Tuesday is coming too fast. To be honest I'm scared. I play it in my mind. He walks in and we carry out his lifless body. I don't know if I am afraid to watch him go or what it is. It strikes me in a weird way as I deal in the death of seniors as a cena in a care home. I have seen people take their last breath, and get them ready for their trip to the funeral home. I recognize they are tired and going to a better place, just like Oscar will. I have lost other furbabies and although I mourned and hurt, this is so much different. Is it because I had to make the ultimate decision?
Today as I sat on the floor with Oscar, I know what I am doing is right. His mouth is full from this tumor. How he eats boggles my mind. He doesn't seem to be in pain, but he also doesn't seem to want anything to do with us, which isn't normal. He comes to be petted but only for a short time. His eyes are sad.
It is going to be hard getting through tomorrow, but I work with my son and he is a big support.
It is just so nice to have this site. I read , I cry, and I know everyone has been there, so understands.

My son died a month ago yesterday (the 13th) and I held him in my arms as it happened. I wasn't scared to see him go, but it was just so final. It is the hardest thing in the world, but he had liver cancer and after living almost 2 years past his diagnosis, one day he just couldn't walk anymore, and like your Oscar, his eyes were so sad. Although you know the day is coming, that ultimate decision of having his life in your hands is almost more than anyone can bear. I know that knowing what you're doing is right doesn't make it any easier. I'll be thinking of you Tuesday, as I'm sure many others here will be as well.

Love and support,
melanie

Thank you Melanie. I am so sorry you went through this too. I almost cancelled the appt. I had a pity party, party of one. I sat and thought, I can't do this, I will be so sad, don't want to let go, I can't handle the loss, me , me, me!!! How selfish I felt.
I sat on the floor looking into those sad brown eyes, seeing how that ugly tumor is causing Oscars mouth to become mis-shapened. I know we'll keep that appt. After itsover we will lay him to rest under a small tree in my daughters yard. His surragate daddy ,Odin, who died several years ago and was cremated ,will be laid to rest with him, together again.
I will be miserable and today and tomorrow will be very difficult for us. I will go on, but I will always have my memories, pictures and videos, and a place in my heart only for Oscar. I can never replace him Down the road I will get a new best friend for Jasmine and another love for me. I know Oscar will be happily playing with Odin and little Shady while he waits for me, of that I have no doubt.
I do so appreciate the love and support for Oscar and I. Nina

Nina - I am sharing your grief, knowing what it is like to wait for the moment your appointment time has come. We, too, scheduled out cat Scooters appointment. I cried the whole week before, not to mention the during and after. So, I know what you are going through. It is so hard, I know that. There is no way to ease the pain you are feeling right know, except the knowledge that Oscar is showing signs that he is not happy. If he doesn't want to interact with you as much, he is I guess telling you, I don't feel well. You are doing the right thing. It is the most painful thing to do, but only made out of love and compassion. It does help to come here and talk and express your feelings. I found unbelievable support from this site, when I found no comfort from my family. The people at this site, have in a way become my "family".
I will be thinking of you and Oscar tomorrow. Know that we share your grief, and will be here for you.

Yours In Sorrow,
Trish

Oscar is such a beautiful, sweet looking little furbaby. I can't imagine how difficult it must be each time you look into your little man's eyes knowing that tomorrow will come too soon. Even though you (and I) know that it is his time to go, it doesn't make it any easier to say good-bye. It sounds as though he is giving his best attempt at putting on a happy face for you (as the vet said about my Sasha....from a medical standpoint the discomfort had to be greater than what was being shown by her) but Oscar (as with Sasha) has a love for you that drives him to push through the pain.....one of the many things about our furbabies that makes their love unlike any other is the level of sacrifice they are willing to make for our happiness.....euthanasia is the most loving sacrifice we can make for them. Yes, they will continue to eat, drink, go out to potty, etc. all while being in a considerable amount of discomfort in order to please us, but allowing our furbabies to live in pain just because they are willing to do it for us, is just plain selfish on our part. They sacrifice so much for us, for our happiness, for our love, that we must be willing to sacrifice something for them in return....our heart. Choosing euthanasia for my Sasha was the most difficult experience I have ever lived through and I struggle with it daily even after 2 years, but I know I did what was best for, unfortunately, the price for that choice is a pain deeper than I could have ever imagined, and feelings of guilt, emptiness, and sadness that I never thought possible....but they are all emotions that I am willing to carry for the rest of my life knowing my girl is in a place we could only dream of, a place that she deserves to be, the only place deserving of such a wonderful soul, and she will be there to greet your Oscar when he arrives.......
your friend in grief,
Kim