it was the right thing to do.

Noone can tell you what to do ... that has to come from you. We can share with you our stories ... the lessons we have learned but that is all we can do. This is a hard decision and I feel for you. We are here to help you through this ... feel free to come here and talk about JBone ... no matter what your decision is.

Hugs,
Beth

Hi Netter
All I can say is that I remember so vividly what you are going through now.

I agree with Muffin in that you are preparing yourself and in my experience it will be as if someone takes over your body and mind and does all the decision making for you, you kind of go into auto mode and in your fog you realise there is no going back only forward and that you love JBone so much that you can do this one last thing for him at the expense of your own heart.

I warn you that after you will torture yourself with all the ‘I did it too soon’ etc etc but remember that is only your brain talking, your heart will have made the decision and in your heart you will now that that decision was the right one to make.

I will pray for you that JBone will go naturally to save you from having to make such an awful decision.

Love Sue

Hi Netter,

First of all, I want to tell you (like everyone else has done), that JBone is a cutie!! I love the picture!

The thing that made the decision for my husband and I to let our Phoenix go was when we thought of the quality of life she would have had if we decided to put her through more treatments, possibly a feeding tube, and still watch her go through pneumonia at any time, and we don't even know what the "mass" was on her abdomen.

So, that's the bottom line for me. I will not allow my babies to suffer at all. Aside from that, I would selfishly do anything I can to hold on to them!

Please give JBone a big hug for me!

Jan

Netter,

PLEASE, PLEASE go to the following site and read the article there about euthanasia. It is very informative and helpful.

http://www.aplb.org/frameset4.htm

Marcia

here is the actual URL for this article (tricky coding at APLB)

http://www.aplb.org/services/euthanasia.shtml

Hi Netter,

I've been away from the site and am sorry I'm getting back to you so late. I don't know if you've made your decision or not but here is my story.

Megan tore her cruciate ligament and had surgery, all went well and she was off to a great recovery. Then one day she could barely walk. Turns out arthritis (sp?) set in. We got her through that hurdle and my vet and I had our first "talk" about quality of life. The vet assured me that it was not time yet but gave me a list of things to watch for. Megan went down hill from there and about 6 weeks later it was very clear that it was time. It was so hard for me to make that call but I knew in my heart I just had to do it. Although Megan's passing was very painful for me I have no regrets. My vet is amazing, it was peaceful, we took our time and I got to say goodbye and even stay with her after until I was ready to leave.

Denise's favorite saying is that "we took on their pain so that they could be free" is so true. I would NEVER wish Megan back to the life she had just to spare myself my broken heart.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this, but you do and you will make it through. I just focused on the fact that I wanted Megan to happy and free from her crippled body. Her happiness was THE MOST IMPORTANT thing for me.

I don't know if this helps or if I'm too late. But I am thinking of you.

Tracey