I woke this morning at 5am. I made coffee, and sat on the porch to await the sunrise. Oscar got up ,ate breakfast and we went for a walk in the field. I sang his song, the oscar mayer bologna jingle as we shared some quiet alone time. Daddy stood waiting for us at the truck. We took his blanket, and made the tearful drive to the vets, running a little late. Daddy went in to let them know we were there, and came out to lead us into a side door, and into the examining room. The vet and assistant came in and lifted our baby onto the table. While they shaved his leg and prepared for the shot I held his face in my hands telling him to just look at me. The assistant told him he could lay down, and in a blink he was gone. I told him I loved him. We wrapped him in his blanket and took him to where Daddy had prepared a place for him and the remains of his surragate Dad, Odin. We covered our baby, while we both cried our hearts out . I called for my Dad and Odin to come and greet him, and told him I will see him again.
I can't tell you how much I appreciate all of you. Thank you ,Kim for sending out the call for prayers, and bless all of you for your prayers and thoughts.
Just when I think there is no way I have any tears left they start again. My saving grace is the presence of my grandson. He isn't sure whats going on, but he used a lot of antics to make me smile. Mom, my husband, and I all tear up, and feel the loss. Mom thought I didn't think she felt as bad as we do. She came out to tell Oscar goodbye and said she was going to miss him too.
I look where he use to lay half expecting to see him there. It is surreal. I hurt, I'm sad, and I will miss him so much. I don't feel guilty, and I hope people who go through this , won't either. I made this decision because I love Oscar and his best interest was upper most in my mind. I admit on our way there, as I waited, and during the shaving of his little leg, I wanted to say NO. Even my husband said he sat there kind of hoping I'd say NO too. To have done that would have been for me not for Oscar.
Daddy made a beautiful white cross with Oscar and Odins names engraved on it. It helps that we are grieving together. Oscar will always be here with us. Nina

Hi,
I have been following your posts about Oscar and I just want to say how sorry I am that you have lost him.
Watching our pets suffer and decline is the most awful thing but making the final decision is harder still. I have lost two precious cats this year one to cancer so I do know how you feel.
I cried reading your post knowing how devastated you must feel right now, this site got me through some really bad times and still does.

Cleo 1

I am so glad to hear you feel that way. For me, the guilt has been the hardest part to deal with. Even after 2 years I still think about those last moments with her. Was she really ready? Is it what she really wanted? Was she wondering why I was doing that to her? Was she confused...thinking 'I thought you loved me, why are you doing this to me'? Was she scared? the list could go on forever. I think I hold the title for self torture. I'm glad you aren't having those feelings. You should be able to focus soley on the happy memories you have of him and just be grateful for the time you had....
Kim

Dear Nina - I and others have been thinking of you and Oscar and your family these past few days. Today, you have been in my thoughts, knowing what you must have been feeling and going through. You did the most loving thing for Oscar today. He is no longer suffering, and will always be in your heart. The journey through grief is a very personal one, and everyone experiences it differently, so they say. But, from what I have read here, we all seem to feel the same things, go through the same emotions.
I understand the feeling of thinking you cannot possibly cry any more tears, but they are there.
I am glad you have a family to help you through this. This site has been very helpful to me. You can express your feelings, and there is always someone here to help, and understand. You did everything possible for your Oscar, and know you will find comfort here.
Trish

We also took Star on her last walk and I too wanted to say NO wait I changed my mind don't do it. But I know that would have been selfish and I hope looking at Oscar you see he really felt better now.
That is wonderful you have a place to visit him and your husband sounds nice to be there for you too like mine was.
I am sorry for your loss and know what your going thru.

What a kind and loving farewell to Oscar. You loved him so much and made the end peaceful for him. He was lucky to have shared his life with you. I cried a few tears for you both in reading your story.

Take care.

Hi Nina,
I haven't seen you here today and just wondered how you are doing. I know you had alot of time on you hands to think about what you had to do. Please, Please come back and if nothing else write to Oscar and Odis. I know its painful as I cry the entire time I'm on here, but it helps to have the bond with others who are going through it with you .... we are here for you ... all of us.

Pepe's daddy

Hi Nina,
I haven't seen you here today and just wondered how you are doing. I know you had alot of time on you hands to think about what you had to do. Please, Please come back and if nothing else write to Oscar and Odis. I know its painful as I cry the entire time I'm on here, but it helps to have the bond with others who are going through it with you .... we are here for you ... all of us.

Pepe's daddy

You acted unselfishly out of unconditional love and best interest of your precious Oscar. That is the best thing you could have done. And I know how hard it must have been to make the decision, but you acted unselfishly and that kind of love is the best gift you could have ever given your baby boy. My thoughts are with you and Oscar.

love, janine