Hi all,
Sept. 19th and 20th will be the one yr anniversaries of the death of my Tinky and Millie. And I don't know why all of a sudden I am feeling so so sad again. I have 4 new fur babies. 2 of which I got the same day I put my Tink down. It was not my choice to get the newbies so soon. A loving friend brought them to me thinking it would help. And it did, but maybe I just never grieved fully for them. I keep reliving the day I put Tinky down over and over in my head, and I can't stop crying. I know it was the most loving thing to do but I keep thinking about that day. We had a 3:15 appt and I stayed home from work to be with her(my other cat had died suddenly the night before)My daughter was coming down from college to be with us. I sat on the floor next to Tinky, she wouldn't sit on my lap. I don't think she even knew where she was. I had just found out that day that she had advanced kidney disease. Between that and the loss of her buddy, she was a mess. She was lying in the bathtub. I remember as the time got near just wanting to go and have it over. But why was I rushing? I don't even remember if I held her in the Vet's office as we waited. I don't think she wanted to be held. But I do remember being there for her when they put her down and holding her and kissing her and tellling her I loved her. Why does it feel like this just happened yesterday? I feel so guilty cause I love my new ones...but Tink was the first pet I ever had, and I was really the only person she really even liked. I expected the one year anniverary to be hard but its still a month away. I don't understand.

You know, I think grief really doesn't make any sense timewise. I think it's perfectly normal to remember the sad times that happened toward the end of our little ones' lives, sometimes more than it is to remember the good times you had with your Tinky and Millie. The traumatic things are what stay with us, the details of the final hours, the guilt, the wondering why and what happened. Since I lost my Magic in December - only 9 months ago - I've wracked my brain trying to remember when I last played hide-and-seek with her for the last time, when I last gave her catnip, when I last saw her goofy off-kilter walk and swat one of the other cats. But I don't remember, and it feels like I should, and the guilt has just wrenched me sometimes. I really only remember that day in terms of when I found her suddenly dead on the couch, and the complete shock and the "What happened?" She was so young, and had been running around earlier that day, but everything else is a blank.

If it's any comfort to you, and it may or may not be, Tink knew at the end that you loved her and knew you were there for her. So many, many animals never have that. You know, and she knew, that she was loved, and I think the guilt of feeling loving toward the other furbabies at times is normal too. But, it doesn't in any way mean you loved Tink or Millie less. I like to think that every cat I've ever had has taught me how to love the new ones, and that love is a tribute to the cats who've left. I understand them better, and like Tink, Magic only ever really liked me too - she only tolerated the husband and kids, which has made me understand that some cats are just that way, that's their personality. Every animal is so individual, and and those differences and our understanding of them, helps us in so many facets of our lives as well.

Tink and Millie will always be in your life in some way or another, and now they're together in peace, and will await your reunion one day. I know some people don't believe in that concept, but I personally have never doubted it. Your sadness and the arrival of the first anniversary of their leaving is normal - I never pass any anniversary without some tears and reflections. It's human nature to need to remember the events in our lives which have had any impact on us, whether it's sad or not. It's an honor to them, and their influence on us, and how we have grown and changed because they have been part of our lives.

I'm sorry for your loss and pain. Some things we can understand, other things we can't - we all struggle to make sense of sad or traumatic memories, and sometimes there is no sense to them. But Tink and Millie were part of your life, and a significant part as well, so that first anniversary remembrance and sadness seems to me to be an absolutely understandable event. Please take care and let us know how you're doing - Barbara

Thanks Barbara,
Thanks for your kind words. I woke up today with 2 swollen eyes from crying. Thank God for this site and people like you. It means so much to get replies and to know that others understand. Thanks again.
Deb

I agree with Barbara, grief doesn't always make sense time wise. I had to put Oscar to sleep yesterday so that grief is still raw. Almost 8yrs ago I lost little Shady to a horrible accident, and sometimes I wake up with her on my mind and it's like a fresh wound. Something will just trigger a bad memory and my whole day is spent in tears. A good memory makes me smile and kind of perks my day. What is happening is so normal, and more so because the anniversary date in coming so soon.
My thoughts are with you Nina